


A Rose By Any Other Name

by AllTimeAvenged



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-02-08 13:58:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 62
Words: 159,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1943790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTimeAvenged/pseuds/AllTimeAvenged
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He didn’t even want to go in the first place. Of all the places his father could have picked for him to go to squire, he chose Storm’s End. Loras Tyrell had questioned him about this many times but only got the answer that it would be good for him. Nothing more. His brothers knew even less. All Loras knew was that going to squire for Lord Renly Baratheon could not be as good for him as his father thought. Could Lord Renly even hold a sword? Loras had heard no stories of bravery concerning the king’s youngest brother. Even going to squire for Stannis would be preferable in comparison. At least Stannis had earned some kind of prowess on a battlefield. What did Lord Renly do? Other than sit in court, laugh and look pretty?"</p><p>- Yes, this is another Renly/Loras origin-style story. But you can never have too many, can you?;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> in regard to Renly’s eyes, I wrote them as green because in Renly’s first appearance in the series Sansa says he has ‘laughing green eyes to match his armor’ (GOT page 138) yet Brienne describes his eyes as being ‘deep blue’ (AFFC page 623). So I’m sorry for any confusion but I tried my best, guys! Anyway, enjoy regardless of the eyes discrepancy;)

He didn't even want to go in the first place. Of all the places his father could have picked for him to go to squire, he chose Storm's End. Loras Tyrell had questioned him about this many times but only got the answer that it would be good for him. Nothing more. His brothers knew even less. All Loras knew was that going to squire for Lord Renly Baratheon could not be as good for him as his father thought. Could Lord Renly even hold a sword? Loras had heard no stories of bravery concerning the king's youngest brother. Even going to squire for Stannis would be preferable in comparison. At least Stannis had earned some kind of prowess on a battlefield. What did Lord Renly do? Other than sit in court, laugh and look pretty? Loras was still questioning it all even when he stood in the back of Lord Renly's court at Storm's End, waiting to be introduced to his new lord.

Storm's End was a beautiful place, of course, but Loras knew that nothing could compare to Highgarden. He'd already resigned himself to that fact before he'd set eyes on Storm's End. But it was a nice enough place to be forced to live. There were worse places. He could have gone to Winterfell, he reminded himself. He could be stuck in the cold and the snow, shivering to death. At least Storm's End was warm.

He'd arrived with a small host of escorts who would stay in Storm's End with him until the morning and then ride back to Highgarden. He envied them.

And there sat Renly Baratheon, on his tall seat at the top of the hall, on stairs risen above the floor. A girl sat to his right. Without the need to ask, Loras knew she was a Lannister, that shock of blonde hair gave her away on sight.

'Who is the girl?' He asked one of his host. The knight looked back at him with a smirk.

'Lady Amber Lannister.' He told him. 'Betrothed to Lord Renly's cousin.' Loras watched Lady Amber as she sat in her seat, still as a statue, watching the talk going on below her on the floor. She didn't even turn back to look when Lord Renly spoke. Her eyes were just focussed on the ground, unmoving. She had that typical look of a Lannister who presumed they were better than everyone else. Loras turned his attention to Lord Renly as he spoke to some townsfolk. He said everything with a smile on his face, made jokes when normally it would not be appropriate and spoke in a manner that would usually be unacceptable for someone of his standing. Loras silently wondered if King Robert knew this was how his brother ran Storm's End or simply didn't care. He presumed Lady Amber would be reporting everything back to Queen Cersei – he knew the Lannisters were a close House. Maybe she was only a distant Lannister… no, she was a lady, she was important enough to be significant. Then finally he heard his own name as he was announced to Lord Renly. This was the only point he noticed Lady Amber actually look up from the floor. Her eyes met his and he felt a shiver down his spine, her gaze was so cold.

Loras did as he was told and walked to the front of the hall, then knelt in front of his lord, as did the rest of his party.

'Oh, get up.' Lord Renly said with a laugh. 'Rise.' Loras did as he was told and got up, staring up at Lord Renly and desperately trying to avoid Lady Amber's gaze. Loras had a feeling that Lord Renly would take a lot of getting used to, he did not behave in the way a lord should. The lines Loras had rehearsed would be of no use to him here.

'Court is dismissed.' Lord Renly decided, as some of his advisors gave him disgruntled looks and muttered angrily amongst themselves. Gradually people started to leave the hall. Lord Renly ordered some of his serving girls to show Loras' party to their quarters, while he himself strolled down the stairs to meet Loras on the ground. Lady Amber followed him, slightly unwillingly. Her blonde hair was completely straight, falling down her back.

'Loras!' Lord Renly greeted him again, this time more like a long lost friend, even though Loras had never met him before in his life. He tried to smile but wasn't sure what he actually did. Whatever it was, it seemed to please Lord Renly, while Lady Amber still looked unimpressed. 'How was the trip from Highgarden?'

'Pleasant, my lord.' Loras answered him politely, but Lord Renly looked like he was still waiting for an answer. When nothing else was said he simply led Loras out of the hall.

'I'll show you around some of the grounds.' Lord Renly told him. At this point Lady Amber stopped walking with them, as Lord Renly turned to look at her.

'I don't feel like the walk.' She told him, her tone still frosty. Loras found himself thinking of Winterfell again. 'I'll be in my chambers when you have finished.' And with that she turned on her heels and marched off into another door in the castle. Lord Renly just grinned at Loras.

'She can be a little… temperamental.' He explained, leading Loras through a maze of yards, past different turrets of the castle. 'But we love her anyway.'

'My lord, I don't…' Loras didn't know how to explain to his lord that he had no real clue who Lady Amber was.

'Oh!' Lord Renly seemed to catch on before Loras had even finished his sentence. He brushed his black hair off his face before he answered, the winds starting to pick up as they got nearer the coast. 'Lady Amber is betrothed to my cousin.'

'Then why does she sit next to you in court, my lord?' Loras asked, feeling a little more comfortable around his lord to ask a question.

'My cousin was lost in battle, his body was never recovered.' Lord Renly still said it with a smile on his face, though. Loras thought that it would appear nothing could wipe the smile of his Lord's face. 'So she can't go home because they are still betrothed until they can prove he's dead.' Lord Renly shrugged. 'I think they hope that eventually I will marry her instead. She is a Lannister, after all.'

'She's very beautiful, my lord.' Loras said the only thing he could think to say after Lord Renly made a statement like that. Lord Renly nodded but Loras could tell he didn't seem to care.

'She is.' He agreed. 'Maybe you will marry her!' He said with an idiot's grin. Loras swallowed and said nothing. He'd been in Storm's End for little under a few hours and already Lord Renly was trying to marry him off. He didn't know what to think, or indeed, what to say. But his lord didn't seem offended by the lack of response.

'Of course, I have a great deal of respect for Lady Amber and we have become good friends over time,' he continued, as they reached the end of the castle walls and found a cliff that overlooked a beach. A stormy beach and rough sea. Loras didn't like it too much, but Lord Renly sighed like he'd missed it. 'But I can't see myself marrying her. After all, my cousin may not be dead!' He laughed to himself over that. Loras could only watch him. He knew his lord was trying to make a joke, but his stormy green eyes said otherwise. Deep down, Loras knew he was worried that one day he'd have to marry Lady Amber anyway. Loras didn't want to judge her before meeting her, but she was truly very beautiful. If Loras had been forced to marry her, he wouldn't put up too much of a protest. Maybe Lord Renly was right, maybe he should marry Lady Amber. But no, he'd been sent here to make a link with the Baratheons, not the Lannisters. But why couldn't he do both? Squire for Lord Renly and marry Lady Amber? He shook the thoughts from his head.

Lord Renly had been talking the whole time he'd been lost in his thoughts. Loras had no idea what he was saying but Lord Renly had been satisfied with his lack of response so far.

'Anyway, we should be getting to dinner.' He said eventually. Loras just nodded and let his lord lead him back to the castle. As it would happen, Lord Renly had barely showed him any other parts of Storm's End besides the sea and Loras wasn't too keen on that anyway. He could only hope that Lord Renly would remember to get someone to show him to his chambers. And maybe not Lady Amber.

He sat on Lord Renly's left hand side over dinner, with Lady Amber on his right. Loras still couldn't figure out how it could be possibly for Lady Amber to be betrothed to someone else and still sit to Renly's right for meals. It was… it wasn't right! But, as he'd observed before, Storm's End was a strange place. Lady Amber sat in silence, only speaking when Lord Renly addressed her in conversation. She had a sweeter voice than Loras expected her to.

'I've always been envious of those who get to spend time in Highgarden.' Lord Renly said, though Loras was not sure who he was addressing, as Lady Amber was still watching him as he'd barely ended their conversation, yet Highgarden was Loras' home. 'You have all your flowers and sunshine… it sounds blissful.' Lord Renly said, turning to Loras.

'It's lovely, my lord.' He answered truthfully. 'It's a beautiful place.'

'Ah, but is it as beautiful as Lady Amber?' Lord Renly asked him with a smirk. Lady Amber was completely unmoved by the statement, any other lady would have blushed.

'Lady Amber is very beautiful.' Loras said, more to his dinner plate than anyone else. He heard Lord Renly laugh but was too embarrassed to look up.

'There you have it, Lady Amber!' Lord Renly told her. 'You don't need to marry my cousin, you can marry Loras!'

'So it would seem.' She said stiffly, taking a long drink from her cup. Loras had wondered why she'd been named Amber, it seemed a strange name for a Lannister, but when he looked into her eyes he could instantly tell why, they were the colour of molten amber.

'You'll want to watch your drink, my lady.' Lord Renly told her, chuckling as she preceded to have the cup filled once more. She raised it to him in a mock toast before taking another drink, earning herself another laugh from her lord. Loras could have sworn he saw her smile behind her cup. Maybe she truly did want to marry Lord Renly.

'Lady Amber likes to pretend she doesn't like me.' Lord Renly said to Loras, that slick smile still playing on his lips. 'But she finds me amusing, even if she tries to hide it.'

Lady Amber put down her cup and threw a cold stare in her lord's direction. 'Sometimes I pretend so well, you might even think it was true.' And with that she drained what was left of the wine in her cup and turned back to her lord. 'If my lord will excuse me?' But she didn't seem to want to wait for an answer.

'Of course.' He answered her anyway, even though she'd already stood up to leave. Renly laughed and clasped his squire on the back. Loras really wasn't altogether too comfortable with his lord's lack of respect for personal space. 'She's quite a character, isn't she?'

'That, she is, my lord.' Loras answered him, still watching Lady Amber leave the dining hall.

Lord Renly continued chatting to Loras throughout the meal, telling him stories of King Robert and Lord Stannis, though Loras wasn't particularly interested. He nodded along and muttered a few responses but all he really wanted to do was go to his chambers so he could just be alone for a while. He liked his new lord as well as he ought to but trying to listen to all his rambling was tiresome, especially after a long day travelling.

'Come, I'll show you to your chambers.' Lord Renly told him eventually, after half the hall had cleared out and retired. He could only accept his lord's offer, feeling too tired to do anything else. And yet, Renly insisted on making talk all the way there. 'Lady Amber seems to like you.' He said, amongst so many other things.

'Lady Amber? Really, my lord?' Loras had to ask about this one. He'd been given the impression that if there was anything Lady Amber hated most in this world, he could have been it. The idea of marrying him seemed to have repulsed her.

'Oh, yes. She normally just ignores people.' He answered with a grin. 'And, please, you can call me Renly, you know.'

'I'll keep that in mind, my lord.' Loras answered sleepily, not really understanding what he was agreeing to. Renly laughed though, throwing his arm around his squire.

'Come on, we're alone, no one's going to mind! I don't think they'd really mind in public, to be perfectly honest with you, Loras.' Renly told him with a grin. Loras just nodded, too tired to try and shrink away from his lord's grasp. Renly released him eventually, leading him up a winding set of stone steps and stopping at the first door. 'This is yours.' He said, gesturing towards the door.

'Thank you, my lord.'

' _Renly_.'

'Fine.' Loras mumbled. 'Thank you, Renly.'

'Excellent!' He clasped him on the back once more. 'Sleep well, Loras!' He barely had the energy to mutter 'and you' before he shut the door behind him and collapsed onto his bed, falling asleep practically straight away.


	2. Chapter 2

Morning hit him hard, light pouring through the window into the room. But it wasn't the light that woke him, it was the sharp knock on the door followed by a female voice yelling 'Get up!' before moving on up the stairs. He would have woken up within plenty of time, he was sure, but he was definitely up now. He got dressed and washed himself quickly, then hurried out of his room and up the stairs to his lord's.

He opened the door and should not have been surprised to find both the things he found. Renly was still asleep, wrapped up in his sheets and muttering in sleep, while Lady Amber was sitting on the other half of his bed, fully dressed and reading a letter. Loras presumed it was Lady Amber who had woken him.

'Good morning.' She said, her voice still cold and strangely sweet, but she did not look up from the letter.

'Good morning, my lady.' Loras answered politely, starting to go about his duties for the day. He fetched some water and the things Renly would require to shave when he eventually decided to grace the world with his presence for the day. Then he picked up his lord's clothes from the night before.

'You can call me Amber.' Lady Amber told him, still never looking at him. 'If you prefer.'

'Oh… thank you… Amber.' Loras replied shakily. He didn't like engaging Lady Amber in conversation without Renly, it seemed somewhat dangerous.

'But never in public.' She added. Therein lay the difference between herself and Renly. He seemed not to care about the differences between public and private life, Lady Amber had obviously been trained in those elegancies. Loras couldn't help but wonder why Lady Amber was in Renly's chambers in the first place, why it was acceptable for her to sit on his bed while he slept, why she could enter without his permission. Maybe Lord Renly liked her more than he thought.

'Loras, do you think it's about time our lord awakened?' Lady Amber asked him, finally putting down her letter and blessing him with her gaze. Loras swallowed and tried not to look directly into her amber eyes.

'I suppose he can sleep however long he wishes.'

'No, he can't.' Lady Amber decided, giving a swift slap to Renly's cheek. It was still friendly but shocked Loras, nonetheless.

'What?' Renly muttered, rubbing his eyes and forcing himself to sit upright. He was only met with the smirk of Lady Amber. 'Oh, good morning.' He said with his trademark smile. 'And good morning, Loras.' He beamed at his squire.

'Letter.' Lady Amber told him bluntly, pushing the parchment she'd been reading into his hands.

'You opened it?'

'You were asleep.' She said with a shrug.

Renly sighed and shrugged, smiling all the same. 'It's not as if you don't usually.' He scanned over the letter before throwing it back at Lady Amber, who caught it and set it down. 'So he's having a tourney.' Renly said flatly. 'I'm going to dress now.'

Loras took his cue to hand his lord his clothes for the day and turned his back to let him dress. Lady Amber did not allow him the same courtesy, as she stayed exactly where she was. She seemed amused to see Loras turn his back, although she did not laugh.

'There's really no reason to turn your back, Loras.' She told him with a smirk. 'Honestly, you're not missing anything.' She raised one eyebrow in Renly's direction before leaning back on his pillow. There was something curious between Renly and Lady Amber and something told Loras he really did not want to find out what it was.

'It's polite.' He said quietly.

Lady Amber just looked at him with those icy eyes. 'Oh, and Renly pays so much attention to polite courtesies.'

'I'm a _lord_.' Renly said indignantly but Loras could still hear him laughing form behind him.

'Yes, yes, we know.' Lady Amber rolled her eyes and tucked her blonde hair behind her ear. 'Yet Jaime would certainly take that away if he knew I'd seen you dress.'

Renly snorted, now fully dressed, and joined her on his bed once more. Loras relaxed slightly. 'The Kingslayer might like to know that you watch me dress by choice, my lady.' He leant over to Lady Amber and moved her hair behind her other ear. She only smirked at him. The gesture itself was romantic but the intent behind it was not. Loras couldn't work out how that could be possible, but he saw it happen and knew that's what it was.

'Besides,' Renly continued. 'I think Robert would be glad to think you'd seen me dress.'

'House Lannister already has a link to House Baratheon.' Lady Amber said bluntly. 'I don't need to marry you, your brother has already made that link.'

'Then why were you betrothed to my cousin?'

'Your cousin is an Estermont, not a Baratheon.'

'The Estermonts have always been our bannermen. Aren't they one and the same?'

'Not necessarily.' Lady Amber told him mysteriously, before climbing gracefully down from his bed and smoothing out her dress. 'You might want to shave before you convene council, my lord.' She told him, before making her way towards the door. She nodded at Loras before she made her exit.

Council was just as dull that day as Loras expected it to be. Lady Amber was as sullen as she was the previous day and Lord Renly behaved equally as comically as before. All Loras really wanted to do was _learn something_. He'd come here to train. He wanted to be a knight, that's why he was here! But instead he was sitting in court listening to townsfolk squabble about stolen livestock. And to make matters worse the weather had taken a turn for the worse and Storm's End was living up to its name. Rain lashed against the windows and the whole castle seemed bitterly cold. So much for Storm's End at least being warm. Renly invited Loras and Lady Amber back to his solar to sit by the fire.

'You're not accustomed to this kind of weather, are you, Loras?' Lady Amber asked him as he shuffled as close to the fire as he could possibly get. He shook his head, trying not to shiver. Lady Amber smirked and shook her head.

'Are you thinking of ways to warm him up, Lady Amber?' Renly asked her with a grin. Lady Amber's expression did not change. Loras presumed she was used to Renly behaving like this, but Loras was completely taken aback by it.

'Of course not.' She answered flatly, raising one eyebrow at Loras. 'How old are you, anyway? You don't seem old enough to hear that kind of talk.'

'I'm thirteen, my lady.'

'Amber.'

'Amber.' He repeated.

'Fine.' She answered with a shrug. 'You look younger.' He knew that all too well. He'd always been small for his age, his brothers thought that might be the reason he wanted to be a knight, to show everyone he was stronger than he looked.

'How old are you, Amber?' He plucked up the courage to ask her. For some reason asking questions to Lady Amber seemed more nerve-wracking than it should.

'Fourteen.' She replied and said nothing more. Renly just grinned at the two of them like there was some kind of hidden joke. Loras just felt awkward. No one had mentioned Renly's age – sixteen – and Loras really didn't see the joke in his and Amber's ages.

'I should go and see if Ser Cortnay needs me to do anything before tomorrow.' Loras said quietly, picking himself up of the floor and hurriedly leaving the room. There was some strange unspoken thing between Lady Amber and Lord Renly and whatever it was, it was starting to make Loras nervous to be around them. It could just be that they were very close friends but he didn't think that was it.

Ser Cortnay seemed pleased that Loras had asked for something to do, but told him there were no jobs to be done, so he skulked back up the stone steps of the tower. He wondered whether he should just go to bed and wait for Lady Amber to bang on the door in the morning, but he didn't feel tired. He didn't think Renly would mind if he went back upstairs to his quarters. But when he got nearer to the door he heard sounds that stopped him proceeding further. He heard muffled voices and moans. He did not want to open that door but for some reason he didn't retreat down the stairs. Maybe he could finally work out what Renly's relationship with Amber really was. But then he heard Lady Amber's voice clearly.

'For the love of the gods, Renly!' She sounded annoyed. He heard Renly groan, somewhere caught between anger and frustration.

'Amber, I'm sorry but I don't know what you want me to say!' It was the first time Loras had ever heard his lord sound anywhere less than happy. 'This isn't something I can control.'

'You could at least _try_!' Lady Amber almost yelled back. Loras could hear rustling sort of sounds – bed sheets? 'I'm trying to help you!'

Renly sighed heavily. 'I know, Amber, I know.' He lowered his voice, trying to calm the argument. 'I'm sorry.'

Loras heard footsteps coming towards the door. He pinned himself to the wall behind the door just as Lady Amber threw it open, narrowly avoiding squashing him behind it. She turned back into the room. 'Don't expect any more help, Renly! That's the last time I embarrass myself like that! You can work this out on your own!' And with that she stormed back down the stone stairs without a second look back. Loras let the door swing shut again and stood there for a while. He couldn't make it look like he was listening but at the same time he was none the wiser about his lord's relations with Lady Amber. If anything, he was more confused. Finally, he opened the door.

Renly was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, his clothes creased and a little out of place. He bolted upright when he noticed Loras enter the room and a smile erupted on his face. Loras could tell it wasn't real.

'Are you okay, my lord?'

'Renly.'

'Are you okay, Renly?' He repeated as he approached him. Renly just grinned at him.

'Of course! Why wouldn't I be?'

Loras just raised his eyebrows and the smile quickly dropped from Renly's face. He tried to straighten out his shirt and turned to face his squire. 'You ran into Lady Amber, didn't you?'

'She didn't seem happy.' Loras said honestly. He didn't run into her at all, but his statement wasn't a complete lie.

'She's not happy.' Renly sighed, gesturing for Loras to sit on the end of his bed. 'I fear I have upset her.'

'It doesn't seem like she'd need too much help getting upset.'

Renly smirked at him but it was half-hearted. 'You're right, of course. But Lady Amber is one of those people you should never wish to be on the wrong side of. She has that, what would you call it, Lannister fire?'

'Hear me roar.' Loras said, repeating the Lannister House words.

'Indeed.' Renly nodded.

'What happened?' Loras asked him, his curiosity getting the better of him. Renly hesitated at this point, like he was weighing up if he could trust his squire. Loras instantly regretted asking. 'You can trust me, Renly.'

He stared at him for a moment. 'We're friends, aren't we, Loras?' Admittedly Loras would not have classified their relationship as far as friends, but he agreed nonetheless, what could be the harm in befriending the lord?

'Alright.' Renly continued with a sigh. 'Lady Amber has resigned herself to the fact that we will probably have to marry, which I ought to also, really. But she's been trying to… help me come to terms with it, shall we say? Only I'm not finding myself so… forthcoming.'

'You have a way with words, Renly.' Loras told him with a smirk. He understood what he was saying, but would have found it far easier if his lord could just have told him plainly. Renly looked embarrassed at the whole idea.

'Well, be that as it may,' he said quietly. 'she's not happy. She says she's embarrassed. I can assure her she is nowhere near as embarrassed as I am.' His usually present smile started to return as he looked back at Loras. 'Maybe she'll resign herself to marrying you instead.' He raised his eyebrows and grinned at his squire. Loras just swallowed hard and tried to think of something to say.

'Would you like that?' Renly asked him, suddenly sounding like he wanted a genuine response. Loras glanced back at the door, just in case Lady Amber was going to return.

'Lady Amber is very beautiful.'

'Yes, you've said that.' Renly told him with a grin.

'I…' Loras didn't know what to tell him. 'I doubt that situation will arise.'

Renly shrugged. 'It could happen. There are worse people for her to marry. You're a lord's son, you'll probably be a knight one day.'

'You really think so?'

'Of course I do.' Renly said honestly, shocked that Loras would even have to ask. 'Don't you want to be a knight?'

'Yes.' He said quickly. 'I've always wanted to.'

'And one day you will be.' Renly told him. 'My brother is hosting a tourney for his name day soon – you should enter. I'm sure my master at arms wouldn't mind training you.'

'Really?'

'You're here to train, aren't you? It's not your fault that I don't spend my time training.' Renly said with a smirk. 'Anyway, I'll arrange that. In the morning, you are going to come with me to buy a present for Amber.'

'Why?'

'Because she's upset.'

'No, why do you want me to come with you?'

Renly turned to look at him and just raised one eyebrow. 'Because I'm asking you to.' And that was that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading this, folks:) glad people like Amber! hope she lives up to it;)

As they left the castle the next morning Loras couldn't help but think the way his lord had spoken to him wasn't an order. He didn't say _because I command you to_ or _I order you to_. He said it was because he was asking, implying Loras had some kind of choice in the matter. He wasn't sure if he liked the idea of having a choice when asked to do something by his lord. But then again, as he frequently reminded himself, Renly didn't seem like the usual sort of lord. Courtesies he'd been taught in Highgarden wouldn't help him here.

'So what are you buying for Lady Amber?' Loras asked him as they entered the marketplace. Traders and stall owners shouting greetings to their lord, which Renly seemed all too happy to return.

'Well,' Renly started, leading his squire through a maze of stalls and shops he seemed to know like the back of his hand. 'she's a Lannister. And what is the Lannister sigil, Loras?'

'A lion.'

'Exactly.'

'You're going to buy her a lion?'

Renly burst into laughter as he saw the look of sincerity on Loras' face after saying that. He threw his arm around him again, something Loras decided he'd probably have to get used to. There was also the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he didn't really mind. After all, it was a friendly gesture and he'd told Renly they were friends.

'I'm going to buy her a cat.' Renly told him, leading him down a final street and into a small shop. 'She's not in Casterly Rock now, she's not among lions, so she can have the closest thing.'

The shop they'd entered had a few small shelves lined with metal cages, each containing some kind of animal. Renly greeted the woman who owned the store as if they were old friends, something he seemed to do with almost everyone in Storm's End. His people really loved him.

'What do you think of this one?' Renly asked him, looking into a cage containing a big, fluffy grey and white cat. It wandered to the front of the cage to stare back at Renly. 'It looks like her, doesn't it?'

'It has her eyes.' Loras said dryly. He had the admit, the cat did have the same amber eyes. Renly grinned at him before he looked back at the cat.

'Alright.' He decided. 'We'll get this one.'

'We?' Loras repeated. 'I haven't done anything to offend Lady Amber.'

'Neither have I.' Renly muttered. 'It's what I didn't do.' He smirked but it was more a joke aimed at himself than anyone else. Loras didn't reply to that, he hadn't been told the appropriate response when your lord tried to discuss that sort of matter. He also realised that his last comment was not something a lord should allow their squire to say – especially in public. It would seem insolent. No, it was insolent. Loras knew it was but there was something about Renly that made him feel more comfortable to speak his mind.

The shop owner came over to them, seeing Renly's interest in the cat. 'She's a beautiful creature, m'lord.' She told him with a smile.

'Ah, it's a she.' He said quietly, turning back to the woman. 'Perfect.'

They carried the cat in its cage back to the castle. The cat didn't seem all too bothered about being carried around, swaying in the cage. She remained totally silent throughout the whole journey. Loras thought how much that reminded him of Lady Amber, not speaking unless it seemed like she had to. Except, of course, where Renly was concerned, it would seem. Loras still felt none the wiser on that matter.

'Renly?' He started as they walked back along the path to the castle.

'Yes?' He answered, seemingly pleased not to have to ask Loras to address him so informally.

'Earlier, when you told me about why Lady Amber was angry with you, because…' He glanced back to check no one was in earshot. 'you weren't so… forthcoming, as you put it…'

He saw Renly's expression change to something of slight discomfort as his attention was suddenly taken by the scenery he'd obviously seen countless times before. 'What of it?'

'Well, I hope you don't mind me asking… I don't mean any offence…'

Renly shook his head and laughed, it was a nervous laugh, but friendly. 'You can ask my anything, Loras. I know you want to, you are from Highgarden, after all. From what I hear you people are normally good at speaking your mind.'

Loras could only smirk at that. Granted, Renly was right, but he'd been trying his hardest to impress his lord and be a good squire. It took all his effort to bite his tongue sometimes, but he did it anyway.

'I can't help but wonder, you know… why?' Loras said eventually, not really wanting to look him in the eyes as he said it. He was certain that Renly would be offended by the question, even if he insisted otherwise.

'Why, what?'

'Why you weren't… you couldn't…'

'Don't try and find a nice way to phrase it, Loras. You won't find one.' Renly said with a sigh. The cat looked up at him from the cage, suddenly interested in what they were saying. 'And the simple answer is that I don't know why. She just… She didn't do anything for me. I just didn't feel…' He shrugged as he tried to find the right words. 'Like I was supposed to.'

'Supposed to?' Loras repeated.

Renly nodded and glanced back at the cat. She met his gaze and held it until Renly looked away. 'Well, when you've got a woman like that, I presume there are certain reactions men are supposed to have.'

Loras swallowed and said nothing more. He didn't know what to say. How would he know what reaction was necessary? The closest he'd ever got to a woman was his sister back home and that didn't really count since all he'd ever done with his sister was chase her about the castle when they were children. He didn't know the kind of intimacies his lord was addressing. Evidently Lady Amber did.

'But don't misquote me,' Renly continued. 'I mean no offence to Lady Amber, of course. She was, I presume, doing everything she was supposed to.' He laughed to himself and smiled. 'I just wasn't doing what I was supposed to.' He glanced at his squire and saw him awkwardly looking off into the distance, a flush of red settling on his pale cheeks. Renly smirked. 'Does this make you uncomfortable, Loras? Don't you have too much experience with this kind of thing?'

'No.' He replied quietly, still not tearing his gaze away from the approaching castle.

'I'll let you in on a secret, then.' He said, leaning a little closer to whisper to him. It was only at this point Loras turned his attention to his lord, only to be taken aback by the shocking green of his eyes. He'd never noticed before. But the oddly pleasant clash between Renly's dark hair and impossibly green eyes intrigued him. It intrigued him so much he felt ashamed of it. He deliberately stole a glance back down at the cat.

'I don't have much experience, either.' Renly told him in a hushed tone. 'In fact, the only girl I've even kissed is Lady Amber.'

'But she's betrothed to your cousin…'

Renly gave him a pitying look. 'He's dead, Loras. We all know he's dead.' He sighed sadly. 'It does look like I'm going to have to marry Amber eventually. I'll leave it as long as I can, but I can't put it off forever. My brother's already on my case about it.' He shook his head before putting on an imitation of the king. 'Renly, when on earth are you going to take a wife? Do you want the kingdom thinking you're a eunuch?' He chuckled to himself over his impression. 'He doesn't know the half of it. I think it may be better for the kingdom if they thought that.' He muttered. Loras just stared at him. What was that supposed to mean? What could Renly possibly be hiding that meant he'd rather the kingdom think that?

'I don't understand…'

Renly put the cat's cage in his other hand so it was no longer in between them. He gave his squire a clasp on the shoulder. 'Neither do I, Loras.' And he stopped the conversation there. If anything, Loras was now even more confused. And if there was one thing he hated, it was not being able to figure something out. He hated being beaten at something. He would find out what secrets Renly was keeping, if only for his pride.

When they returned to the castle they discovered that Lady Amber was in a lesson with the maester and wouldn't return until later. Renly put the cat in Lady Amber's chambers, still in its cage, and shut the door. He informed Loras that he'd spoken to the master at arms and he could start training today if he wanted to. Of course he wanted to. Loras practically ran down the steps to the yard on hearing that. Renly shook his head as he watched him go. He didn't understand the fascination of mastering a sword or learning to joust. He didn't understand the idea of playing at war. Although, he'd never been in a real war and had no intention of ever being in one.

He made his way down the stone stairs to find Ser Cortnay. There would be messages to answer, the first of which being the invitation to his brother's tourney. Renly didn't mind watching tourneys so much, it was competing that he didn't like. It was expected of a lord of his age that he would compete in the jousting. Truth be told there was nothing Renly would rather do less, but Robert would only be disappointed if he didn't. And besides, it would give the king something else to talk about instead of asking Renly when he was going to marry. He replied to the letter saying he would be attending.

'We have received special request from Lord Tywin Lannister himself asking that Lady Amber attend the tourney, my lord.' Ser Cortnay told him.

'Is it possible he's missed her?' Renly asked him, raising an eyebrow. He never got the impression the Lannisters loved their children any more than just about what was expected. Ser Cortnay gave him a look that told him he probably shouldn't be saying such things, but answered nonetheless.

'She's his niece. I'm sure he's missed her.'

'I'm sure.' Renly said flatly. 'And the queen? Do you think she's missed her cousin?'

'I could not speak on behalf of the queen, my lord.' Ser Cortnay answered, but the look on his face told him that the queen probably wouldn't even have noticed Amber's absence. Although, he could forgive the queen for that, she was putting up with Robert and raising three young children. But Amber was still family.

After he was done with the business of letters and formalities, Renly made his way down to the yard to see how his squire was doing. He leant against a wall at the edge of the yard to see that Loras was practising with a bow and arrow. He was hitting the board but never managed the centre target. Renly moved across the yard, keeping to the sides to avoid being cornered into doing some training by his master at arms, and went to lean against the wall behind his squire, still saying nothing.

'I know you're there, you know.' Loras said, his eyes not moving from the target board.

'I don't doubt that.' Renly answered, stepping closer to level with his squire. 'You're doing alright with that bow.' It was meant as a compliment but Loras didn't seem to be listening, his face was filled with concentration. His tight curls of hair were all out of place due to the winds. There was something about that Renly liked more than he'd ever admit to, as well as that look of determination on Loras' face. That, he liked an awful lot. He took a casual step back. Whatever was in his head, he wanted it out. Loras was his squire, it was his duty to look after him and train him. In weaponry. Made of steel. Nothing more.

An arrow whipped past his face and embedded itself into the centre target. When Renly looked back at his squire he was looking equally as confused. The owner of the bow took a step out of the shadows. Lady Amber put down the bow and folded her arms across her chest.

'Good shot.' Renly told her with a smirk. She just looked at him with that bored expression he knew Lannisters had a talent for.

'I was aiming for your head.' She said with a shrug.

'That's not very lady-like.' Renly told her with a grin.

'I'm not usually very lady-like.' Lady Amber replied with a sly smile, glancing down at Renly's breeches. Loras swallowed and averted his gaze. 'You're probably more lady-like than I am.'

'You wound me.' Renly told her but there was still a grin on his face. Somehow Amber's expression changed and she actually looked a little guilty. Loras knew he must be wrong but he could have sworn it was true.

'I was harsh.' She said eventually. Apparently that was as close as you could get to an apology from Lady Amber.

'No matter,' Renly said, taking Amber's arm and beckoning for Loras to follow them. 'we've bought you a present!'

'We?' Amber repeated, as they entered the stone staircase to the tower. 'I don't recall Loras doing anything to offend me.'

Renly shrugged. 'I'm using the royal we.'

'You're not king yet, Renly.' Amber told him with a rare smile, squeezing his arm for a moment. Loras nearly swallowed his own tongue seeing Lady Amber behave like that as he followed them up the stairs.

'Yet? I'm fifth in line, Amber. I'll be dead by the time I could ever be king!' He laughed, wrapping his arm around Amber's waist as he led her into her chambers. Once again Loras noted that this would typically be a romantic gesture but he got no signs of it being one. There were no feelings behind it. Lady Amber's heart of ice seemed to melt the second she saw the animal on her bed. She immediately opened the cage and carefully picked the cat up. She hugged it to her and it began to purr. She let herself smile at Renly.

'Thank you.' She told him quietly.

'No trouble.' Renly shrugged. 'Do you forgive me?'

'Of course. No one can stay mad at you.' She told him. She lifted the cat in the air and looked in its eyes. The cat nuzzled its nose towards her face and she brought it back to her chest, smiling.

'What are you going to call her?' Renly asked her, taking a seat on her bed. Loras just stood there slightly awkwardly.

'Lioness.' Amber told him, her gaze shifting to Loras. 'Do you like cats, Loras?'

'I've never met one.' He said honestly. Amber moved closer, carrying the cat.

'Would you like to meet a cat?' She asked him quietly, her voice barely more than a whisper as he realised she was standing directly in front of him, nothing but the cat separating them. Renly kicked his legs up onto the bed and just watched them, an unreadable expression on his face. Loras could feel himself blushing.

'Go on.' Amber told him, taking his hand and placing it on Lioness' head. The cat stared up at him and started purring again as he scratched her ears. He managed a weak smile at Amber. 'See? We don't bite.' She said with a strange smile. Loras was glad when she turned her back to go back to her bed, so she couldn't see the bright shade of red he was certain his face was. He could just make out Renly grinning at him as he tried desperately to stare at the floor.

'I think you've made him a little uncomfortable, Amber.' Renly said eventually, just after Loras thought he had stopped blushing. He wanted to glare at his lord for saying that at that point, as he felt his cheeks flush all over again.

'Then maybe you should leave, Renly. I can fix that.' She raised her eyebrows and put the cat on her bed. Lioness padded around in circles for a while before curling up. Loras didn't know where to look. He wanted a hole in the ground to just swallow him up so he didn't have to face the situation he was in.

'Okay, I'm sorry, Loras.' Renly told him with a smile. He turned to Amber to explain. 'I think I've embarrassed him.'

'So you care when you embarrass your squire.' Amber muttered darkly.

'I care when I embarrass you!' He said quickly, reaching out to touch Amber's shoulder so she looked back at him. 'I bought you a cat.'

'I know, I know.' Amber replied, sighing and leaning back against Renly. Loras wanted to just close his eyes, he was running out of places to avert his gaze to. He desperately thought he shouldn't be there.

'We're going to have to work it out at some point, though.' Amber told Renly quietly. 'If we're going to marry in the end.'

'Do we? I mean can't we just-'

'No.' Amber cut him off instantly. 'Can you imagine if you didn't have heirs? Isn't that the _reason_ people marry? How do you intend to produce them?'

'Amber, stop it now.'

She rolled her eyes and folded her arms, still leaning against Renly, though. She glanced back at Loras, who had wedged himself into the corner of the room out of embarrassment. 'Gods, Loras, you can stop looking so uncomfortable.' He managed to take his eyes off the floor and meet Lady Amber's for a few seconds. She got up off Renly and stood up beside the bed, staring at the squire.

'Come here.' She told him. He just shook his head wordlessly. 'Your lady commands it.'

'He's _my_ squire, Amber.'

'I'm still a lady.'

Loras knew she was right. He should do what she said anyway. But he knew it was something bad, the way she was looking at him told him he was doing something she didn't like. He'd never met a Lannister before but he was starting to hope he never met another. He did as she told him and shuffled across the room and towards to her.

'Closer.' He took one more step. Amber sighed and he felt her grab his shoulders and pull him straight to her, standing without a gap between them. He could feel his cheeks flush, praying for her not to notice. 'You shouldn't be nervous.' She told him quietly, in what was a surprisingly soft voice coming from Amber. He didn't answer her, knowing full well his face was still bright red. Amber gently pushed him away and sat back down on the bed.

'You're both useless.' She decided, pushing Renly back onto the bed and resting her head on his chest.

'He seems content enough.' Loras said, forgetting his place due to his embarrassment. Amber only smirked and looked back at Renly. His eyes met hers for a fraction of a second before he looked away.

'If only.' Lady Amber said, pushing herself to sit upright and off Renly. He didn't move from his position.

There was a clatter from the hallway, at which point everyone turned to stare at the door. They heard someone shouting Amber's name over and over until the door swung open. Loras saw a child with dark hair grinning in the doorway, clutching a piece of parchment.

'Amber!' The child called to her. Lady Amber allowed him a small smile before getting off the bed and walking over to the child.

'That would be Lady Amber to you, Edric.' She told him, but there was no force behind it. She thanked him and took the scroll from him. He hovered in the doorway for a moment until eventually Renly called him to him, getting up and spinning the child round in the air. Amber scanned the parchment, rolled it up again and stuffed it into a draw. Her expression was stony.

'I think you should leave.' She said, her voice unusually quiet. 'It's getting late.'

Loras didn't need to be told twice. Renly deposited the child back outside and shut the door behind them. He didn't seem surprised at Amber's sudden change of heart. Apparently mood swings were another Lannister trait Loras would have to get used to. The child skipped back off down the stairs happily and a distant 'Goodnight, uncle Renly!' could be heard before another door shut at the bottom of the stairs.

'Uncle?' Loras asked him.

Renly nodded, still smiling after the child. 'Robert's bastard. One of many.' He said with a laugh. 'Lovely boy, though.'

'He looks like you.' Loras commented quietly, still trying to get used to the amount of freedom he had when speaking to his lord. Renly seemed pleased to hear that and smiled, leaning back against the wall.

'He'll grow up to be quite dashing then, won't he?' He answered with a grin. Once more Loras found himself at a loss for words. How was he supposed to answer something like that? Say yes and it could start a very strange situation, say no and he might offend him.

'Don't feel like you need to answer, Loras.' Renly smirked at his attempt to find a reply. 'I already know how blessed I am in that department, I don't need you to tell me.'

As much as Loras would never dream of voicing it, Renly was right. He was blessed in that area. He had all the classic elements of good looks, and he knew it. What worried Loras most, however, was that he also knew it. Why was he taking such notice? He knew he should be thinking about how lovely Lady Amber was, about her eyes, about her hair, about her… he didn't even want to think about it, he'd only make himself blush again. Renly seemed to notice his discomfort, which only made Loras more nervous.

'Are you alright, Loras?' He asked him curiously, leaning a little closer to get a better look at him. Loras wanted to back away but the wall behind him wouldn't allow it. If anything, the thing that would help him least was Renly leaning closer to him. That only made him more worried.

'Mm. Fine.' He mumbled, trying to look away. Renly made him almost jump when he placed his hand under Loras' chin and turned his face to stare back at him, before he just smirked.

'It's Amber, isn't it?'

'W-what?'

'You're thinking about her, aren't you?'

'I don't know what you mean.'

Renly let go of him and just laughed, walking back down the stairs to Loras' chambers and opening the door for him. He couldn't help but think how backwards this was.

'You're thinking about all the things I'm _not_ doing with Lady Amber, aren't you? How you'd be able to _react_ to her?'

'Stop it, please.' Loras told him in little more than a whisper.

'It's alright, you know.' Renly told him, draping his arm around his squire. 'It's perfectly natural.'

' _Please_. Stop it.'

Renly took a step back, observing him, something strange behind his eyes. 'Or maybe you're not thinking about Amber.'

' _Just stop it_!' Loras lost his temper at that, immediately regretting raising his voice when Renly took a hurried step backwards, a nervous looking smile on his face.

'Sorry, sorry.' He told him. 'I apologise. I overstepped the mark.'

Loras shook his head and ran his hand through his unruly hair. 'You _can't_ overstep the mark, you're my lord. You can say whatever you want. It's me who should be sorry. I shouldn't have yelled.'

'You can yell if you want to.' Renly said with a shrug. 'It's not as if you didn't give me fair warning.'

'Well… I'm sorry, anyway.' Loras knew it didn't bother Renly, but even for his own piece of mind he had to apologise. Renly only smiled at him, gave him a gentle pat on the back and made for the door.

'It's alright, Loras.' He told him, opening the door to leave. 'Goodnight.' And with that he was gone. Loras sighed deeply and dropped himself onto his bed. He had learned today that not only did Renly seem to have a habit of invading personal space, he also liked to invade privacy. Loras wasn't one for sharing his feelings. The only person he ever talked to like that was his little sister, but she was all the way back in Highgarden. He tried to sleep for a while but he just couldn't, his mind was still ticking away trying to figure out Lady Amber. And Renly. And his impossible green eyes… And – Loras bolted up from his pillow. He'd almost drifted off to sleep but his last thought had bothered him. Why had that been on his mind at all? He didn't even want to know. He was probably just trying to adjust to the new situation. He hadn't been there long, he was just nervous. Or at least that's what he was going to keep telling himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Loras sighed deeply and dropped himself onto his bed. He had learned today that not only did Renly seem to have a habit of invading personal space, he also liked to invade privacy. Loras wasn't one for sharing his feelings. The only person he ever talked to like that was his little sister, but she was all the way back in Highgarden. He tried to sleep for a while but he just couldn't, his mind was still ticking away trying to figure out Lady Amber. And Renly. And his impossible green eyes… And – Loras bolted up from his pillow. He'd almost drifted off to sleep but his last thought had bothered him. Why had that been on his mind at all? He didn't even want to know. He was probably just trying to adjust to the new situation. He hadn't been there long, he was just nervous. Or at least that's what he was going to keep telling himself.

A scratching sound at the door stopped his thoughts. For a moment he was grateful for it but after a while it became annoying. He opened the door and Lioness shot into the room, leaping onto his bed and rolling over, purring. Loras sighed and glanced down the corridor. No one was there, Lioness must have wandered out of Amber's chambers. He knew he should take her back but he really didn't want to go in search of Amber. She made him uncomfortable. He put it out of his mind and picked up Lioness, who cuddled against his chest as he left his chambers. He knew he couldn't just let the cat wander around the castle at night, he had no option but to return her to Amber.

He knocked on the door before he stood waiting for an answer.

'Who is it?' He heard Amber call from somewhere behind the door.

'Loras, my lady.' He answered, then remembered who else was there. 'And Lioness.'

'Enter.' Amber called back. Loras open the door and shut it behind him before he even looked into the room. Lady Amber was sitting in a bathtub at the far end of the room.

'Gods.' Loras couldn't help but mutter as he all but dropped the cat and forced his eyes shut.

'Grow up, Loras.' He heard her tell him. 'You really should learn that there's no such thing as modesty here.' Maybe she was right, he thought. After all, she had watched Lord Renly get dressed and he didn't seem bothered by it. But still, Loras didn't want to open his eyes. 'Open your eyes and come here.' When he still didn't move Lady Amber deployed her favourite tactic of getting Loras to do what she wanted. 'Your lady commands it.' So he opened his eyes and steadily walked across the room, deliberately watching his feet rather than Amber. 'Sit.' She instructed. He sat on the floor next to her bathtub. When he eventually looked back at her, her blonde hair was wet but so were her eyes. They were red and puffy.

'Amber…' Loras started, completely taken aback by her eyes. Maybe she'd just got soap in them, but he doubted it. 'are you alright?'

'Does it look like I'm alright?' She snapped, but there was no malice in her voice. She knew perfectly well she didn't look alright. 'They're sending me home, Loras.' She told him quietly. He stared at her.

'Home?'

'Casterly Rock.' She clarified. 'It would seem that my uncle has tired of waiting for Renly to marry me.'

'But you… can't you tell him? He'd ask if you knew you were leaving.'

Amber shook her head and bit her lip to keep back tears. 'It's too late for that. They'll marry me to someone else.'

'But when…'

'After the tourney.' She answered with a sigh. 'I'll travel up with Renly's host and return with my uncle.'

'I'm so sorry, Amber.'

And they sat in silence for a long time after that, the only sound being the soft purr of Lioness as she rolled over on Amber's bed. Amber leant back against the bathtub and ducked her head under the wash away any more tears. Loras could even feel the sting behind his own eyes. Although Amber had seemed cold and harsh, and she was a Lannister, and she made him uncomfortable… he'd miss her. A lot.

'How long until the tourney?' He asked her quietly.

'Two weeks.' She sighed, running her hand through her damp hair. 'You're entering, aren't you?'

'I think so.'

'Are you good?'

'Yes.'

She smirked at him and shook her head. 'And so modest.'

'You said there was no such thing here.'

'You're too clever.' She told him with a sad smile. 'I'm going to miss you and your awkwardness.'

'I'll miss you, too.' Loras told her honestly. 'And I'm sure Renly will miss you most.'

A fresh wave of tears escaped Amber's eyes and it took her a moment to compose herself enough to talk, her voice was failing her. 'I'll miss him the most, too.' She said in a near whisper.

'Can I ask you something?'

'You don't need to ask.' Amber replied. Loras was immediately reminded of Renly when she said that, making his next question even more potent.

'You love him, don't you?'

Amber bit down hard on her lip but nodded all the same, tears streaming down her face. Loras knew it was inappropriate but he also knew Amber was upset, so he reached out and stroked his hand through her hair. She leant against the side of the bathtub so she was a little closer. Amber's icy exterior was most definitely thawed.

'Does he know?'

Amber shook her head lightly, Loras still stroking her hair. Lioness purred louder.

'You should tell him.'

She shook her head again, for some reason looking more distressed than before. 'He won't say it back, Loras.'

'He might. You always look so happy together.'

'But we won't be happy together. He… he's not…' She wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to clear her throat. 'He's different.' She said finally.

'I don't understand…'

'He's trying to understand it.' Amber said cryptically, lifting her head to look back at her friend. 'But he'll never love me.'

'I can't see why not.'

Amber managed a weak smile back at him. 'Thank you.' She told him quietly. 'But trust me. He doesn't love me and he never will.'

'But why?'

'That's not for me to say.'

Loras could tell he wasn't going to hear anything else on the matter. Amber lifted his head with her hand gently and for once he didn't feel embarrassed at her touch.

'You're a good man, Loras.' She told him sincerely. He smiled back at her as she eased his face closer to hers and placed a soft kiss on his lips. He knew it meant nothing since she'd just told him she loved Renly, but he knew it did mean _something_. It meant she'd miss him. It meant she valued his friendship. It was a memory. 'Thank you for bringing back Lioness. Thank you for talking.' She dropped her hand and flashed a classic Lannister smirk back at him. 'But don't expect me to be nice to you tomorrow.'

'I would never expect that.' He got up, averting his gaze from looking inside the bathtub, which only made Amber laugh weakly, before he turned to leave. 'Goodnight.' He told her. She repeated the sentiment before he left and shut the door.

After that Loras spent all his days training. He knew how to fight, he hadn't been short of training in Highgarden but he wanted to be at his best. He'd never fought in a tourney before but the memory of what happened to his brother, Willas, still haunted him. Garlan had turned out alright, he fought in tourneys from time to time and he'd never been hurt like Willas had. But all the same, it worried him. He loved his brother but he'd never want a life like he had. Loras wanted to be a knight, if he couldn't do that… he didn't know what he'd do. He quite literally had never planned for anything else. All the more reason why he wanted to train harder.

'There's such a thing as too much practice, you know.' Renly told him that evening, while he sat with Loras and Amber by the fire in his solar. Amber was drinking wine and her eyes hollowed out whenever Renly wasn't looking. Loras knew she still hadn't told him yet.

'No there isn't.' He answered strongly. 'I want to do well.'

'And you will.' Renly said. 'But you'll work yourself to death if you're not careful.'

Amber simply shook her head, placing her cup back on the floor. 'Leave him be, Renly. You took on a squire, not a friend.'

'I'd somewhat hoped I'd taken on both.'

'He's a squire first and foremost.' Amber reminded him. 'And if he competes in this tourney, you can't blame him for wanting to win.' Loras just smirked at her and nodded in agreement.

'Fine.' Renly gave in. 'It would appear I'm outnumbered. Very well, train all you like Loras. I'll just go and find something else to occupy my time.'

Amber pushed him gently. 'Don't be so dramatic, Renly.' She said with her trademark smirk. 'I only have lessons once a day and you do actually have things to do, you know.'

'Ser Cortnay deals with everything.'

'You could always help him.'

'He says I get in the way.'

'You probably do.'

Loras could watch them argue all day, he still found it as amusing as the first time he'd met them. Amber would flash him the odd look now and then that would make Loras wonder why he'd never realised she was in love with Renly before now. Of course, he still wondered why he'd never marry Amber, what his secret was that she wasn't willing to tell. But he tried to put it out of his mind. No matter how often Renly wanted Loras to tell him things about himself, Loras could never bring himself to ask the same questions. It still felt wrong.

Renly seemed to seek him out after Loras had finished training for the day. He'd go back to his chambers and find Renly leaning against the wall by his door, or meet him on the stairs. Loras didn't mind, as such, it was just that sometimes he only wanted to _rest_. Loras dropped himself onto his bed as Renly shut the door behind him, perching on the end of his bed.

'Enjoy training today?'

'Yes.'

'Ready for the tourney?'

'Yes.'

'Want me to stop talking?'

'Yes.'

And that just made Renly laugh. He didn't leave though. Loras wanted to tell him to go but he didn't know how he could say that without it sounding offensive, or like he didn't value his company. Especially with Amber and her situation, he really wanted to tread carefully.

'Aren't you scared of entering the tourney?' Renly asked him, crossing his legs and looking back at him. Loras just wanted to stare at the ceiling forever and ignore the question, but he knew Renly wouldn't just go away. He sighed and propped himself up on a pillow to look back at his lord.

'No, I'm not.' He said finally. 'Why should I be?'

Renly shrugged and waited a while before he spoke, re-arranging his words in his head. 'Well, with what happened to your brother, I just thought…'

'What happened to Willas won't happen to me.' Loras told him defiantly. From the way Renly looked back at him Loras realised he may have put a little too much defiance behind his voice. Renly just smirked.

'Confident, aren't we?' He grinned at him. 'You'll be facing off with the Kingslayer next.'

'I'd win if I did.' Loras told him. Renly shook his head and chuckled at that. In all honesty, he thought his squire's confidence was oddly attractive. That bold sense that he could do anything he wanted to.

'I'm sure you would.'

'Do you mock me?'

'No!' Renly answered quickly, a grin appearing on his lips. 'Of course not! Only, you're thirteen years old…'

'So? Ser Jaime was fifteen when he joined the Kingsguard.'

'But he's not fifteen anymore, Loras.'

' _I know_.' He bit back, folding his arms and glaring across the room. 'I'll still win, even if you don't believe me.'

'I do believe you!' Renly laughed, leaning forward involuntarily as he spoke. Loras noticed but found himself disinclined to do anything about it.

'Prove it.'

'How?' He asked, a strange kind of smile creeping onto his lips. Loras swallowed and looked away. He knew Renly didn't mean it like that, of course he didn't, Loras was imagining it. But why would he imagine it? Did he want him to do that? He pushed the thought out of his head.

'You could put a bet on me.' He told him eventually, surprising himself as to how small and weak his voice sounded. 'I hear Littlefinger is always willing to bet with someone.'

'You want me to bet against Littlefinger?' Renly repeated. 'He's the master of coin, he knows what he's doing when it comes to money.'

'So you don't believe me.'

Renly sighed and leaned back against the bedpost. Loras finally remembered to breathe. 'Fine. If that's what it will take, then alright. I'll make a bet on you.' He smirked to himself. 'Even though you of all people should know that my family is broke.'

'Then all the more reason to bet on me,' Loras told him with a shrug. 'you'll be betting with my father's money.' Loras was aware that the crown borrowed an awful lot of money and he was equally aware that a substantial amount of it had come from Highgarden.

'Done.' Renly answered with a grin. 'You'd better be good, though.'

'I will be.'

'I don't doubt it.'

Loras somewhat misliked the tone of his lord's voice at that last statement. Well, no, it's not that he didn't _like_ it. It wasn't a matter of like or dislike. He found it ambiguous. He couldn't work out what it meant. It was misleading but at the same time didn't lead anywhere. Loras was still pondering the many misleading moments with his lord after Renly had left to let Loras sleep.

The lightning struck somewhere outside, Loras saw it through the window. He was used to the storms by now but this one seemed worse than the others. The thunder was louder, it shook the walls. He tried to put it out of his mind as he lay shivering under the sheets, but he couldn't. All he could do was lie there and watch the storm. He wondered if you ever got used to this kind of storm, whether Amber had got used to it. Whether even Renly had got used to it. He doubted he'd ever be able to consider this place home. You just didn't get this kind of horrible storm at Highgarden. The weather was always warm, it was usually sunny and even when it rained it was still warm. He missed home.


	5. Chapter 5

A knock on the door woke him from his thoughts, making him jump in the process. It took another knock for him to realise he wasn't dreaming and that it wasn't thunder.

'Yes?'

'It's Renly.'

Loras groaned. He wanted to suffocate himself with his own pillow. Renly opened the door without being invited. Loras felt the bed move as Renly sat down somewhere behind him.

'What?' Loras asked him, well aware that his tone was not the kind you address your lord with.

'I thought you might be, um, afraid of the storm. I just wanted to see if you were okay.' Renly replied in an unusually quiet voice. Loras just stared in the darkened corner of the room in front of him. He didn't want to turn over and look at Renly. He felt strange on hearing that he was worried about him. He couldn't place the strange feeling.

'Sorry if I overstepped the mark.' Renly continued, as the bed shifted again as he got up. 'Clearly you're alright.'

Loras fought with his conscience for a moment. Maybe Renly was concerned, or maybe he himself was afraid of the storm. Either way, he'd come to Loras as a friend and the least he could do was acknowledge it.

'Renly,' He said eventually, forcing himself to sit up and look at him. Renly turned away from the door and looked back at him, his expression masked by the darkness of the room. 'I'm sorry. I'm just tired.'

'It's perfectly alright.' Renly answered, not moving closer or further. 'I'll just let you go back to sleep. I must have woken you. I'm sorry.' He made another reach for the door.

'You didn't wake me.' Loras told him. 'I couldn't sleep.' He sighed and leant back against his pillow. 'The storm's too loud.'

Renly seemed, for once, at a loss for words. Loras watched him through the darkness. Could it really be then Renly didn't actually know what to say? Loras smirked at that idea. Truth be told, Renly didn't know what Loras wanted him to do, did he want him to leave or stay? He stopped him going for the door, but he never told him to stay.

'You don't have storms in Highgarden?' Renly asked him, leaning against the bed post but still not sitting back down. Loras was slightly saddened by that but he didn't know why.

'Not really.' He said. 'We had one once, so my sister and our cousin came into my room and we sat telling stories until it was over.'

'That sounds lovely.'

'It was. But we were all terrified of the storm, so it didn't seem so lovely at the time.' Loras answered with a laugh. He was glad when he heard Renly laugh as well. He was starting to think he'd done something to offend him.

'I don't know many stories.' Renly admitted. 'I'm not going to be much use, I'm afraid.'

'I don't need stories now.' Loras told him honestly. 'I've grown up. It's just a storm.'

'My parents were killed in a storm.'

Loras didn't say anything after that. He didn't know what to say. Renly didn't speak for a while after, either. How was Loras supposed to know that? And Renly started the conversation about storms, anyway.

'Sorry.' Renly said eventually. 'I don't even remember them. Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.'

'You shouldn't apologise.' Loras told him quietly. 'You can talk about whatever you want to. You're a lord, remember?'

Renly laughed and just nodded. 'I suppose I am.'

Loras found a shred of courage from somewhere inside. He had plenty of courage with a sword or a lance, but with words? They took a little more courage. 'Renly,' he started. 'why did you come down here?'

'I thought you might be scared of the storm. I told you.'

'Yes, but then what? Even if I was afraid, what would you have done then?'

A silence sat around the two for a while. Renly stared into the night for a while. What did he plan to do? 'I suppose… I don't know. I'd have tried to comfort you.'

'How?'

'I don't know, alright? I acted on impulse. I was going to… adapt.'

'Adapt?'

'I don't know! If you wanted comforting, you'd tell me how you wanted comforting.'

'Very comforting.' Loras muttered with a smirk. It was nice to see Renly struggle to string a sentence together. 'You can sit, you know.' He did what was offered and sat down on the edge of the bed. 'You know what's actually comforting?'

'What?'

'Seeing you lost for words.'

He heard him laugh again and sigh as he turned around to look back at his squire. 'You know, most ordinary people would want a hug or some friendly words. You? You want me to feel humiliated.'

'Yes.' It was too late at night to lie about it. And somehow, Loras didn't think he'd mind. 'It's makes you… vulnerable.'

'That's not a good thing.'

'It can be.'

'It's never a good thing to be vulnerable.'

Loras shook his head with a smile and let that conversation lie. 'How's Amber? Is she afraid of storms?'

Renly was silent for a while after that. 'No.' He said eventually, before he moved himself a little closer to Loras so he could see his expression. Loras didn't move away. For one, he physically couldn't, but for two, he couldn't find the strength. 'Why does everything with you come back to Lady Amber?'

Loras gaped at him. 'Everything does _not_ come back to Amber!' He bit back, unable to control his temper at that remark. Amber? The only reason he'd asked was because he wanted to know if she'd told Renly she was leaving. He didn't… Amber wasn't… It was too late at night for this, he decided.

'If you say so.' Renly replied with a shrug, shifting his gaze back across the room. Loras felt a sadness in that but he couldn't place why.

'I do say so. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that everything with _you_ hinges on Lady Amber. I've not known her long, she's known you for years.' When Renly turned back to look at him, he instantly regretted saying it. It stung to see the taken aback look in his lord's eyes and the slightest hint that he'd angered him. He had to remind himself that Lord Renly didn't get angry. He'd told him to speak freely.

But then he broke a smile and actually laughed. 'Brilliant.' He said with a grin.

'What is?'

'You!' He said, a smirk playing on his lips. 'It's better entertainment than a week at a tourney to wind you up.'

'I should imagine you don't find tourneys too entertaining anyway.' Loras muttered, folding his arms and sending a glare in Renly's direction. That only made him laugh again.

'I don't like entering tourneys, sure enough, but I don't mind watching them.' He said, a hint of something else in his voice that Loras couldn't decipher. He just stayed silent and watched him. 'But you are very amusing to wind up.'

'I'm glad you find it so funny.' Loras said flatly.

Renly chuckled to himself and shook his head. 'I'm sorry.' He said with a grin that said he wasn't sorry at all. What he did next Loras knew was a friendly gesture, but it scared him all the same. Renly put his hand on Loras' ankle through the sheets. Loras felt his whole body tense up.

'Sorry.' Renly muttered, immediately retracting his hand. 'Accident.' He decided, only then to change his mind. 'Friendly. I mean, it was a gesture. Well, I think-'

'Alright.' Loras cut him off. It confused him seeing Renly get flustered about things, it was such a rare sight. He noted that he only seemed to get that way around him. He put that aside and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Renly only really had Lady Amber's company and how you talk to a woman is very different, Loras told himself. Amber wouldn't flinch at that sort of touch even if she wasn't completely in love with him. Besides that, it seemed that Renly had spent most of his time alone. 'I just wasn't expecting it.' Loras added eventually, realising his original response may have seemed harsh.

'Right.' Renly said quietly. 'Because I'm sure your brothers and sister never made friendly gestures towards you.'

Loras had to bite his tongue to stop himself saying something stupid. Granted, Renly had the right of it, his brothers were always play fighting with him – well, Garlan, anyway – and he'd often play games with Margaery and let her cuddle up to him at night. He was used to affectionate gestures. Just not from Renly. For some reason it made him nervous. He knew it was irrational, Renly was only trying to replace the love he didn't have from his own brothers, Loras told himself. Stannis never seemed too affectionate and Robert was in King's Landing. It was only natural he'd want a replacement brother.

'I'm just saying,' Loras continued. 'I understand-'

' _No_ ,' Renly interrupted him this time, something darker behind his tone. That really frightened Loras. 'you don't. How could you possibly understand? Even Amber knows the truth of it all she still can't understand!' His raised voice sent chills down Loras' spine. He didn't know the protocol for when something made Renly angry. What was he meant to say? He recoiled as much as he could but it was a little difficult when he'd already pinned himself against the wall behind his bed.

'I… I just…' Loras stammered, trying to locate at least a few words. 'I only meant that… you don't have too many people your age here… Your brothers are older, I mean. You just…' He drew breath and forced himself to think. 'I'm your _friend_ , Renly. If you want to make friendly gestures, you have every right. Like I said, I just wasn't expecting it. I can hardly even see you, for a start.' He said it all even though he felt like they were talking about different things. What did Amber have to do with anything? What truth did she know? All these things about Amber frustrated Loras. He liked her well enough but she knew everything he didn't. She was a Lannister, she didn't even belong in Storm's End! Loras then had to remind himself that neither did he. If there was anyone who did not belong at Storm's End, it was a Tyrell.

'Thank you.' Renly said eventually, his voice considerably quieter. 'You're right. I suppose I just lack some company nearer my own age. I'm used to having Amber around and she's very… well, you've met her, after all.' He sighed and dropped himself back to lie at the foot of Loras' bed. He now felt glad he'd moved his legs. 'If that's the only thing that bothered you about it then… well… good. Thank you.'

'You've said thank you already.'

'I know.' He said quietly, and Loras heard a small laugh. He couldn't help but share it. 'You really are quite insolent, for a squire, aren't you?' Renly asked him, turning to face him and propping himself up on one elbow. The small amount of light from the window managed to fall exactly on Renly's eyes, those glittering green eyes. Loras was lost for a moment, just watching the moonlight dance in his eyes. He swallowed and forced his attention elsewhere.

'I suppose I am.' He said eventually. 'But you told me to speak freely. And you said we were friends.'

'So did you.'

'Because we are.'

'Yes,' Renly agreed. 'we are.' He pushed himself up off the bed and straightened out his clothes, only then turning back to Loras. 'Well. It's probably about time I got back to my own chambers.' It was only then that Loras observed that Renly was still dressed in the same clothes as before, he hadn't changed for bed.

'Weren't you sleeping?' Loras asked him. 'You know, before you came down here?'

'No.' Renly shook his head. 'I couldn't sleep.' He sighed and made for the door. 'Goodnight, Loras.'

Loras tried to fight what he did next, but he couldn't keep it back. Something was clearly bothering Renly, he wasn't even sleeping. And Loras felt like he still owed him something after his own gross overreaction to Renly touching him. It was friendly and he jumped back like some startled maid.

'Renly,' He started. He waited until he'd turned back to face him before he continued, still trying to wrestle with his conscience to stop himself. 'what if I was a little scared of the storm?'

He heard Renly laugh again as he walked back across the room and leant on the bedpost to look back at him. 'And what would you have me do if you were? Heavens forbid I should try and comfort you. I'd put my arm around you and you'd burst into flames.'

'That's not fair-'

'I'm joking.' He said with a grin. 'But in all seriousness, what do you want me to do?'

Loras shrugged. He'd not thought of that yet. 'I don't know.'

Renly sat back on his bed again, lying down to stare at the ceiling at the bottom of the bed. 'Well, I'll just be here when you decide. Staring at the ceiling. Waiting.' Loras smirked at how backwards this is all was. Here he'd got the lord of Storm's End waiting at the foot of his bed for his squire to make up his mind.

'I'm your squire.' Loras reminded him. 'You're supposed to be ordering me around, not the other way around.'

'I'm perfectly content taking orders from you.' Renly answered. 'I've never been very good at commanding people, anyway. I've discovered they're more likely to do what you want them to if you ask nicely.'

Loras snorted at that. 'Try telling that to every other lord in Westeros.'

'I should try telling it to the king, first.' He grinned at Loras before he took up his position staring at the ceiling again. 'Anyway. What do you want me to do? Hug you? Play a game? Only, it's a little cold where I am, and I'm not going to lie, I'm not going to sleep at the foot of your bed.'

'I don't know many games.' Loras confessed. Games in Highgarden revolved around the ability to go outside, and in this weather, that seemed unlikely.

'So the hug's out of the question then.'

'I told you, that's not fair.'

'Are you even tired?' Renly asked him suddenly, turning over to look at him.

'I suppose not.' Loras answered honestly, before glancing back. 'Why?' Renly just raised his eyebrows at that. He wasn't overly fond of the distrusting way Loras had asked why.

Renly sat up. 'Do you want to go outside?'

'In a storm? Are you mad?'

'That will be the Targaryen blood.' Renly told him. 'Come on, Loras, where's your sense of adventure?'

'In Highgarden.' He said flatly.

Renly just gave him a playful look. 'There's this place in the woods where there are so many trees they shelter it from the rain.'

'I'm sheltered here.'

'Yes, but I want you to come and meet someone.'

'Someone who lives in the woods?'

'Yes.' Renly answered indignantly. 'It sounds ridiculous, and in a way it is, but she's lovely. She's brilliant. She can see things other people can't. Honestly, you'll regret it if you don't meet her.'

Loras considered it, his eyes flitting back to the window. 'In the morning.' He decided. When Renly looked back at him disbelievingly, Loras just shook his head. 'I promise, we can go in the morning. I don't want to go outside when it's like this.'

'It'll still be raining in the morning.'

'I know but… but it won't be…'

'It won't be _dark_.' Renly finished his sentence for him. Loras didn't want to admit it, but the idea of going outside while it was this dark scared him. He'd get over it eventually, he knew. He'd have to. He was going to be a knight, and knight's weren't afraid of the dark. But he also knew that unknown things lurked in the dark, especially in the woods.

'It's alright, you know.' Renly told him. 'It's natural to be scared of the dark.' Loras just looked at him, willing him to stop talking about it. He knew it was pointless, though. He buried his head in his pillow and turned away. He was allowed a few moments of peace before he felt Renly's hand on his shoulder. He didn't flinch this time but he still couldn't place why it made him so anxious. He let himself be rolled back over as Renly had chosen to sit on the other half of his bed. Loras glared up at him.

'Can we stop talking about this now, please?' Loras asked him, remembering what he'd said before about asking nicely.

Renly sighed and shrugged. 'If you want to.'

'Just let me go to sleep and tomorrow we'll do whatever you want.' Loras told him. Renly only laughed and smirked at him.

'If you say so.' He said. 'Shall I go now?'

This time Loras didn't have to fight his conscience, he made the decision without consulting his brain first. 'No.' He told him, throwing him a half of the blanket. And that was the end of it. Loras turned back over and went to sleep, not catching the confused look on his lord's face. He stayed there, nonetheless.


	6. Chapter 6

Sunlight woke Loras up first. He squinted at the curtains, thankful the storm had cleared away the rain. He smiled. Then he remembered he wasn't alone. He got out of bed and just observed his lord, still sleeping. He looked so peaceful lying there, breathing lightly and mumbling a tangle of words in the pillow. Loras smirked at him as he watched. He'd noticed by now that waking up wasn't something Renly was too good at. He then noticed something on the floor by the door. He walked over, careful to be quiet so as not to wake his friend, and picked up the small note.

_Renly – I have an early lesson this morning, I didn't want to wake you. Or interrupt. Take your pick._

Amber

Loras stared at it, re-read it and almost dropped it. Interrupt? Interrupt what? Loras swallowed as some kind of realisation set in. Surely Amber didn't think… why would she think…

'Loras, what's that?'

This time he actually dropped it. He stared back at Renly, wide-eyed, before he got to the floor and picked it up again.

'Note from Amber.' He said hurriedly. He quickly folded it in his hand. 'I didn't read it.' He passed it to Renly and tried to keep his composure. Renly raised an eyebrow at him.

'If you haven't read it, how did you know it was from Amber?'

'Oh.' Loras said quietly. He didn't need to say anything else. Renly smirked at him and then lowered his eyes to read the note. The smile dropped. He cleared his throat and folded up the note.

'I should really go.' Renly told him, getting up out of bed and pocketing the note. 'I'll go and get dressed. You should… you should go down to the yard. Or maybe Ser Cortnay needs some help with something.' He quickly made for the door. Loras snapped, finally having had enough of this kind of behaviour. Whatever Amber had meant in the note, Loras didn't care.

'Renly,' Loras caught his arm, which made Renly instantly stop in his tracks. Renly looked back at him, for once not looking confident. 'I thought you wanted to go and see that girl? The one you said lived in the woods?'

'You still want to go?'

'You wanted me to go, remember?'

'And you still want to?'

'Of course I do.'

Renly smiled at him. Not his usual brash kind of smile, but a real smile that told Loras he'd genuinely made him happy. 'Alright. I'll change and come back for you.' He flashed him a grin and left his room. Loras sighed and leaned against the door once he'd gone. What was he doing? Somewhere in his head he knew what Amber meant, but he refused to acknowledge it. He didn't want to ruin this friendship he'd built no matter what his head was telling him.

He got dressed and sat by his window, waiting for Renly. It was the voices outside his door that dragged him away from it. He got up and leant closer to the door and recognised Amber's voice, as well as Renly's. It was from further up the stairs, he could tell.

'You _can't_ do this, Renly.' Amber told him sternly.

'I'm not! I'm not doing anything!'

'Prove it.'

'You said it yourself, you're convinced he has interests in _you_ , so why do you suddenly doubt that?' Loras hoped to all the seven gods that they weren't talking about him, but he knew they probably were.

'Because it's you!' She hissed back. 'You're very persuasive when you want to be.'

'Amber!' Renly almost growled at her. He was clearly offended by that notion. 'I would never do that. It pains me that you'd think that of me.'

'I'm sorry.' Amber answered, but it was clear she wasn't. 'But you have to admit, you're hardly trying to hide-'

'I've heard enough.' He snapped at her. Loras took a step back from the door so it didn't look like he'd been listening. He was still confused though. He had no evidence they were actually talking about him at all. What did Amber think Renly was doing? They were friends… didn't Amber want them to be friends? The door opened and Loras nearly jumped out of his skin. Renly observed him with a smirk.

'Alright?' He asked casually, leaning against the wall as Loras took a deep breath and forced a smile.

'Fine, yes.' He answered eventually.

'Don't believe everything you hear Amber say.' Renly told him. 'Lannisters lie. If there's anything you learn from your time here, remember that. Lannisters lie, Loras. Which makes it even more difficult to tell when they're speaking the truth.' He said with a grin.

'I wasn't… I didn't hear-'

'Yes, you did.' Renly laughed. Loras smiled a little when he realised Renly didn't seem annoyed that he'd been eavesdropping. 'You're a Tyrell, you all make it your business to know everyone else's.' He said with a shrug. 'I've heard the tales about your grandmother.'

Loras allowed himself a laugh at that. His grandmother really was a fine example of what Renly was trying to illustrate. He opened the door and gestured for Loras to follow him. They left the castle together and headed for the stables.

'We're riding there?' Loras asked.

'It's not too far,' Renly told him. 'but it's quicker on a horse. Obviously.' He beamed at his squire as they entered the stables. The stable boy smiled politely at them both and gestured towards two horses near the other exit to the stables. After that he shuffled away. Loras watched him go, thinking what a strange boy he seemed.

'He doesn't speak often.' Renly informed him. 'He's a little shy.' Loras just nodded and turned his attention to the horses. Renly stood by a big black horse, sleek but well built. Of course it was black, Loras thought. Everything with Renly was planned and matched. This horse matched his hair. The other horse was a chestnut brown. Loras went to saddle Renly's horse for him, and he simply stood back and let him do it. Loras saddled his own then went to help his lord into the saddle.

'You don't have to do that, you know.' Renly told him as Loras adjusted the straps once he was on.

'Stop moving and I'll have it done quicker.' Loras told him, a little annoyed at how Renly seemed unable to just stay still. Loras clamped his hand down on Renly's leg to make his work easier. That did the trick alright, and he had to look up to make sure Renly was still okay. He looked a little flushed but nothing Loras would notice with a fleeting glance. 'Besides,' Loras continued. 'isn't it my duty as a squire? To saddle your horse and make sure it's strapped correctly? If you die falling off a horse, I'm certain that's my fault.'

'Yes.' Renly answered, his voice oddly tight. 'Maybe you're right.' And that was all he said. Loras moved to his own horse, got up and tightened his own straps, then looked back at Renly. He gave him a slightly awkward smile before he led his horse out of the stables. Loras shook his head. He would never understand Renly Baratheon, he thought.

Renly, on the other hand, was struggling enough to understand himself, without Loras Tyrell. He was glad of the cool breeze, as he was more than aware of how hot his face felt. Why did Loras have to put his hand on his leg like that? Renly knew it was only to make him keep still but he'd shocked himself with the effect it had. He had to really think about other things while he could still feel his squire's hand on his leg. He knew he shouldn't feel the way he did. He knew he thought Loras was… attractive. But Jaime Lannister had a certain appeal and Renly knew he'd never have reacted like that to the Kingslayer. What was it about the Tyrell boy? He tried to fight it, he really did. He knew it was wrong. He knew Loras would never look at him like that. But he also knew he couldn't ignore the feelings he got when Loras had touched his leg like that.

'Are you alright, Renly?' Loras called out to him, his horse catching up to him as they left the castle grounds.

'Of course.' Renly told him, forcing what he hoped was a convincing smile. It seemed to work as Loras just smiled back at him.

'Only you seemed a little… distant in the stables.'

'It's nothing.' Renly assured him. 'I was just thinking about something.' It wasn't a lie, as such. He just conveniently left out what it was he was thinking about. Loras shrugged and accepted the story.

They journeyed out of the village and onto the dirt path that led into the woods. Light was flickering through the trees and casting shadows of dancing leaves across the grassy floor, the sound of rustling green leaves following them. Renly was reminded of how much of a child of summer Loras really was. He knew nothing of hardship. Renly admitted he himself was hardly accustomed to winter, but he remembered the Siege of Storm's End. That was his winter. He didn't hold a grudge about it, that was half the reason Loras had been sent to Storm's End - a peace offering. The Tyrells were worried that Renly would hold a grudge, and now Robert was on the throne, it was a dangerous position to be in. Heavens forbid the Tyrells fall out of favour with the crown. But Renly didn't care for the politics of it all. Stannis would hold a grudge, he knew. He still held a grudge over Edric and was likely to hold it forever. But Renly didn't have the energy to hold grudges, they only ever ended in bad things. He'd rather forgive and try to forget.

'Renly?' Loras started as they tied up their horses as the trees grew too thick to lead them through. It was a maze of tree trunks and Renly knew from experience it was easier to walk from here. 'Can I ask you something?'

'Of course.' He told him, although Renly had the feeling this was a question he didn't want to be asked.

Loras looked a little uncomfortable as he tried to find the right words. Renly could almost hear it before he said it. 'What did Amber mean in that letter? When she said she didn't want to wake you up, or interrupt?'

'The letter you didn't read?'

'Yes.'

Renly couldn't help but smirk as he heard him answer. He couldn't deny himself the feeling that he enjoyed spending time with Loras. 'Can't you work that out for yourself?' Renly asked him, almost knowing the answer.

Loras just looked at him. He was trying, Renly knew, but he was too green for all this. He knew about knights who rescued fair maidens, not the secrets and lies of Storm's End.

Renly sighed. 'I don't think you really want to know, Loras.'

Loras flashed him a harsh look. _Tyrells don't like being kept in the dark_ , Renly reminded himself. 'You and Amber are keeping this secret that I don't know.' He said glumly. 'Whatever it was you talked about last night, when you said that even Amber knew about it but still couldn't understand.' Loras stopped walking, forcing Renly to stop and look at him. He didn't want to do this. Out of all the people he didn't want to explain this to, he'd rather have this conversation with Stannis than Loras. He'd got nothing to lose with Stannis. Loras was his friend, the closest thing he'd ever had to a best friend, and he didn't want to lose him. It was almost a foregone conclusion that Loras would completely exclude him once he knew his secret. Even Renly was still confused about it. He shouldn't feel the way he did about men. He knew that, but it didn't stop it being true. Even deep down he knew there was nothing _wrong_ about it, but that wouldn't change the minds of everyone else. They didn't understand.

'Look,' Renly said with a heavy sigh. 'if you really want me to tell you, I will. We're friends, we don't keep secrets, I understand that. But I'm going to warn you, Loras, and take this seriously – when I tell you that you don't want to know, I mean it. Chances are it will make you sick to the pit of your stomach and wish more than you've ever wished that you could go back home. Now answer me this, do you want me to tell you? Or do you want a while to think about it?'

Loras swallowed and observed his lord. Those impressive eyes. Loras had to admit, he was a little scared now. Whatever this secret was, Loras was uncertain about it. Maybe Renly was right, maybe he really didn't want to know.

'I'm sorry.' Loras said eventually. 'I'll think about it. It's your secret, if you want me to know, you'll tell me.' He told him. He noticed a faint smile ghost along Renly's lips on hearing him say it. 'But whatever it is, I'm sure it wont make me sick.' Loras said with a shrug. 'I'm not sure there's anything you could say that would make me want to stop being friends with you. It can't be that bad.' He continued as they resumed walking through the wood.

'We'll see.' Renly said with a sigh. 'But thank you.'

'He won't run, Renly.' A voice from above rang through the trees.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the support on this guys:)) [alys in this chapter is not a canon character... i didn't realise she might be similar to one until i read the last book. just saying haha]

Loras stared up, hunting for the owner of the voice but Renly just smiled and didn't bother trying to locate them. The voice was female and it was only after a moment that a girl jumped down from the branches of a tree in front of them that Loras found the owner. She was around his age, with long chocolate hair and big brown eyes. She smiled at them. She was wearing a ripped green dress with clearly borrowed breeches underneath. Loras didn't want to contemplate how she'd acquired them.

'Alys.' Renly greeted her with a grin. She returned it happily, then turned to Loras.

'Ah, you've brought a friend with you.' She commented with a strange look. 'Loras Tyrell.' She said with a smirk.

'How did you know my name?' Loras asked her cautiously.

'I know a great many things.' Alys said mysteriously. She turned her back on them and started walking off into the trees. 'Come.' She called back, gesturing for them to follow her.

'So, she lives here?' Loras asked quietly as they followed Alys through the trees.

'For now.' Renly answered with a shrug. 'She moves around a lot.'

'Where's she from?'

'I don't know.' He said with a sigh. 'She's told me half a dozen different stories. Whoever she is, I've given up trying to find out.'

Alys was sitting in the shadow of a tree when they caught up with her, leaning against the trunk and staring at the leaves above her.

'What did you mean when you said she could see things other people couldn't?' Loras asked in a whisper. Renly was about to reply with Alys snapped her attention back to them.

'He means that I can see things that might happen in the future.' She told him with a smile. 'You might say I have green dreams.'

Loras just looked back at her blankly. He knew the phrase but he'd never paid too much attention in his lessons, he'd always been more interested in practising with swords.

'Sit.' Alys told them. Loras did as he was told but he still wondered about her. She never addressed Renly the way she ought to. She didn't seem to be anything she ought to be. From her actions and mannerisms Loras noticed something else, something that in any other situation he'd have attributed to someone being highborn, like good posture and eloquence. But she couldn't be. She lived in the woods, why would she be highborn?

'So,' Renly started. 'anything to report?'

She smirked and just laughed to herself. 'You're going to King's Landing next week, aren't you?' She didn't wait for an answer. 'And yes, I do have something to report. I had a dream about it. There was a rope bridge between two towers, one was the Red Keep and the other was Storm's End and the bridge stretched out all the way between them, going on for miles. And you were standing in the middle of it, torn between both sides.'

'Why would I be torn between King's Landing and Storm's End? This is my home.' Renly told her confidently. Loras just watched him, looking between him and Alys. She shook her head with a sigh.

'Stop interrupting me and I might tell you.' She said with a grin. She took a breath and reset her expression to continue her dream. 'So, you were stuck on this bridge. Your brother, the king, was at the Red Keep and…' She stopped talking and her eyes met with Loras'. He tried to look confident but he was certain it wasn't working. Alys cleared her throat and drew her gaze back to Renly. 'Your _friend_ was at Storm's End.'

'What does all that mean?' Renly asked her cautiously. He was more concerned that her dream involved Loras than anything else, and he became even more aware that he wasn't alone.

Alys sighed like it was obvious. 'It means that your brother is going to ask you a question, something important, and whatever it is will force you to make a choice as to whether leave Storm's End.'

'Whatever it is,' Renly answered her quickly. 'it won't make me leave. Like I said, this is my home.'

'That's why it will take you nearly a year to answer.'

'A year?'

'You have other things to factor in.'

'Such as?'

Alys' eyes flitted back to Loras and she bit her lip. He could tell she knew something more about him but for some reason she didn't want to say what. Loras felt a little better about this secret since both himself and Renly were in the dark about it.

'I can't discuss that.'

'Why?' Renly laughed. Alys only looked away, she didn't seem to find it amusing at all.

'This isn't funny.' Alys said softly. 'This is about your life.' She glanced back at Loras as if she could barely find the strength to say it. 'Lives.'

Renly followed her gaze, exchanged a confused look with his squire, then looked back at Alys. 'I don't understand…'

' _Yes_ , you do.' Alys replied forcefully. 'You didn't, but now you do. What do you think will keep you here? Yes, it's your home and that's lovely, but this was Robert's home, too, and he left do something more important. He'll offer you the chance to do something more important, so why shouldn't you take it?'

'I don't know. Why don't you tell me?' Renly asked her, his tone showing how bored he was getting of her dodging his questions.

Alys' eyes widened a little as she glared at him. 'I can't!' She all but screamed. 'I'm influencing you if I tell you and that's wrong. I might not be right about this, they don't always come true. And if I'm wrong and I tell you then… then…'

'You told me about Robert's offer.' Renly reminded her with a decidedly sour expression. 'You've never withheld things before.'

'I need to withhold this.' She told him strongly. 'It's for your own good. The thing about you, Renly, is that you… you're not…'

He rolled his eyes and threw a harsh stare in Alys' direction. ' _I know_.'

'But him,' she nodded back at Loras. He got that strange feeling that he ought to be anywhere but there. 'he doesn't know that. Not yet.'

'What do you mean – yet?' Renly pressed.

'You're going to make him understand.'

'What?'

Alys let out an exasperated growl and shook her hair off her shoulders. 'I don't know when, I don't know how, but you are. And you,' she let her eyes fall back on Loras. 'don't think I don't know about you.'

'I'm sorry?' Loras asked quietly, wondering what he'd done to merit the attention. Alys had never even met him before today! How would she know anything about him?

'Seven hells.' Alys muttered, running her hand through her hair. 'You're trying to stop yourself but you can't hold back forever.'

'I don't know what you're talking about.'

She shut her eyes and lowered her head. 'Just go, please.'

'Alys, I'm sorry if-' Renly tried to say.

'I've said too much.' Alys cut him off, her voice suddenly soft. 'Please leave.' Renly gave her one last sorry look before he picked himself up off the floor. Loras got up as well and followed his lord back through the wood and away from Alys. Neither of them spoke until they reached their horses. Renly was too busy mulling over the information he'd received, wondering what is was about Loras Tyrell that would make him refuse an offer from King's Landing. An offer from Robert. But he had no doubt in his mind that it was true, Alys had only confirmed it. Loras, on the other hand, was more confused than ever. He now knew that there was something he didn't even know about himself! He'd left Alys with less information than he started with! He couldn't even fathom how that was real.

'I'm sorry about Alys.' Renly told him eventually, noting that his squire didn't bother to help him with the straps on his saddle this time, he seemed too pre-occupied. 'She's normally much more pleasant.'

'It's fine.' Loras answered flatly, as they made their way back through the woods. He noticed the worried glances Renly was throwing in his direction but did nothing about them. In all honesty, Loras was worried, as well.

'Like she said, sometimes these things don't even happen at all-'

'I said it's fine.' Loras told him almost through gritted teeth. He rode on ahead, leaving Renly to do nothing but stare. He eventually made his own horse catch up, though it took some effort. He didn't say anything when he caught up, he thought it was better to say nothing than say the wrong thing. He'd learned quickly that it was easy to get on the wrong side of Loras Tyrell. They tacked the horses back up and walked through into the yard, where Loras still said nothing, only went across to the armoury and picked up a practise sword. Renly sighed and watched him start a fight with a dummy.

Eventually, Loras turned back to him, having calmed down a little. He waved him over and Renly was more than happy to oblige, he'd only wanted to give his squire time to simmer down.

'Want to practise?' Loras asked him, moving the sword around in the air. Renly took a cursory step backwards.

'Are you sure?'

Loras raised an eyebrow and smirked. 'I think I can handle it. It's you who should be worried.'

'It's just, you're so…' Renly paused to look for the right words for someone as easily offended as Loras. 'delicate.'

'Delicate?' Loras spat back. ' _Delicate_? Grab a sword, I'll show you how delicate I am!' All the time Renly had given him to calm down had been wasted on his choice of words. Delicate. He cursed himself for not being able to find a better word. He humoured him and went to get himself a sword, too. Renly knew he was never going to be the best swordsman, and he knew Loras would talk for hours about his own skill if you'd let him, but Renly had had his fair share of practise, whether he liked it or not.

Loras circled him for a while, watching and noting things in his head, playing with clever footwork. He took a swing at Renly, if only to judge his reactions. Renly blocked it easily enough but after he saw the smirk on his squire's face he knew he'd done something wrong, even if he didn't know it himself. He tried to get a shot in himself, Loras blocked it, and again, and again. He kept blocking the swings until Renly practically had him backed up against the wall of the yard. It was at this point Loras turned the game around.

'Worn out yet?' Loras asked him, making a swing for his leg. Renly just about deflected it, but gave no answer. This only made his squire grin at him. Loras took another shot, this time catching Renly in the side of his arm. He took a quicker shot to the other side, catching him in the ribs. He was too fast! He got in another shot and managed to knock Renly to the floor with an unusually strong swing to his hip. Loras held his sword lazily above his lord's throat.

'Yield?'

'Yield.' Renly confirmed, gently pushing the practise sword away from him. Loras held his hand out to help him off the floor. Renly got up and dusted himself down.

'Well done.' He congratulated Loras breathlessly.

'Thank you.' Loras replied with a shrug. He didn't seem too pleased with himself.

'Looking for a real opponent, Loras?' A voice called from across the yard. They both turned to look as Lady Amber approached them, not in her traditional attire of a dress. She'd got her blonde hair tied back with a ribbon and was wearing breeches rather than skirts. Loras had to blink a few times before he'd believe it, while Renly only laughed.

Amber took the sword from Renly and held it up, examining it. She accepted it and raised an eyebrow at Loras. 'Sparring, were you?'

'I suppose.' Loras answered unsurely.

'Was that what you were doing last night?'

Renly let out a nervous laugh before he gave Amber a friendly push. She didn't seem deterred by it. She shrugged and held the sword up again. 'No matter. How about sparring with me, Loras?'

'I don't know if-'

'Do you have a problem fighting with a woman, Loras?'

'Of course not, I just-'

'Good. Come on then.' She led him back towards the middle of the yard. By now a few of the household staff had gathered to watch, including the master at arms. Loras observed their expressions and realised they didn't seem as shocked as he was to see Amber holding a sword. _She's had training_ , he thought. He was already too far gone now, he's agreed to do this, there was no going back now. He was no craven. He could beat Amber, just as he'd beaten Renly. He noticed Lioness sitting on the fence at the back of the yard. Even the cat looked smug.

Amber started the circling. Her confidence made him nervous. He was going to be a knight, he shouldn't be nervous about this! But then he reminded himself that as a knight he'd never have to fight a woman, this was completely unusual.

She took the first swing, too, making a precise cut for his side. Loras dodged it but he still didn't like it. He bit back his conscience, the idea that he shouldn't strike a woman, and made a counter swing for Amber. She deflected it with her sword, smirking as she looked at him from under her sword. She took another attempt, striking him in the arm. He bit his tongue to stop himself reacting to it, but Amber seemed to know this. She knew she made him nervous and she was playing on it.

Loras made a few more swings for her, she deflected them every time. He couldn't understand how she was moving so quickly! He knew that he himself was light on his feet, but Amber seemed to be practically walking on air. Or dancing, as it appeared.

'Come on, Loras, you can do better than this!' She teased with her infamous smirk. Loras only glared at her. He didn't like being taunted, but he liked it even less when he knew she was winning. He could have sworn that Lioness laughed at that, even though he was well aware that cats couldn't laugh.

He made another strike and managed to catch her in the shoulder, but she barely seemed to feel it. She took his momentary confusion as an opportunity to make her move and struck him hard on his side, catching his ribs and forcing him to the side. She pressed on and gave him a shove in the chest with the flat of her sword and sent him crashing to the floor. She lightly placed her foot on his chest, her sword pointing back down at him. He glared up at her.

'Do you yield?'

'No. Kill me with a practise sword.'

'Don't tempt me.'

'Fine.' Loras muttered. 'I yield.' Amber removed her sword and pulled Loras off the ground.

'You're good.' She told him as they put away the swords.

'You beat me.' Loras said quietly.

She gave him a pitying look and smiled. 'Yes, but I spent my childhood watching Jaime Lannister train. I learned from the best.' She gave him another smile before she walked back out of the yard. Renly grinned at him. Loras only returned it with a sour look as they began walking back into the castle.

'I am sick of hearing about Jaime bloody Lannister.' Loras muttered angrily. Renly found it all very amusing but he tried not to let it show.

'He's a great knight.' He said, trying to be diplomatic. It wasn't a lie, everyone knew of Jaime's skill.

'Yes, he is.' Loras all but growled. 'Does that mean he needs to be mentioned in every other conversation? No.'

'You're not too dissimilar to Jaime Lannister, yourself, you know.' Renly told him as they reached Loras' chambers. Loras kicked the door open and for a moment Renly thought he was about to slam it behind him. He didn't and Renly followed him inside.

'I'm not dissimilar?' Loras answered, turning back around to face Renly. He could see the fury behind his eyes and it scared Renly just a bit. 'To the Kingslayer? Is that supposed to be a compliment?'

' _Yes_!' Renly tried to back himself up but it didn't seem to be working. 'Jaime Lannister is a talented knight, so I am saying you are as well. That's a compliment, isn't it?'

'If you say so.' Loras mumbled, folding his arms and sitting down on the edge of his bed. Renly shut the door and moved over to sit next to him.

'Take it however you want to. I think you're talented. That is a compliment.' He told him with a sigh. He was sick of fighting with him.

Loras took a moment before he managed a smile. 'Thank you.' He said, before falling back onto his bed and looking back at his lord. 'Amber was a surprise, though.'

'Yes.' Renly replied with a grin. 'Amber tends to do things like that.'


	8. Chapter 8

Eventually Renly left and Loras tried to get some sleep. It was dark outside, but Loras was thankful there was no thunder and lightning tonight. Yet he still couldn't sleep. He spent hours sitting in the window staring out at the bay. He didn't like it but he was becoming more accustomed to it. Alys was still playing on his mind, her words haunted him. He wanted to know what it was about himself he hadn't realised yet. Alys seemed very reluctant to talk about it. And the topic she wouldn't even tell Renly bothered him even more, since it appeared to concern them both. He could only try to decipher the information she had given him, about her dream. Although Loras couldn't even work that out. Why would he ever be the reason Renly didn't want to go to King's Landing? Whatever the offer was that the king was going to make him, Renly ought to do it. He couldn't understand why Renly wouldn't go just because of him!

A door slamming upstairs broke his thoughts. He knew instantly it would have something to do with Amber, he'd learned that loud noises tended to follow her. He heard footsteps before Amber's door slammed, too. He presumed the first slam was her leaving Renly's chambers and the second entering her own. He sighed as he knew what he had to do. Renly had come to him last night when he was worried he was scared of the storm, now Loras should go upstairs to see if Renly was alright. Amber was scarier than any storm.

He opened his door as quietly as possible and crept past Amber's door as lightly as his feet would go. He opened the door to Renly's chambers without asking, mainly so he didn't alert Amber by knocking. He found Renly sitting on the other side of his bed, his head in his hands. Loras didn't really know where to put himself since his lord hadn't acknowledged him. He shut the door quietly and approached his friend, perching next to him on the edge of the bed. He put his hand on Renly's shoulder in an attempt to be comforting. Loras presumed Amber had broken the news she'd be leaving.

He heard a faint laugh as Renly raised his head to look at him. He took Loras' hand off his shoulder.

'You don't need to.' He told him, forcing a smile. Loras could tell he'd been crying and was trying to hide it.

'You're upset.' He said, not entirely sure how he was supposed to be acting. Renly only smiled weakly. Loras replaced his hand and this time his lord didn't move it. Neither of them said anything for a while.

'Amber's leaving.' Renly said eventually. 'And it's my fault.'

'I'm sure it's not your fault-'

'It is.' He said surely. 'If I'd just asked her to marry me, this would all be fine.' He sighed and ran his hand through his dark hair. 'I need a haircut.'

'It looks fine.' Loras didn't know where all this was coming from, who was he to comment on his lord's hair? Why did he comment at all? It probably didn't even require an answer!

Renly gave him a confused look but there was too much else going on in his head for him to try and fathom why Loras had answered him at all. He dropped his head back into his hands.

'Lannisters pay their debts, Loras.' He muttered darkly. 'Amber was meant to marry here and she's leaving without that. That means I've angered Tywin Lannister and that is never a good idea.'

Loras gave his shoulder a light squeeze. 'I'm sure it'll end alright.'

'No, it won't.' Renly seemed certain about this. 'I've earned myself a lifetime of Tywin Lannister trying to repay this _debt_. And it's not as if my family aren't in enough debt with the Lannisters as it is!' Loras didn't know what to say to that. He had no idea about this kind of thing at all. He put his head on Renly's shoulder and just sat there, hoping maybe this would be friendly enough that he wouldn't need to say anything.

'This must be killing you.' Renly laughed quietly. 'You've got your head on my shoulder – did you mean to or are you feeling unwell?'

'It was an accident.' Loras said quietly, repeating Renly's words from last night. He heard Renly laugh again but Loras didn't move away from him. Truth be told, he was quite content to sit like that for as long as Renly wanted him to.

'You do realise the chances of me facing Jaime Lannister in the tourney have increased tenfold, don't you?' Renly said with a sigh. 'Just so I can have the humiliation of being defeated by someone infinitely better.'

'You're entering the tourney?' Loras asked, slightly astounded by this revelation.

'I have to.' Renly answered. 'Robert would enter himself if they could find armour to fit him.' Loras didn't voice it, but he couldn't help but agree. King Robert had managed to put on a considerable amount of weight since taking the throne. 'I don't mind taking part, I know I won't win, so it's all a lot of fun and the people seem to like me in King's Landing… but Jaime will be out to inflict some pain not just knock me off my horse.'

'Even if he does,' Loras said quietly. 'I'll take your revenge.'

Renly laughed and moved back to lean against his bedpost and look back at his squire. Loras tried to force a smile but he was serious about his threat to the Kingslayer.

'Thank you, Loras.' Renly told him, the smile still emblazoned on his face. Renly would never say so, but he was worried about Loras entering the tourney. He knew his squire had talent and that he had the potential to do well, but he also knew that Mace Tyrell would never forgive him if another of his sons was crippled and Renly had been the one to allow him to enter in the first place. But of course, he knew Loras would take it as a personal offence if he told him.

'Why did Amber slam the doors?' Loras asked suddenly, remembering the noise that had alerted him to the event. Renly sighed and folded his arms, the smile slipping from his face.

'She got quite upset and she told me something I probably should never have heard. Needless to say she didn't get the response she was looking for.' Renly said sadly. Loras felt a little guilty, since he knew Amber had probably told Renly she loved him and it had been Loras who'd asked why she never told him. He tried to persuade himself that ultimately Amber made that decision herself and she did say Renly would never reciprocate it.

'What did she say?' Loras questioned, keeping his voice to a whisper since he wasn't sure if he should have asked.

'It doesn't matter.' Renly said with a shake of his head. 'It's nothing I can do anything about. But it's when I tried to defend my position on the matter that she flew into some kind of rage and stormed out.'

'You seemed pretty upset yourself…'

Renly didn't reply for a while and Loras had hoped he hadn't said too much. It looked as if his lord was trying to bite back tears and his voice only confirmed it. 'She said some horrible things, I don't even want to repeat them.' He took a deep breath and finally looked back at his squire. 'She's got an extensive range of vocabulary.'

Loras just nodded and said nothing more. He didn't quite know what to do. He wanted to comfort his friend but had no idea how to do that. If his sister had got upset by something he'd pull her into a hug but this was… different. For some reason it didn't feel right.

'Can I ask you a question, Loras?' Renly asked quietly. For once Loras knew how it felt when he asked his lord that same request.

'You don't need to ask.' He replied. Renly gave half-hearted smirk at the response before continuing.

'Why did you come up here? Why didn't you go to Amber?'

A silence lingered for a while after Renly asked his question. Loras didn't actually know the answer. He hadn't planned to answer it. He swallowed and tried to focus on something else in the room, anything to make himself think quickly. It wasn't working. He couldn't even be honest because he didn't even have an answer for himself, he'd never even entertained the idea of going to Amber.

'I don't know.' He half whispered. Renly smiled at that, the same kind of smile he wore when Loras told him he still wanted to go to see Alys despite Amber's note.

'Did you think about going to her?' Renly questioned, his voice equally as quiet. All the noise from outside had vanished, there was no sound of leaves or rain, just silence and their whispers.

'Honestly?' Loras sighed, finally meeting his lord's gaze. 'No.' And that only brightened Renly's smile. He couldn't find the effort to hide it. Amber was wrong. Loras didn't have feelings for her, he'd just proved that. Renly knew it was never going to be what he wanted from Loras, but just knowing he didn't have feelings for Amber was enough. Loras was his friend and that was all, Renly was very aware of that, but it didn't stop him being happy about it. He was glad to have the Tyrell boy as a friend, even if that was it.

'Thank you.' He told him. Loras was glad of the darkness then because he was certain his face would be a shade of red. 'Are you prepared for the tourney, Loras?'

'Yes.' He answered surely. That was something Renly could be sure of, Loras would always have this stubborn confidence. And he was equally certain that he would always find it more than a little bit attractive.

'Excellent. I might stand a chance of winning that bet with Littlefinger, then.'

'You're actually going to do it?' Loras couldn't hide his shock at that. He thought Renly had said it to make him feel better, he didn't think he was serious.

Renly shrugged. 'If you're as good as you say you are, I don't see a reason why I shouldn't.'

'I hope you won't regret it, then.'

'I won't regret it even if you lose.' Renly said quickly, though he wished he hadn't. Loras stared at him but didn't try to decipher what that meant, for which Renly was grateful, he just didn't have the strength to find an explanation. 'It's getting late. Thank you for this, Loras, you should get back to your own chambers.'

Loras started to move off the bed, but seemed to think better of it. He took a moment to collect himself but then turned back to his lord. 'I could… if you wanted me to… I mean, you stayed with me…' Renly almost laughed at his attempt to string a sentence together. He was impressed by the efforts Loras was going to, though.

'No,' he answered him, forcing a smile. He knew it wasn't a wise idea to make a habit of this, no matter how much it would please him. 'you've done enough. I couldn't ask you to go any further out of your comfort.'

Loras didn't move an inch, which confused Renly no end. Surely he didn't actually want to stay, this boy who flinched when he so much as touched him? 'What if I won't go?'

Renly couldn't help but laugh at that. He should have known, deny something to someone as stubborn as Loras and that will suddenly become the thing they want most, even if they had no interest in it in the first place. 'Loras, if you truly want to stay, I'm not going to throw you out. I just don't believe you _do_.'

'We'll see then, won't we?' He answered flatly, folding his arms and raising one eyebrow. Renly shook his head and sighed, but still couldn't wipe the smile from his face. He tried to bite it back when he got into bed and felt the sheets move on the other side but it was too difficult. He turned away from Loras so he wouldn't notice his smile.

'I'll still be here in the morning, you know.' Loras said, his voice echoing through the room.

'I don't doubt it.' Renly answered softly. He lay there for what seemed like hours, listening to Loras' small breaths after he'd fallen asleep. He wanted to turn over and look at him but he just couldn't. He was too worried Loras would wake up and see him. He knew his infatuation with his squire wasn't right. Renly was his protector, of sorts, he should never be having such thoughts about him. He turned onto his back, allowing himself one fleeting glance before he forced his eyes onto the ceiling. Loras mumbled something incoherent in his sleep and shifted his position, nuzzling his head against Renly's neck. He bit his tongue in surprise at that, even more so to force himself to think of something, _anything_ else. He half resented Loras for making him feel this way, even though he was unconscious. Why did he have to cuddle up to him like that? Renly would never be able to sleep like that, he'd be too scared of the effects if he didn't keep full control of himself. He was tempted to get up and splash some cold water on his face, but he was almost certain Loras would wake up and take offence at it. And even though Renly knew he'd never sleep with Loras next to him like that, he'd rather not sleep than for him to go.

It was the creek of the door that made Renly glad he was still awake. He all but jumped out of the bed, surprised Loras hadn't woken up, and skidded to the door, making certain the visitor wouldn't be able to see into the room. It was Amber.

'I'm sorry, Renly,' she started, her eyes still red and her voice small. 'I shouldn't have said those things, I-'

'It's perfectly alright, don't trouble yourself with it.' Renly told her quickly, trying to subliminally urge her to keep her voice down, while at all times trying to block her view into the room.

'You're a better man than I give you credit for.' Amber told him. She glanced down the stairs before looking back. 'Is Loras okay? I knocked on his door earlier but he didn't answer.'

Renly hoped he'd be able to lie smoothly, Lannisters were not people he'd choose to lie to unless absolutely necessary. 'I don't know.'

Amber studied him carefully. Renly tried his best to keep his composure but he was sure he wasn't doing a very good job. He'd spent half his life lying about things but for some reason this was different. This was a different kind of lie. This wasn't hiding something, this was hiding some _one_. He'd never had to do that before.

'Can I borrow a book?' Amber asked him, though he was sure her motives were not searching for reading material. 'Only, I couldn't sleep.'

'Oh… erm, well,' Renly glanced back into the room, where Loras was still asleep in his bed. 'you should really try and get some sleep, Amber…'

'If I could read something, I'm sure I'd fall asleep in no time.'

He bit his lip as he tried to think of another reason to keep her out of his chambers. She probably already knew something was amiss, he'd never stopped her before.

'Don't you have your own books?' Renly asked her, desperately trying to find something to keep her away. Amber raised her eyebrows and now Renly was very aware that she knew something was going on.

'You didn't…' Amber hissed, her golden eyes fixing her gaze on him. He swallowed hard and tried to find a response. He wasn't quick enough. 'Renly, you need to be careful with this. I don't what you're doing with him, but…'

'Nothing.' He told her forcefully. 'We're friends. I'm his _lord_ , Amber, I'm supposed to be training him, taking care of him-'

'Seems like you are.'

'Besides, he's not here.' Renly told her, hoping he could keep the pretence up while his temper was up. Amber weakened her gaze a little and softened her expression.

'Alright.' She sighed. 'I believe you.' She took another glance down the stairwell. 'For what it's worth, I don't think he's… like you.' That disheartened him more than it ought to have. It was alright for him to tell himself Loras would never see him that way, but it hurt a lot more to hear someone else say it.

'I know.'

Amber could hear the heartbreak in his voice and it dispelled any disbelief she had before. 'Goodnight, Renly.' She said with a sigh, forgetting about wanting to borrow a book. She didn't want one anyway, it was just a ploy. For all she knew Renly could have any number of reasons for not wanting her in there.

Renly shut the door with a sigh of relief. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Loras sitting up and watching him.

'Was that Amber?'

'Yes.'

'Does she know I'm here?'

'No.' Renly told him, then thought better of it. 'I don't think so.'

'So she probably does, then.' Loras said with a smirk. Of course he could smile about it, he didn't know the real implications of it all. Renly wanted to smile back but he just couldn't bring himself to find the humour in it.

'How long have you been awake?'

'A while.' Loras replied with an unreadable smile. That sent nervous shivers down Renly's spine. A while? Was he pretending to be asleep when Amber came to the door? If he was, how long had he been pretending before that?

'Okay.' Renly said slowly. 'Were you…'

'Listening? Yes.' He answered honestly. Renly should have known better than to ask, Loras was always so brashly honest. Renly suddenly froze, that meant he heard what Amber said. He heard her accusations and how she didn't think Loras was like him and what she thought they were doing!

'So you…'

'Heard everything? Yes.'

'Stop finishing my sentences.' Renly told him, surprised at how tight his voice had gone. Loras just smirked at him.

'Then tell me the truth.' Loras said, leaning forwards as Renly approached him cautiously. 'Tell me what it is, this secret you and Amber know and I don't. Alys already told you I won't run.'

'She also said I'd _make_ you understand.' Renly muttered. 'And she said she's sometimes wrong. Alys says a lot of things.' He perched himself on the edge of the bed, keeping a safe distance between Loras and himself, something his squire took obvious offence at.

'I think I already know.' Loras told him quietly, his gaze not wavering. 'It doesn't… offend me, or repulse me.'

'It doesn't?'

'Why should it?'

Renly wanted to smile with relief, but he couldn't stop the nagging feeling that Loras didn't fully understand.

'Just _tell_ me!' Loras finally lost his patience, leaning forwards a little more in his attempt to force Renly to talk. He looked away and stared at the floor. 'I want you to tell me. I want you to make me understand. I want to hear you say it.'

Renly smirked half-heartedly at the floor. 'I somehow think you misunderstand the term _make_.'

'I want to understand.' Loras persisted. 'We're friends, aren't we? You know so much about me but I all I want to know is this one thing about you. Please.'

Renly took a deep breath. Maybe it was for the best that he told him, he didn't want Loras drawing his own conclusions. He also didn't want to give himself the false hope of a friendship with Loras when he didn't even know his biggest secret. 'Fine. But you asked for this. If you don't like what you hear, you chose to listen.'

'Alright.'

Renly cleared his throat and tried to summon enough courage to say it. Every inch of his being was telling him this was wrong. 'I… I look at men the way I'm supposed to look at women.' He said, choosing his words carefully. Loras' expression didn't change. 'Did you hear me? That's why I couldn't… with Amber, I mean. I couldn't do that because she's a woman and… I just don't feel attracted to women.' Still Loras just watched him. 'Are you even listening?'

'Yes.' He said calmly. 'I'm listening.'

'Then why are you still here? Why haven't you got up as fast as humanly possible and bolted through the door?' Renly could feel himself getting annoyed about it, even though he didn't want Loras to do any of those things, he knew it was the reaction Loras was meant to have, the reaction Renly was expecting.

'Because it doesn't scare me. It doesn't make me feel sick. It doesn't make me respect you any less.' Loras told him. 'And mostly, it doesn't make me want to stop being your friend.'

'Really?'

'Really.' Loras confirmed. 'Can we just go to sleep now?' He yawned and stretched back out on Renly's bed. He could scarcely believe his senses.

'You… you still want to stay here? In my bed? After I just told you that?' Renly asked him, shock evident in his voice. Loras only looked up at him and smirked.

'You told me you like men, you didn't say you had a fondness for rape.'

'Well, no, but…' Renly didn't know how to respond to that, he was too surprised that Loras still wanted to sleep in his bed. Next to him. 'Doesn't it scare you? Even a little bit?'

'No.' Loras told him defiantly. Why was this so difficult for Renly to understand? Loras had known before he'd even said, there was just a part of him that had known from the start and decided to block it out. After Amber's letter he'd had an inkling about it, but pushed it to the back of his mind. He trusted Renly, he was his friend, he saw no reason why anything should change. 'I want to go to sleep.' He said truthfully. 'Can't we just go to sleep?'

Renly nodded. He was sure Loras Tyrell would never cease to surprise him. 'If that's what you want.'

'It is.' Loras threw him the other half of the sheet. Renly had no choice but to oblige him and get back into bed. He sighed and just watched as Loras re-arranged himself to get comfortable. Renly turned away from him and Loras let him.

Loras stared at the ceiling and tried to fit everything together in his head. He hadn't lied when he said it didn't repulse him or scare him. It didn't bother him in any way. That, in itself, was the problem. Loras knew he should have reacted the way Renly assumed he would, he should have ran out of the door and written a letter home, begging desperately to leave. But he had absolutely no intention of doing so. In truth, Loras didn't even need Renly to tell him his secret, he'd done his own research. It wasn't a lie when he told Renly he'd been awake for a while, he just didn't tell him exactly how long. But what frightened Loras was not the reaction he got from his lord, it was the reaction he got from himself. He knew it was wrong when he cuddled up to him, he felt guilty for it, but he needed to know. He caught the hitched breath from Renly when he felt him so close, but it was the effect that had on Loras that was the problem. He was glad when Renly got up to open the door because in actual fact he didn't know how much longer he could keep up pretending to be asleep like that. He hadn't expected his own heartbeat to thump so loudly he could hear it in his ears and he hadn't expected to feel himself blush. And that was what scared him. Loras finally understood what Alys was saying about him, about there being something he didn't even know about himself. He refused to believe it for now, convincing himself that it had just been a difficult day or that Alys had accidentally influenced him and it would be gone by tomorrow.


	9. Chapter 9

Loras threw himself into his training for the last week before the journey to King's Landing. The main reason was because he desperately wanted to do well in the tourney but his second reason was that it would keep him away from Renly. They'd barely spoken to each other all week. Loras had made a point of illustrating how tired he was after training, or insisting on taking a bath straight after, anything to keep Renly out of his way. He knew his lord would probably feel insulted, he'd think Loras had reconsidered his stand on Renly's sexual preference, but at this point Loras didn't care what reason his lord gave for his absence. He just wanted to focus on the tourney. He could deal with… everything else after.

Amber, on the other hand, wouldn't leave him alone. It seemed that she'd chosen to stay with Loras over Renly now that they spent so much time apart. She didn't always speak, sometimes she just watched him train. She asked him on many occasions why he'd been spending so much time alone but he always told her the same thing: he was preparing for the tourney. Dinners were slightly more awkward since, as Amber already had her issues with Renly, she seemed embarrassed every time he looked at her, and Loras was trying to keep his distance for his own reasons. It was on the second to last night when it finally got the better of Renly. They were eating dinner in the hall with a few select others, just a quiet dinner as usual. Amber had said absolutely nothing while Renly tried to entice her into conversation in between trying to force Loras to talk about something. Anything. But he gave one word answers or simply nodded. Eventually, Renly slammed his cup down on the table, wine spilling out of it.

'If you had a problem, Loras, you should have said.' He half shouted at him. The others in the hall seemed to be intently pretending not to hear. 'But don't act this way, it won't achieve anything. If you've got something to say, then say it.' Loras just stared at him, nothing but shock resonating in his head. He couldn't find any words. 'Craven.' Renly muttered, getting up from the table and storming from the hall. Loras exchanged a wide-eyed look with Amber. He knew he should go after him but he also knew it would do himself no good. The feelings he'd told himself would go away had not. All he could think to do was distract himself in the hope he might forget. He knew it was a forgone conclusion that he wouldn't, but it was his last hope.

He tried to stop himself going after him but the look Amber gave him was telling him he had to. He knew that when Amber told you to do something, it was generally the thing you ought to do. He was just lucky she didn't command him to do it. He sighed and got up from the table, leaving the hall and walking into the storm of that night. Rain was coming down in sheets and the sky was completely black. Loras wasn't happy in these conditions but he forced himself to find his friend. He checked his chambers, but that was too easy, of course he wasn't there. There was only one place he could think of to check. He went down to the stables and found the black horse gone. He'd hoped he was wrong but he took the chestnut horse anyway and left the stables, putting the horse into a gallop. He was completely soaked by the rain but he knew he was doing the right thing. He had to keep shaking his hair off his face as the rain pressed it to his skin and curls slipped near his eyes. He found the edge of the woods and slowed down the horse, looking for any kind of sign. It seemed like he'd been wandering around the woods for hours, but he knew he couldn't have been. Eventually he found the black horse tied to a tree by a clearing. He dismounted and tied up his own horse, cautiously walking into the clearing. There was still no sign of Renly but Loras got a little pre-occupied when he saw that this clearing was on the edge of a cliff. He peered over the edge and instantly took a step back, his stomach doing flips as he saw how high up he was.

'It's quite a drop, isn't it?' A cool voice called from somewhere nearby. Loras spun around, instinctively reaching for his sword. He stopped when he saw Renly sitting against the base of a tree at the edge of the clearing. 'You shouldn't have followed me.' He told him coldly.

'You're wrong.' Loras told him, having to raise his voice to compete with the rain as he approached him. Renly only glared at him. It physically hurt Loras to see Renly look at him that way but he tried not to let it show. 'I've been training, I haven't been avoiding you.'

Renly rolled his eyes and smirked darkly. He got up from the floor and faced his squire. Loras was instantly reminded of how much more well built Renly was in comparison.

'You don't have to lie.' Renly spat back, his voice raising more than was needed against the rain. 'You can tell me. Go on, tell me how sick it makes you feel to even look at me! Did you run to the Sept after I told you? Pray for my soul? Or pray that I wouldn't _corrupt_ you?' He yelled at him, his voice steadily increasing in volume. From the wavers in his voice Loras knew he was trying to stop himself crying, even though it wouldn't matter with the rain.

'No!' Loras shouted back, desperate to defend himself. 'That's not what I think at all! I told you already, you're my _friend_ and nothing's going to change that!' Renly turned away from him, pacing, before turning back around.

'You're a liar. You're like everyone else! You and Amber, you're both as bad as each other!' His voice seemed stronger now, which scared Loras even more because it meant Renly believed what he was saying. 'In fact, you're worse! You should have run when you had the chance! But you didn't, you stayed. You spent the rest of the night in my bed, convinced me we were still friends, when all along you're _just like everyone else_!'

Loras tried to answer him but he felt a catch in his throat. He couldn't remember the last time he'd actually cried. He swallowed hard and tried again. 'I'm not like everyone else! I don't care what everyone thinks! You're always going to be my friend and it's not a lie when I say that I don't want to run! Why can't you just believe me?'

'Give me a reason to!' He shot back, nothing but anger in his piercing green eyes. 'You've been avoiding me even when you aren't training! We used to talk after you trained but you don't even want me around then! You won't talk to me at dinner! Why should I believe you actually want to be friends?'

Loras had to look away at that point. He could feel hot tears on his cheeks. He knew Renly wouldn't notice because of the rain but he still didn't want him to see. 'Because I'm telling you! You should believe me because we are friends!' Loras wanted to tell him the real reason he'd been staying away from him, but he knew it wasn't a good idea. That would only make things worse. Renly didn't answer him this time, he just shook his head and looked away, over the edge of the cliff. His lack of reaction only angered Loras. First he wouldn't believe him, now he wouldn't listen.

' _Look at me_!' He all but screamed at his lord. Renly took his time but eventually placed his eyes back on his squire. Loras had to take a deep breath just to calm himself down. 'It actually hurts that you'd believe I thought that of you. You're the best friend I've ever had and I'm not just going to let you believe those things you've said! I've said it once, and I'll say it again. I am not sickened by you, I'm not repulsed by it, it doesn't scare me and I will _always_ want to be your friend. Do you understand?' He didn't realise until he'd finished speaking how erratic his voice sounded as he tried to force the words out when his throat was so tight from crying. Renly watched him for a little while longer, but eventually his eyes softened.

'Alright.' He said finally, his voice barely audible above the rain. Loras finally lost his anger over the subject and threw his arms around his lord, pulling him into a hug. He just wanted to cry into his shoulder. 'Are you crying?' Renly asked him as Loras still didn't let go of him. He nodded, unable to speak. Loras felt his friend tighten his arms around him and just let him stay there for a while. Loras let go of him after a while, not quite sure what the do with himself afterwards. After all his attempts to stay away from Renly, he'd just gone and done that. He didn't even feel guilty.

Loras spent the next day training but he sought Renly out once he'd finished, which seemed to brighten his lord's day. They spent a few hours talking about the tourney and King's Landing before going to dinner, which was less awkward than the previous night by a long shot. Loras had given up all attempt to try and keep his distance, it was proving impossible so he stopped trying. In all honesty, he didn't want to keep his distance.

He went to bed feeling more than content about his situation. The rain had lasted all day but had finally stopped so he was glad he might be able to get a good night's sleep. He sighed happily and put his head back on his pillow. He had tried to make sense of what his real feelings were towards his lord but he couldn't fathom it out, so he just let it be. Whatever it was, Loras was perfectly content being his friend and he was happy to believe that was all he wanted.

The door opened with a creek. Loras didn't even need to look to know who it was, even though neither he nor Renly had been in each other's rooms at night for a week.

'Are you asleep?' Renly whispered through the darkness.

'No.'

'Good.' He heard Renly take a few more steps towards him. 'Get up, then. It's Amber's last night and she wanted to do something special.'

Loras sighed and took a few more moments in the comfort of his own bed before he sat up to observe his friend. 'I thought you and Amber…'

'We got past it. I think it finally hit her that she's going to be leaving tomorrow.' Renly shrugged then found his sense of urgency again. 'Hurry up!'

'Fine, fine.' Loras got out of bed and found something to change into, he didn't feel too comfortable going outside in his night clothes.

'Oh, can you swim?' Renly asked him suddenly, as he dragged him towards the door.

'Yes…' Loras answered slowly. 'Why? We can't go swimming now, it's the middle of the night!'

'It's fine.' Renly told him surely, leading him down the stairs and out into the yard. From there they took a small path through some small trees and shrubs and down a dirt track path. It brought them out at a cliff edge. Loras swallowed. He wasn't altogether too fond of cliffs. Amber was sitting on the grass near the edge, wearing her breeches again. She grinned at them.

'I've missed this.' She said happily. 'Has he told you what we're doing?' Amber asked Loras, who shook his head slowly. Some part of him didn't even want to know what they had planned. Amber got up and grabbed his hand, taking him to the edge of the cliff. He stared down at the sea below them. They were over a cove protected from the harsh waves, where the water was calm. It wasn't _too_ high above the water, but Loras dreaded to think what they were doing there.

'We're going to jump off.' Amber told him, squeezing his hand.

'No.' Loras said instantly. 'Not a chance. I'm not jumping off. You're crazy.' He turned back around as Renly just smirked at him. 'Both of you, you're mad.'

'It's not that high.' Renly told him with a shrug. 'It's fun, really.' He was trying to be reassuring but it wasn't helping.

'I changed my mind.' Loras said quietly. 'I can't swim.'

'Too late.' Renly laughed.

'It's really fun, Loras. For that whole distance, you're flying.'

'And then you hit the water.' Loras said flatly.

'It doesn't hurt.' Amber told him, rolling her eyes. 'Stop being such a woman.' She gave him a light push but it frightened him, her doing it so close to the edge. 'Look.' She said, stepping right onto the edge and holding her arms out to her sides. She glanced back at him. 'Watch.' And she jumped off the edge. She let out an excited scream as she flew through the air and then dropped into the water. She resurfaced and shouted back that it wasn't scary. Loras still didn't believe her. He watched her start swimming onto the pebble beach of the cove.

'It's nothing to be scared of.' Renly told him. 'It sounds ridiculous, but it's really not frightening.'

'I don't believe you.' Loras muttered, too preoccupied with the distance between himself and the water to look back.

'Well, do you want to stand up here on your own?'

'No.'

'Come on, then!'

'I don't want to do it.' He glanced back at him and Renly saw that there was genuine fear in his eyes.

'You'll be fine.'

Loras only shook his head and looked back over the edge. It wasn't getting any closer to the water.

'Do I have to?'

'Yes.' Renly told him with a grin. Loras allowed himself a small smile back before he took a deep breath.

'Alright.' He said finally. 'But I'm not doing it on my own.'

'I'll jump with you.' Renly said. 'It's fine.' It was when Loras hand his hand out to him that it became a little more complicated. He knew there was only a certain amount of time he had to deliberate before Loras would look back at him knowing something was wrong. Renly told himself to stop being stupid, there was nothing wrong with it. The boy was scared, this was natural. He took his hand and they stood on the edge of the cliff.

'Ready?' Renly asked him.

'No.' Loras answered miserably.

'Good.' And with that Renly pulled them both off the cliff. Renly actually liked jumping off, it was something he and Amber had decided might be fun just after she moved to Storm's End. She was always adventurous and when he was younger, so was Renly. He hit the water and submerged, quickly resurfacing and wiping the water from his eyes. Loras shook the water out of his hair, he was gasping for air since he'd held his breath the whole way down.

'Are you okay?' Renly asked him. Loras nodded but said nothing. 'Loras?' He looked back at him. 'Can I have my hand back?' He felt Loras instantly retract his hand, looking slightly flushed. Renly thought nothing of it, he was probably embarrassed about being scared. He started swimming towards the shore, checking back to make sure Loras was following him. Amber had already settled herself on the beach, having started a small fire and warming her hands by it. She was still smiling. That was all Renly wanted to do, make sure she enjoyed her last night. He knew she was scared of what would happen when she went home, she was just trying to hide it.

'See?' She said when she saw Loras approaching. Renly lent him a hand getting out of the water and they approached the fire. 'It's not too bad, is it?'

'I'm not going to do it again.' Loras said sullenly. Amber only laughed as they sat down.

'He enjoyed it really.' Renly said with a grin. Loras only shook his head. Amber smirked at him then fixed her eyes back on Renly. She raised one eyebrow and didn't need to say anything else. Renly looked away, focussing his gaze on the rippling water of the cove instead. He would have to be careful when they got to King's Landing. It was alright in Storm's End, the consequences of people finding out Renly's secret weren't as severe and it was easier to keep a secret here. He'd heard that the walls had ears in King's Landing.


	10. Chapter 10

They started the journey to King's Landing the next day, with a host of knights and horses and respective others. Ser Cortnay was perfectly capable of looking after things while Renly was gone, he had no doubt about that, since he practically ran everything even while Renly was there. Loras seemed excited to finally be going to the tourney, while Amber just looked sullen. She didn't even break a smile as Edric said goodbye to her. Once he was safely out of sight she burst into tears and hadn't spoken a word since.

It took them a few days to get to King's Landing but Loras was glad when they did. He'd never been to King's Landing before and couldn't help but be excited by all the bright colours and the sound of life. Renly seemed completely unaffected by it, but Loras reminded himself that Renly had been there before, this was nothing new to him. They rode through the city and approached the Red Keep. Alys' words were still playing in Loras' mind but he tried to push it to the back of his mind and focus on how beautiful everything was here. They were assigned rooms in a tower of the Red Keep and Loras could only raise his eyebrows when he saw that his room was right next to Renly's. He, however, did not seem surprised by this.

'They take squires very seriously here.' He told him. 'Be thankful you're not a squire in Kings Landing, Loras, you'd be pouring wine and fetching people from across the city all day and night.' Loras could only nod as he opened the door to his own chambers. They were decorated with the finest taste, he had to admit, as there were silk red curtains and drapes over the four-poster bed. But he still knew he'd miss his own chambers back at Storm's End. He looked out of the window, quickly realising he could see the tourney grounds from there. He couldn't help but grin. He couldn't quite believe that tomorrow he'd be on that tourney ground with a horse and a lance trying to win the title. It made his stomach churn but he was excited beyond belief. First, he had to attend the feast that night. He was happy about that, too, since he knew he'd be able to see his family again. As much as he'd enjoyed his time at Storm's End he still missed home.

An hour before the feast there was a knock on his door. When he opened it there was no one there but it didn't take him long to figure it out. He just smiled to himself and opened the door to Renly's chambers, where he was stood beside his bed, studying a few different outfits.

'I don't know which.' He said, not even bothering to look who it was that had entered, he already knew.

'You think I can help with that?' Loras asked him flatly, joining him by his bed to stare at the clothes.

'No.' He answered flatly. 'Just pick one.'

'But you're the one who's going to have to wear it-'

'Just do it.'

Loras sighed and glanced back down at the clothes. He honestly couldn't find a topic he cared less about than what clothes his lord would wear to dinner. They all bared the House sigil so Loras really couldn't see any reason why any of them were wrong in any way. His own tunic had the Tyrell rose pinned at the top but he hadn't spent hours deliberating over it. He shrugged and picked the middle set.

'Thank you.' Renly said with a smile. 'You're wrong, but thank you.' And he picked up another outfit the put the rest away. Loras just shook his head. Why bother asking him to pick one if he'd already made up his mind? Loras turned away while Renly changed and he sat in the window seat, looking out over the same tourney grounds he could see from his own window. He was still unable to bury the excitement about the tourney starting. He saw Lady Amber out of the window, sitting on the ground under a tree, petting Lioness. The cat was content to go back in her cage all the way to King's Landing, she'd just ridden happily along with Amber's luggage. He hadn't seen Amber since they arrived and Loras could only hope she was in a better mood, although he doubted it. She'd hardly said a word since they started the journey unless it was necessary. She'd already changed for dinner, Loras could see her in a red and gold dress. Lannister colours. He had no doubt she was trying to win back her family so she might be married to someone she liked half as much as Renly. Though she already knew she'd never love anyone quite so much. Loras felt sorry for her, although he knew she wouldn't want his sympathy, he just couldn't help it. She put on this hard exterior to everyone else but he knew better than to believe it. She did a good job of convincing people but deep down she was just as weak as everyone else.

'Ready?' Renly broke his thoughts as Loras tore his gaze away from Amber. He got up, straightened out his clothes and nodded. They walked down to dinner together but it seemed unnatural when Loras took another route to go and sit with other people. Renly knew that was the way it had to be here, there were more rules than in Storm's End, but it didn't mean he had to like it. On the other hand, Loras got to see his family here. Renly could tell it meant a lot to him as he watched his squire approach his brother at another table and get pulled into a fierce hug. For a second Renly's eyes met with Loras' brother's, but then Renly turned away and went to find his own seat closer to his own family. He saw Robert on the top table and something in his heart sank. He remembered what Alys said about being made an offer he'd wait a year to decide upon. That time was approaching faster than he'd like. He saw Jon Arryn, the Hand of the king, sitting with his pregnant wife. He wanted to feel sorry for Lysa Arryn, she never quite looked happy about anything, more like she was always making do. And she hardly ever looked at her husband. And he hardly ever made a sideways glance in her direction. Renly sighed. So this was how he was going to spend the evening. Loras got to see his family and have a happy reunion, and Renly got this. He saw his niece and nephews, and Joffrey gave him a cold stare. Renly knew Joffrey had never been overly fond of him, but the feeling was entirely mutual. Then he felt even colder eyes on him. He knew without looking who was watching him. Cersei Lannister. He met her gaze almost daringly. She offered him that typical Lannister smirk but it was so much frostier than when Amber did it. He glanced around the room to find her but he heard her first.

'Are you going to stand here all evening?' Amber asked him quietly, appearing by his side.

'I thought I might.' He answered flatly. Amber allowed herself a weak laugh before taking his hand in hers and leading him up to the table. Amber herself was allowed a place on there tonight, to sit with her cousin, the queen. Renly was thankful when he saw that Amber was separating himself and Queen Cersei, but he knew that once the food was over and the drinking began everyone swapped places anyway. There was no way to avoid both Cersei Lannister and King Robert. But he could put it off as long as possible.

'Amber.' Cersei greeted her with what Renly thought a curiously fond tone. She embraced her cousin and kissed her cheek before they both sat down again. She merely looked at Renly, raised her glass and that was that. Renly didn't expect anything else as he offered a similar greeting of simply 'Your Grace' and curt nod. He'd never had any specific reason to dislike Queen Cersei but from the way Robert talked about her, it would win him no favours if he befriended her.

'Ah, Renly!' Robert's voice came booming over all else. Renly forced a smile as he stood again to go to his brother. He knew Robert wouldn't come to him yet would still expect Renly to move to him. Robert clasped him on the shoulder before pulling him into a hug that Renly feared might genuinely break his ribs. 'Always so delicate, aren't you?' Robert told him with a laugh. Renly smiled back as he now realised how much it hurt being called delicate. He instantly regretted calling Loras that.

'You've sent Lady Amber on her way home, I see.' Robert continued, casting a very conspicuous glance down the table. 'Not a bad move, I'm drowning in Lannisters here – it's hell!' He said with another loud laugh. Renly knew his own smile had long ceased being convincing but he was never comfortable with Robert discussing Lannisters like this when Queen Cersei was sitting right next to him. She always pretended she couldn't hear but it was obvious she was listening. Renly thought it best to just say nothing. He returned to his seat and shrunk down into it. Amber cast him a sympathetic glance before Cersei engaged her in conversation again. He was allowed all of three minutes to himself before he heard his name again.

'And Lord Renly,' Cersei started, her cold green eyes finding his. He swallowed and tried to keep calm. 'you've let Amber come home unmarried.' She did not sound pleased about that.

'Really, it's alright, cousin-' Amber tried to interject.

'No, no it is not.' Cersei insisted, not once lifting her gaze from Renly. 'I want to know why. Amber is everything you could ever want in a wife and you've sent her back.'

Renly was slightly uncomfortable with her referring to Amber as if she was merely goods but he wasn't about to get into an argument about it. Amber drained the rest of her cup of wine and a page came to refill it.

'I…' Renly tried to say but the words caught in his throat. He didn't know what he was supposed to tell her. 'She was meant to marry my cousin… it felt wrong to marry her myself. And we never found his body…'

'You think he's alive?' Cersei exclaimed with a smirk. 'Honestly, how long has it been?'

'Four years.' Renly muttered but it was loud enough for her to hear.

' _Four years_.' She repeated spitefully. 'Four years you kept her there with absolutely no intention of marrying her.' She shook her head and gave him a sour look. 'Just remember, Lannisters pay their debts.' She said, remarkably calmly given the venom of her last statement. With that she turned back to spit some kind of thinly veiled insult at her husband. Renly let out the breath he'd been holding and leant back in his seat.

'I'm sorry.' Amber told him in a whisper, taking his hand under the table. 'She's taken it quite personally.'

'I don't blame her.' He answered her with a sigh. 'I've wronged you, I deserve to be punished.'

'No.' She told him determinedly. 'Never say that.' And that's where she left that topic.

Meanwhile, across the hall, Loras watched their conversation intently. He couldn't hear what was being said but it was obvious that the queen wasn't happy.

'Loras?' Garlan gave him a gentle push to get his attention back. Loras shook himself back into reality and looked back at his older brother.

'Sorry.' He muttered. 'My mind was elsewhere.'

'Clearly.' Garlan replied with a smirk. He followed where his brother had been looking. 'Lady Amber?' He asked him, raising one eyebrow. Loras swallowed and considered it was safer just to agree, given that he himself wasn't quite sure why he'd been looking in that direction in the first place. But he knew he wasn't watching Amber.

'Yes.' He hissed back at his brother. 'But don't say anything.'

Garlan gave him a fond smile. 'I won't, you can trust me.' He threw his arm around his brother again and gave him a squeeze. Loras knew he could trust him but he wasn't quite sure how much. He desperately wanted to talk to someone about his feelings, he needed to discuss it with someone who wouldn't judge him, or tell anyone. He knew his brother would do neither of these things but… there was something stopping him being completely honest with him.

The night dragged on, Loras managed to forget about his dilemma for a while and just enjoy his family's company. He still missed his sister, she had not come with them, but seeing his brother was more than enough. Eventually everyone started to leave.

Renly, on the other hand, was having a considerably rougher time up at the top table. Cersei had retired a while ago and taken Amber with her, leaving Renly with no one between himself and his elder brother, the king. Stannis was present but he'd eaten his meal in silence and left as soon as was acceptable. No one expected anything less. Robert, however, had insisted Renly drink to everything seemingly possible - Storm's End, King's Landing, the Crown, the queen - even when some of them were seemingly unrelated. Renly thought he remembered having to drink to Winterfell even though the Starks weren't at the tourney. He should have known better but Robert always managed to get what he wanted and it would seem he wanted his brother to get into his cups with him. Renly couldn't hold his drink as well as the king and it showed. He could barely sit up straight at this point, while Robert was still laughing and slamming his hand down on the table calling for more to drink. Renly couldn't see straight. The world seemed to be turning upside down and he had the horrible feeling he was going to be sick.

Loras had found other friends once his family had left. There was a small group of squires in the far corner of the room and he was invited to join them. Some of them seemed to know each other while others had only just met, so he didn't find it too awkward. In fact, he was starting to enjoy himself. A squire from Casterly Rock had invited him over in the first place, which Loras found considerably strange, but the boy wasn't a Lannister. He hadn't told him his surname but his dark hair gave him away. The only name he'd given was Ashlan, he'd even told him he could call him Ash for short. He'd made Loras feel very welcome in their little group.

Ash nudged him lightly and nodded towards the top table, where it was clear Renly was having trouble even trying to stand up. Loras could only sigh.

'You're his squire, aren't you?' Ash asked him. Loras nodded, his gaze not moving. 'I think he might need some help.'

'You're right.' Loras answered, going to get up from the table. Ash grabbed his arm, pulling him back for a moment.

'Come back once you've helped him upstairs. I'll be outside.' He told him. For some reason Loras didn't find it strange at all, Ash had this way of making it seem like they'd been friends for years. He'd got a warm kind of face and the way his dark hair fell across his eyes sometimes just gave him a puppy-like quality. Loras nodded before Ash let him go and he went to help his lord.


	11. Chapter 11

'Ah!' Robert's voice boomed out as Loras approached the table. 'What a good squire you are, boy!' He told him. Loras could tell it was meant as a compliment but it scared him all the same. It didn't really sink in that he was being addressed by the king. 'I wish mine were that good! I'm stuck with bloody Lannisters!' He laughed loudly at that, Loras could only offer him a weak smile as he approached his lord. Loras helped Renly put his arm around him and managed to get him to stand up properly before he helped him to walk out of the hall. He glanced back to see Thoros of Myr gladly approach the king to continue the drinking. Ash threw Loras a sympathetic glance as he watched him all but drag Renly outside.

'You're so… you're so kind, Loras.' Renly slurred as Loras kicked the door open to the tower their rooms were located in.

'And you're so drunk.' Loras answered dryly. He decided he didn't like Renly when he was drunk, he was difficult. More so than usual. Renly chuckled to himself at that and it seemed to keep him amused all the way up the stairs. Loras was exhausted once they reached the top. He forced the door open to Renly's room and all but dropped him onto his bed. He sat down himself, glad of the rest. He sighed and tried to get his breath back. He was competing in a tourney tomorrow, he shouldn't be using up his strength dragging Renly around!

'Loras.' He heard Renly say as he sat upright. 'Loras!' He tried again when he didn't get a response. Loras rolled his eyes and turned around to look back at his lord.

'What?' He asked flatly.

'You're my squire.' Renly started. Loras only raised his eyebrows. 'So… so you have to do what I say, yes?'

'Yes.' Loras said slowly, getting the uneasy feeling that he wasn't going to like what came next.

'So… so if I tell you to… to close your eyes, you have to do it.' Renly told him, even though he couldn't keep his own eyes focused. Loras just sighed and nodded.

'Do you want me to? Or are we theorising?'

'Yes, I want you to.'

'Fine.' Loras gave in to him, given his current condition he felt it was better to just agree. He shut his eyes and waited for whatever fate he'd be subjected to next. Why would Renly possibly want him to shut his eyes? Loras couldn't even find the strength to discuss it in his head. He sat there for at least a minute with no explanation. He was about to open his eyes to find out what in the seven hells Renly wanted with him, when he got his answer. He felt lips on his own. He didn't know what he was supposed to do, he was too shocked to react at all. Renly was kissing him. He just about got over the shock enough to realise that he hadn't pulled back. His instinct had not been to run. But before he could think any more or even try to do something, Renly pulled away. Loras opened his eyes, unsure of what he was meant to do, only to find that the reason his lord had pulled away was because he'd lost consciousness. Loras sighed and got up off his bed. He moved the covers over Renly and left him to it. He shut the door and leaned against the wall. The situation finally hit him. Renly had just kissed him. He'd kissed him. There was no question about it at all. And Loras hadn't backed away. He kept asking himself why he hadn't pulled back but he already knew the answer. He hadn't pulled away because he didn't want to.

It almost brought Loras to tears to realise it. He wasn't ashamed, it was just a shock. He knew he was trying to fight back those kind of feelings for Renly but he'd always told himself that he had nothing to worry about. He was being stupid. He was kidding himself. It wasn't really a concern. But it was. He knew that now. He knew he must be like Renly. He couldn't fight it back anymore, Alys was right, there was something he hadn't known about himself, but he did now. He couldn't tell himself otherwise. In all honesty, he'd _liked_ it when Renly kissed him. He hadn't stopped him because he liked it. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He knew his life wasn't going to be easy from this point onwards. He'd seen the trouble it was causing Renly and it was going to give him the same problem. What would happen when he was expected to marry? When he became a knight his father would expect him to marry and then what? What would happen when he couldn't do what was expected of him?

He sunk down the wall and crumpled to the floor, a fresh wave of tears escaping his eyes. He didn't know what to do. In his heart he knew he had those kinds of feelings for Renly, but it was getting the courage to say it. Then there was the terrifying thought that Renly wouldn't remember it in the morning and Loras would have to pretend it never happened, if only to save his lord's dignity. Or what if he told him? What if he told Renly what he did but that it was okay? He didn't get the chance to wonder about it anymore as hurried footsteps echoed onto the landing. He quickly wiped his eyes and stood up, just as Lady Amber appeared.

'Is he alright?' She asked breathlessly.

'Fine.' Loras said slowly, wondering why news of Renly being drunk had dragged Amber away from her evening with the queen. 'He's just drunk. He's asleep.'

'Okay.' Amber sighed, evidently trying to calm herself down. 'Thank you, Loras.' He realised her _thank you_ sounded like a dismissal. The kind of thank you that sends a servant out of the room once they've served their purpose. He stared at her, unable to believe Amber would dismiss him like this. They were friends…

' _Thank you_ , Loras.' She repeated indignantly. He nodded sadly and left her without another word. What in the seven hells was Amber playing at? He tried to consider that maybe her night with Queen Cersei hadn't been the easiest experience but he still felt hurt by her words. Besides, what could she possibly want with Renly while he was in that state anyway? He'd be no use to anyone until he'd sobered up.

Loras moodily kicked the door open into the yard outside the hall. It was only lit by a few torches around the edge and what little light the half moon was glowing onto it. He could still make out a figure in the corner of the yard, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. Ash. It brought a smile to Loras' face just to know that at least _someone_ was his friend tonight. He approached him and sat down beside him on the floor.

'Is he alright now? Your lord?' Ash asked quietly.

Loras shrugged, he couldn't even bring himself to care that much anymore. 'He'll be fine.'

Ash nodded and said nothing for a little while but that was fine with Loras, he was just enjoying the company rather than the conversation.

'Can I ask you something?' Ash broke the silence but his tone was hesitant. Loras nodded but it still took Ash another few moments to form his sentence. 'Are you… I mean to say, are you and him… I just mean-'

'No.' Loras answered flatly. He didn't even give a second thought to what Ash meant, he assumed he already knew. On a second thought, Loras realised that Ash could have been asking about anything, but for some reason he knew what he was being asked.

'Oh.' He replied. 'Alright. I just thought… I mean, you're so close…'

'We're friends.' Loras enlightened him a little more. He really didn't feel like elaborating any further into the matter, especially since Ash seemed to be able to pick up on these things.

'So if you're not…'

'Can we not talk about this, please?' Loras tried not to sound angry with Ash, but it was increasingly difficult given how desperately he did not want to discuss this.

'Of course. I'm sorry.' He said, his tone now back to his usual calming voice. 'You don't need to answer this, but just to let you know – it's not as uncommon as you'd think.' And that's where he left the topic. Loras didn't get the chance to comment on it if he'd wanted to, as Ash quickly addressed another issue. 'Are you competing in the tourney tomorrow?'

Loras had to take a moment to adjust to the rapid change in topic before he answered. 'Yes.' He said finally. 'Are you?'

Ash snorted and shook his head. 'Not a chance. I'm not nearly good enough and even if I was, my squire-master would never let me.'

'Who do you serve?' Loras asked him. He knew Ash squired for a Lannister, but he'd never found out which one. There was a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that he already knew.

'Ser Jaime.' Ash replied sullenly. 'He hates me.'

'It's probably because he's jealous.' Loras told him with a grin. It made him feel infinitely better about himself to know that he wasn't the only person who didn't particularly favour Jaime Lannister.

'I doubt that!' Ash let out a laugh. 'I'm useless! He's forever telling me just how useless I am!'

'Either way, I'm sure it's not true.' Loras told him surely. Ash gave him a thankful smile in return. 'Besides, Renly's convinced he's going to be unhorsed by Ser Jaime tomorrow.'

Ash raised an eyebrow. It took Loras a stupidly long time to realise his mistake. He'd called his lord by his first name and without his title. He swallowed and just looked down at his hands.

'You must be _very_ good friends.' Ash said with a smirk. Loras couldn't help but raise a smile at him as he gave him a light push. Ash grinned as he shoved Loras back considerably harder. This became somewhat of a play-fight as they lost track of who's turn it was to hit the other and just started pushing each other over on the floor, laughing. Loras realised he couldn't even remember why they'd started it in the first place, but he found himself not caring about reason. It was only at this point he realised what kind of a situation he'd put himself in. There he was, rolling over the floor with some other squire, lying on top of Ash like it was a perfectly acceptable thing to do. His smile faded as he pulled himself off the floor.

'I… I can't do this.' He stammered. Ash stared up at him from the ground and just nodded in understanding.

'I know.'

He wanted to respond with something, anything, but words failed him. He cast one last glance back before he turned away and went back to his room. He just wanted to be alone now to think things over. He had to remind himself that he was supposed to be competing tomorrow and worrying about all this was not going to help his chances. He lay awake for what felt like hours before eventually sleep found him.

Renly, on the other hand, had been sleeping for hours. He was woken up by the blinding sunlight streaming in from the window. He clasped his hand over his eyes and tried to block it out. He could hardly remember what happened after Robert made him toast to Winterfell. Everything was a mess after that. He had some vague recollection of Loras being around at some point but he had no idea why.

'Rough night?'

He nearly jumped out of his skin on hearing a voice from the other side of the room. He removed his hand from his face, squinting as he saw Lady Amber sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. She raised one eyebrow and smirked.

'Yes.' He mumbled in response, dropping his head back onto his pillow.

'You can't stay in bed all day.' Amber reminded him. He just groaned at the idea of having to compete in the tourney today. His head would be killing him and the fall from a horse might just finish the job.

'What happened last night?' He asked her, forcing himself to at least sit up. She sighed and gave him an uncharacteristically sympathetic look. He swallowed and prepared himself for the worst. Not many things earned an expression like that from Amber.

'Nothing.'

'Nothing?'

'Nothing.' She repeated, resetting her expression. He gaped at her. She'd given him such a look… and _nothing_ had happened? He had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he should be feeling guilty for something. Amber sighed and elaborated. 'You got well into your cups in the hall, Loras dragged you up here and you lost consciousness. And here we are.'

'That's it? I got drunk and Loras brought me up here. That's everything?'

'You were expecting something more?'

'I suppose…' He tried to read her eyes but she was a closed book. 'I feel like I ought to feel guilty about something… I just can't remember what.'

'Maybe you should ask Loras. I was with the queen most of the evening.' And with that she got up, straightened out her dress and made to leave.

'Where is Loras?' Renly called after her. She momentarily turned around.

'I sent him to the tourney ground to get ready. I suggest you do the same.' And with that, she left.


	12. Chapter 12

Renly found Loras on the grounds, in one of the tents they'd pitched up. This one was supposed to be Renly's to get ready for the tourney, but since Loras was his squire it wasn't strange that he'd be there. He shot him a curious, unreadable look when he saw him. Renly didn't like it.

'How are you feeling?' Loras asked him, caution very evident his voice. That instantly alerted Renly as to who he was meant to feel guilty about. He'd done something bad to Loras. What had he said? He still couldn't remember.

'Not well.' He answered honestly, all but collapsing into a chair. 'My head hurts and I don't even remember getting to my chambers. Amber says you helped me.'

Loras blinked a few times and looked away before he answered. 'Yes, I did. You could hardly walk on your own.'

'Well… thank you.'

'It's fine.' Loras said flatly. 'It's my duty.'

A few moments of silence passed between them. Loras was busy polishing Renly's armour, spread out across the floor. He didn't look up again. It was glaringly obvious he was trying to avoid looking at Renly.

'Loras, what happened last night? Did I do something foolish, or…'

His squire tensed, put down the polish and sat up. He took another few moments to look back. 'No. Of course not, why would you?' Renly didn't believe that for an instant. It wasn't in Loras' nature to lie, he already knew that, so he could tell that what he'd just said was not true.

'You're lying.' He told him quietly. 'What did I do?'

' _Nothing_.' Loras' eyes darted away again. Renly was feeling far to ill to deal with his stubbornness just now. He got up off his chair and gently forced Loras to look at him, lifting his face with his hand. The response he got was not one he wanted to dwell upon. Loras reacted the same way he had done that time Renly touched his leg. He almost leapt backwards.

'Sorry…' Renly apologised, unsure as to what had made Loras change his mind about that. They'd got a lot closer since then… he'd even hugged him once…

Loras shook his head. 'It's my fault. You just startled me, that's all.'

'Is it?' Renly asked disbelievingly. 'Loras, please, what did I do? If I hurt you, I'm sorry…'

'You didn't hurt me.' He answered quickly. 'Not at all.'

'Then what happened?'

'I don't want to talk about it.' Loras replied in nearly a whisper. Renly didn't like seeing him like that. If he hadn't hurt him, then what? What could possibly have got such a response?

'Loras, _please_ -'

'I said I don't want to talk about it.' Loras repeated, clear motivation behind his voice this time. Loras got up and moved away, going to where his own armour was and starting to put it all on.

'Do you want any help?'

' _No_.'

Renly sighed and stayed where he was. He put on his own armour without any assistance, even though that was meant to be Loras' job, he felt like he owed him some time off. He just wanted to know what he'd done so he could fix it! It was tearing him up inside knowing he'd done something so bad it had made Loras behave this way. Someone came by to alert them that there was only a few minutes to go and put the list of entrants on the table. Renly picked it up and groaned when he saw it.

'What is it?' Loras asked him from across the tent.

'I'm against Jaime.' Renly sighed. 'Like I said I would be.'

'When?'

'First.'

Loras appeared by his side and put his hand on his shoulder. 'At least you can sit down the rest of the day. You look terrible.'

'Thank you.'

Loras grinned at him and Renly couldn't help but smile back. It seemed that Loras had brightened up, but there was still something else. He hadn't forgotten about whatever Renly had done.

Loras stood by the gate to the field, after he'd helped Renly onto his horse. Jaime Lannister was visible in his classic gold armour at the other end. For a moment Loras locked eyes with Ash, but quickly looked away. He was worried about Renly having to fight in the condition he was in at the moment. He was more likely to fall of his horse without Jaime Lannister even touching him. Loras wanted to say something to him, just something encouraging, but he couldn't think of anything. His mind was still too clouded with images of the night before. And every time Renly asked him what had happened… Loras wanted so badly to tell him the truth. But he knew he wouldn't like to hear it. He wouldn't understand. He'd tell him he was sorry and that he should never have done it. Loras didn't want him to regret it. He'd worked it all out. He didn't want Renly to be sorry for it, he wanted the opposite. Renly should be glad he did it. But Loras knew he never would be.

Loras watched the joust start, with Jaime making an effort to hit Renly first time but missing. Loras watched the horses turn around and go in for it again. He noticed a reaction in Renly's horse before it even happened. The horse bucked him off. For a moment Loras' heart leapt into his mouth as Renly fell to the ground. Loras breathed again once he saw him start to get up. He turned his attention back to Jaime, as he removed his helm and that Lannister smirk appeared on his lips. Loras despised him. Even more so when he realised what he'd done. Jaime's mare was in season, he was using it to his advantage! He _knew_ Renly's horse would react that way. Loras was beyond furious about that. Jaime was a knight and this was… this was practically cheating!

He all but caught Renly as he approached the gate. Loras helped him back to the tent and into a chair. Renly took off his helm and a nice bruise was starting to appear on his cheek.

'Are you hurt anywhere else?' Loras asked him, his eyes flitting back to his cheek. Renly shook his head, then instantly regretted it.

'My neck.' He muttered, half laughing. 'I think I landed badly.'

'You did.' Loras told him with a sigh. He'd seen his landing and it had not been pretty. 'But Jaime cheated.'

'Cheated?'

'His horse was in season-'

Renly cut him off with a laugh. 'There is no cheating, Loras. There are no rules to cheat.'

Loras rolled his eyes. 'Fine. But it wasn't very… knightly.'

'Don't tell me, you'd never do something like that, would you?'

Loras observed him for a moment, the sarcastic look on his face and the grin even though he was hurt. 'It depends how badly I wanted to beat Jaime Lannister.' He replied with a similar look. He was really trying to make an effort to pretend nothing had changed between them, because he knew it hadn't for Renly. He couldn't remember why things should be different.

Renly got out of his armour and changed into something a little more comfortable before leaving the tent and finding a seat in the crowd. He couldn't help but smirk as he found himself seated on a bench that was empty all but for Lord Baelish. The Master of Coin. The same man Renly had promised Loras he'd make a bet with. He watched as Loras saddled his horse at the other end of the field. His current opponent was some insignificant lordling – Renly didn't even recognise his name.

'That's your squire, isn't it, Lord Renly?' Petyr Baelish spoke up as he moved along to bench to sit a bit closer.

'It is, Lord Petyr.'

'He must be good, if you've allowed him to enter while he's still a squire.' Even from his tone Renly could tell Littlefinger was after something. He was fishing for information. Renly had heard tales from Amber about Littlefinger, so this endeavour was hardly surprising.

'He is.' Renly said flatly. He caught Lord Baelish simply smiling then turned his attention back to the field.

'A wager, then, Lord Renly?' Lord Baelish offered. Renly smirked to himself and agreed. He could tell Lord Baelish was about to try and make a bet. They agreed a price and watched the joust begin. It only took two turns before Loras had knocked his opponent off his horse. Renly was pleasantly surprised by the reaction of the crowd, they seemed to the really have taken to Loras. On the field Loras removed his helm and the elated confusion was evident on his face. It took him a moment but eventually he flashed a smile at the crowd and Renly could have sworn he saw one young girl faint. Lord Baelish looked beyond surprised at the situation. 'I suspect I owe you some money then.' He said flatly. Renly could only grin at him.

The joust continued throughout the day, leaving the quarter finals and beyond to be completed tomorrow. Renly could not have been more impressed that Loras had managed to make it that far! He would join Barristan Selmy, Balon Swann and Jaime Lannister in the quarter finals. Though a part of Renly felt a little sorry for the Kingslayer, having to face Loras tomorrow after the obvious hatred Loras had shown for him earlier.

It was dark by the time Loras got changed out of his armour and accompanied Renly out of the tent to go to dinner. Renly was recounting the events of the day and how he'd won his bet against Littlefinger – which seemed to please Loras even more than making the quarter finals – when voices in the silent field stopped them both in their tracks. Loras peered around a tent to see who the voices belonged to. He saw Lady Amber backed up against a tree with some drunken knight leering over her. Loras reached for his sword.

'What is it?' Renly hissed at him.

'Amber.' Loras whispered back, drawing his sword and going to step out of the shadows. Before he got the chance, another sword was audibly drawn and another voice shouted out across the grass. Jaime Lannister.

'You'll take your hands away from my cousin.' Jaime ordered the knight confidently. His sword was poised in his hand as he approached. Amber rolled her eyes and looked back at her cousin.

'I could have taken care of this, Jaime.' She said flatly.

'How?' He asked her with a smirk. Both of them seemed to think the current situation was some kind of joke. Amber laughed quietly and reached under her skirts, drawing out a short knife. Jaime raised one eyebrow in amusement. 'Well done.' He said with a grin. All the same, he swatted the drunken knight away from Amber with the flat of his sword. He fell to the floor and groaned into the dirt.

'Try that again and it won't be the flat of the sword.' Jaime warned him, sheathing his sword once again. He offered Amber his arm once she'd stowed the knife away. She took it and allowed him to walk her the short distance it took to get to the tent Loras and Renly were watching from.

'Enjoying the view?' Jaime asked them both, not waiting for an answer. Loras glared at him while Renly only tried to offer a pleasant smile. 'No need to spring to action, Tyrell,' Jaime told Loras with a cocky smirk. 'no one expects squires to come to the rescue.' Renly could almost feel the anger radiating from Loras beside him. He desperately tried to diffuse the situation.

'Well, it doesn't matter, Lady Amber is alright – that's the important thing.'

'Of course.' Jaime replied, but his tone was somewhat mocking. 'We all know how fond you are of her, Lord Renly.'

'Jaime, please.' Amber told him, her tone sharp. 'He's already had this from Cersei, he doesn't need it from you as well.'

'Oh, I beg to differ.' Jaime continued undeterred. 'It was his job to marry you, Amber, and look what happened. But don't worry, Lord Renly,' Jaime leaned a little closer, which wiped the smile clean off Renly's face and only proceeded to anger Loras more. 'I know the reason why.' Jaime told him in no more than a whisper.

'Do you?' Loras started up, well aware that Jaime had intended for him to hear his words, too. He'd silently drawn his sword and it was now no more than an inch away from the Kingslayer's stomach. Jaime looked a little worried for a moment but it had vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

'Very nice, Tyrell.' Jaime complimented him in sarcasm. 'But save your energy for the tourney tomorrow – you'll need it.' And with that Jaime kicked Loras in the shin and sent him to the floor. Loras went to get up but Jaime put his foot over his ankle. 'Try it and I'll break it.' Loras stopped moving but his glare should have been enough to kill. 'Lord Renly,' Jaime turned his attention back to him while Amber watched Loras on the floor, actual worry in her eyes. 'I can trust you to accompany my dear cousin to dinner, can't I? Most lords or knights I wouldn't trust with her, but I'll trust you. After all, she's been safe all that time alone with you at Storm's End.' He kissed Amber on the cheek and left her with Renly and Loras, who was now scrambling up from the floor, clearly in debate about whether to go after the Kingslayer.

'Don't.' Amber told him sternly. 'And don't take what he says to heart. Either of you.' She said. 'He doesn't know what he's talking about.'

'Doesn't he?' Renly hissed at her, betrayal evident in his tone. 'It seemed like he knew an awful lot, actually. You told him didn't you?'

' _No_.'

'Or you told the queen?'

'I didn't!' Amber answered back with a passion.

'You must have! How else would he know? I thought we were _friends_!'

Amber answered him with action this time, slapping him across the cheek. He stared back at her in disbelief, clutching one hand to his cheek. Loras could only watch with wide eyes.

'Lannisters might lie, Renly,' Amber told him in a disturbingly quiet voice. 'but they do not betray their allies.'

'Is that so?' Renly continued sharply, clearly more than offended by the slap. 'Is that why your cousin himself killed the king it was his duty to protect?'

And Amber slapped him again. Renly's cheek was now a considerable shade of crimson. He made no pained sound, though. Loras could have sworn he saw tears teasing Amber's eyes. She said nothing else before she stormed off towards the hall. Neither Loras nor Renly moved for a good few moments after Amber left.

'I can't believe she just did that…' Loras breathed, still watching Amber as she veered off the path and into the walled courtyard outside the hall. Renly shook his head and laughed coldly.

'I can believe it. I don't doubt that I fully deserved that.'

Loras turned back to stare at him in shock. 'Deserved it? You did nothing to provoke that! She must have told someone otherwise why would Jaime say that?'

Renly shrugged casually, beginning to follow Amber's path towards the hall. 'It is no matter. Maybe Jaime was making a casual threat on something he knew nothing about. It's when Lord Varys or Littlefinger starts accusing you that there's going to be a problem.'

'But what if Jaime tells one of them?'

It seemed as though Renly had already thought of that, as his expression darkened but did not appear surprised. 'Then so be it.'

'So be it?' Loras repeated in shock. Renly shot him a look that forced his voice down in volume as he remembered where they were. 'You've made such an effort to keep it a secret…' Loras whispered back.

'I know.' Renly sighed as he pushed open the gate to the courtyard. The music from the hall was loud outside as they had completely missed most of the food and the dancing had begun. 'But who's going to believe them, anyway?' Renly mused, stopping in the courtyard while they continued the conversation.

'I suppose.' Loras answered slowly. 'But you… you haven't… I mean to say, you're not going to marry, so…'

Renly smirked at him and ruffled his hair. It brought a smile to Loras' face but Renly could see there was something unreadable in that smile. It unnerved him for some reason. 'There are other things to life than getting married, Loras.'

'Not to most other lords.'


	13. Chapter 13

They finally went into the hall, where the music was significantly louder. Loras couldn't help but smirk as the second Renly sat down on a bench there seemed to be a group of girls gathering nearby. Renly and Loras exchanged an amused look that conveyed something along the lines of _poor girls_ , knowing none of them would get more than a dance from the lord of Storm's End.

'Can you dance, Loras?' Renly asked him cheerfully, his mood improving drastically with the music and laughter in the hall.

'Obviously.' Loras answered confidently.

'Only asking.' Renly replied with a grin at the brash confidence of his squire. Loras glanced over at the girls around them and noticed a few of them blush when he looked in their direction. He hastily stared at the floor. He had not expected that.

'It would appear that the girls of King's Landing are quite taken by you.' Renly told him with a smile. Loras noted that his smile wasn't as bright as it normally would be on saying something like that. There was an undertone of something else.

'Apparently.' Loras mumbled to the floor.

'Don't pretend to be shy.' Renly beamed at him, giving him a light poke in the ribs.

'I am not shy.' Loras told him indignantly, lifting his eyes quickly from the ground.

'Didn't think you were.'

'In fact, how about a competition?' Loras continued with a smirk. Renly didn't like the sound of it but he silently wondered what the reward of a competition with Loras might be. He cursed himself for thinking it but he couldn't help it. 'We'll see who can dance with the most girls tonight.' Loras said.

'Really, Loras, that's not really my… forte.' Renly tried to phrase it in a way that it wouldn't be significant if overheard. He wasn't sure it was working.

'You don't have to bed them,' Loras laughed quietly, having the decency to keep his voice down. 'just dance with them. You've danced with enough girls before now, haven't you?'

'Of course.' Renly sighed. That much was true. Whenever he attended something like this there was always a cluster of girls expecting to be asked to dance by him. He suspected it was because he was the only brother of the king who wasn't yet married – not just because of his good looks.

'Go on then.' Loras urged him. Renly rolled his eyes and agreed. Loras watched him get up and ask one of the prettier Frey girls to dance with him. He raised one eyebrow in Loras' direction before letting the girl have his full attention. Loras noticed a girl watching him from across the hall. She had long blonde hair and deep, green eyes. She smiled at him before quickly looking away. Loras sighed, judging by her surroundings that she was a Lannister. She bared a very close likeness to the queen, except this girl had a naturally kind face, as a pose to the sour look Queen Cersei normally wore. Before Loras could make up his mind as to whether he really wanted to ask the Lannister girl to dance, another one swept into view. Amber.

'Lady Amber…' Loras started, not entirely sure what he was meant to say to her after the previous events. She smiled politely at him and offered a curtsey very unlike herself. 'Would you like to dance?' Loras asked her uncertainly. She clearly wanted him to say something, he just hoped he'd made the right choice. Amber accepted his hand and allowed him to lead her onto the floor. Loras was more afraid at being so close to Lady Amber than he'd ever been dancing with any other girl.

'That Frey girl is completely besotted with Renly.' She told Loras in his ear as they danced. He noted that he did not like her being in such close proximity to be able to whisper without effort. It felt like he was part of a conspiracy. He said nothing. Amber's red dress seemed to glide across the floor, adding more to Loras' reasons he shouldn't trust her - she was wearing Lannister red, she was working for her family tonight.

'And also,' Amber continued, her voice even quieter. 'I don't know if you noticed, but Renly doesn't remember what happened last night. I'd appreciate it if you kept it that way.'

Loras continued his silence, but this time from confusion. Amber didn't know about what had happened last night between himself and Renly… did she?

'Of course.' Loras said finally. 'But how did you know?'

'Know what?' Amber answered, confusion weaving its way into her voice, too.

'About what happened…'

'I was… Loras, I think we're talking about different things. What happened to you?'

'Me? What are _you_ talking about?' He hissed, as this whole conversation had been a series of whispers. The song ended and Amber all but dragged him away from the floor and to an empty bench.

'Loras, _what happened_?' She asked him, her voice barely audible as she glanced around the room to ensure no one was watching. Loras followed her gaze to see that she was watching Lord Varys converse with Thoros of Myr and Lord Baelish deep in conversation with Jon Arryn's wife. She snapped her fingers in front of Loras' face. 'Don't stare!' She all but growled.

'I don't think… I don't want… Amber, I don't know what to say…'

'Tell me what happened! What did Renly do that you saw?'

'I didn't _see_ it as such, I… I shouldn't be telling you this.'

'Loras.' Her eyes told him that this was something she was not going to let go of. Loras reminded himself that he only had to hold out until the tourney was over, after that Amber would be going back to Casterly Rock, where she couldn't pester him about it.

'No.' He told her strongly. 'What happened with you?'

'I'm hardly likely to tell you, am I? But you don't know? You didn't hear anything?'

'Hear anything?' He repeated. Amber nodded. 'No. I went back down to the hall after you… dismissed me.' She flinched slightly at Loras' choice of words.

'Well, I apologise for my behaviour.' She told him flatly. 'But I am a lady, I can dismiss you as I please, Loras.'

'I know,' Loras sighed, then added, 'my lady.' As if to prove her point. She smirked at him. Amber's attention was suddenly snapped away by something else, her hair whipping around as she shifted her gaze across the hall.

'What's _he_ doing?' She whispered, more to herself than Loras, but he watched anyway. He saw Renly being pulled aside by Lord Jon Arryn, the Hand of the king. Loras somehow knew this was a bad sign. This was what Alys had warned Renly about – this was the offer from Robert. A horrible, sickening sensation was forming in the pit of Loras' stomach, he just hoped Amber didn't see it in his face. It was a short conversation between the two but Loras could see Renly's face had paled by the time Jon Arryn left him. He made for the door without a glance back into the room. Loras felt momentarily hurt by that action, cursing himself for feeling that way. However, Renly stopped at the doors and his eyes found Loras, who couldn't stop the leap his heart made at that. Renly gently nodded towards the yard and Loras knew he wanted him to come with him.

'Sorry, Amber.' He told her quietly, his eyes barely leaving the doors. She glared at him. 'By your leave, my lady.'

'I don't give my leave.' Amber told him through gritted teeth. Loras could only offer her a sympathetic look.

'I don't care.' He whispered to her as he passed her. He didn't turn back but he knew she was staring after him in shock. He'd never denied her like this before, normally when she used her rank he did what she wanted. This was different. He felt like Renly needed him more.

He was met by an empty courtyard. For a minute he thought maybe he'd misread Renly's gesture, but then he realised that Renly could hardly be seen ushering his squire outside with him – not with Jaime Lannister having threatened what he did. Loras made for the door and followed the stairs up to Renly's chambers. He did the polite thing and knocked first.

'I don't know why you bother, Loras.' Renly called out to him. Loras smirked to himself and opened the door, shutting it quietly behind him. Renly was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He looked troubled to say the least.

'What if it wasn't me?' Loras asked him as he perched himself on the edge of the bed.

'That would have been very embarrassing.' Renly commented, though he didn't really care at this point. There was far too much else on his mind.

'What happened?' Loras questioned, his voice almost compassionate. Renly shifted his gaze off the ceiling to look back at his squire.

'Jon Arryn wants to come and see me later.' He said with a sigh. 'He says he has a proposition from Robert.' The thought filled Renly with dread. Whatever it was that his brother wanted him to do, Renly would not let it drag him away from Storm's End. He'd been told on numerous occasions how scorned Stannis felt that Renly had been given Storm's End instead of him, it would only add insult to injury if Renly just upped and left at Robert's beck and call. And the gods knew Stannis didn't need another reason to resent his younger brother.

'This is it, isn't it?' Loras asked weakly. Renly sat up and nodded at him. He couldn't find the words to actually say it, he could feel his throat tightening with a sudden sorrow over the implications of leaving. 'But if I'm your squire… can't I come with you?' Loras said hopefully.

Renly could only smile at his naivety. 'You're not going to be my squire for much longer, Loras.' He told him with a heavy sigh. The light literally dimmed in Loras' eyes and it sickened Renly to have to be the one to tell him. 'Alys said it would take me almost a year to decide… do you really think you'll stay my squire for a whole year? Your performance in the tourney hasn't gone unnoticed, you know.' Renly knew that all too well. Before he'd spoken to Jon Arryn he'd had numerous lords, ladies and knights alike telling him what a good job his squire had done and asking when he'd be knighted. It made Renly proud to hear it but saddened him deeply knowing Loras would have to leave for it.

'Really?' Loras questioned in disbelief. 'You're going to…'

'Yes.' Renly told him, his voice now a strange quiet tone. 'I don't know when but… well, in all seriousness, Loras, you're just too good to squire for me for much longer.'

Loras offered him a confident smirk to lighten up the situation before joking, 'I was too good to squire for you when I came to Storm's End.' Renly couldn't help but laugh at that, because of course, Loras was right about that. 'It's only thanks to your master at arms that I actually learned something.'

'And Lady Amber.' Renly told him with a fond smile. 'I believe she beat you in the yard once, didn't she?'

'We shouldn't mention that.' Loras muttered. 'Ever.' But Renly could only laugh at that. It seemed like all of a sudden he was loosing everyone around him. First Amber was being sent home, Loras would have to leave once he became a knight – and Renly would eventually have to leave Storm's End for King's Landing. He just wanted everything to stay the same.

A knock at the door ended the laughter as both boys turned to look at it. Renly sighed and got up to open it.

'Wait!' Loras hissed at him. Renly paused and watched Loras cross the room and pick up a cup from the table. 'Well, I've got to look like I'm doing _something_ , haven't I?' Renly could only nod and silently agree. It would not be proper for Loras to just come and talk to him, it was only right that he pretend he was actually doing his job. Renly opened the door and saw Jon Arryn waiting for him patiently. He offered a smile as Loras left the room with the cup. Once he was behind Lord Jon he flashed Renly a comforting smile before he disappeared from sight.

'Pleasant squire you have there, Lord Renly.' Jon Arryn told him politely as he entered the room. Renly shut the door behind him as the Hand of the king took a seat at the small table at the other side of the room.

'Yes.' Was about all Renly could say in response. Jon Arryn gestured for him to join him at the table. Renly then remembered his manners. 'Would you like something to drink, Lord Jon?'

'No.' He answered with a fond smile. 'This will only be a short talk.'

'Of course.' Renly answered quietly. Jon Arryn always seemed like a nice enough man but Renly couldn't help but wonder what it was that had made Robert make him his Hand. Granted, Jon Arryn had been a second father to Robert but it didn't mean he would make a good Hand. There had to be something else.

'There is a position soon to be vacated in the small council.' Jon Arryn told him bluntly. Renly tried to keep his expression calm but he was certain he wasn't doing a very good job. 'Master of laws.' The Hand continued. Renly tried his hardest not to choke on simply hearing the words. That was a big position on the small council and was an important position for the whole realm. And Robert wanted _him_ to do it? Robert wanted his sixteen-year-old brother to become the master of laws?

'Our king wished me to proposition you about the position.' Jon Arryn elaborated, as if he didn't believe Renly fully understood what he was saying.

'My lord, I…' Renly stammered, trying to find the right words to say what he wanted to. 'That's such an important position, surely there is someone better suited than I…'

'Robert wants you.' He clarified, his expression remaining completely straight.

'But… but I don't think…'

'It is no matter. You need not decide now.'

'Thank you, Lord Jon.' Renly said quietly.

'Robert will no doubt want to see you tomorrow.' Jon Arryn told him. Renly just nodded. Robert would be as he always was - impatient. He'd take it as a personal sleight if Renly did not jump at the opportunity. 'There will be a household waiting for you, should you decide to take up the position. Perhaps you'd like to see it at some point?'

'Of course, yes.' Renly agreed, but his voice had almost failed him. He knew Jon Arryn could sense his reluctance and shock at the situation. Surely that wasn't someone they wanted on the small council. The Hand cleared his throat and changed the topic.

'That squire, though,' he continued. Renly could only stare. 'he rather proved himself today.'

'He did.' Renly said in a small voice.

'I imagine he should be knighted soon.'

'I suppose so.'

'You are unsure?'

'No, no, of course not.' Renly answered quickly, cursing himself for his clumsy mistake. 'I just don't know when, is all.'

'It will be tough work to find another quite like him, I imagine.' Jon told him as he got up from his chair.

'Indeed.' Renly muttered. That was one way of putting it. He saw the Hand of the king to the door and could only sigh in relief when he shut it behind him. He leant back against the door and closed his eyes. What in the seven hells was he supposed to do now? He couldn't refuse Robert, he'd take such offence at that, but similarly, he desperately didn't want to leave Storm's End. To leave Loras. He knew it would be selfish and unfair to keep him as a squire any longer than necessary. Renly felt that even now Loras had well and truly outgrown the position. If he didn't knight him it would only be unfair to Loras, no matter how much he might protest it.

Another knock on the door broke him out of his thoughts. He leapt back from it. The shock didn't last too long when he realised that Loras had probably been waiting for Jon Arryn to leave. Renly opened the door and the smirk instantly dropped from his face. He swallowed hard and tried to find his voice.

'Lord Varys.' He half whispered. 'This is… unexpected.'


	14. Chapter 14

'Lord Varys.' He half whispered. 'This is… unexpected.'

'No doubt.' Varys tittered. Renly felt like he wanted to hide himself behind the door, just one look from Lord Varys made him feel like all his secrets were known. 'You were expecting someone else?'

'I… no, no, I wasn't expecting anyone.'

'Oh?' Varys continued innocently. 'Then why the curious expression on opening the door, I wonder.' Renly cursed himself for it as he stepped back to allow the master of whisperers into his chambers. He quickly scanned the corridor in the hope of seeing Loras, but he didn't. He shut the door again and made his way back to the table he'd been so pleased to vacate.

'And what can I do for you, Lord Varys?' He asked him as he sat down.

'Nothing, nothing,' Varys smiled. 'I was merely paying you a visit.'

'Oh.' Renly said shortly. He could rather do without this visit. 'Thank you.'

'Although, your squire-'

'Yes, he really is very good, isn't he?' Renly interrupted, his patience well and truly wearing thin over people complimenting him about his squire. 'He will be knighted soon, so don't worry about that.'

'Yes.' Varys mused, studying Renly intently. He wanted to move out of his gaze but he knew it wouldn't be proper. Renly also knew his outburst was not proper either, it was no wonder Varys was staring at him. 'Yes, it is a curious relationship you share with him.'

'I'm sorry?' Renly questioned, suddenly very on edge about all of this. How could he have let his temper get the better of him like that? He may well have just handed Varys the evidence he needed.

'You seem very close.' Lord Varys continued, his voice remaining soft. That unnerved Renly. 'And then there is the strange circumstance surrounding Lady Amber Lannister…'

'That wasn't _strange_.' Renly told him heatedly. 'She was betrothed to my cousin. I didn't want to dishonour his memory like that.' Varys opened his mouth to argue but Renly stopped him. 'Please, I'm tired of explaining myself to Lannisters about this. Please don't question me further.'

'My apologies, Lord Renly.' Varys told him. It sounded sincere but Renly doubted it actually was. 'It only seems like an odd coincidence that you share such a… close relationship with the Tyrell boy and you refuse the marriage of a Lannister lady.'

'I didn't _refuse_ , Lord Varys.' Renly insisted. The eunuch simply stared back at him. 'I already told you why I didn't marry Lady Amber.'

'And your squire?'

'What of him?' Renly answered sharply. 'He's a good squire. He's a lord's son, it only seems natural it would be easy to hold a conversation with him – I'm a lord's son, too.'

'You're the king's brother.'

'Thank you for that, Lord Varys, I'd quite forgotten.'

The eunuch's expression considerably darkened on hearing the sarcasm. 'I will make my point and leave.' He said quietly. 'Do not presume you can keep secrets as illicit as yours in King's Landing, Lord Renly. I have my little birds and they have been whispering all sorts of things about you.' He stood up to leave, while Renly could only gape at him. ' _I know_ , Lord Renly.' And with that the eunuch let himself out of the room, the door squeaking shut behind him.

Renly got up and poured himself a cup of wine and downed it in one. Varys knew. The master of whisperers knew. He drank another cup. And now Loras was implicated, too. And another cup. He didn't even notice the door opening this time.

'Renly?' Loras whispered across the darkened room. He shut the door behind him and approached his lord. 'Renly, I saw Lord Varys leaving… what was he doing here?' Then Loras saw the wine jug and sighed. 'Are you drunk?'

'No.' Renly answered flatly. 'But believe me, I'm trying.'

'What did Varys want?'

'He knows.'

'Knows what?'

'He _knows_ , Loras. He knows about me.' Renly left out what the eunuch had implied about Loras, he knew it wasn't meant for his ears, especially the day before the tourney finals.

'But… how?'

Renly shrugged and reached for the jug again. Loras slapped his hand back. Renly glared at him but Loras paid him no mind. He led him across the room and gently pushed him down to sit on the bed.

'Varys has his spies, Loras.' Renly told him with a sigh. 'I knew that and I still thought I could make it in King's Landing. I was a fool to ever think that.'

'Well, Varys can hardly have any proof… can he? I mean, his spies, they don't… they can't…' Loras stammered, like he was trying to ask a question he knew he shouldn't. Renly stared at him curiously.

'They can't _what_?'

'They can't spy on people's rooms, can they? Their private rooms, surely they don't spy on people's chambers?' Something in voice was off, like there was a reason they definitely should not be spying there. That was it, Renly thought. This was what Loras had been hiding, whatever Renly had done while he was drunk. If it concerned this topic… gods, Renly couldn't even begin to try and comprehend what he'd done.

'I don't know.' He whispered, still watching his squire intently. 'Why? They wouldn't have evidence even if they did… would they?'

Loras quickly looked away. 'No, of course they wouldn't. No.'

'Loras?' Renly pressed. His squire still didn't turn around. When he'd thought about what had happened the night previously, he'd presumed he'd said or done something to hurt Loras, he definitely had done something to affect him. It worried him that Loras was bringing this up now. Renly gently lifted Loras' face with his hand so he would look at him. There was definitely something else behind his perfect brown eyes.

'Loras, what happened last night?'

His squire looked like he was about to cry. Renly felt that guilty feeling in his head again, like he'd done something awful. Loras shook his head and pushed Renly's hand away. He said nothing.

'You _need_ to tell me. Clearly you think there's some kind of evidence Varys could use if his spies can see into my chambers. Whatever it is, I'm sorry-'

'You kissed me.'

Renly stopped speaking instantly. Loras wasn't looking at him, he was just staring straight ahead at the darkened wall.

'I… I did what?'

'You kissed me.' Loras repeated quietly. Renly still couldn't quite believe he heard him right.

'I…' He tried to think of something to say but deep in the back of his mind he could remember it. He couldn't think of anything surrounding the event but it sounded like the truth. 'I'm sorry, I should never… I don't…'

Loras turned back and just smirked at him. 'Lost for words?' He asked, something slightly chilling in his voice.

'Somewhat, yes.' Renly admitted. He could feel himself blushing, knowing what he'd done to Loras. 'I'm so sorry, Loras. I was drunk… I know that's no excuse, but-'

'Renly, can I ask you a favour?'

'Anything.'

'Don't ever apologise for that again.'

'Right, yes.' Renly muttered. He gathered his thoughts and tried again. 'Yes, you're right. We should just forget about it. I won't mention it again. I'll stop talking.'

'That's exactly what I meant.' Loras mumbled. Renly caught it but couldn't decipher it. It sounded like it was the exact opposite of what Loras had meant. Loras sighed and leant back against the bedpost. 'Do you want to know how it happened?' Loras asked him calmly. Renly could hardly speak. How was he talking so normally about this?

'Y-yes, alright.' He decided it might be better if he heard the whole story.

Loras could only watch him for a moment. It had taken all the courage he had to tell Renly what he'd done. Loras really didn't want to tell him, but it was when Renly told him he was sorry that he'd snapped.

'You were so drunk that I had to all but drag you upstairs. In fact, you were so drunk you could hardly get out of your chair in the hall, I had to go up and help you.'

'I'm sorry-'

'Don't.' Loras shot him a harsh stare that shut him up instantly. 'It earned me a compliment from the king, anyway, I wouldn't apologise for that.' He continued with a smile. Renly almost smiled back. 'So, I brought you back up here. I just wanted a rest, if I'm honest, you're not exactly light.'

'Thank you.' Renly muttered darkly, earning himself a grin from his squire.

'You're _tall_ is all I meant.' Loras smirked at him. Renly flashed him a quick smile. 'So, you reminded me that I was your squire and that if you told me to do something I had to do it. I agreed. You told me to shut my eyes and I did. After about a minute… you, um, well, you kissed me. Then you fell onto the bed and didn't wake up until the next morning, I presume.'

Renly just watched him in silence for a while. Loras wondered if he'd actually heard him, but he didn't pressure him. If anything he just wanted him to stop apologising for it. When he'd tilted Loras' face to look at him earlier, Loras had wanted nothing more than to kiss him. It frightened Loras to his very core to know that he wanted to do that, but it didn't lessen his desire for it.

'You have no idea how much I want to apologise.' Renly said eventually. Loras rolled his eyes and just shook his head.

'Don't you dare.'

'I won't.' Renly sighed. 'But what I did was _wrong_. I should never have put you in that position. It wasn't fair.'

Loras had to bite his tongue to stop himself telling Renly it was completely fair and he'd quite like to be put in that position again. Instead he just stared at him.

'And now with Lord Varys… he might think you're… _like me_.' Renly whispered, his green eyes shining in the dark from the light of the candle on the bedside table.

'And if he does?'

'That doesn't scare you? That Varys might think you're something you're not?'

That stung more than Renly would ever know. Loras could only imagine what Renly had been through, hiding his true self away from the world, but Loras thought this was worse. He was hiding his real feelings from someone who trusted him.

'What's he going to do, Renly?' Loras asked him with a smirk. 'Besides, Lord Varys doesn't make mistakes.' He knew in himself that Varys wasn't wrong, he hadn't made a mistake at all. A part of him hoped that Renly would grasp what he saying and realise. But Loras knew he wouldn't.

'You're right.' Renly said finally. 'Absolutely. Varys won't suspect you because he doesn't make mistakes. Exactly.'

Loras actually found it rather endearing how concerned Renly was about Loras being implicated. He seemed to care more about that than the consequences for himself.

'It's getting late, Loras, you should get some rest for the tourney.' Renly told him. Loras nodded but didn't move to leave.

'Do you want me to…'

'No.' Renly stopped him before he could say the rest. 'I don't think that's wise, do you?'

'I told you, it doesn't bother me, I-'

'That was before.' Renly cut him off, turning away and standing up. 'It's been proven that I can't trust myself anymore. You should leave.'

Loras had to bite his tongue again, but only to distract himself from how hurt he was at Renly saying that. He could feel prickling behind his eyes and he did not want to cry about this. He _refused_ to cry about this. He got up to leave without another word. He got off the bed and couldn't manage to stifle a sob before he'd left. He felt Renly grab his wrist. Not now…

'Loras?' Renly said softly, turning him back around to face him. Loras stared at the floor, unwilling to let Renly see him crying. He tried to swallow back tears but it was too late. 'Are you crying?'

'No.' Loras muttered, but even his voice couldn't manage that. Renly gently lifted Loras' head again and he was clearly taken aback by Loras' eyes. Loras was so ashamed of himself but he couldn't find his voice.

'Why are you upset? You told me not to apologise, I-'

'It's not that.' Loras told him, the need to tell him overriding his pride over the sound of his voice being so weak. 'It doesn't matter. I should go.'

Again, Renly stopped him and pulled him back. 'Tell me.'

'I _can't_.' Loras hissed at him, angry at himself for crying as well as at Renly for stopping him leaving.

'Can't?' Renly let go of Loras' wrist. His voice was small. 'Why not?'

Loras shook his head. 'I just can't. It doesn't matter. You won't understand.'

'I won't understand?' Renly repeated. ' _I won't understand_?'

'I'm leaving.' Loras told him before he could embarrass himself any more. 'Good night.' And he darted out of the room before Renly could pull him back. He got into his own chambers and shut the door quickly. He just wanted to be alone. Well, no, he didn't, he wanted to be with Renly but that wasn't looking too likely.

Loras sat himself at the window and stared out over the tourney grounds. His head had been so filled with longing for glory and about how to prove himself yesterday. Now all he could think about were the events that followed. He never wanted to tell Renly what happened the first night they arrived because he knew how he would react. It pained Loras every time he heard Renly apologise for it. Eventually Loras fell asleep at the window.

Renly stared at the jug across the room. He glared at it. It was tempting him. He turned away from the jug in the hope that might make it disappear. He couldn't believe he'd kissed Loras. He couldn't wrap his mind around what he thought about it. On the one hand, he knew it was probable that he'd do something like that while drunk, since he knew he couldn't lie to himself any longer about his feelings for him. But either way, he felt indescribably guilty for acting upon it. He knew Loras wouldn't feel the same way. He'd probably been crying because he'd recalled how awful the experience was for him. But one thing was playing on his mind about it. He found it curious how adamantly Loras had told him not to apologise. Renly had interpreted this to mean that he didn't even want to be reminded of the event by way of apology, but it dawned on him now that perhaps that wasn't it. Loras' reaction wasn't exactly pleased when Renly told him they should forget about it. To add to it all, Renly felt guilty about how Loras had left the room. He knew somehow it was his fault. He'd upset him and just let him go.

He sighed and paced the length of the room for a while before making his decision. He opened the door quietly shut it behind him. He gently knocked on Loras' door. No answer. He was probably asleep, Renly told himself. He pushed the door open silently and peered inside. Loras was asleep by the window, curled up against the wall. Renly couldn't let him sleep like that, he'd be aching all over before the tourney even resumed. He crept over to him and carefully lifted him out of the window. Loras was heavier than Renly had expected for such a small frame. He reminded himself of all the training the boy had done and realised Loras must have gained a considerable amount of muscle from it. He placed him on his bed before he had time to dwell on the thought. He pulled the covers over his squire and made to leave again.

'Renly…' Loras was clearly still asleep but on some level he must have registered what was happening. Renly stopped in his tracks and turned back around. Loras looked so angelic when he slept. Renly knew he shouldn't linger, he knew he couldn't trust himself anymore… but Loras just looked so adorable. He'd never voice it to him, Loras would more likely hit him than appreciate the compliment, but it didn't change the facts. Loras muttered his name again, sending shocks through Renly's chest. He couldn't just watch him. He cursed himself for it but lay down next to him all the same.

Loras must have been more awake than Renly thought, because he curled up next to him, his hair tickling Renly's neck. Renly tried to think of other things but something else came to mind.

'You're not asleep, are you?'

He heard Loras laugh in response, which made him smile until he felt Loras' breath on his neck. He had to really try to find a distraction from that.

'That's not funny.' Renly hissed at him, but still found himself wanting to laugh. Loras moved away from him and just smirked back.

'I thought it was funny.' He answered smugly. Renly rolled his eyes and looked away from him, partly out of embarrassment. 'Oh, I wasn't… I didn't mean to…' Loras' smirk left him as he realised he'd embarrassed his friend. 'I wasn't trying to mock you, or…'

'I know.' Renly told him calmly. Loras nodded and sighed, before placing his head on Renly's chest. Renly regretted his decision to tell the truth, he should have lied. Maybe Loras wouldn't have done that if he'd told him he was deeply offended by the joke. It began playing through Renly's head that Loras shouldn't be acting like this. Renly had kissed him, surely Loras knew that must have been something he wanted to do… so why was he still getting so close?

Renly glanced back down at Loras, about to raise the question, when he realised Loras was actually asleep now.

'Marvelous.' He muttered to himself. ' _Now_ you fall asleep.'


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay in updating! I was out of the country without wifi for a while, sorry about that!

Loras woke up early the next morning as the sun filtered through the window. He squinted as he stared at the room around him. Then he remembered the tourney finals. He got up out of bed, unable to stop himself grinning. Seeing Renly still asleep in his bed only increased the smile. Loras was only glad he never got the chance to ask him about why he'd started crying – for which Loras was still angry with himself for doing. He quickly got dressed, scribbled a note saying where he was going and headed down the stairs towards the tourney grounds. There were kitchen girls dashing around with food outside, knights leering over them as they went about their business. Loras took a bread roll off a passing platter and made his way to Renly's tent. It didn't really matter that Renly wasn't competing anymore, squires didn't merit their own tent anyway. He'd only just got into the tent and begun to polish his armour when he was interrupted.

'Tyrell, isn't it?' The voice said. Loras turned around to find Lord Baelish smirking at him from the entrance to his tent. Loras swallowed the piece of bread he was chewing almost too quickly and he had to stop himself choking. There was something very haunting about the master of coin.

'It is, my lord.' Loras said eventually. Baelish nodded and permitted himself entry to the tent, glancing around it as he did so. Loras felt like he was silently judging Renly by what was in his tent. He probably was.

'You did well yesterday. I lost a considerable amount of money to your squire master.' He told Loras as he paced languidly around.

'Thank you, my lord.' Loras replied quietly, very wary of why he was being visited. Originally he'd presumed Lord Baelish was looking for Renly but now it seemed he'd found who he was looking for, and after Renly's visit from Lord Varys the night previously, Loras was very suspicious.

'Lord Renly looks after you very well, I see.' Lord Baelish continued as he finally stopped pacing and stood to address Loras. He had that sparkle in his eyes that said he knew something he shouldn't.

'This is his tent, my lord.' Loras informed him. 'And, yes, he does look after me well, I suppose, my lord.'

Baelish nodded slowly and his smirk deepened. 'You do seem very close. I don't know many lords who would bet on their squires in their first tourney. In fact, I don't think I know any, save for Lord Renly.' Loras didn't know what to say to that, so he simply remained silent. 'Tell me, are you good friends with Lord Renly?'

'I…' Loras tried to think of what the appropriate thing to say was, but his mind failed him. 'I would consider him a friend, my lord.'

'I'm sure you would.' Baelish answered cryptically. 'Renly's never been very good at making… _friends_ , it's nice to see him with one.'

'Oh… well… very good, my lord.' Loras stammered. He hated himself for being so nervous around someone so important. He couldn't help remembering Renly's words, warning that it was only dangerous to keep a secret when Lord Varys and Littlefinger knew about it.

'Pray tell, where is Lord Renly this morning? I called on his chambers but there was no answer. I presumed he had already come to the grounds, but no such luck.' Loras misliked the way Littlefinger was looking at him, that twinkle in his eye seemed much more prominent, like his eyes knew when he was close to a secret. Loras almost knew for certain that Lord Baelish was only asking him because he knew perfectly well where Renly was.

'I don't know, my lord.' Loras tried to keep a straight face but he feared he was failing. Baelish smirked again.

'You don't know? You mean you didn't go to your lord this morning – as is part of your duties as a squire?' Lord Baelish knew he had Loras cornered now. Loras blinked a few times before trying his best to lie properly. Lie like Amber, he told himself, you need to learn to lie.

'Of course, I did, my lord.' Loras replied confidently. 'Only, he told me he had something to do and dismissed me to get ready for the tourney, my lord.' He raised an eyebrow when he saw the befuddled look on Littlefinger's face. Loras resisted the urge to offer a smirk of his own.

'Good.' Baelish said shortly. 'Well, if you see him, do tell him I'm looking for him.' And with that he made for the exit of the tent. He briefly turned back. 'And good luck.' Then he was gone. Loras finally let go of the breath he hadn't realised he was holding. He composed himself and went back to polishing his armour.

The tent entrance rustled again as Renly put in an appearance. Loras couldn't stop his smile brightening when he saw him.

'I think you've polished that quite enough, don't you?' Renly told him with a grin as he came to stand behind him and observed the armour. 'You'll blind the crowd if there's any more shine on that.'

'Maybe I'll blind Ser Jaime.' Loras answered coolly, only earning a laugh from Renly.

'Maybe.' He agreed, still smiling. 'Anyway, as much as I'd like to stay longer, Robert's invited me to sit with his children to watch today.'

'I'm sure you'll enjoy that very much.' Loras flashed a smirk at him. Renly only shook his head and chuckled to himself.

'Yes, of course, we all know how much Joffrey adores my company.' He said. 'But, you don't deny an offer from the king.' He'd meant it as a passing comment but it resonated with both boys. You don't refuse an offer from the king. Renly couldn't refuse Robert's offer to join the small council. Renly cleared his throat awkwardly after realising what he'd said.

'Anyway,' he continued. 'Amber's in the stands somewhere, I'm sure.' Loras wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. He'd spoken to Amber at the dance after she'd slapped Renly, but the last words he'd said to her were 'I don't care'. He doubted she looked kindly on that.

'Lord Baelish was looking for you.' Loras told him before he forgot about it – not that he was likely to ever forget that encounter with Littlefinger.

'He was?' Renly asked, his voice suddenly a little quieter. 'Perfect. As if this day couldn't get any worse.'

'It started well.' Loras told him with a smirk. Renly watched him for a moment before he couldn't help but smile back. True enough, it had started well. Renly had gone to sleep next to Loras, his head of curls on his chest, and woken up to a note from him. In Renly's books that was one of the better kinds of starts he could have to a day. He was still angry with himself for caving in like that when he saw Loras sleeping, but he couldn't tell himself it was the wrong thing to do. It had definitely put a smile on his face.

He left Loras in the tent and went off to the pavilion for the royal family. He braced himself and fixed his trademark smirk on his face. This was how the public knew him. It wasn't too far from the truth, he was normally like everyone thought he was, but he needed something more to hide behind with Robert's children. Or Cersei's children as Renly normally thought of them, they were so much like her and so little like Robert. Especially Joffrey.

He climbed the steps up to the seats for the royal family and was instantly greeted by the faces of his niece and nephews. Myrcella looked adorable, as usual, as she smiled sweetly at her uncle. Renly grinned back at her and she giggled. Tommen always seemed to keep a smile on his face, unlike his older brother. Joffrey offered Renly a sneer rather than a smile.

'Uncle.' Joffrey said stiffly.

'Nephew.' Renly replied similarly.

'You should address me as _Prince Joffrey_.' Joffrey told him defiantly, with that awful air of cockiness in his voice.

'In that case, you should address me as _Lord Renly_.' He answered flatly as he walked past his nephew to find the king. He heard Myrcella giggle again and Joffrey hissed at her to be quiet. Renly couldn't help but smile at that. He'd learned to make quite a sport out of belittling his nephew's attempts to embarrass him.

'Renly!' Robert stood up and embraced him in another rib-bruising hug. He released him and offered him the seat next to him. Renly sat down and glanced around – no sign of the queen.

'Will the queen not be joining us?' Renly asked quietly, just in case she was lurking in the shadows. He knew better than that, though, Lannisters did not lurk in shadows.

Robert laughed loudly and shook his head, the wine in his hand slopping dangerously in the cup. 'No, no. She disagreed with me bringing the children along, so this is her protest. You won't hear me complaining!' Robert grinned at his brother. Renly smiled back awkwardly as he threw another glance at Joffrey. He wasn't sure if maybe Cersei was right about Robert bringing the children – inspiring a bloodlust in Joffrey did not seem advisable. He also couldn't help but think Tommen may be a little to innocent to see this kind of thing, it might upset him. Myrcella smiled at him when she saw him looking, Renly smiled back at her before turning around again.

'Your squire's a good one, isn't he?' Robert continued, taking a deep swig from his cup. 'Make a fine knight, that one.'

'Yes, he would.' Renly agreed, his voice suddenly quiet. Robert didn't notice, however.

'I'd be happy to knight him when you choose to do it.' He continued. 'He deserves it, does that boy. I'd predict great things for that one.'

'Yes.' Renly said flatly. It still made him uneasy discussing that kind of thing because he knew how much it would hurt having to watch Loras leave after he'd become such a prominent part of his life.

The tourney finals began with Balon Swann and Barristan Selmy. Renly watched them with very little interest. He glanced across the stands and saw Amber chatting pleasantly with none other than Petyr Baelish. Renly couldn't help but narrow his eyes at her. What in the seven hells was she doing? She was laughing and smiling at him like they'd be friends for years. _What if they have?_ Renly refused to believe Amber would tell someone like Lord Baelish his secret, but seeing her talk like that was worrying. Renly told himself she was just a convincing liar. _She's a Lannister, it's in their blood,_ he insisted. He turned his attention back to the tourney as Barristan Selmy claimed the win. Renly could feel his stomach churning as he realised Loras would be up next – against the Kingslayer.

'I hope your boy wins this one.' Robert told him. Renly heard Joffrey scoff at that but made no comment. 'I'd like to see the Kingslayer knocked down a peg!' Robert laughed as he called his squire to refill his glass. Renly recognised him as a Lannister instantly. The squire met his gaze for a fleeting moment before he shuffled away. There was nothing but contempt in his eyes. Renly couldn't help but feel a little worried for Robert, he'd taken on Lannisters as squires and filled his court with them on Cersei's demand… but they all seemed to despise him.

Loras was armoured up at the other end of the field. He had no one to help him get onto his horse but it didn't look like he needed it. Ser Jaime on the other hand was spitting insults at his squire as he tried to help him onto his horse. The dark haired squire could only stare as Jaime called him every name under the Seven.

The match begun at a stalemate. Loras was good at dodging Jaime's swings, which only seemed to rally the crowd. They'd really taken a liking to Loras.

'Have you heard what they're calling him?' Robert asked over the noise of the field. Renly shook his head, unwilling to take his eyes off Loras. 'They've called him The Knight of Flowers!' Robert seemed to find it funny, but there was fondness in his laughter. 'He's not even a knight, yet! You'll have to knight him soon, brother, else you'll have the people to answer to!' Renly knew Robert meant it as a joke but it still put fear in Renly's heart.

Loras took his chance to take a shot at Ser Jaime. It nearly unhorsed him right there, but he hung on. Renly could almost see Loras glare at him through his helm. He missed the next tilt and dodged the shot made by the Kingslayer. It was the next one that decided it. Jaime feinted into it before delivering a strong slam into Loras' ribs with his lance, it sent the boy straight to the floor. Renly wanted to shout out but had to remind himself it wasn't proper. Loras picked himself up off the floor and begrudgingly shook Jaime Lannister's hand. Jaime smirked as Loras walked away from him. Renly wanted nothing more than to go and make sure Loras was unhurt, but he knew Robert would find it strange if he left now. He resigned himself to watching the last tilt and hoped they'd be quick about it.

In his captivation watching Loras' match, Renly hadn't noticed his niece silently appear at his side. She leaned against the edge of his chair, her blonde curls swimming around her. She smiled at him when he eventually noticed her.

'He'll be alright, uncle.' She said kindly. Renly could only watch her. She wasn't questioning, like she worried about Loras, she said it reassuringly because she knew Renly was. Children were too clever, Renly thought. He picked up his niece and let her sit on his lap, which seemed to please her.

'Your squire's very good, isn't he?' Myrcella said as the final round started. She looked back up at him with her big green eyes. 'Will you knight him soon?'

'I think I'll have to, don't you?' Renly answered her, trying his best to smile.

'I should like to see that, uncle.' Myrcella told him. 'Will he be a famous knight?'

'I imagine so.' Renly sighed. Myrcella was probably right, Loras had the making to put his name in the history books. Renly didn't doubt he was arrogant enough for it.

'I asked my mother if I could come and stay with you soon, uncle.' Myrcella continued. Renly already knew where this was going. There was no chance in the seven hells that Cersei would allow her only daughter out of her sight for that long, to stay with a brother of Robert's, too. She'd hate that. 'She said I couldn't.' Myrcella concluded glumly. 'But I really wanted to.'

'Maybe when you're older.' Renly answered, trying to sound positive for the child, even though he knew even then it was unlikely.

'I hope so.' She sighed, leaning back onto his chest. He pulled her a little closer. He wouldn't mind if Myrcella wanted to come and stay with him for a while, she was a lovely child… and so unlike her mother. She was certainly nothing like Joffrey. For a start, Myrcella was completely besotted with Renly, whereas Renly didn't doubt that Joffrey would put his head on a spike if he could.

They watched as Barristan Selmy claimed the title, putting a grin on Robert's face purely because Jaime didn't win. Renly gently placed Myrcella back on the floor and got up, ready to go and find his squire.

'Are you going to find your squire?' Myrcella asked him sweetly. Renly swallowed and glanced around. Joffrey's beady green eyes were intently watching him. Renly raised his eyebrows at him and Joffrey quickly turned away.

'Yes.' He answered once he was sure it was safe.

'Please may I come with you, uncle?' Myrcella requested. Renly glanced down at her as her sweet smile appeared again. 'I'd love to meet him.' Renly could only smirk to himself. He was right, everyone was completely taken with Loras.

'Alright.' He decided. What was the harm? Myrcella linked her tiny hand through his. Renly led her to her father so he could explain where he was taking her. Robert seemed elated at the thought.

'Good!' He told him, beaming down at his daughter. 'It's just a shame the others aren't as interested! She knows what she's doing, that girl.' Robert said, glancing back at his sons. Joffrey was currently slapping Tommen with a stick. Tommen began to cry. 'Gods be good, why can't they be interested in tourneys? I'll regret the day I yield my throne to one of them.' Robert groaned. He said his goodbyes before ushering his sons back towards the litter that would take them back to the castle.

Renly led Myrcella towards his tent, where he presumed he'd find his squire. He just hoped Loras was too angry with himself, or Jaime, for that matter. He didn't want to disappoint his niece. She was smiling the whole time while he walked her to the tent.

He opened the entrance for her before letting it fall back after himself. Loras was sitting on the floor with the fabric entrance open at the other side, watching the empty tourney field. The wind was gently sweeping through his curls.

'Loras?' Renly said quietly. Loras turned around, the signs of a frown on his face. He noticed Myrcella and Renly could only be thankful that he plastered a smile on his face. He did the proper thing and knelt in front of her before he kissed her hand. That only brightened Myrcella's smile.

'Myrcella wanted to meet you.' Renly told him. Loras just nodded and smiled back at her.

'And what an honour it is, princess.' Loras told her. Renly was highly impressed at how Loras could suddenly adapt from his usual insolent self to the height of formality.

'You fought well today.' Myrcella said. 'Although I think my uncle was worried when you fell.' Loras raised one eyebrow at Renly before he turned his attention back to the princess. Renly felt himself blush. Children were not only too clever, they were too honest.

'He had no reason to worry,' Loras assured her. 'I'm not hurt too badly.'

'Are you hurt at all?' Myrcella asked, a hint of distress in her voice, though the way she said made Renly think it was only for his sake. In a way he thought it was heart-warming how caring Myrcella was on his behalf, but he also knew that she didn't understand what she was doing. If she accidently told the wrong person they could infer all sorts of things from it.

'Only a few bruises, princess.' Loras told her with a confident smirk. 'Nothing I can't handle.'

Myrcella seemed pleased with the visit as Renly walked her back to the Keep. She chatted animatedly the whole journey, which Renly was only too happy to listen to. She had nothing but kind words to say about his squire. The smile slipped from his face when he saw who was waiting for them. Cersei and two guards were standing in the archway into the courtyard. Renly sighed. He should have anticipated this. There was a fire in the queen's eyes that he was not excited to see.

'First my husband let's them watch the tourney against my wishes, and then he lets you wander off with my daughter!' She snatched Myrcella's hand and pulled her away. Renly let her do it, knowing there was really nothing he could say to ease her anger. She turned to one of the guards. 'See Myrcella safely to her chambers.' She then turned back to Renly, her golden hair flying around her, as her daughter was escorted away.

'I don't know how much clearer I can make this, Lord Renly,' Cersei hissed at him. He resisted the urge to take a step backwards. 'I want you to _stay away from my family_!'

He couldn't help but offer a smirk back to her. ' _Your_ family? I'd thought since you and my brother joined our Houses it was _our_ family.'

Cersei's eyes narrowed as her sneer intensified. 'I don't know why in the seven hells Robert wants you on the council, your insolence has no place here.'

'And yet I've heard Lord Baelish has quite the sharp tongue.'

' _Do you have an answer for everything_?' She all but shrieked. Renly cast a glance at the walkways over the courtyard, servants had stopped to watch but hurriedly went back to work when they saw him look up.

'Just about, Your Grace.' Renly answered her bringing his eyes back to lock with hers.

'I'd slap you if I didn't think you'd run off and cry to Robert.' She told him in a curiously calm voice. It scared Renly how quickly she could cool her anger. It was definitely more frightening when she was calm. She turned on her heels and stormed out of the courtyard through another door.


	16. Chapter 16

Renly had barely shut the door once he returned to his chambers when it flew open again. He spun around and saw his squire leaning against the door frame, breathing heavily.

'What happened?' Renly gasped, ushering him into the room and kicking the door shut. He led Loras to his bed where he all but collapsed.

'I lied.' Loras groaned, his whole body tensing up as he lay back on the pillows.

'About what?'

'When I told the princess I wasn't hurt.' He groaned again and curled up into a ball. 'I told her I could handle it.'

'It's evident that you can't.' Renly sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He ran his hand through Loras' hair gently. He hated seeing him in pain like this, but he'd seen that hit from Jaime, he knew Loras had to be at least a little bit hurt.

'Do you want me to fetch a maester?' Renly asked him, knowing the answer even before he'd spoken. Loras shook his head.

'It's just a bruise.'

'It seems like a bit more than a bruise.' Renly said disbelievingly. Loras managed to scowl at him even through the pain. He hadn't mentioned anything about Renly stroking his hair, so he presumed that was alright. 'Show me.' Renly told him. Loras was clearly reluctant to do it, which troubled Renly. Maybe the reason he didn't want to show him was because he was uncomfortable showing any part of his body to him. Renly couldn't help but feel a little saddened by that. He'd managed to ruin a perfectly good friendship with his feelings. But Loras did show him. He rolled onto his back and slowly lifted up his tunic, showing his ribs. Renly could barely hold back a gasp as he saw a bruise the almost the size of a melon across Loras' right side.

'Jaime did that much damage?' Renly asked him, his voice barely more than a whisper. Loras only groaned in response. 'I really should send for a maester…'

'Don't.' Loras hissed at him. He covered himself up again, biting his lip to stop himself making any noise about it.

'Why not?' Renly persisted. 'You're clearly in pain, I only want to help.' But Loras didn't seem to understand that.

'If I'm going to be a knight, I'll have endure worse than bruises.' Loras told him defiantly. The look in his eyes told Renly that Loras genuinely believed that.

'Don't say that.' Renly sighed, leaning back against the headboard to look down at his squire. 'You make it sound like you're preparing to endure death.'

'Knights die, Renly.'

'Not all of them.'

'The best of them.'

He could only stare at Loras for saying it. Was he honestly trying to say that in order to be a respected knight he'd have to sacrifice his own life? Somewhere in Renly's chest felt a sharp pain. 'Loras, really, the _best_ knights are the ones who defy death, the ones who don't let it conquer them.'

'Fine.' Loras answered flatly. 'Either way, I don't want a maester.'

'You know it's alright, don't you? Knights don't have to suffer through injuries like that, they can ask for help.' Renly reminded him. Loras only glared back and shook his head. Clearly Loras did not believe that knights required help.

Loras hadn't been in too much pain when he'd returned to Renly's tent after the tourney, the most pain he was feeling was to his pride. He couldn't get the smug look on the Kingslayer's face out of his head. It was sickening. It hadn't been a real lie he'd told the princess, at the time he could handle the pain. It had only caught up with him while he was sparring with a couple of other squires in the yard. The king's squire, Lancel, had been having a jest with him and pushed him onto the floor, which had been funny until that horrible spreading pain found Loras' ribs. Lancel had helped him off the floor and done the same thing Renly had: offered to fetch a maester. Loras was trying to look brave in front of the other squires, but even once he'd left them he still didn't want a maester. The only reason he'd gone to Renly was because he wanted comforting, not healing. He just wanted to lie there next to him and stay there for a while.

'If you won't let me get a maester, can I at least get you some dream wine? Maybe some sleep would do you good?' Renly tried again. Loras just wanted to swat him away. He wanted his company but he also wanted him to be quiet.

'I don't want to sleep.' Loras told him. When he actually looked up at Renly, he almost wanted to give in to his offer. The amount of worry he could see his lord's face made him want to agree to anything just to make him believe everything was going to be okay. But he didn't do anything of the sort. 'All I want to do is lie down for a while.' Loras told him honestly.

'You can lie down as long as you want to.' Renly said, a faint smile finally gracing his lips. 'Are you going to come to dinner?'

'I'm not hungry.' Loras replied. It was true, he wasn't hungry at all. He actually felt rather nauseous even thinking about food.

'I'll have something sent up for you.' Renly said, undeterred by Loras' answer. Loras rolled his eyes but didn't argue the topic, he knew there was no point. Loras moved a little closer so he could rest his head against Renly's hip as he sat against the headboard.

'Can I ask you something?' Renly started quietly. Loras instantly knew where this was going. Whenever one of them asked that before the real question they knew it was going to be an awkward conversation.

'Yes.' Loras mumbled without looking up. Renly cleared his throat as if trying to find something to put off asking the question.

'Well, it's just… after I did what I did, while I was drunk… it's just, you're still… I mean to say, you keep…'

'Say it.' Loras sighed. He knew where this was going, it was a wonder he hadn't anticipated this sooner.

'You keep leaning on me and touching me and… and when you pretended to be asleep last night and you fell asleep on my chest…' Normally how flustered Renly was would make Loras smile, but this time it didn't. Loras wanted to just sit up, no matter how painful, and tell Renly the truth. To tell him he was doing all those things because he wanted him to kiss him again – without fainting this time. But he couldn't, because he knew what Renly's reaction would be. He'd tell him he was sorry, that Loras had no obligation to try and reciprocate his feelings, that he didn't understand what he was doing. Then he'd say he was sorry again, not realising that saying that hurt more than everything else combined. Saying sorry means you won't do it again, Loras had been told that constantly while he was growing up in Highgarden.

'It's because it doesn't bother me.' Loras told him bluntly. 'The fact that you kissed me doesn't make me want to change how I act towards you.' It was the truth, he'd just skipped over the bit he felt was most important.

'It doesn't?' Renly repeated, shock evident in his voice. 'But why?'

Loras sighed and hauled himself up to look back into those brilliant green eyes. It was so painful to sit up but it was worth it. Now was when he had no choice but to tell the honest truth or deploy some lies.

'You were drunk, you didn't know what you were doing. I can hardly hold that against you.' Loras said, trying not to let the sadness creep into his tone. Renly wasn't ready to hear the truth, he decided.

'Well… thank you.' Renly answered slowly. Loras swallowed and tried to keep a believable expression, although by the way Renly was studying him he didn't think he was doing a good job. 'But what was wrong last night? You were crying…'

'Please don't ask me about that.' Loras shot back, emotion sweeping its way into his voice. Renly seemed taken aback to hear it.

'It's clearly important…' He started. 'I thought we didn't keep secrets.'

 _The Others take you_ , Loras thought. Why did he have to be so good with words? He was right, they didn't keep secrets, Loras had told him the exact same thing when he wanted to know Renly's secret.

'We don't keep secrets.' Loras sighed. 'But I don't feel like I can tell you yet. I… I'm not ready to. I'll tell you eventually.'

'You're not ready to?' Renly repeated in disbelief. 'Whatever this is, Loras, I can help. It can't be worse than what I trusted you with.' Loras stared back at him for a moment. He was right, it wasn't worse, it was exactly the same.

'I'd say it's about parallel with that.' Loras told him, surprised at the shallowness of his own voice as he said it. 'But I will tell you at some point. When I'm ready to.'

'Do you promise?'

'I promise.'

Renly broke a smile at that, which Loras couldn't help grinning back at. He was still in so much pain but seeing Renly smile at him like that definitely helped.

Loras didn't go to dinner that night. Renly had helped him back to his own chambers and Loras had barely moved since being deposited onto his own bed. He stared out of the window for hours before it went dark and all he could see were the stars. Renly had still not returned. Loras got the foreboding feeling that the king may have incited another round of drinking for his younger brother. Loras made a mental note to pretend to be asleep if Renly came in afterwards. As much as he hoped he would kiss him again, he didn't like the idea of having to tell him about it again. That was one of most difficult things he'd ever done.

A knock came at the door, frightening Loras half to death as he'd completely tuned out watching the stars. He groaned as he hauled himself off the bed and made it to the door. He expected it to be Renly, even though he wouldn't bother knocking, but it was not. It was the last person he expected to see. Outside his door stood Jaime Lannister, complete with a pristinely white cloak. By his side was a bedraggled looking Lady Amber. Loras just blinked at them, he had no idea what he was meant to say.

'I apologise for the hour of this call.' Jaime said stiffly. His eyes looked Loras up and down and a smirk found it's way to Jaime's lips as he realised Loras was hurt. Loras just scowled at him. 'What you're going to do is let Amber in here and you're going to look after her tonight. Then you're going to forget who brought her here. Understood?'

Loras gaped at him. How was he allowed to just appear in the middle of night and order him around? 'Why can't she stay with you?'

Jaime rolled his eyes and sighed in annoyance. 'I'm a knight of the Kingsguard, I can hardly take her back to the tower, can I?'

'No.' Loras mumbled. He'd known that and still asked his question. He felt even more stupid now. He glanced at Amber but she was just staring at the floor. 'What happened?' He asked, not entirely sure who he was addressing the question to.

'I'm sure Amber will explain.' Jaime said, his voice softening slightly. He gently lifted Amber's chin up and ran his hand through her hair. 'Amber?'

'Yes, I'll explain.' She said quietly. Her golden eyes found Loras and he couldn't help being taken aback. He'd only ever seen Amber cry once, but this looked far worse. Her eyes were bloodshot and watering, like she'd had some kind of fit.

'Okay.' Loras sighed. 'Come in, Amber.' She glanced up at Jaime. He pulled her into a hug before giving her a gently nudge into Loras' room. She sat down on his bed, leaning her head against the bedpost. Loras looked back at Jaime.

'This never happened.' Jaime told him forcefully. 'The last time you saw me was on that tourney field. Understand?'

'Yes, ser.' Loras said.

Jaime made to leave but turned quickly back. 'How badly did I hurt you?' He asked him, a strange glint in his eyes. Loras felt like however much he'd hurt him would not be enough. Loras sighed and lifted his shirt up to show Jaime the bruise.

'Sorry about that.' Jaime said, though he didn't sound awfully sorry. Loras presumed getting the apology in the first place was probably a triumph coming from Jaime Lannister. 'Look after my cousin.' And with that he took his leave. Loras watched him go before he shut the door and turned back to Amber. She hadn't moved a muscle since she sat down on his bed. She looked… broken. He carefully sat down next to her. She was wearing her nightclothes, wrapped up in a silk gown tied tightly at the front. Loras glanced down and saw a cloth wrapped around her arm, the kind of cloth maesters gave for wounds.

'Amber,' he started softly. 'what happened?'

Her eyes darted up from the floor and for a moment she didn't look as if she knew where she was. She remembered when she saw Loras looking back at her. 'There was a raven from Lord Tywin.' She whispered, her voice threatening to crack again. 'He's… he's arranged my marriage to someone else.' She shut her eyes as one solitary tear escaped.

'Who to?'

Amber's eye flickered open and glared at the floor. ' _A Florent_.' She hissed. Loras could sympathise with that. Growing up he'd been in contact with many Florents and did not find them at all agreeable.

'At least you could be near Highgarden…' Loras tried to give her a silver lining but she shook her head as more tears fell from her eyes, cascading down her cheeks.

'Not in the Reach.' She breathed, wildfire burning in her eyes. 'Dragonstone. One of Stannis' Florents, some cousin of Lady Selyse.' She brought her eyes back up to meet with Loras'. 'Dragonstone.' She repeated, nothing but hatred in her voice. 'I wanted to marry Renly and they send me to _Dragonstone_! They could have married me to another Estermont so I could at least stay in Storm's End, but no! It had to be a Florent on bloody Dragonstone!' Her voice had raised so much she was close to screaming now. Loras wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to do with her.

'Even Florents in the Reach wouldn't be too saddening,' she continued. 'at least then I could have gone up to see Highgarden – at least the Reach is _pretty_! What is there for me on Dragonstone? Nothing but stone carvings and Florents!' The way she spat out the name Florent sent a shiver down Loras' spine. He really felt for her, but realistically there was nothing he could do.

'Maybe you could try and reason with him… I have a brother still unmarried – he's the heir to Highgarden…' He didn't think Amber would be too interested in marrying Willas but it had to be better than going to Dragonstone. Garlan, on the other hand, had already wasted no time in informing Loras that he was betrothed to a Fossoway girl he was completely besotted with.

'My uncle won't listen.' Amber sighed, dragging her hand through her hair in frustration. 'Apparently Stannis has been demanding a few things on the council and marrying me off to his wife's cousin is a peace offering. I'm an _offering_.' She hissed. She didn't speak again for a while, so Loras just drew his arm around her. She leant back onto him and they just sat there together, Amber gently sobbing onto his shoulder. From that angle he could see that the bandage on her wrist went all the way up her forearm. He couldn't help but wonder what had happened and who'd done that to her. Maybe she wasn't so quick to her knife this time if she was accosted by another drunk knight.

'Amber, what happened to your arm?' He said eventually, after plucking up the courage to ask. She tensed in his embrace.

'Please don't ask me about that, Loras.'

'Okay.' He replied meekly. 'Are you… do you want to stay here tonight or should I take you back to your rooms later, or… to the queen?' He wasn't trying to get rid of her, it was just that he hadn't realised how much hugging Amber would hurt his bruise. If he could just try and get some sleep, lie down for a while.

'Can I stay here, Loras?' She questioned, her voice quiet again.

'Of course you can.'

She looked up at him, the amber in her eyes softening. 'No, I mean it's not going to cause problems if I do, is it? I mean to say…' she glanced towards the door. 'Renly's not going to mind?'

'Why would he mind?' Loras asked cautiously. Amber was onto a dangerous secret there. She knew they'd sometimes shared a bed back at Storm's End, but that had only been a few times, nowhere near a majority. Why did she think it would be common to happen in King's Landing? Yet Loras knew it was common to happen here. It had happened the night previously.

Amber didn't give him a verbal reply, only gave him a look that told him she knew.

'Amber, it isn't like that.' Loras told her.

'But you want it to be like that.' She said in a whisper.

'I…' Loras tried to deny it but his tongue wouldn't let him. He had to tell someone. 'Yes. I'm not going to tell you otherwise but Renly doesn't want that, he keeps… apologising.'

'Have you told him you feel like this?'

'No.'

'He did something when he was drunk, didn't he?' Amber asked, though her voice said she already knew the answer. 'I thought something had happened when I saw him.'

'He kissed me.' Loras told her, surprised she could actually hear him since his voice had become so quiet. 'He didn't remember and I had to tell him…' He could feel his throat closing up and he inwardly yelled at himself not to cry in front of Amber. 'He kept telling me he was sorry and that he shouldn't have done it…'

'But all you want is for him to do it again.' Amber summarised. Loras just nodded. He couldn't speak now, his eyes were so close to releasing tears. She smiled fondly at him as she pulled back to run her fingers over his cheek. It took him that long to realise he had not been successful in holding back tears. 'I should marry you, Loras, that way neither of us can have what we want.' He couldn't help but offer his own weak smile back at her. It was only then he remembered that perhaps Amber wasn't the best person to trust with his feelings. He couldn't take back what he'd said but he had to try and at least justify it.

'Amber,' he started slowly. 'I don't want to offend you, but… _did_ you tell Jaime about Renly?'

She raised one eyebrow at him and he instantly knew he shouldn't have asked. He was asking for a slap like she gave Renly for the same question.

'No, I didn't.' She told him confidently. 'But he's hardly good at keeping it to himself.'

'Excuse me?'

Amber sighed at his naivety, which aggravated Loras no end. 'Loras, Storm's End and King's Landing are very different places-'

'So I keep being told.'

'Would you listen to me?' Amber gave him a gentle slap on the arm. It didn't hurt but he glared at her anyway. 'Renly likes to think he's being discreet, and he was when he was younger, but when you're nearly seventeen and unmarried – especially being the comely younger brother of the king – people do start to suspect things.'

Loras knew he should have seen that earlier. Renly could have his pick of women to marry him. Granted, his marriage would probably be one made of political alliance but even getting to seventeen was suspicious for that. It didn't seem like the king was going to much effort to marry him off, he was a third son after all, but it still must have looked strange.

'I never thought of it like that.' Loras said stupidly. Amber gave him a pitying look.

'Of course you didn't.' She told him. 'Why would you? I'm sure watching him get married isn't high on your agenda.' He just shook his head. 'Come on, we should get some sleep. Cersei says everything looks better in the morning, except the king, so I suggest we heed her words.'

Loras agreed with her. Amber crawled into the other half of his bed and dropped her head onto the pillow. It took Loras considerably longer to get into bed while he tried not to move his ribs while doing it. Eventually he sighed as he could relax.

'You know you'll have to tell Renly eventually.' Amber told him in a whisper. He knew that all too well.

'He already knows there's something I'm not telling him. I told him I wasn't ready to say anything about it.'

'Aren't you?'

'Well…' He tried to think about it but it was all so confusing. There were too many variables, too many ways that situation could go. 'It's all quite strange to me, I didn't even realise I was… I was…'

'Like Renly?' Amber offered. Loras nodded with a sigh.

'I didn't realise until recently so it's still really… new, I suppose. I'm trying to understand it…'

'But you know if you tell him he'll help you. He's been through that. And it's always nice to have someone reciprocate your feelings.'

Loras couldn't say anything for a while after that. Just hearing Amber say it meant so much. She didn't have her feelings reciprocated by Renly, and Loras couldn't even begin to imagine how difficult it was for her to try and counsel him about this.

'You'll figure it out.' Amber told him as she turned onto her back and looked at the ceiling. 'We all will.' She cast another look back at him. 'But I expect you both at my wedding, despite what you have or haven't told him.' She flashed a quick smile before she turned over to put her back to him.


	17. Chapter 17

Loras woke up before dawn that morning. For a while he couldn't place why. He could feel Amber curled up against him, her arm draped over his chest. It was when he looked down and actually saw her arm that he realised why he'd woken up. Whatever had happened to Amber to have resulted in the bandage had started bleeding again and seeped through the bandage onto Loras' nightshirt. He could feel warm blood sticking to his skin through the fabric.

'Amber?' He whispered, turning over to look at her. She looked like she was still sleeping, but surely if the blood had woken him up, why hadn't it woken her up? Surely it was painful… ' _Amber_?' He tried again, a little louder. Nothing. He gave her a gentle shake on the shoulder, then again with a little more force. 'Seven hells, Amber.' He muttered to himself. He scrambled out of the covers and tried to drag her upright but she was completely limp in his arms. He needed to go and get someone, he couldn't just leave her like this! He had to go but he couldn't leave her on her own… what if she bled to death because he wasn't there to stop the bleeding? He cast Amber another look before he darted through the door and kicked open the door to Renly's chambers without a second thought.

Predictably, Renly was still asleep, wrapped up in his blankets and burying his face in the pillows. Loras hated to wake him but he didn't even think twice about it. He shook him a little harder than he intended, Renly jumped and sat bolt upright.

'What?' He gasped, staring around the dark room for a second before he noticed his squire. 'What happened? Are you okay? There's blood on your shirt…'

'Yes, I'm fine.' Loras said quickly, grabbing his arm and all but dragging him out of bed. 'Amber's not.'

'Amber?' He questioned, still drowsy from sleep. 'Why is Amber here?'

'That doesn't matter, I'll explain later.' Loras pushed him into his room and he stopped talking the second he saw Amber.

'In the name of the Seven what happened to her?' Renly said in barely more than a whisper. He sat down next to her and delicately touched her cheek. He turned back to his squire, his eyes full of panic. 'Loras, she's cold. Why is she cold?'

'I don't know, I'm not a maester!' Loras hissed at him. 'Just press down on the blood, try and stop the bleeding – I'm going to fetch someone.' He watched to make sure Renly did what he told him before he bolted down the corridor and took the steps two at a time. He didn't stop running until he reached Grandmaester Pycelle's studying rooms. He was almost sure the maester wouldn't be there but hoped that someone might be, one of the boys who trained under him. Anyone.

'Hello?' He called out, his voice echoing against the rows of bookshelves. 'Hello? This is important, is anyone here?'

A book fell onto a table somewhere in the room, almost making Loras jump, but not quite. He was in far too much of a hurry to bother with fear. A young man leaned around one of the bookshelves, his sandy hair falling over his eyes.

'Can I help you?' He called back to Loras.

'Lady Amber… she's not well, she needs help…'

'Lady Amber?' He repeated, his eyes widening a little. 'I saw the Grandmaester treating her last night.' He said quickly, grabbing a wooden case from under a table and jogging over to Loras. 'The stitches must have come undone.' He said as Loras led him out of the study and back towards his own chambers. He broke into a run again, which didn't seem to be the kind of pace the Grandmaester's assistant was used to.

'Come on!' Loras ushered him, stopping briefly to shout over his shoulder. 'She's the queen's cousin!'

'I know!' He panted as he tried to catch up. 'Forgive me if I'm not in the peak of physical condition, I work for a man who takes an hour to climb the stairs to his own rooms!'

Loras rolled his eyes at him before he grabbed his arm to pull him up another flight of stairs so he couldn't lag behind. After what seemed like far too long they reached Loras' room again, the door still open where he'd left it. Renly was holding Amber's wrist but she was still unconscious. Loras gently put his hand on Renly's shoulder to tell him he could stop now. He softly pulled him up and away from Amber as Pycelle's assistant took over. It took Loras this long to notice Renly was crying. He wordlessly slipped his hand through Renly's. Neither of them looked down or said anything about it.

The assistant peeled back the bandage over Amber's wrist, which was now caked in blood, but the blood pooling out of her wrist was far worse.

'What happened to her last night?' Loras ventured as the assistant started tying a cord in a knot at her elbow to stop the bleeding. He didn't look up to answer but Loras never expected him to.

'Pycelle didn't say, but it was obvious she'd cut herself.' He told him. 'That doesn't happen by accident.'

Loras felt Renly squeeze his hand on hearing that. Amber had done it deliberately. She'd tried to end her own life. Loras instantly felt guilty for not pressing her to tell him about the bandage last night. If he'd have known he'd have pretended to be asleep so he could watch her all night and make sure she was alright. But she never told him. He cursed himself for not having made the connection anyway.

'I should find Ser Jaime.' Loras said quietly.

'Why?' Renly asked him in a whisper. Loras glanced back at the assistant… Jaime told him not to tell anyone he'd brought Amber here. He decided it was best to do as Jaime said. Loras shook his head and led Renly out of the room.

'He brought her to me last night.' Loras whispered to him. 'He told me not to tell anyone but I think he'd want to know about this.'

'So might the queen, are you going to find her?'

'Don't be ridiculous.' Loras said heatedly. Renly only raised his eyebrows. Loras realised he was the one being ridiculous, going to find the man who'd threatened to break his ankle and administered a horrible bruise to his ribs… but Amber was his cousin, and he clearly cared for her.

'I'm sorry.' Renly said eventually. 'You're right. You should go and tell Jaime. I just… I don't know why she'd do this…' His voice cracked as he bit his lip to keep from crying again. Loras only then realised he was still holding his hand. He cleared his throat and let go.

'She got the message that she was going to marry someone else, last night.' Loras informed him.

'Who?'

'A Florent.'

'That's not so-'

'On Dragonstone.'

'Oh.' Renly sighed. 'Yes, I imagine she wouldn't like that.'

'Wouldn't like that?' Loras repeated, trying his best to keep his voice under control. 'Renly, she's in love with you and they're sending her halfway across the country!'

'Do you think I _want_ to be away from her? Don't you think I'm blaming myself enough, already? If I'd have just married her like I was meant to then none of this would have happened! She wouldn't have… she wouldn't be…' He couldn't keep his voice going after that, he just dropped to the floor. Loras glanced down the corridor to where a serving girl was watching with wide eyes. She turned on her heels the second she saw Loras watching her. He got to the floor as well, to look his lord in the eyes.

'Look at me.' He told him forcefully. Renly blinked back a few more tears before he lifted his eyes to meet his squire's. 'This is _not_ your fault. Amber knew this would happen and she knew why you wouldn't marry her.' He lowered his voice even more to make sure no one else could hear. 'This is Tywin Lannister's fault. He could have married her to another Estermont, like her original marriage was supposed to be, but he chose not to. This is _his_ fault.' Renly just stared back at him with those big green eyes. 'Do you understand?'

'Thank you.' Renly whispered back. Loras just shook his head, it was ridiculous that Renly would even think to thank him for that. It was the truth after all.

'And wipe your eyes before Varys or Littlefinger shows up and wonders why you're showing such care for the girl you didn't want to marry.' Loras whispered to him. That seemed to have an impact as Renly immediately wiped his eyes on his sleeve. 'Go back to your room.' Loras told him, helping him up off the floor. Renly glanced back through the doorway to where Amber was. 'I'll come to you once I've told Ser Jaime.' Loras assured him. Renly just nodded before he went back to his room and shut the door.

Loras had to really force himself to go and look for the Kingslayer, but he knew it was the right thing to do. He also knew where the White Tower was, he'd seen it on the ride into King's Landing. It took him a while to navigate his way back out of the keep but he got there. He didn't exactly know what he was supposed to do now he'd got there, so he knocked on the door. Nothing. He knocked again a little louder.

The door swung open. Jaime raised one eyebrow when he saw who it was. Then he saw the blood on Loras' shirt.

'I'll get my cloak.' Jaime said quickly, before Loras could even tell him what had happened. Jaime reappeared within seconds, shutting the door behind him. 'Is she alright?'

'Not really, ser.' Loras said honestly. 'I woke up and there was just blood… Pycelle's assistant's with her.'

'Why weren't you watching her?' Jaime all but growled at him.

'Watching her?' Loras repeated. 'Because I was sleeping! I didn't realise what she'd done!'

'You didn't notice the bandage?' Jaime hissed, leading Loras into the stables and beginning to saddle a horse.

'I didn't realise what it was for! How I supposed to know she'd done that to herself?'

'What did you _think_ it was for?' Jaime's voice had raised considerably since their conversation began. 'She was clearly depressed when I brought her to you, why else would she have had to have her wrist wrapped up?' Jaime slapped him across the back of the head. Loras resisted the urge to moan about it or make some kind of remark.

'If she dies, Tyrell, this is on your head.' Jaime told him as he mounted the horse and sped off towards the keep. Loras could only watch him before he started the walk back.

He climbed the stairs only to find that there was now a considerable amount of people milling around his room. Jaime was in there, like Loras presumed he would be. He peered in and noticed that the queen was also there, though she had her back to him. Jaime's eyes flickered upwards and met with Loras'. He swallowed and looked away, opening the door to Renly's room and not glancing back.

Renly was sitting on his bed, just staring straight ahead. It was evident he'd been crying again. He looked up as he heard the door.

'Loras, can you put something else on, please?' Renly asked him quietly.

'Sorry?'

'Another shirt, can you put a different shirt on, please?' Renly repeated, his voice still deadly quiet.

'I don't have-'

'Take one of mine.' Renly interrupted him, waving towards the chest of drawers. 'I… I can't look at you while Amber's… while her blood is on your clothes.'

'Of course…' Loras sighed, he should have realised sooner. He opened the drawers and took out the first thing he found. It was a plain black tunic with the Baratheon sigil on the front at the shoulder. He took off his own bloodied shirt.

'Renly, what should I do with mine?' He asked him. The room was too quiet, there was no noise from outside, like the whole world was waiting with baited breath for Lady Amber's fate. Renly turned to look at him but his eyes welled up again when he saw him.

'Put it on the fire, they won't get the blood out.' He told him. His eyes were looking over his chest and for once Loras actually felt like he should cover up. It was only when he looked down at himself that he realised why Renly was staring. He wiped his eyes again.

'There's blood on your chest.' He whispered, his voice tight again. There was dried blood from where it had seeped through Loras' shirt.

'I'm sorry…' Loras started, but Renly just shook his head.

'Come here.' He told him. Loras did as he was told. Renly got up and took a cloth from beside the bowl of water at the window. He dipped it in the water and came back over to his squire. The cloth was cold against his chest but Loras didn't make a sound. He knew his mind should be still, he should be praying for Amber, but he couldn't ignore how it felt while Renly was pressing that cloth over his chest. Renly was wiping blood of his chest, Loras reminded himself, it was macabre, he shouldn't be thinking of the things he was…

'Are you alright?' Renly asked him, stopping his hand as he looked back into Loras' eyes. He just nodded, not trusting himself to use his voice in case it gave away what was in his head. 'You look…' Renly didn't finish his sentence. He took away the cloth and dropped it into the bowl of water. He didn't turn back around.

'You can put the shirt on now, Loras.' Renly told him flatly. He was almost certain Renly knew what he was thinking about. It was all Loras could do to maintain control of his body, he couldn't stop his expressions betraying his feelings, as well.

'Renly, I don't understand why-'

'We're not talking about this.' Renly cut him off. He turned back around, his green eyes now cold. 'Not now.'

'But-'

'This isn't a joke!' Renly hissed at him, taking a few steps closer. Loras was very aware it was not a joke, but he kept himself quiet. 'The jest you played the other night was one thing, but you're taking it too far. It's not funny anymore!'

'I know.' Loras said, his voice barely audible compared to the raised voice Renly had used. 'I'm sorry if you thought that.'

Renly observed him for a moment before he sighed and just shook his head. 'Sorry.' He said. 'I apologise. It's my fault, of course you're going to act like this – how else were you going to act? I'm sorry. You have every right to be ashamed and embarrassed because of me, I shouldn't have touched you like that. I'm sorry.'

'Stop apologising.'

'First I kiss you when I'm drunk and now this. You can go if you want to. I don't want to keep you in here against your will.'

Loras understood it now. Renly didn't read his expression at all. He caught the embarrassment, the shame, but he misread it. Loras was embarrassed that he'd let himself think like that, not because Renly was touching him and he didn't like that. The way Renly told it made it sound like Loras didn't have the heart to tell him to stop or that he thought he couldn't because Renly was a lord.

'No, it's alright, really.' Loras told him.

'It isn't… I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry.'

Loras shook his head and took a step forward to place his hand on Renly's shoulder. Green eyes stared back at him.

'It's _fine_.' Loras told him. 'I'm just worried about Amber. You didn't do anything wrong.'

'Amber… right, of course.' Renly sighed, a half-smile finding its way onto his face. 'You're only worried about Amber, of course.' He moved Loras' hand off his shoulder and gave him a gentle clasp on the arm. 'I misread that, I'm sorry.'

'You really need to stop apologising.' Loras said, offering his own smile.

'And you really need to put another shirt on.' Renly told him with a small smile. Loras managed a weak laugh before he moved away from him to put his shirt on. He glanced down at himself. He looked wrong in black. It wasn't a colour he wore very often. He turned round to find Renly smiling at him as he sat back down on his bed.

'It's strange seeing you in my House colours.' Renly told him, the smile still on his face.

'Do you like it?' Loras ventured. He knew he shouldn't ask that, he knew it wouldn't sound right. Renly would probably think he was joking again.

'Yes.' Renly answered surely. 'It suits you.'

That put a smile on Loras' face. He tried his best to dim the smile – this was not a moment for happiness with Amber on the brink of death in the next room. But it elated him to hear Renly say that.

A knock at the door stopped them, the smiles falling from both of their faces. Renly looked on the verge of tears again so Loras went to the door. He opened it to find Ser Jaime standing outside it with a familiar bundle of fur in his arms. Lioness. He glanced at Loras' shirt and raised an eyebrow at him.

'I'm not even going to ask.' He sighed. He held out the cat and pushed it onto Loras' chest until he raised his arms to hold Lioness himself. 'Bloody cat found its way up here and wouldn't leave her side.'

'She's Amber's cat…'

'I know.' Jaime hissed at him. 'But she's in the way, she kept hissing every time someone tried to touch Amber. They're moving Amber back to her chambers soon and in the meantime, I want you to keep _that_ in here and out of the way.'

'Alright,' Loras agreed, giving Lioness a gentle scratch between her ears. She didn't purr. 'ser.' Loras added quickly. Jaime only shook his head and walked away, back to Amber. Loras tried to peer into the room but Jaime shut the door behind him. Loras kicked the door shut and dropped Lioness onto Renly's bed. She padded around unhappily before she decided to settle against Renly. He looked helplessly up at Loras. Neither of them had anything to say about that.

'They're moving Amber soon.' Loras informed him quietly. 'Back to her own chambers.'

'Did Jaime say how she is?' Renly asked hopefully. Loras just shook his head and the hope fell from Renly's face.

'Loras,' he started in a whisper. 'what if… what if she-'

'She won't.' Loras told him almost through gritted teeth.

'But what if she does?'

'Amber's the strongest woman – no, the strongest person – I've ever met.' Loras told him honestly. 'If she doesn't make it, there's no hope for the rest of us.'

No questions were raised when Loras didn't go back to his own room once servants had cleaned up and replaced the bedding. He didn't even entertain the idea of going back there. He'd already allowed one of his best friends to nearly die during the night, there wasn't a chance he was letting Renly out of his sight. King's Landing, however, had other plans. Lancel appeared at the door a few hours later to inform Renly that the king requested his presence.

'Loras, why don't you go down to the yard?' Renly told him with a sigh. He didn't want Loras to leave him, he didn't feel strong enough to be alone, but he didn't have a choice. Loras didn't seem impressed by the idea, but he agreed nonetheless. Renly assured Lancel he could find Robert by himself and told him to go and practise with Loras. The smile that found it's way to Lancel's face on hearing that was not one Renly wanted to remember. He seemed a little too happy to have been told to spend time with Loras. But Renly didn't have time to question it. He'd learned long ago that you did not keep Robert waiting.


	18. Chapter 18

He pushed open the door to Robert's solar, where he was sitting stamping letters at his desk, taking deep swigs from a cup between stamps.

'You wanted to see me, Robert?' Renly said quietly, shutting the door behind him. Robert put down the stamp, picked up the cup and turned around in his chair to look at his youngest brother.

'I'm sorry about what happened to the Lannister girl.' He told him. Renly could only nod in response, he could already feel his eyes starting to prickle with the all too familiar feeling of tears. 'I should think Lord Tywin's not feeling too clever now. He can't make that peace offering with Stannis if his offering is dead, can he?' Robert let out a laugh. 'Always knew that girl was different.' Renly didn't comment on how wrong Robert actually was, since he'd congratulated him on not marrying her and now he was commending her act of apparent rebellion.

'But, anyway,' Robert continued, taking another drink from his cup. 'that's not what I called you up here for.' He cleared his throat and called his other squire to refill his cup. 'I hear you didn't give Jon Arryn an answer. I want you on the council, Renly.'

'Why?' Renly asked, finally finding his voice.

'Because you're my brother and you need to learn how things work in King's Landing. You can't hide in Storm's End forever.'

'I was rather planning on doing just that, actually.' Renly said with a sigh. 'Why do I need to learn the ways of King's Landing? I'm never going to be king, so surely the best place for me is our family seat?'

'Truth be told, Renly,' Robert said, wearing that family smirk he could share with his brother. 'I can't put up with Stannis on my own. Or the rest of the council. I want someone around with a little wit! Someone who can put Littlefinger in his place and who isn't afraid to tell Pycelle when he's droned on for far too long!'

'I'm sure there are many others would could-'

'No.' Robert said surely. 'No. There's only my brother.' He offered him an unusually fond smile. Renly couldn't help but smile back. 'But, you take your time, little brother. Find yourself a nice girl and make a woman of her. But then come back because I need you here more than she'll need you in her bed.' Renly could feel himself blushing at that kind of talk, knowing none of that would be happening – not if he had any kind of say over it.

'As such,' Robert continued, evidently not noticing his brother's evident discomfort. 'you'll be doing a proper coming of age tour while you make up your mind. Take your time, travel the country, find the right girl – not a Lannister, mind you.'

Renly did not particularly like the idea of a tour. He'd done a small coming of age tour two years ago when he turned fourteen but he'd hated every minute of it and cut it short under the pretence he'd been taken ill. It was too much of lords and bannermen trying to force their daughters on him. He found it all very embarrassing.

'Robert, really, that's not necessary-'

'Yes, it is.' Robert insisted. Renly knew better than to argue with him. He just sighed and let the king have his way. It was safer that way. 'And that squire boy of yours, he can come with you. You can tell everyone he'll be a knight soon and find him a girl, too. Do his father a favour, win us back some friends in Highgarden.'

'So you can have an extension on your debts?' Renly said before he could stop himself. Robert stopped the cup halfway up to his lips and glared at his brother. The glare broke soon, though, into a grin as Robert laughed at him.

'Very good.' He beamed at him. 'You see, that's the kind of wit I want in my small council!'

Renly left Robert's solar feeling very uneasy about the whole topic. As much as he loved his brother's company, he couldn't quite bring himself to imagine leaving Storm's End. It was their family seat and Robert was insistent on dragging him away from it? He did not like that idea one bit.

On his way back through the royal wing of the castle, he heard a noise across the quiet that stopped him in his tracks. Crying, he could definitely hear crying. A woman, most likely. He didn't want to intervene but he knew he ought to. He followed the sound into a courtyard containing a sunlit garden. Trees lined the sides of the garden, while flowers of all colours sprouted up from the grass and in the bushes. It was an altogether lovely place with a white swinging bench in the centre. The woman crying was seated on that bench. It was her identity that shocked Renly. It was the queen. He wanted to back away and pretend he'd never seen, but she'd already spotted him.

'Lord Renly.' She said stiffly. She was going to try and convince him she hadn't been crying, but it was a false endeavour. 'You shouldn't be here, these are the royal quarters.'

'I know, Your Grace.' Renly said, his voice much softer than the one he usually used to address the queen. 'I was just returning from visiting the king.'

'Well, go on then. Return.' She hissed at him. He sighed and tried to talk himself out of what his body was trying to do. He failed, and approached the queen. She looked horrified.

'Your Grace, I know you're upset. You don't need to hide it. We're all upset about Amber.' Renly told her, trying to hold the nerves back in his voice. Her emerald eyes softened slightly as she shuffled over on the bench, wordlessly inviting him to sit down. Once he did, he noticed something else. A bruise on her shoulder. He didn't need her to tell him how she'd acquired that. She saw him looking and instantly looked at the floor.

'Robert did that, didn't he?'

'Yes.' She sighed. 'But I suppose he thought I deserved it at the time.' She flashed him a devious smile. 'I probably did, yet I don't regret it at all.' He smirked at her, which she seemed to appreciate. Both their smiles dropped quickly, as Amber returned to their minds.

'Amber's never been one to give in easily.' Cersei said with a fond sigh. Renly could only look at her. The queen had grown up with Amber, Renly had only known her since then, for four years. 'She used to pick up swords while the master at arms wasn't looking so she could spar with Jaime. Eventually he stopped chastising her when she did it.' She wiped a stray tear from her eye. 'I suppose she's trying to do that now. Try and kill herself enough times and my father will stop trying to marry her off.'

'I think it might be who she's marrying that's the problem.' Renly offered. Cersei's cold eyes stared back at him. He knew what she was thinking – if he'd have just married Amber they wouldn't be in this situation.

'Yes.' She said eventually. 'Yes, you're right. But she'll come round. You don't get to be a Lannister lady without marrying someone you hate.' She smiled coldly. 'In the end, I suppose that's why she could never have married you. She'd have been too _happy_.'

'I doubt that, Your Grace.' Renly sighed, letting his eyes wander around the flowers of the garden. He couldn't help but think they wouldn't hold a candle to the kind of gardens they must have where Loras was from.

'So do I.' Cersei answered quietly. Renly quickly turned back to her, wide-eyed.

'I'm sorry?'

She simply raised one eyebrow, her green eyes sparkling with secrets. 'Exactly how long have you been fucking your squire?' Cersei asked him in little more than a whisper. Renly felt like his heart was being wrenched into his throat by a fishhook.

'I… I don't… I haven't…'

'It doesn't look that way, Renly.' She told him in a soft voice. She was treating him like a brother. Like how she was supposed to have treated him since she married his brother. It unnerved Renly to hear her being so friendly.

'It may not, Your Grace,' he told her forcefully. 'but, I can assure you, there is _nothing_ like that taking place.'

'You sound almost forlorn at that notion.'

'Do you have to notice everything?'

'Usually.' Cersei answered with a rare smile. He grinned back at her, which only made her laugh. Renly realised then that he would be hard pressed to remember a time he'd actually heard her laugh before. Her laugh sounded like Amber's.

Somewhere outside the courtyard footsteps began to come into earshot. Cersei sighed and looked back at him. He already knew what was happening, he'd have said the exact same thing if she hadn't have beaten him to it.

'You realise this conversation never happened, don't you?' She told him, re-setting her voice to her normal cold tone. He nodded.

'I do, Your Grace.' He answered flatly, but flashed a smirk back in her direction. 'I'll return to answering you back and being as insolent as possible.'

'And a marvellous job you do at that.' She told him with one last smile. 'Good day, Lord Renly.'

'And you, Your Grace.' And with that he took his cue to leave.

He'd never liked Cersei, ever since the day she'd married Robert. It hadn't been an ideal match, even Robert would admit that. He'd fought an entire war for the woman he loved and it killed Renly to see his brother's efforts go to waste when he ended up married to a Lannister lady who's brother was the Kingslayer. Granted, Jaime's actions were for Robert's side, but the Lannisters really took their time in actually choosing their allegiance. It was a rare thing that Renly had just been part of, he hadn't assumed Cersei was actually capable of behaving like a real human with actual emotion. He supposed it was mainly due to her cousin's condition, her nerves were frayed, she was worried, she wasn't in her right mind. But it didn't change what he'd seen. It also didn't change the words they had exchanged. Considering Renly had been trying to hide his secret since they got to King's Landing a shocking number of people seemed very aware of it. He could now add Cersei to that list. He concluded that he must be a very bad liar.

Regardless of how it might look, Renly went to the yard on his way back to his rooms. It occurred to him that it was behaviour such as this that attracted people's attention to his secret, but he did it nonetheless. Loras was practicing at jousting with the king's squire. Renly was all too aware of how willing Lancel was to spar with Loras. He watched as Loras easily defeated him, sending the blonde boy straight off his horse and onto the floor. He couldn't help but smile at that. Loras continued with a few other squires, but it was Lancel that Renly was watching. He was leaning against the wall intently watching Loras, a strange kind of smile playing on his face. Renly didn't like it one bit.

'He's good, I'll give him that.' A voice said from somewhere nearby. Renly cursed himself for getting so absorbed in watching his squire, he'd let Jaime Lannister sneak up on him.

'His is.' Renly said flatly, unwilling to even grace the Kingslayer with his gaze. He could practically _hear_ Jaime smirking behind his back. He took a step forward to lean against the fence, bringing himself level with Renly. Now he could see the Kingslayer smirking instead.

'Does he have other talents hidden away in that small frame?' Jaime asked casually, though there were definitely undertones of other things in his voice.

'I don't doubt it.' Renly answered stiffly. Jaime turned to look at him, wearing a very interested expression. Renly had to fight back a smirk before he continued. 'I think he's also very good at archery.'

'Oh, _very good_ , Lord Renly.' Jaime said with a grin. 'You almost had me with that one. However, I can't help but wonder about the Tyrell boy's _swordsmanship_.' The way he said the word sent shocks of anger through Renly. He hated them speaking in code like this. If anything, he'd rather Jaime just said it outright, as his sister had done. But no, he wanted to try and get Renly to squirm under scrutiny. Renly vowed he would be unsuccessful.

'I hear he's very good at that, too.' Renly told him, his eyes still never giving the Kingslayer the opportunity to unnerve him. 'I've heard he's oft been compared to you in that particular skill.'

Jaime actually laughed at that one. 'You truly are Robert's brother, though with somewhat more wit. I imagine Lord Baelish would relish your company on the council… should you take up the position.'

'So I am given to hear.' Renly finally allowed Jaime to have his full attention now that Loras had dismounted and gone into the stables. He didn't miss the quick smile his squire had sent his way before he departed. He didn't bother to inquire as to how Jaime knew he'd been offered the position on the small council, he knew how close he and Cersei were. He watched as Loras left the stables, exchanged a few words with Lancel before taking off alone in the opposite direction to his room.

'Where's he going now?' Renly muttered to himself as he watched his squire.

'You'll want to keep a shorter leash on that one.' Jaime told him with a sigh. Renly could only look back at him. Jaime shrugged. 'He'll want knocking down a step before he becomes a knight. A real one, not like the commoners are calling him.'

'Is that so?' Renly shot back, anger getting the better of him. 'As it would happen, _ser_ , the comparisons to yourself do not stop at his skill with a sword. My master at arms has remarked on a few occasions how much he seems like "a young Jaime Lannister". Make of that what you will, Kingslayer.' And with that he turned away from Jaime and made to follow his squire… wherever it was he was going. He regretted taking his leave so suddenly, on reflection he so badly wanted to see the look on Jaime's face at his last comment.

Renly lost Loras somewhere near the corridors to the Grandmaester's wing of the Keep. He hunted around for a while but found no sign of him. In the end he just had to give up and go back to his rooms to get ready for dinner. There wasn't any sort of feast tonight so he'd be eating in his solar, but that didn't mean he shouldn't make an effort. He called for some water for a bath and had a few moments of peace in hot water before the door burst open. He didn't even need to look to see who it was, no one else would be so insolent as to just presume they had his leave the enter.


	19. Chapter 19

Renly lost Loras somewhere near the corridors to the Grand Maester's wing of the Keep. He hunted around for a while but found no sign of him. In the end he just had to give up and go back to his rooms to get ready for dinner. There wasn't any sort of feast tonight so he'd be eating in his solar, but that didn't mean he shouldn't make an effort. He called for some water for a bath and had a few moments of peace in hot water before the door burst open. He didn't even need to look to see who it was, no one else would be so insolent as to just presume they had his leave the enter.

'And where have you been?' Renly asked over his shoulder. Loras shut the door and stopped in his tracks.

'Sorry.' He said quietly. 'I didn't realise you were taking a bath. I could… I'll come back.'

'Don't be ridiculous.' Renly told him. Loras blinked a few times before he forced himself to move forwards and sit on the bed. It only took a slight glance sideways for him to realise he should not be sitting there. He could see straight into the bathtub. He didn't actually catch a glimpse of anything, though a part of him wished he had, but he knew if his eyes had lingered a little longer he would have seen. He got off the bed and sat on the floor instead. Renly only watched him in confusion.

'Well make your mind up.' He said with a laugh. Loras managed an awkward smile.

'Sorry.' He said quickly. 'I'll stay on the floor. I won't move again.'

Renly just raised an eyebrow at him. 'Are you alright? Normally you'd argue if I told you to sit still. You'd have changed your position at least twice by now.'

'I'm fine.' Loras lied. In actual fact, he was not fine at all. He'd got a lot of news in a few short hours. For starters, Garlan had found him in the yard and told him the date had been set for his wedding to the Fossoway girl. He'd invited Loras, obviously, but he'd also said he planned to invite Renly. He'd told Loras that it was apparent that Lord Renly had made quite an impression on him and that it would look good for the family to have the Lord of Storm's End present at a wedding. Loras could only smile back, words evaded him. All that seemed like a lot, but then he was summoned to the Maester because a raven had come from Highgarden. His suspicions were roused further when he made to undo the letter only the find the first line read _Open when alone. Burn after reading_. He hadn't read any further since then. He'd intended to read it once he got back to his chambers, but his feet had taken him to Renly's instead. And then he'd been distracted.

'So, go on then, where did you vanish off to after your training session?' Renly pried. Loras realised he'd been silent for much too long to be considered normal behaviour from him.

'There was a raven from Highgarden.' He told him with a sigh.

'Oh? Anything interesting?'

'I don't know. I haven't read the message yet.' Loras had abandoned the paper somewhere on the bed where he'd dropped it.

'Why not?'

'The first line told me to read it when I was alone.'

'So you brought it here?' Renly said with a smirk. 'Do I count as _alone_ to you now?'

Loras shrugged. Truth be told, yes, he did count as alone. He'd have told him whatever was in the message anyway. Loras carefully stood up, deliberately placing his gaze on places he felt were safe, as he retrieved the letter. He sat back down and unrolled it fully. He read it in silence before he relayed it back to Renly. He could barely force the words out of his throat.

'It's my grandmother.' He said quietly. Any word from her meant he'd either done something wrong, or she was up to her old tricks in some kind of scheme or other. 'She thinks she should… no, she thinks we should try and marry Margaery to your brother. The king, I mean.' Loras folded the letter up before he got up and promptly threw it into the fire. He watched as the words danced behind the flames before they were smouldered and turned to smoke.

'And she told you to burn it?' Renly inquired. Loras turned back around, forgetting to avert his gaze and instantly forced his eyes shut.

'Yes.' He answered, opening his eyes once he was certain his gaze was far enough above the bathtub. He didn't miss Renly roll his eyes, though. Loras sat down again and pretended not to have noticed.

'Hold on… you said _we_. What have I got to do with all of this?'

'Apparently she has heard I'm… fond of you, as she put it. She thinks you might be able to persuade the king better than she could.'

'I doubt that.' Renly said with a smirk. 'Your grandmother could persuade a hermit out of its shell.' He ducked his head under the water and resurfaced having found another question. Loras couldn't help but notice how Renly's hair shined even more than usual when it was wet, and with water dripping off his face like that…

'Sorry?' Loras asked, realising Renly was waiting for a response to a question Loras was too busy staring to hear. He received a curious look from Renly before he repeated his question.

'I said, Robert already has a wife. What does she propose we do with Cersei? I know the Queen of Thorns likes to get involved with schemes, but I didn't think she was in the habit of murder.' He said with a grin.

'Apparently she has a theory. That's all she said.' Loras relayed. Renly watched him for a moment before shrugging.

'Would Margaery want to marry Robert? I can't imagine it's something many girls would want.'

'He's the _king_.' Loras reminded him, earning himself another smirk.

'Fair enough.' Renly sighed. 'As long as your sister is willing to put up with him, she can be my guest. She'd make a better goodsister than Cersei.'

Loras could only nod and lean back against the bed behind him. He glanced at the window where Lioness was curled up sleeping. He wondered how sound Amber's sleep was at that moment. Was she dreaming? Or was it just blackness?

'It's your name day soon, isn't it?' Renly started up again. Loras tore his eyes away from the sleeping lion.

'Yes.' He answered. 'I'll be fourteen.'

'Any ideas as to what you might want for a gift?'

'You don't need to.' Loras told him, feeling a blush creeping up his neck.

'Of course I do!' Renly grinned back at him. 'What kind of a friend would I be if I didn't?'

'Really, just spending the day with you is enough.' Loras said without thinking. He instantly realised how strange that must have sounded. He stared at the floor under the bathtub.

'How… kind of you.' Renly answered slowly, evidently finding it as strange as Loras thought he might. He didn't make a comment on it, though. 'Well, if that's what you want then I'm sure it won't be a problem… but we do that anyway, it's hardly _special_ , is it?'

Loras disagreed. It was definitely special, and if he were more pious he would thank the gods every day that he got to spend so much time with Renly. But he wasn't, so he didn't.

'But we could do something different.' Loras told him. Renly only stared at him at that, something very similar to worry behind his eyes. Loras knew he'd phrased that a little differently than he'd intended, but if anything he did want to try something _that_ different with Renly. He'd just never say it. 'We could go hunting or just for a ride with the horses… we could just go into the woods and stay there all day.'

'Why would you want to do that?' Renly laughed, the very idea seemed curious to him. Loras tried to find an answer that didn't involve saying something similar to _because I want to spend every waking moment I can alone with you_.

'We're always busy with something. I'm always training, you've always got ravens to answer or people to speak to.' Loras said, hoping that would sound honest enough. It was true, after all.

'Alright.' Renly agreed casually. 'But I'm still going to get you a gift. I've already got something in mind, it would be a shame to let it go to waste.' Loras narrowed his eyes at him but Renly only grinned back. Loras knew better than to pester him to tell him, he never would.

'Anyway,' Renly continued once conversation had stopped. 'I saw Lancel watching you today.'

'He's probably jealous. I was very good.'

'And very modest.' Renly smirked at him, running a soap through his hair. Loras did his best to keep his eyes in line with his lord's. 'But no, he wasn't just watching you, he was _watching_ you.'

'You do realise you're saying the same word, don't you?' Loras said flatly. He couldn't deny that he'd noticed Lancel watching him, though, it was somewhat unsettling.

'He was… leering.' Renly told him, clearly having searched for a more fitting word.

'Leering?' Loras repeated. 'You don't mean… Lancel doesn't…'

'Doesn't he?' Renly questioned, disbelief evident in his tone. Loras found himself remembering Ash's words telling him it wasn't as uncommon as he thought. Renly ducked his head under the water and resurfaced once more.

'But why would he…' Loras had to really force himself to say it. It had become so much more difficult to talk about since he'd had to hide his own feelings from Renly, too. 'Why would he like me?'

'Really, Loras? You're really asking that question?'

'I don't understand…'

Renly turned a little more so he could face him. 'Loras, you can't honestly be so blind not to see it, can you? The girls here are completely besotted by you, the common folk have fallen in love with you and I kissed you. Are you honestly asking me why someone should like you?'

'But…'

'Loras, don't be stupid. Without meaning to embarrass you – you're the most handsome man I've ever met. And I doubt that I'm the only one.'

Loras had to bite his tongue to stop himself replying to that. He wanted to say the same thing to Renly, that he'd never seen eyes more enticing or a smile so infectious… he'd never met anyone he'd wanted to be with more. He deliberately made a point of putting his palms flat on the cold floor beneath him to make sure he resisted the urge to sit forwards and just kiss him. He couldn't help but wonder what would happen if he did. Renly wouldn't push him away, at least not at first, but he'd probably apologise after. He'd think he'd somehow made Loras think it was his duty to reciprocate feelings he didn't have. He wouldn't understand. Loras was still trying to work out a way to make him understand that the feelings he had for him were real.

'Thank you.' He said eventually. 'For whatever of those reasons Lancel likes me… he's not going to get very far.'

'I know.'

'You do?'

'Of course. You don't like men, why would you be interested?'

Loras just nodded back, well aware that it probably wasn't very convincing. For a minute there he'd thought Renly might actually realise he liked him, but he didn't. Loras should have known better.

'Garlan came to find me today.' Loras changed the topic before it could get any more awkward. 'He told me he wants to invite you to his wedding.'

'That's nice of him.' Renly said with a smile. 'Why, though?'

'He said you'd made an impression on me. I think that means he knows we're friends.' Loras told him, trying to keep his tone calm. 'And it would look good if the Lord of Storm's End turned up at a Tyrell wedding.'

'I imagine it would.' Renly said with a smirk. 'Does your father still think I might hold a grudge over the siege?'

'I don't think he wants to take any chances.'

'Either way, I'd like to go.' Renly told him. 'I'd love to see Highgarden.'

'Garlan will be pleased.' Loras said with a sigh. He was glad Renly wanted to go, of course, but he knew it meant he'd meet Loras' grandmother. She knew _everything_ , and if she didn't, she'd be very swift in finding it out. The last thing he wanted was her to find out what Loras' feelings were towards him. Not that he thought she'd have a problem with that, she'd probably seen far stranger things in her lifetime. But it didn't mean he wasn't scared of it.

'Can you do something for me?' Renly asked him, breaking his thoughts. He nodded meekly. 'Go and ask the servants to come in here? I'm going to get dressed.'

'You sent them into your solar?' Loras asked him. Usually they just stayed and waited for you to finish your bath so they'd know when you wanted to get out. Loras no longer had that luxury, being a squire he was normally just left to his own devices.

'I wanted to be alone.' Renly told him with a smirk. Loras couldn't decide if it was because of their earlier conversation about Loras' considering himself alone when he was with Renly, other whether it meant something else. Loras didn't feel like he was in a position to dwell on that thought.


	20. Chapter 20

He did as he was asked and went into the solar, where he found the servant waiting for instructions. He passed the message along and watched as he went back to Renly. Loras silently wondered if any of the servants knew Renly's preference, and if they'd cause a scene if they found out. He then saw the girl setting up the table in the solar for dinner.

'M'lord told me to lay a place for you, ser.' She told him with a shy smile.

'That's kind of him.' Loras said, unsure of what the appropriate response was. 'And I'm no ser. I'm his squire.'

'They're calling you a ser in the streets.' She told him brightly. 'The Knight of Flowers they call you.' He stared at her while she began putting cutlery out. They called him a knight? She seemed to feel him staring and turned back around.

'You deserve it,' she said softly. 'ser.' Loras swallowed as he tried to smile back at her. She was acting a little more flirtatious now and it was making him uncomfortable.

'Well… thank you.'

She smiled up at him, batting her eyelashes over pretty blue eyes. 'Oh no, it's for _me_ to thank _you_.' She told him sweetly, though he feared her intentions were far less than sweet. 'And a knight like you deserves the world.' She placed her hand gently on his shoulder. 'The Knight of Flowers.' She repeated, the words barely leaving her lips. It didn't send shudders through his body, it didn't arouse him, it just made him feel stupid.

'Really, you don't need to-'

'It's alright.' She smiled again, this time biting her lip.

'It really isn't, I don't-'

The door to the solar squeaked open but the girl didn't move.

'Tyf, I think you're making him uncomfortable.' Renly told her calmly, moving over to the table and straightening the cutlery she'd laid out. 'You can go now.'

'Yes, m'lord.' She said quickly, taking a step back from Loras. 'Thank you, m'lord.' And with that she took her leave. Renly only offered a smirk for his squire. Loras ran his hand through his curly hair and straightened his shirt.

'There were other ways to handle that advance, you know.' Renly told him, leaning against the table. Loras could smell the food and it instantly made him hungry. He hadn't eaten lunch, or breakfast, because he'd been too busy thinking about Amber.

'I imagine there were.' Loras said simply. Renly must have seen him staring at the food because he gestured towards the other seat before he himself sat down. Loras just grinned at him as he sat down opposite him. 'You didn't have to set a place for me, you know.' He told him, once he'd picked up a piece of bread. He would be gracious about it but he wasn't going to let him change his mind.

Renly just shrugged. 'I wanted to. It was either set a place for you or eat alone.' He told him with a grin.

'Don't jest – you wanted me here.'

'True.' Renly smirked at him before he took a drink from his cup.

'So, what did the king have to say?' Loras asked once they'd both had some time to eat something without the need to talk.

'He was just reminding me that he wanted an answer about the small council.' Renly sighed. Loras could tell there was another piece to the story, so he just waited for it. 'And that while I make up my mind I've got to do some visiting.'

'Visiting?'

He nodded with another sigh. 'Parading around while lords try and persuade me to marry their daughters.'

'Sounds lovely.' Loras said flatly.

'Oh, don't think you can jest about it – you're coming with me.'

'I'm sorry?'

'You're my squire, of course you're coming with me.'

'But I thought…' Loras wanted to say something about Renly making him a knight, especially with his name day coming up soon, but he couldn't quite bring himself to say it.

'I'm being tactical about it.' Renly told him, that famous smirk returning. 'I don't want to go alone, so you're staying my squire until I'm at least done with this ridiculous tour.'

'Now you're behaving like a real lord.' Loras grinned back. Deep down, he wasn't too disheartened by it all. Renly had practically said he didn't want to knight him because he wanted to spend more time with him, Loras wasn't going to turn that down.

He shrugged and smiled back. 'It had to happen sometime.'

They finished the meal and continued the conversation, but Amber was still playing on their minds. Renly especially. He couldn't shake the feeling that this was all his fault. Most of all, he'd never forgive himself if Amber didn't make it. And neither would her family – yet another debt the Lannisters could pay back with interest. When it came to going to bed, there wasn't even a discussion of Loras going back to his own room.

'I couldn't.' He told Renly as they both stared at the ceiling. It had got so dark he could barely see anything but he didn't mind spending time talking to his squire. He didn't mind spending time doing anything with him. 'I couldn't sleep in there even if I wanted to. I know they've changed the sheets and cleaned the room, but…' His voice went a little quieter. 'It still happened there, didn't it? They can't clean up the memory.'

'I know.' Renly told him, trying to be comforting. He wouldn't have been able to go back there either. He wanted to do everything to stop himself thinking about Amber though, he'd only get upset again. It wasn't that he was embarrassed getting upset in front of Loras, it was more like he felt as though he didn't have any right to be upset in the first place. It was his fault Amber was having to marry someone else, he'd done this to her.

'She told me she wants us both at the wedding.' Loras said quietly.

'Assuming she makes it to the wedding.' Renly muttered. He wished he hadn't said it but he couldn't stop himself. Loras didn't comment, Renly just heard him sigh – possibly in agreement. Cersei was right, Amber was most likely to keep trying this until either Tywin Lannister gave up or… or she didn't cling to life long enough to see if it worked.

They'd both gone to sleep after a while, when talking about Amber became too much they both decided it was better to just go to sleep. Renly's dreams were filled with memories of Amber, just little things she'd said and done back at Storm's End. The way she was always so sarcastic and cold but if Renly had ever needed someone to talk to she was always warm and comforting. And she'd tried to help him on so many occasions. She didn't deserve what she'd got. Being sent to Dragonstone was the last thing any Lannister wanted, let alone Amber. It was his last memory of Amber that eventually woke him up – the memory of him pressing down on her wrist to try and stop the flow of blood, then staring down at his own hands and seeing them covered in Amber's blood.

His eyes flew open and he had to make a conscious effort to slow his breathing back down. Somehow in the night he'd ended up wrapped up with Loras. He wasn't about to question how that had happened, but Loras actually seemed asleep this time. He was curled up with his back pressed against Renly's chest. Renly found his own arm draped across Loras' ribs, softly moving it when he realised he might wake him up if he caught his bruise. It then became apparent Loras was having a considerably different sort of dream to Renly's, as he heard him moan gently in his sleep. Even that sound sent sparks through Renly, he could feel the hair on his neck standing on end. He wanted to let go of him but he was too scared he'd wake him up. He had to bite his lip to keep from making a noise himself when Loras backed his hips up against him. It was at this point Renly knew he had to disentangle himself before the tension in his small clothes became noticeable. The last thing he wanted was for Loras to wake up and realise what exactly was pressed against him. Renly gently moved his arm away from him and did his best not to move the bed too much as he turned over, away from his squire. He only hoped that maybe if he went back to sleep so would his arousal.

After a few more moments of listening to Loras moan in his sleep, Renly wondered if he'd actually get any sleep that night. He couldn't stay up and listen to that and there was no way his brain would let him sleep while hearing it. He'd be concentrating so hard on trying to force his brain onto another topic that it made him jump when Loras sat up, the motion almost tipping him off the side of the bed. He could hear Loras breathing heavily and clearly he'd woken with a start. He didn't know whether or not it was appropriate to ask him if he was alright or just pretend he was still asleep. In the end he didn't have to make the decision as Loras quietly got up and went into the privy. He was gone for quite a while, giving Renly the chance to try and think of anything else. But his mind kept telling him what Loras was probably doing to himself in there and that only made things worse. He cursed himself for having to do it, but he thought of the only thing he could think of that would change the situation. Amber.

Loras came back and his eyes visibly widened when he saw that Renly had turned over and watched him come back into the room.

'Are you alright?' He asked him in half a whisper through the silent room.

'I'm fine.' Loras said, though his voice was shaking. He slid back into the bed and pulled the sheets back over himself.

'Are you sure?'

'Yes. Of course I'm alright. Why wouldn't I be?' Loras' voice was noticeably tight. Renly had to stop himself smirking because he knew what Loras wasn't saying.

'I don't know.' Renly said casually. 'You were… restless in your sleep. I thought maybe you were having a nightmare.'

'No.' Loras hissed back. 'I'm fine.'

'It wasn't a nightmare, though, was it?'

'No.'

'You were dreaming about _someone_.' Renly said with a quiet laugh. Loras glared at him, barely visible in what little light there was.

'Can we stop talking about this? I can't help what I dream about, can I?' Loras said moodily. Renly could tell this wasn't going to end well if he kept teasing him about it.

'Fine. Have it your way.' He sighed, turning back to stare at the ceiling. 'I don't need to know what girl you're thinking of, anyway. Though I'd have thought I'd have noticed if you'd ever talked to a girl before.'

'I've talked to plenty of girls.' Loras insisted.

'Have you?'

'Of course.'

'When?'

'Back home.'

'That's curious, since you told me you didn't have any experience with that.' Loras practically growled at him for that statement. Renly just raised his eyebrows at him, knowing full well he probably couldn't see him anyway. That was a strange thing, though, Renly hadn't seen him speak to any girls in King's Landing aside from Amber and Tyf the serving girl… and he hardly seemed confortable with Tyf's advances. Renly had noticed that instantly. He couldn't help but wonder if there was a possibility he wasn't thinking about a girl at all… but then he reminded himself that was probably just wishful thinking.

'Can we stop, Renly?' Loras asked him, his voice shaking somewhat again. 'Please, I'm embarrassed enough already.'

'Alright.' Renly agreed. He didn't have enough information to continue the conversation anyway. 'I'll just try and go back to sleep. You know we _can_ talk about this kind of thing, don't you?'

'I know.' Loras muttered, then turned away from him. Renly just wanted to pull him back to him, stay as they had been when he'd woken up. But he knew that was something neither of them had planned and probably wouldn't happen by accident again.

But it did happen again. For two days after that event Renly woke up in the morning to find Loras somehow wrapped up with him, in one way or another. It wasn't a problem usually, since they'd both wake up, say nothing about it, then go back to their day. However, it was the third day when things threatened to get a little more complicated. There was a knock on the door, which woke Renly. Loras was still fast asleep, curled up with his back against him again. Renly knew he had to answer the door but he just didn't want to move. He had to resist the urge to kiss the back of Loras' neck when he got up. He carefully got out of bed and crept towards the door, opening it only a little bit so whoever it was couldn't see who was sharing his bed. Outside the door was the king's squire, Lancel. Renly held back the temptation to roll his eyes.

'What?' He asked him quietly. He didn't try to be mean to him but he couldn't help it, knowing how Lancel had been staring at Loras. He hadn't stopped it during the training sessions that followed either, if anything his gaze had only intensified.

'Lady Amber's awake, my lord.' He told him, staring at the floor rather that at Renly. 'She's asking for you.'

'Right.' Renly sighed. 'Thank you.' He added, realising he should at least be thankful someone told him Amber was awake. He shut the door and couldn't stop himself smiling. Amber was awake. She was asking for him. She actually wanted to see him! He went over the bed without a second thought and gently shook Loras awake. He groaned on being woken up but eventually opened his eyes.

'Amber's awake!' Renly grinned at him. Loras' eyes widened and he instantly sat upright…then clutched his side where apparently his bruise had protested. 'Go and get dressed, then we'll go and see her.' He told him. Loras just nodded and left the room.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the continued support for this story:))))

'Amber's awake!' Renly grinned at him. Loras' eyes widened and he instantly sat upright…then clutched his side where apparently his bruise had protested. 'Go and get dressed, then we'll go and see her.' He told him. Loras just nodded and left the room.

Once they were both washed and dressed they met again in the corridor and started the walk up to Amber's room. Renly could feel his heartbeat in his neck with anticipation to see her. He knew he should be thankful she made it, he should go down to the Sept and pray, but he had no intention of it. The gods had driven her to this in the first place, it was only levelling everything back out to bring her back. Besides, Renly had been told on numerous occasions as a child about the sorts of things the gods didn't like – and his sexual preference was one of them. He didn't think they'd listen even if he did pray to them.

Amber was sitting up in bed when they reached her, with Grandmaester Pycelle pouring some liquid into a cup at the side of her bed. Amber offered a small smile when she saw her friends. Her blonde hair was a mess and there were dark circles around her eyes but at least she was conscious. The bandages on her wrist were back, Loras noted that they looked tighter this time. There was a similar wrap on her other arm.

'Preventative.' She told them, raising her right arm to show the new bandage. 'In case I decide to try again.' She said it a little too much accusation, causing the Grandmaester to narrow his eyes a little at her.

'I'll be outside, my lady.' He told her stiffly. He stopped beside Renly in the doorway. 'Lord Tywin has decreed she's not to be alone at any time. Come and tell me when you're leaving.' And with that, Pycelle took a seat in the corridor and opened up a book he'd been carrying. Renly closed the door to him and turned back to his friend. There was a scroll of paper on the table by her bed, an opened message.

'I'm sorry.' Amber started, most of her apology directed at Loras. He looked as though he was about to cry. 'I should have told you when you asked about the bandages. I was just… well, I was embarrassed.'

'You shouldn't be.' Loras told her quietly. Amber just shrugged and brushed her hair behind her ears.

'And you,' her golden eyes flickered back to Renly. 'I know you think this is your fault. It isn't. I promise.'

He approached her bed and took her hand in his. 'I know, Amber.' He glanced back at the message. 'What's that?'

Amber's smile intensified a little, something fond behind it. She let go of Renly's hand and picked it up. 'It came from Dragonstone while I was unconscious. It's from… well, it's from my betrothed.' She said with a smirk, but her eyes were still warm. 'It's a list of all the flowers he's had planted around his land for me. He says he's doing everything he can to make the place as pretty as Highgarden.' Her voice caught as she said it, but neither of her friends mentioned it. 'And I know that's impossible, Loras, don't bother correcting me. But at least he's trying.'

'He can try.' Loras said stiffly, but smiled at her after a moment.

'So, I see you two arrived together, as usual.' Amber said with a smirk. Renly flashed a glare at her, whereas Loras just stared out of the window, as if trying to wish himself outside instead. 'Have you spent a lot of time together while I've been… absent?'

'I suppose.' Renly shrugged, trying to force himself to seem casual. Amber couldn't withhold a delicate laugh, which quickly turned to a cough. Renly handed her the cup of water from the table. She cleared her throat and just smirked back at him.

Loras didn't miss the obvious joke at their expense. He glared at Amber, hoping she'd stop talking about this, but she didn't even notice him. Either that, or she was deliberately pretending not to have noticed. It made Loras even more embarrassed given what had happened since Amber had been unconscious. She only knew what Loras had told her that night, but plenty had happened since. He couldn't help but feel embarrassed every time Renly gave him _that_ look at night, the kind of look that reminded him of that dream he'd had. Renly didn't know who it was about, and he never would, but just the thought of Renly knowing the sort of dream it was, made Loras uncomfortable. It had, of course, been about Renly. He'd dreamt that he'd finally gotten up the courage to tell him how he felt and he'd kissed him again, except this time things had the time to let things go a lot further, so much so that it brought a blush to his cheeks to even think about it. He'd woken up with a start, forgetting who he was sharing a bed with, and only feeling more ashamed when he remembered. He knew he couldn't just go back to sleep, his small clothes had become very uncomfortable during his dream and he didn't know how he could ignore it and go to sleep. Renly was still asleep, turned over away from him, so Loras got up to relieve himself of the… problem. He'd had the shock of his life when he found Renly awake when he came back. He just hoped he didn't know what he'd been doing, as Loras remembered that he might not have been able to stop himself saying Renly's name while he was doing it. He prayed, to gods he knew weren't listening, that Renly hadn't heard him.

'So,' Renly said, swiftly changing the topic. 'when's the wedding?'

'Not long.' Amber sighed, but it was a fond kind of sigh. Loras had the feeling she might have changed her mind about her betrothed somewhat. 'My uncle is worried I'll do something like this again,' she held up one arm to demonstrate the point. 'so he's doing this as soon as possible.'

'Aren't you scared?' Renly asked her. Loras knew this resonated with him, after all, this would be him at some point. He'd probably get some letter from the king telling him he was to marry some girl he'd never met in an allotted amount of time. Loras just had to hope it would never come to that.

'No.' Amber answered simply. 'It's _him_ who should be scared.' She said with a laugh. 'I'm hardly easy to handle.'

'True.' Renly grinned at her. 'Four years with you at Storm's End was… lovely, but taxing.'

'I do my best.' Amber smirked back.

They left Amber after a while, when she became tired again, and Grand Maester Pycelle went to tend to her. They began the walk back through the yard quite happily, until Loras suddenly tensed and stopped walking. Renly turned back to him wearing a curious expression.

'What is it?' He asked quietly, glancing around them.

' _Him_.' Loras hissed at him, his eyes not moving away from the man he'd seen. Across the yard Loras had seen the Red Viper of Dorne. Oberyn Martell. Loras could feel his pulse rising in anger. 'The Red Viper.' He breathed. Renly saw who he meant and just looked back, puzzled.

'He's the one who crushed Willas' leg. He did that to him.' Loras told him.

'Didn't that happen in a tourney?'

'Yes, but there was no need for what he did to him. It was unnecessary. He crippled him for life.' Loras almost growled. Renly nodded, but Loras felt his hand on his shoulder, willing him to stay by his side.

'Don't do anything stupid.' Renly warned him quietly. 'I know he hurt your family, but don't fall to his level.' Loras remained silent, staring at the ground to stop himself reacting to the sight of him. He could feel his fists involuntarily clench by his side.

'Ah! Lord Renly!' And there it was. The very last thing Loras wanted to hear. He kept his eyes on the ground as he heard the Red Viper approaching them.

'Prince Oberyn.' Renly answered, forcing a smile. He himself wasn't overly fond of the man, he always seemed like he was plotting something.

'And your squire,' Prince Oberyn continued. Loras bit his tongue as he locked eyes with the Dornishman. 'Tyrell, isn't it?' Loras felt Renly give him a gentle nudge in the side.

'Yes, my lord.' Loras said stiffly. The Red Viper just nodded, wearing a sneering sort of smile.

'Very good.' He replied, his voice dripped in that slippery Dornish drawl. 'I saw him in the tourney, Lord Renly,' he continued. Renly nodded along as he tried to keep his smile fixed. 'he was very impressive, wouldn't you say?'

'Yes.' Renly answered slowly, wondering where this conversation was going. 'Yes, I was very proud of him.'

'Were you? Yes, you do seem very close with each other.'

'Well, we really should be going-'

'Before you do,' the Red Viper said quickly. 'you ought to visit Dorne soon. Prince Doran has been talking about it for a while, but now I see that it really would be good to have you see Dorne.'

'Oh… well, yes, perhaps.' Renly stammered. Why would he want to invite him to Dorne? He could almost feel Loras' anger radiating beside him. 'Good day.' He said quickly, leading his squire away from the Martell prince.

That night there was a final feast to mark the end of the festivities for the king's tourney. Renly tried to make the walk to the hall last as long as humanly possible, and that did not go unnoticed by his squire.

'It'll be alright.' Loras tried to reassure him. Renly only sighed and tried to agree with him. 'You'll only have to sit up there until they start the music.'

'I know.' He said quietly. He turned to observe his squire, those lovely brown curls that framed his face seemed especially lovely that night. 'Then you'll come and find me, won't you?'

'Of course.' Loras grinned back at him. That put a genuine smile on Renly's face. Although it did not change the fact that he had to spend another night in the company of the queen. He had the foreboding feeling that she would be more rude to him than usual, to make up for how nice she'd been during their brief encounter in the royal gardens.

Loras watched as Renly flashed him an uneasy smile and turned around to make his way to the high table. Loras wasn't sure how long he'd been staring after him, but he felt a tug on his sleeve and was greeted by a bemused smile from his brother. Loras tried to be casual, but he feared he wasn't doing a very good job. He sat down, all the while under the scrutiny of his brother's gaze.

'You do realise you were staring at Lord Renly, don't you?' Garlan asked him quietly.

'I wasn't staring.' Loras hissed back, glancing around to make sure no one else was listening. 'He was worried about sitting with the queen, I was just trying to make sure he was alright.'

Garlan shrugged and took a drink from his cup. The first course had been brought out but Loras felt that he suddenly didn't have any appetite. Garlan seemed to be enjoying himself, chatting animatedly with a few other knights from Highgarden who'd come to King's Landing with his party. Loras watched them talk but didn't add anything to their conversation. He stole a glance back up at Renly, where Amber was sat at his side, an awkward smile on her face as the queen had clearly brought up an uncomfortable topic again. Amber caught him looking and flashed him a quick knowing smile. Loras whipped his head back around, trying to hide his embarrassment at being caught.

'So, have you told Lord Renly he will receive an invitation to the wedding?' Garlan asked, almost startling his younger brother by even engaging him in conversation.

'Yes.' Loras answered quietly, trying to calm his voice.

'Was he pleased?'

'Oh, yes, he was very pleased.' Loras told him, taking a deep breath before he lifted his head up to smile at his brother. Garlan beamed back and messed up his brother's hair with his hand. Loras scowled at him and shook his head to reset his hair.

'You two really have become very close.' Garlan observed, casting a glance up at Lord Renly. 'You seem like good friends.'

'We are.' Loras said honestly, supressing the need to sigh fondly as he thought of it.

'You are fortunate. I saw Jaime Lannister's squire the other day, poor boy, he looked like he'd been beaten black and blue.' Garlan informed him. Loras thought of Ash and felt a sudden guilt for him. If Loras thought his own bruise from the Kingslayer was bad, how much pain would Ash be in? Loras could only nod back at his older brother.

'But, anyway,' Garlan continued. 'I'm glad you've found a friend in Lord Renly. Our lord father will be pleased, Lord Renly is a good friend for Highgarden to have.'

Loras was glad when the main courses were over and the music started up for dancing. Garlan left him to take a pretty Estermont girl to dance. She seemed pleased to have been asked, but by now everyone knew that Garlan would be married soon. Loras took a deep drink from his cup before setting it down again. When he turned back around he was greeted with the familiar sight of those brilliant green eyes and infectious smile of Lord Renly. He grinned at him as he sat down next to him.

'How was it?' Loras asked.

Renly shrugged and sighed. 'Tolerable. The queen was up to her usual tricks, this time blaming me for Amber's… incident.'

'That's not fair,' Loras told him. 'surely Amber told her it wasn't your fault?'

'Oh, she did just that. But it wasn't enough… it never is for the queen.' Renly told him with a half-hearted smirk. Loras' eyes found Lady Amber, who'd now been asked to dance by Garlan as the song changed. She had long sleeves on her dress to hide her bandages. Tonight she was wearing gold, which Loras decided was very ambiguous. Everything about Amber was carefully planned out, in wearing gold she was wearing both Lannister and Baratheon colours, making it difficult for Loras to ascertain who she was working for tonight, her family or her friend? She seemed happy dancing with Garlan though, as she wore a pleasant smile and chatted sweetly with him.

'How's Amber?' He asked eventually, still watching her twirl around the floor in the arms of his brother.

'She's better than she was.' Renly told him with a sigh. 'I think she might actually be happy, eventually. Her betrothed seems to be making a lot of effort for her.'

'She deserves it.' Loras said quietly.

'I know she does.' Renly agreed, lowering his voice to match. The music stopped as the musicians got ready to change to the next song. 'Excuse me.' Renly said suddenly, as Garlan released Amber. Loras offered him a knowing smile before Renly turned his back and extended his hand to Amber. She looked up at him with a smile and accepted.

'So this is it.' Amber said as she draped her arms over Renly's shoulders. Her amber eyes were sparkling more than usual that night.

'It is.' Renly agreed, his hands finding her waist as he gently spun her around. It was moments like this that reminded him of how they'd been when Amber first came to Storm's End. Back when he was convinced he'd be able to love her like she wanted, and back when she believed that, too. But everything had changed since then. They'd both grown up and realised that they wanted very different things.

'You know Cersei doesn't mean it, don't you?' Amber told him in a whisper, pressing herself a little closer to whisper in his ear. He didn't mind, they'd been closer than this before.

'I wouldn't go that far.' He answered flatly. He heard Amber laugh as she pulled away a little to let him spin her around again. She grinned back.

'She doesn't.' Amber repeated. 'I know she doesn't.'

'If you say so, Amber.' Renly told her with a fond sigh. She just nodded her head and smiled again. He'd never seen her quite so happy, which was unusual given that she'd tried to end her own life a week ago.

'Will you miss me?' She asked.

'Of course.' Renly told her honestly. He'd miss her more than she'd probably ever know. She'd been the one constant in his life while everything around him was changing.

'And you'll come and visit me, won't you?'

'Of course.' He said again, flashing a smile at her before he added, 'assuming Stannis will allow me to visit that frequently.'

Amber raised one eyebrow with her classic smirk. 'When has what Stannis says ever stopped you?'

'True.' He said with a grin. Even when he was a child, he was always disobeying the orders of his older brother. They'd never agreed with each other and never got along. Not like how Renly got on with Robert, they had their disagreements but they would always be close. He knew that.

'And you'll bring Loras with you?'

'As long as I can, yes.' He told her. She smiled again and glanced back at Renly's squire. He was sitting and chatting with his brother across the room.

'You do realise it, don't you?' She asked cryptically. Renly tilted his head to look at her but her expression gave nothing away.

'Realise what?'

She smirked and shook her head. 'How can you not see it? Are you blind?'

'Amber, I don't know what you're talking about.'

She actually laughed this time, drawing her arms a little tighter around her friend. 'I see the way you look at him, Renly.'

'That's beside the point,' he hissed at her. 'I can't be with him like that, so it's worth nothing to talk about it.'

'Isn't it?' Amber whispered back, her eyes shimmering in the light. 'I think it is. We're going to spin around one more time and you're going to turn and look at him. I guarantee he'll be watching you.' Renly just stared at her before he did as he was told and spun her around again. His eyes roamed the room and found his squire. His eyes were fixed on Renly. He quickly looked away the second he saw Renly had noticed, but he couldn't forget what he'd seen.

'That doesn't mean anything, Amber.' He told her, though there was some hopeful feeling in the back of his mind that told him it _did_ mean something. 'He was probably watching you.'

'He wasn't.' Amber said surely.

'What aren't you telling me?'

She giggled and shook her head. 'I kept _your_ secrets, didn't I?'

'Amber,' Renly moaned, which only made her smile even more. 'come on, this isn't fair. Don't give me hope when there isn't any.'

She softly drew herself closer to him again as the song started to end, and whispered in his ear, 'But there is hope.' The song ended, Amber offered him a quick curtsey before she turned on her heels and sat down with her cousin, the Kingslayer this time. He was sitting on the table in front of the king's, supposedly guarding him. His cold Lannister eyes were fixed on Renly even as Amber sat down and started talking to him. Renly quickly turned his back to him. He walked back over to his squire, trying to forget what he'd seen and what Amber had said. The last thing he wanted was to make things even more awkward between the two of them. There was only a certain number of suspicious circumstances they could overcome before they'd be forced to discuss the matter.

'What was Amber saying?' Loras asked him before he could even sit down. 'It looked important.'

'I…' Renly started, before he realised he was still being watched. It wasn't Jaime this time, it was his sister. 'There's something I have to do.'


	22. Chapter 22

'What was Amber saying?' Loras asked him before he could even sit down. 'It looked important.'

'I…' Renly started, before he realised he was still being watched. It wasn't Jaime this time, it was his sister. 'There's something I have to do.' And with that he turned away again, making a beeline for the queen. She raised one eyebrow at him as he stopped in front of her.

'Yes?' She hissed at him, setting down her cup. Her face could not have conveyed more surprise when Renly offered his hand to her. She stared at him.

'May I have this dance, Your Grace?' He asked her, trying to keep his face straight. She appeared to be trying to do the same thing. She took her time, but she accepted his hand and let him lead her onto the floor. Renly didn't miss the look of utter shock on Loras' face as he put his hands on the queen's waist.

'You know you can laugh if you want to.' Renly told her quietly, flashing a smirk at her. She tried to keep a smile at bay, but she didn't manage it. A small laugh left her as she looked back at him.

'I'll have you killed if anyone sees me smiling at you.' She told him with a smirk.

'By all means.' Renly answered swiftly. 'Only, you looked a little lonely over there by yourself.'

'Jaime has duties to protect my husband.' She said with a sigh.

'Amber went to sit with him.'

' _Lady_ Amber.'

Renly rolled his eyes and just smirked at her. She didn't correct him again. 'True. But…' She looked like she wanted to say something secretive, but she caught herself before she did. 'It is no matter. It's no business of yours.'

'Alright.' Renly shrugged. Cersei's eyes lingered over her twin for a little while longer, before she found another topic of conversation.

'But, _you_ , however,' she started. Renly knew he wouldn't like where this was going. 'you've barely sat down with your lovely little squire tonight. You're normally so inseparable.' She said smoothly, almost managing to sound sincere, but Renly heard the mocking tones. He wasn't offended by it, he knew if he was going to have any kind of relationship with the queen it would be the sarcastic kind of friendship. And they would _never_ admit it was a friendship.

'Maybe I felt like a change tonight.' Renly said.

'Maybe? I think not.' Cersei told him with another smirk. 'I think there's trouble between you.'

'You realise there was nothing between us anyway?' Renly replied. She shook her head dismissively.

'Neither of you are that good at lying. Even the Tyrell boy.' She told him. 'However, it would seem he's fooled you.'

'What?'

'I'll let that insolence slide, for now.' She sighed, but there was no malice behind it. Renly knew that in that moment she'd let a lot of insolence slide. 'I may not approve of what you do in your spare time, Renly, but even I can't deny that the boy clearly adores you.'

'He should. I'm his liege lord. He's meant to.'

'You know what I mean.'

Renly sighed and let his eyes find Loras again. Even while he was talking to his brother, Loras' eyes would linger over Renly for a few moments. Renly didn't know how he was supposed to interpret that. Renly had watched Amber before now, when she was dancing with some lord or other, but there was never anything romantic about it, he was looking after his friend. Who was to say that Loras wasn't doing the same thing? The song ended and he released the queen. The smile faded from her face as she stiffly thanked him by way of a curtsey and went back to her seat. Renly made the walk back to his squire, hoping maybe he could put off any more awkward moments since Garlan was still with him.

'Lord Renly,' Garlan smiled at him as he approached them.

'Ser Garlan.' Renly replied with a similar smile. 'I meant to thank you for the wedding invitation.' He told him.

'It's thanks enough by just attending, my lord.' Garlan answered. 'My brother is very fond of you.' Renly tried to make his smile seem natural, even though he could see a blush creeping onto Loras' cheeks as he dropped his head to stare at the ground.

'Well,' Renly said with a shrug. 'who wouldn't be?' He hoped the comment would convince Garlan that there was nothing between himself and Loras, but the look on his face said otherwise. However, he didn't reference it. He just laughed.

'True enough,' Garlan answered. 'King's Landing has always favoured you.'

'I'm lucky to have that.' Renly told him with a smile. Garlan bid them both a good night as he left the hall after a while. Renly sighed and a silence crept in. Renly decided he was bored of the dancing and the music and told Loras he was going up to bed. Loras took this as his cue to leave, also.

'You don't have to.' Renly told him, trying to keep his voice casual. Loras gave him a confused look.

'What do you mean?'

'You can stay here if you want to. You don't have to go everywhere that I go.'

'I do, though,' Loras answered. 'I'm your squire.'

Renly rolled his eyes and just continued walking, allowing Loras to follow him this time. He was right, as always. Renly stopped outside his bedroom door. He was so confused about what Amber, and the queen, had said, that he really couldn't allow to Loras to stay in his bed tonight. It would raise too many questions, and possibly other things, as well.

'I think you should stay in your own chambers tonight.' Renly told him, forcing his gaze away so he didn't have to see the dejected look on Loras' face.

'Why?'

'Well, Amber's awake now, there's no reason you can't sleep in there.' Renly told him flatly. He couldn't put any other kind of expression into his voice for fear it would give away the fact that he really did not want to send Loras away.

'Oh.' He said glumly. He bit his lip, which only made Renly glad he'd sent him away. It was things like that which Renly knew he liked a little bit too much. 'Only I thought…' He let his voice trail off and just shook his head. 'Well,' he tried again. 'we're friends, I thought it was okay. I thought… you liked it.'

He desperately wanted to agree with him, tell that he really did like it and just to invite him back to his room like normal. But he knew it wasn't wise. It had been getting a little too difficult to ignore the strange circumstances when they woke up intertwined with each other, and especially after what Amber had said…

'It's really warm tonight, I don't think it's going to be comfortable, anyway. It'll be too warm.'

Loras sighed and shrugged, though he still looked put out. He didn't say anything else, just opened the door to his own chambers and shut it behind him without so much as a goodnight. Renly stared at the door for a long time before he tore his gaze away and sadly wandered back into his own room.

His bed felt strangely cold without Loras. He hadn't been lying when he said it was warm that night, but he still had to curl up under the sheets to keep warm. He felt like he owed Loras a proper explanation, but he knew he wouldn't be able to say it. How was he supposed to approach that kind of topic with him anyway? He couldn't outright tell him _you can't sleep in my bed because the last few nights I've woken up hard because you sleep so close to me_ , even if it was the truth. So he just had to curl up and hope that sleep would eventually find him, the journey home would be so much worse if he was tired as well.

Loras woke up just after dawn. The light streamed in, and the noise of the city waking up was just something he couldn't ignore. He got out of bed to sit at the window and watch King's Landing come to life. He had his suspicions about why Renly had forced him back into his own room. He'd seen him dancing with Amber and she looked like she was saying something important. Loras hoped she wouldn't have told him anything he'd confided in her, but he could tell their conversation wasn't exactly innocent. Renly had caught him watching him, too, which was just plain embarrassing. Not to mention the things Garlan had evidently picked up on. It was no wonder Renly wanted to sleep alone. Although, Loras couldn't fully understand. If Renly thought Loras had feelings for him, why would he push him away? Loras was very aware of the feelings Renly was trying to supress, he'd proved that enough when he'd kissed him. So why push him away?

But Loras couldn't dwell on it forever, he had duties to complete. The first of which would involve going to wake his lord, they'd have to leave that morning if they were going to make good time. He sighed and forced himself up out of the window seat and opened the door to go to Renly's chambers. Loras expected him to still be asleep, he usually was, but he was surprised to see him sitting at his desk, staring out of the window.

'Good morning.' Loras said slowly, not sure of the appropriate greeting in such a strange circumstance.

Renly almost jumped on hearing his voice. He got up and leant back against the desk to face his squire. 'Good morning.'

'Did you sleep well?' Loras asked, trying to find something to busy himself with, but Renly seemed to have done everything Loras would have had to do. He'd obviously been awake for a long time.

'Not really.' Renly said with a shrug. 'It was very warm.'

'Can't say that I noticed.' Loras told him coldly. He still wasn't pleased about being denied the opportunity to stay in Renly's room the night before. Renly's eyes seemed to soften somewhat, but he didn't say anything on the topic. Loras shrugged and made his way back for the door. He was stopped when Renly gently took hold of his wrist.

'I'm sorry.' He told him quietly, his sparkling green eyes momentarily disarming Loras.

'I don't know what you're apologising for.' Loras answered flatly.

'Yes, you do. And I'm really sorry.' Renly said again. 'Stay and break fast with me?'

Loras glanced down to where Renly still had hold of his wrist. He immediately retracted his hand. It brought a smirk to Loras' face and he just nodded in response. Once they'd sat down in the solar to eat, Loras couldn't help but notice that even though Renly had asked him to break fast with him, he didn't seem like he intended to break it at all. He was just pushing food around his plate and never actually taking a bite of any of it.

'Are you alright?' Loras ventured, putting down the bread roll he'd been nibbling on. Renly glanced up at him, like he wasn't really listening.

'Mm? Oh, yes, I'm fine.'

'Doesn't seem like it.'

Renly sighed and put down his fork. He wasn't using it anyway. 'It's just been a confusing time, hasn't it? With Amber and everything.' He said, though Loras could tell there was something he was keeping back. He nodded but wasn't sure how to ask what else was happening. Renly noticed the lack of response from his squire, the way his eyes narrowed ever so slightly when he was thinking.

'What?' Renly asked him a sigh. 'You want to ask something, what is it?'

'No, no, nothing.'

Renly simply raised an eyebrow. Loras rolled his eyes and leant forward on the table. 'There's something else bothering you, isn't there? That's why you wouldn't let me stay last night. You can tell me, you know.'

Renly watched him for a moment. He knew Loras was right, he should tell him. They were meant to be friends… best friends, really. But even so, he still didn't want to tell him. He was just so scared it was going to make everything worse.

'It doesn't matter.' Renly said eventually. 'We'll be leaving in a few hours, anyway.'

'Renly.' Loras groaned. 'You have to tell me.'

'No, I don't.' He answered flatly. 'I don't want to make this seem like an insult, because it's not, but you're keeping a secret. Why can't I? You told me you weren't ready to tell me, maybe I'm not ready to tell anyone about this?'

Loras glared at him for a second. He was right, essentially. He still hadn't told Renly his discovery, that ever since he'd kissed him Loras knew he was like Renly. He knew he'd never have real feelings for a woman and he knew he'd also never have feelings for anyone as strongly as he did for Renly. He knew it was reasonable that Renly should be allowed to keep a secret of his own, but it didn't mean he had to like it.

Leaving Amber that day had not been easy for either of them, but for Renly especially. He'd spent the last four years with her, as they both grew up and discovered things about themselves. Amber had been his only companion for all that time and it felt wrong to be leaving her now. She made a joke of it, saying he didn't need her anymore now that he had Loras. Renly didn't know if there was an element of truth in there or not, but he knew he still needed Amber. He could be completely honest with her and she'd never judge him… well, she would, but she'd do it out-loud and with a smirk on her face.


	23. Chapter 23

The journey home was a horrible journey. He hated it with a passion. It was such a boring trip along the same long road. They set up camp for the night but Renly just sat outside his tent, listening to the noise of knights getting drunk in the nearby tavern. The stars were all out but it didn't brighten his mood.

Loras joined him in silence. He knew what was wrong, he'd seen how badly Renly had taken it when he had to say goodbye to Amber. Loras felt terrible about leaving her too, but he knew it was nothing compared to what his friend was feeling. He heard him sigh and watched him lean back against the pitch of his tent. Loras didn't even think about what he was doing, he slipped his hand through Renly's. Renly didn't look back, he just gently squeezed his hand. They sat like that for a long time, Loras couldn't place quite how long, before they heard a few of the knights stumbling back across the grass to their own tents. Renly quickly let go of Loras' hand. He was somewhat hurt by it, he understood why he did it, but it didn't make it right. Renly got up and went into his tent in silence. That in itself annoyed Loras even more. He didn't even speak to him! Loras jumped up and followed him inside.

'What? You're not even going to say anything?' Loras hissed at him, trying to keep his voice down even though he knew he wouldn't be able to. Renly just stared at him, his eyes a little wide. 'I try and do something kind for you and you just _drop_ my offer like that? You let go of me like I was boiling armour!'

'Loras, calm down.' Renly told him with a heavy sigh.

' _No_.' He fought back, taking a step closer to his friend. Renly watched him, resisting the urge to step back.

'Fine.' Renly said with a shrug. 'Did you really want one of my knights or their squires to see us sitting outside my tent holding hands? Do you really think that would reflect well? On either of us?'

' _Reflect well_?' Loras repeated, a fierce venom lacing his tone. 'You're ashamed, aren't you?'

'Wouldn't you be? If you were in my situation, wouldn't you be ashamed if someone found out you wanted to fuck men?'

Loras couldn't quite find the strength to reply. Renly never talked quite _that_ honestly. If he was in Renly's situation? He wanted to yell back at him that he _was_ in his situation!

'It's not the same for you,' Renly continued. 'you like women, you do all those intimate little things with me because they're innocent to you! They don't mean anything. But what about for me? I like _men_ , what do you think that makes your actions? We can't just do things like this anymore. We're too old for people to think it's still childish games. We're old enough to know better.'

'To know better?' Loras spat back at him. 'Can you hear what you're saying?' He hadn't realised how much it had angered him, as he found himself face to face with Renly with barely a gap between them. His brilliant green eyes caught what little light there was and sent a sparkle through them. Loras tried to stop his heart beating as fast as it was, but it was impossible. He could hear blood rushing in his ears.

'You shouldn't be ashamed, Renly.' Loras told him, his voice completely changing into more of a whisper. 'You have _nothing_ to be ashamed of.'

'You don't know that. You're not in my head, you can't hear what I'm thinking. All those thoughts I shouldn't be having…'

'It's not just you.' Loras said before he could stop himself. Renly stared at him, shock and curiosity behind his eyes.

'What do you mean?'

'I mean…' Loras tried to take his eyes away from Renly's, but they just didn't seem to want to move. He knew he was staring at the most beautiful thing he'd ever set his eyes on, it only seemed right that he'd want to look for as long as possible. 'I mean you're not the only one who has those kinds of thoughts.'

'I…' Renly tried to fit a sentence together, but he couldn't. He suddenly became very aware of how close they were. It would hardly take any effort on his part to close the gap and kiss Loras right then. 'What are you telling me?'

'I'm saying… I'm telling you that I think… I think I'm…'

'Loras…' He couldn't keep back that whisper. He knew where this was going, it wasn't just wishful thinking anymore. He _knew_. He just wanted to loose himself in his squire's eyes and press himself against –

'My lord, there's a raven for you.'

Renly shut his eyes in frustration and took a step away from his squire and moved towards the entrance to his tent, where the voice had come from.

'You really know how to choose your moments, do you know that?' Renly called as he paced towards the voice. He pulled back the entrance to the tent and faced one of his knight's squires. Loras had seen him around a few times but couldn't recall his name.

'I'm sorry, my lord, I just-'

'The raven, Tym?' Renly cut him off impatiently. Loras could still feel the blush on his cheeks from what they'd almost done. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. Was he meant to stay here and hope Renly would still want to do that, or should he pretend it never happened?

'Yes, my lord.' Tym handed him a rolled up message, sealed up with what Loras recognised as the Baratheon sigil.

'You're timing was impeccable and you've brought _such_ good news with you.' Renly told the squire, his voice completely tainted with sarcasm. Loras had never heard him sound quite like that before. It wasn't like the times he'd been angry with Amber when they argued, this was different.

'I'm sorry, my lord, I-'

'Go.' Renly dismissed him, interrupting again. Tym stared at him with wide eyes, evidently just as shocked as Loras to see him like this. Renly raised his eyebrows at him and Tym ran off across the grass, nearly tripping himself up in the process. Renly shook his head and let the fabric entrance fall back.

'Are you alright?'

'Not really.' Renly answered flatly. He offered no other explanation. He sat down on his bed and began to unfold the message, breaking the red seal and starting to read. Loras could only watch him.

'Well?' Renly said, glancing up at him. 'Are you just going to stand there?'

'What… what am I meant to be doing?' Loras stammered.

'What you usually do.' Renly answered, still scanning the letter. 'Sit down, at least.' Loras did as he was told and cautiously placed himself on the bed. Renly cast him a strange look but didn't say anything.

'And there it is.' He said with a sigh. Loras just stared at him and waited for him to elaborate. 'This is the list of places I have to visit on this ridiculous tour.' He threw the paper in Loras' direction and dropped his head into his hands. Loras carefully picked up the letter and scanned the locations. He couldn't help but notice one place in particular.

'We're going to Dorne?' Loras almost spat. ' _Dorne_?'

'Yes, Dorne.' Renly said flatly, lifting his head to look back at his squire. 'You're still going with me, no matter how much you'll hate it.'

'That's kind of you.'

'You're my squire, you don't have a choice.'

'Charming.'

'I don't have to be charming. You'll do what I tell you.'

'Will I?' And with that Loras dropped the letter back onto the bed and promptly got up to leave. He was sick of Renly's mood at the moment, even though he knew full well what had caused it. Yes, Loras was angry about being interrupted, too, but he wasn't taking it out on Renly. He left the tent without another word or a look back.

He made his way back to his own tent, which wasn't too far away, but it meant wandering through the cluster of smaller tents for the other squires. Tym was sitting on a large rock, drinking from a cup, his blonde hair falling over his eyes. Loras couldn't help but feel a little sorry for him.

'Loras, could I ask-'

'Not now, Tym.' But not _that_ sorry. He ignored Tym calling out the rest of his question and wordlessly entered his own tent. It was dark inside and he didn't bother to light a lamp. He didn't care about the light anyway. He silently changed and then curled up in his bed to try and get some sleep. But it didn't find him so easily. Instead, he felt the all too familiar feeling of tears welling up in his eyes. Ever since meeting Renly he'd been far more prone to emotion than he had been before. He knew that wasn't a coincidence. He cared more about Renly than he'd ever cared about anyone else before. He brushed away the first wave of tears and willed himself to stop crying. It was futile. He was just annoyed and disappointed that he'd been so close to finally getting what he wanted and it was ruined. And Renly seemed to be intent on not going back to it, either. He could have picked up where they left off as soon as Tym had gone, but he didn't. He just sat there reading that letter with a sour expression.

Loras didn't know how long he'd been asleep, or even if he had been, when he heard the sound of the tent doors rustling. He opened his eyes and squinted towards the darkened entrance of his tent, instinctively reaching for his sword, which he kept under his bed.

'Shh, you won't need that.' The intruder told him in a whisper, but it was a whisper Loras recognised. It was Renly. He couldn't help but give in to the half a smile that found its way onto his face. He knew Renly couldn't see the smile anyway. He felt the bed dip as Renly climbed onto the other side. Loras couldn't help but wonder why he'd come to his bed, rather than bring Loras back to his own – it was far nicer and a whole lot more comfortable than this one. But he was there all the same. Loras turned over to try and look at him, even through the darkness, as Renly got into the bed and pulled the sheets over himself.

'I'm sorry.' Renly told him quietly. 'I'm sorry about… about earlier. It was a lot to hear all at once.' He took a breath and Loras could feel his eyes lock with his own. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's alright.' Loras answered in a whisper. 'I know it was a lot.'

'Thank you.' Renly replied. Loras felt his hand creep across his ribs, inching him closer to him. He wasn't about to stop him. He moved himself closer and gently curled up against his chest. He felt Renly sigh and smiled to himself. He knew in his heart that this was right. He found himself starting to fall asleep as he could feel Renly's hand running through his hair in a soothing kind of motion.

He woke up around the time the sun rose. He found himself staring at the fabric at the top of the tent, with Renly's arm draped across his chest. He sighed and allowed himself a smile. It quickly faded when he realised that half the camp would be up and about before long. That thought propelled him to sit upright, Renly's arm dropping back onto the bed. Renly moaned about it for a moment before he opened his eyes and looked up at his squire.

'What is it?' He groaned.

'You have to leave.' Loras told him hurriedly.

'Excuse me?'

'No, I mean that everyone's going to be up soon, it's morning. Do you really want to be seen leaving my tent in the morning? After all, aren't I supposed to be going to _your_ tent round about now?'

He shut his eyes for a second before agreeing. 'You're right.' He said shortly. 'But then again, no one's going to question me, are they?'

Loras raised an eyebrow at him, casually trying to remind him of how ashamed Renly had said he felt the night before and how carefully he was trying to stop other people finding out.

'Fine.' Renly muttered, forcing himself out of bed and going off in search of his clothes. Loras silently wondered when he'd actually taken them off, he hadn't noticed when he got into bed the night before. He bit his lip and tore his eyes away so he could get ready himself.

Renly stood by the entrance to the tent, evidently waiting for him. Loras joined him and they left the tent, greeted by a humid kind of breeze outside. There were a few people wandering around, Loras spotted Tym passed out against the rock he was sitting on the night previously. There wasn't enough people around for it to be a problem to for Renly to be seen leaving Loras' tent, but they hurried back to Renly's tent all the same.

As soon as they were inside, Renly went off to the wooden chest by his bed to find some different clothes. Loras perched himself on his bed and just watched him.

'I know you're staring.' Renly told him, even though he had his back to him at the time. Loras was quite happy to just watch the muscles in his back, but he felt like he ought to answer him anyway.

'Sorry.' He said flatly, but did not avert his gaze.

'You're still doing it, aren't you?'

'No.' He insisted, his eyes quickly flickering down to the floor when Renly turned around.

Renly wasn't altogether listening anyway, he felt like his head was a complete mess. He spent the remainder of the journey home in near silence, pretending to listen to whatever his squire was actually talking about. Instead, he was busy contemplating what he almost happened the night before. He felt guilty for it. It was when Loras had left and he had the quiet space to think, that he reminded himself that Loras was only thirteen. He wouldn't have any idea what he wanted from life. How could he possibly understand if he was like Renly was, or not? Granted, he was nearly fourteen, it was only a few days until his name day, but even so, he was young. It didn't stop Renly from creeping into his tent that night, but he just felt so awful for leaving things the way he had. He made himself a silent vow to let Loras figure things out on his own and he would play no part in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so close, but yet so far. I am so sorry;)


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the support for this, guys!:))) / sorry this chapter is so short, it's kind of filler-ish. It was necessary, i guess. anyway.

Once they got back to Storm's End they had been riding through driving rain for hours and everyone just wanted to go to bed. Renly was too tired to even think about dinner and left for his chambers as soon as he was able. He dropped himself onto his bed and let sleep find him. It was around midnight when he felt the bed move and knew instantly that Loras had crept into bed with him. He didn't say anything, or react, he just went back to sleep as he felt Loras curl up beside him.

Renly spent the new few days doing a mixture of similar things. Getting upset at Amber's absence, checking on the progress of Loras' name day present and trying to sit through court without falling asleep. Loras got back into his training and still found his way up to Renly's chambers every night. Eventually, Loras' name day arrived. Renly got up before him, which was a special occasion in and of itself. Loras woke up to an empty bed and note reading nothing but _armoury_. He smiled to himself and quickly got dressed. He passed a few of the servants on the way down, all of which made special effort to wish him a good name day. He couldn't help but notice that all the girls that addressed him seemed to blush slightly in his presence. He couldn't decide if he should be happy about that or not. But he decided to think about it at some other time, right now he was too preoccupied with what Renly was going to give him as a present. The fact it was in the armoury just made his smile widen.

He pushed open the door to the armoury and heard it creek into silence. It was still early morning and the air was still a little bit crisp. Well, as crisp as it got when the Stormlands were so humid.

Inside the armoury it was considerably warmer, almost sweltering, like the armourer had been working all night for this. Loras knew that might well have been the case, given how driven Renly seemed to be about making sure this was perfect. He entered the main part of the armoury and his eyes were drawn to the spectacular piece of armour in front of him. It was all pristinely made and embedded with tiny gems of every colour, making patterns like flowers across the shoulders and down the sides.

'It's quite something, isn't it?' A voice from the other side of the room said. He couldn't supress the grin as he turned around to face his friend. He didn't even think about it, just reached out and pulled Renly into a hug. It was only during this hug he realised he may have made him somewhat uncomfortable, but Loras felt like it was an appropriate moment for a hug.

'You can… um, you can let me go now.' Renly told him quietly. Loras instantly retracted his arms and took a step back, wearing a sheepish grin. 'Do you like it?' Renly asked him, nodding towards the armour.

'Like it? It's amazing!' Loras answered without hesitation. 'Thank you. Thank you so much.'

Renly just shook his head and shrugged. 'I thought the design was pretty. I couldn't resist having it made for you.'

'I… I don't know how to thank you enough.' Loras answered. It was true, he knew they were friends, best friends… or something else, but even so, that armour must have cost a fortune.

'You don't.' Renly told him with a laugh as he lead him back out of the armoury. 'It's your name day, you're not supposed to find a way to thank people for gifts, just smile, say thank you and that will be enough.'

'Thank you.'

'You've already said that.'

'Sorry.' He managed an embarrassed smile, which Renly shrugged off and continued walking him towards the stables. 'Where are we going?'

'You said you wanted to go out all day, go into the woods. So that's what we're going to do. I had to kitchen make us some food, too. And I thought we could go and find Alys for a while, just to see how she is. Not all day, I know you don't want to spend a lot of time with her, no one does. She's rather intense, isn't she? Only-'

'Thank you.' Loras interrupted him. He could tell Renly was only going to start rambling about something, he always did that when he got nervous. Loras wasn't about to point that out, though. He didn't quite know what exactly Renly was nervous about, but he didn't want to ruin any of the hope he had by asking about it.

They set out after they'd broken fast for the morning, taking the horses down the same dirt path they'd gone down the first time Loras met Alys. He wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to see her again, she hadn't exactly been pleasant during their first meeting. But he'd do it because Renly wanted to, and that was justification enough for Loras. They tied up the horses and started the walk through the woods, the leaves leaving dancing patterns on the ground. The sun was actually shining today, which Loras could only believe to be a good omen on his name day.

'Do you think Amber will be happy?' Loras ventured, the question having been sitting in his mind ever since Amber had told them about her letter from Dragonstone.

'I don't know.' Renly answered with a sigh. 'Truly, I don't know if any husband could really please her. I think she'd rather be left alone to her own devices.' Loras couldn't help but agree with that sentiment. In many ways, Amber reminded him of his grandmother – always scheming away at something.

'Do you know who she's marrying?' Loras asked. 'I know he's a Florent, but I mean, specifically?'

'No.' Renly said quietly. 'Hopefully it's someone very unlike Stannis. I don't know too much about the company he keeps on Dragonstone. I suppose I should have paid more attention, but in the end I didn't actually care.'

Loras then remembered something else, while his mind was on Amber and the events of King's Landing. 'Do you remember anything about the first night we were there?'

'I remember… certain events.' Renly said, trying his best not to let guilt slip into his voice.

'Well… yes, I know, but I didn't mean that.' Loras stumbled on his words but tried to get back to the point. 'Amber told me something the night after, she said that she thought it was best that you didn't know what had happened. I wondered how she knew about it, but it became apparent we were talking about different things. She wouldn't tell me what happened, but she asked if I'd heard anything.'

'Heard anything?' Renly repeated, glancing back his squire. Loras nodded. 'I don't recall.' Renly shook his head, although this had piqued his curiosity about the matter. He and Amber didn't usually keep secrets. 'She probably told me something she shouldn't have. She had been with the queen all night… so perhaps she told me something she wasn't meant to? Something the queen had told her?'

'I couldn't say.' Loras said glumly. 'I just thought it might be important.'

'It could be.' Renly agreed. 'Especially if Amber thought it was better if I forgot about it.'

They came to the place where Alys normally called home. Renly called her name a few times but there was no reply. Loras followed him through the maze of trees and shrubs, until they came across some kind of evidence.

'Oh.' Was all Renly could say. Tacked to a tree was a piece of parchment that read nothing but _See you in King's Landing_. Renly tore it down from the tree and re-read it. 'Marvellous.' He muttered, crumpling up the parchment in his hand.

'Does that mean she's in King's Landing?' Loras asked. He silently wondered how Alys could possibly be in King's Landing… where would she hide? And why would she need to go there anyway? The girl lived in the woods, surely there was nothing for her in the capital.

'Apparently.' Renly said with a sigh. Loras followed him again as he started walking through the trees and to the clearing by the cliff. Loras kept his distance from the drop to the sea. He didn't like this place too much anyway, it reminded him of the argument he and Renly had had here. Renly paced straight up the edge, not flinching over the height, and dropped the parchment over the edge, not moving until he saw it dip into the water.

'But why would she go there?' Loras asked, sitting himself down on the grass and leaning against a tree trunk. Renly turned back to face him and shrugged.

'I suppose she's waiting for me to go back. But she does everything for her own reasons. I still don't know who she really is.'

'I think she's… was… highborn.' Loras told him, voicing his thoughts from the first time he met her.

'I know.' Renly agreed, sitting down on the floor next to his squire. 'I thought that, too. I asked her about it once and she just changed the subject. I don't know which family she'd be from and I can't think why they'd cast her out. Or even why no one would have heard about it.'

'Maybe they think she's dead?' Loras offered. 'If they thought she'd died somehow, why would anyone think anything of it?'

Renly shrugged. 'Alys is what she is. It's gone too far for to come back now, so we might as well forget about it.'

'If you say so.' Loras said.

After a while they went back to the horses so they could fetch the food they'd brought. It was in a tied leather bag that Renly had fastened so the horse could carry it. They brought it back to the clearing. It wasn't lavish by any means, but neither of them minded.

'Are you looking forward to your brother's wedding?' Renly asked, as he watched Loras tear a bread roll down the middle and put a strip of meat between the it. He flashed a bright smile back at Renly.

'Yes.' He answered honestly. 'I've missed my family, I'm just excited to see them again. I saw Garlan in King's Landing, obviously, but I've missed my sister especially. Of course, I've missed my other brother and my parents and my grandmother… but I've missed Margaery most of all.' He told him. Renly couldn't help but feel somewhat jealous. Loras had such a caring family and it was evident that he loved them a lot. Meanwhile, Renly's brothers hardly paid him any attention at all. Renly thought it seemed more like Stannis would rather he didn't even exist. He also felt jealous of the fact that Loras had missed them. He knew it was naturally to miss your family, but Renly felt like he'd shared something of a special bond with Loras and it stung to hear him lament over his family. Renly knew it wasn't rational to think like that, but he couldn't help it.


	25. Interlude: The Lioness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the interlude chapter. It's not essential to the rest of the plot, really, since it's from Amber's POV (as much POV as my story has anyway, but y'know what I mean). But if you liked Amber (and there's some Cersei, Jaime & Lancel in this one, too), give it a go:)))
> 
> So here's a theory, apparently the slow loris is officially the cutest animal in the world, maybe that's why Loras' name is what it is? 'Cause it sounds like loris? Idk, I wanted to believe that anyway, so he has like bush-baby eyes and that;) I'm probably wrong, but thought I'd share anyway;)

Lady Amber sat by the queen's window, watching the people go about their business below. She saw Petyr Baelish in the courtyard, clearly leaving after the small council meeting was done, since she'd spotted Lord Varys departing moments before. Robert had not been with them – he'd decided he'd rather go on a hunting trip in the Kingswood. And Amber understood what that meant. It meant that she would make sure a lot of people saw her going to the queen's chambers, she'd make sure to chat to people on the way up and make sure they knew where she was headed. Then she would sit in the queen's chambers – alone – while Cersei Lannister fucked her brother in the king's bed. Amber wasn't pleased about the part she played in their deceptions, but she ultimately had to make a choice. Do what Cersei wanted and keep the queen on side, or she could submit herself to walking her life alone. And she already felt very alone. She knew she was one of a select few to even be privy to the information she was. Actually, she knew she was one of three people, and two of those people were the ones the secret belonged to. She suspected that Varys and Littlefinger knew more than they were letting on, but they always did. At the tourney Littlefinger had made a point of addressing her in conversation, where he'd tried to be subtle in asking how she was enjoying spending time with her cousins after having been at Storm's End for so long. Amber had deftly dodged the crux of his question, giving him only a vague answer, but it was enough of answer to make it strange if he pressed for more information. She actually quite liked Lord Baelish, she admired him in actual fact. She enjoyed playing the kind of cat and mouse game he insisted on playing to find out secrets. She was pretty sure she knew a secret or two about Petyr Baelish in turn.

Amber had received another raven from Dragonstone, once again from her betrothed. His name was Willum, she had discovered, and he was a minor lord over a small holding on the edge of Dragonstone. But he was trying, she awarded him that much. He'd been doing everything humanly possible to try and make his home more to Amber's liking. This time he'd written telling her of a special kind of plant he'd had imported that cats were supposed to especially like, so that Lioness would be happy in the gardens. It pleased her that he was so considerate, but it didn't lessen much of her anger over having to marry him at all. But she knew when she was beaten. She'd have to marry him, that was certain, but she could still try to make the whole arrangement better for herself.

She turned her head to look at the door that adjoined the king's chambers to the queen's, as Jaime walked through it and shut it behind himself.

'Amber.' He gave her a nod. She nodded back and turned away from him. She loved her cousins, but after she knew what they'd been doing in there she couldn't speak to them properly. Not straight away. She'd talk to them later on as if nothing had happened, but it was too strange to do it straight away.

A few minutes after Jaime had left, Amber got up from her window seat and left Cersei's chambers. She didn't particularly want to go and find her to say her goodbyes, she'd see her at dinner, anyway. She straightened out her red dress, left her cousin's chambers and began the walk back to her own, where she would sit and do nothing while she waited for dinner. Life had become much more boring since Renly and Loras had left. Amber found herself practically friendless, with only her cousins, Lioness and her faceless betrothed's letters.

On the stairs she was intercepted by another cousin of hers, the king's squire, Lancel. He flashed her a big smile on seeing her, which she met with a frosty sort of smirk. She silently wondered if Lancel was aware of what their cousins did behind closed doors.

'Lady Amber.' He greeted her fondly.

'Cousin.' Amber answered flatly.

'Where are you going, my lady?' He asked her, though she felt like there was a reason for his asking.

'Back to my rooms.' She told him. 'And yourself?' She questioned, more because stalling Lancel would give Cersei more time to get dressed and cover up the evidence. Since Lancel was returning, it meant the king was back from hunting.

'I was just about to go and prepare some wine for His Grace… but I should escort you back to your chambers. A lady shouldn't be wandering around alone.'

'I'm in the Red Keep, Lancel, I'm hardly in danger.' Amber tried to brush him off. She was right, but she still did have that knife she kept in her garter under her dress.

'Well,' Lancel shifted uneasily at that statement, which instantly put Amber's guard up. 'you never know, my lady. It wouldn't be proper of me to let you go on your own.'

'If you say so.' Amber sighed. She knew he wouldn't back down about it and she'd rather spend her time bored in her chambers than arguing with Lancel. He didn't make for a good partner for and argument. She instantly missed Renly on thinking about that. They used to argue constantly, but they'd be intelligent arguments. And they'd always make up after. She couldn't bare it that she'd have to wait until her wedding to see him again, it felt like being separated from a brother. Though, with herself and Renly she felt they were closer than that, more like twins. Then she thought of Cersei and Jaime and instantly retracted the idea.

'How is Lord Renly since his departure from King's Landing?' Lancel asked her. Amber bit back a smirk on hearing him ask. She'd done her fair share of watching from her room while she'd been locked away after the 'incident' and she was fully aware of why Lancel was inquiring about Lord Renly… and who he would be asking about next.

'I believe he's fine, Lancel.' She told him. 'He does usually run Storm's End, I doubt anything unusual has occurred since his return.' Though Amber suspected that by now something unusual may have, in fact, occurred, given how close Renly and Loras had become while in King's Landing.

'Good.' Lancel said awkwardly. 'And… his squire?'

'Loras?' Amber started. 'Oh, I suspect he's perfectly fine, as well. Why do you ask?' She'd only added the last part to wind up her cousin, knowing it would make him nervous. It made for excellent sport making Lancel uncomfortable.

'Why?' He repeated quietly. 'Oh… n-no reason, my lady. I was just wondering, I…' he began muttering the rest of his nonsensical reply to himself and Amber stopped paying attention.

They reached Amber's chambers and Lancel opened the door for her. She tried to offer him a smile, but she was almost certain she'd failed at that. 'Well… thank you, Lancel.' She said simply, unsure of what else she was meant to say.

'I, um… I wanted to ask something, if that's alright, my lady.'

'Of course.' She answered flatly. If there was one thing she didn't want Lancel doing, it was asking questions, but it would raise more questions if she said no to him.

'I was wondering if… if the king would be in attendance to your marriage? On Dragonstone?'

'The king?' Amber repeated. 'I don't know, Lancel. I should hope the queen will be there, but I could not speak for the king. Why do you ask?'

'Well,' Lancel tried, but words seemed to evade him. 'well, it would mean that I would be allowed to go as well, as the king's squire.'

'Yes.' Amber agreed. 'It would. Why would you want to?'

'You're my cousin, of course I want to.' But it was clearly a blatant lie.

'As convincing as that was, Lancel, why would you _really_ want to go?'

Lancel flushed a crimson sort of colour and brushed his blond hair off his face. 'W-well, it's just… I imagine Lord Renly would be there – since you two are such good friends and… and Loras, of course, so…'

'Gods, Lancel, never let me trust you with secrets.' Amber told him with a laugh. Lancel broke a small, nervous smile, but still looked sheepish. 'But let me just give you a little bit of advice.' She continued. She beckoned to her cousin to come into the room and told him to shut the door. He dubiously sat down on the edge of her bed.

'Lancel, I wouldn't recommend getting involved with what you're implying.' Amber said, deliberately careful with her words. 'I really don't think Lord Renly would look too kindly upon it.'

'It's got nothing to do with him.' Lancel muttered darkly.

'No, Lancel, it has. Loras is his squire, anything he does will reflect on Renly, as well. And equally, anything you do will reflect on the king. Do you really want that?'

Lancel sighed and shook his head. 'I suppose not.'

'Besides, I think that both yourself and Loras Tyrell are destined for bigger things than this. You'll both end up married to some lovely, important young lady and you'll both be very happy for it – once you're accomplished knights, of course.' She told him with a smile. Lancel seemed somewhat pleased with that response, even if it wasn't the answer he wanted.

'Thank you, my lady.' He said with a sigh, getting up the leave the room.

'Lancel,' Amber called to him. He turned back around to face her. 'I'm your cousin, you can call me Amber, you know.'

'Yes, my lady.' He told her with a smirk, before continuing. 'I know I can, Amber. You just never know who's listening.'

Amber smiled at him and let him leave. She knew all too well why you could never be too careful in King's Landing. Both Lord Varys and Lord Baelish had their own little spies running around the castle with their ears pressed to the doors of anyone remotely influential. She'd awarded her best lies to both of them while she'd been in King's Landing, but she knew it was only a matter of time before they found out Renly's secret. It was getting difficult to lie about it since they evidence they had was so compelling.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back to the main story now:)) thanks for reading/comment/kudos...ing, guys!

The journey back to Highgarden seemed almost alien to Loras, something he never imagined he would feel. The last time he was on the Roseroad, he was travelling in the opposite direction wishing to be heading towards anywhere else other than Storm's End. Now he just felt nervous. He'd missed his family, of course, and he couldn't wait to see his sister and his parents and his brothers. And he was delighted for Garlan and his new wife… but he was still scared. Out of all the people he'd missed since coming to Storm's End, Loras' mind was stuck on his grandmother. The way she always seemed to see the truth through even the most elaborate of lies unnerved Loras. He was so panicked that she'd realise what had happened between himself and Lord Renly in King's Landing and, even worse, that she'd know how Loras felt about him.

Lord Renly seemed to notice something was on his squire's mind. Their small party had stopped at an inn for the night, and Loras had been staring into the same cup of wine all night.

'Is something on your mind, Loras?' Renly asked him, as quietly as possible given the volume of the patrons of the inn that night.

'Hm?' Loras looked up from his cup, slightly dazed at having been brought out of his thoughts. 'Oh… no, I'm fine.'

'Don't lie,' Renly told him with a smirk. 'you've barely said a word all evening.'

'I'm sorry.' Loras answered with a sigh. He could hardly tell Renly what he was thinking without revealing his secret. And he had no intention to start Renly off apologising again. 'I'm just thinking about home.' Loras told him sincerely.

'I understand.' Renly said with a classic smile.

'Can I ask you something?' Loras started, as he tried to take his mind off his family and what would happen once he returned to Highgarden.

'That depends what it is.' Renly told him, raising one eyebrow and giving a cursory glance around the crowded inn.

'Oh,' Loras said quietly. 'it's about Am- Lady Amber. I wanted to know about her family.'

'Her family?' Renly repeated. 'Why would you want to know more about Lannisters?'

Loras shrugged. It had been bothering him for a while, but he didn't want to offend Amber by letting her know that he still had no idea who she was. 'I don't know much about family histories.' Loras said simply. 'I know the heads of families but anything beyond that is a little foggy. I just wanted to know more about who she is.'

'And what's brought this on?'

'Well, she's getting married and we'll be there. I assume her family will also be there, and I'll have no idea who any of them are.' Loras told him with a sigh. 'I won't even be able to recognise her father.'

Renly smirked at him and allowed himself a small laugh. 'You won't have to worry about that, her father certainly won't be there.'

'Why?'

'He's dead, Loras.'

'Oh.'

Renly cast another look around before he leant a little closer to his squire. Loras felt his heart start up an unfamiliarly fast rhythm as his eyes were locked with Renly's perfect green eyes.

'Come on then,' he said with a smile. 'if you want to know more, I'll tell you. But not here.'

'Is it a secret?' Loras whispered, somewhat hoping that it was.

Renly shook his head but still smiled at him. 'Not really. Do you want it to be a secret?'

Loras swallowed and found himself tongue tied. Renly sat back again before he got up out of his seat and looked to Loras to do the same. After Loras shook himself back into reality, he followed Renly up the stairs and into the room Renly had been given for the night.

'Aren't they going to ask questions?' Loras asked, shutting the door behind himself.

'About what?' Renly asked back, somewhat distractedly as he looked out of the open window and into the night.

'About me following you up here, to your room. Alone.'

Renly shrugged. 'Maybe.'

'Maybe?' Loras repeated, holding back a laugh at his lord's lack of response.

'Maybe they will. Maybe my squire is just helping me get ready for bed. They don't know and they're not going to.' Renly said with a bright smile, turning back around from the window. 'This is our secret, isn't it?'

Loras managed a smile, though he could hear his own heartbeat and was terrified that it was so loud Renly might actually hear it from across the room. 'What… What's our secret?' Loras stuttered out. Renly seemed amused by his response.

'Exactly.' He said with a laugh. He didn't elaborate further, which did annoy Loras – though he'd never dream of voicing it. Spending time in such close proximity to Renly was reward enough for any annoyance Loras might have felt.

Renly sat down on his bed and gestured for Loras to do the same. He did, placing himself a short distance away from Renly, not entirely sure how close he was supposed to sit. He would never have analysed this sort of thing before, but ever since that almost-kiss he'd been studying every move Renly made and overthinking everything he did himself.

'So,' Renly started, leaning back against the headboard casually. Loras thought he looked like the subject of some great work of art, leaning around with such a casual grace but at the same time still appearing statuesque and perfect. 'you wanted to talk about Amber.'

Loras nodded, unable to brings words out of his mouth.

'Well, Amber is Queen Cersei's cousin – so, naturally, she is also Jaime and Tyrion's cousin, too.'

'I'm not an idiot.' Loras bit back. He knew she was the queen's cousin, and he knew who the queen's brothers were. He wasn't that clueless.

'Alright,' Renly said with a smirk. 'you said you didn't know, that's all.'

'I know _some_ things.' Loras answered moodily.

'Fine.' Renly shrugged. 'I'll stop then, shall I?'

'No,' Loras broke his mood quickly and tried a smile on his friend. 'please. I promise I'll listen.'

Renly flashed a grin back at him. 'Okay. So, since she's Tywin Lannister's niece, that means that she's the daughter of one of Lord Tywin's siblings, yes?' Loras nodded, though he was still confused.

'But wouldn't that make her Kevan Lannister's daughter? Is she Lancel's sister?'

'Did I say that?' Renly answered, raising one eyebrow at his squire. Loras sighed and shook his head. 'Exactly. She's not Kevan's daughter. Tywin Lannister has more than one sibling, you know. And she's not Genna's daughter, either, that would make her a Frey. And the Gods know Amber would kill anyone if they called her a Frey.'

Loras laughed at that comment, he could just imagine Amber's anger flaring up if someone mistook her for a Frey. She'd rank them somewhere along the same level as Florents on Dragonstone.

'She's Gerion Lannister's daughter.'

'Who's Gerion Lannister?'

'You really didn't pay any attention in your lessons, did you?' Renly said with a smirk. Loras rolled his eyes and folded his arms, glaring back at his friend.

'I was more interested in practicing with swords. If someone tries to kill you, you can't disarm them with knowledge of noble families.' He told him stiffly.

Renly shook his head. 'True. But you'd know who you shouldn't pick fights with in the first place.'

'Anyway, who is this Gerion Lannister?' Loras persisted.

'I _told_ you, he's Tywin's brother.'

'I know,' Loras sighed. 'I heard you. But who is he? I've never heard of him.'

'What a surprise.' Renly said flatly, but he continued speaking before Loras could spit back another insult. 'He was lost at sea many years ago, shortly after Amber was born. Never seen since, so presumed dead.'

'And her mother?'

'Also dead.'

'Oh.'

'Well,' Renly sighed, moving himself off the headboard and stretching out across his bed. He lay down on his back and turned his head to look at his squire. 'now you know.'

'Thank you.' Loras said, he supposed he was meant to thank him for the information.

'You could have found all that in a book, you know, if you'd wanted to.' He told him with a cheeky smile. Loras shrugged and shifted nervously on the bed. He was finding Renly's smiled harder and harder to ignore.

'Anyway,' Renly sighed, stretching out a little more. 'it's getting late. You can go back downstairs if you want to, I'm sure some of the knights and squires will still be drinking.'

'What are you going to do?'

'Go to bed.' Renly told him bluntly. 'I like a good party as much as the next man, but I don't want to turn up in Highgarden looking anything less than perfect.'

'That would be something of a struggle.' Loras said before he could stop himself. His felt his eyes involuntarily widen on realising he'd said it aloud, and quickly started down at the floor.

'Sorry?' Renly asked him.

'Nothing.'

'No, you said something, what was it?'

'Doesn't matter.' Loras said quickly, getting up of the bed and quickly heading for the door. 'Good night.' He called back into the room, then swiftly shut the door behind himself.

Renly smirked to himself as he stared at the closed door. He'd heard what Loras had said, of course he had. He'd stopped telling himself to keep away from his squire, he knew he'd never be able to stop himself. The matter still remained to be seen as to whether Loras felt the same way. Renly was more and more willing to believe that he did – those little comments now and then, and he couldn't forget what had almost happened in his tent on the way back from King's Landing. But the fact that it was almost still haunted him. He wanted some sort of conclusive proof. He knew he wouldn't get that sort of proof without putting himself on the line, as well. He trusted Loras to the ends of the earth but he couldn't say what the boy would do if Renly told him about his feelings towards him and Loras didn't feel the same way. He'd said he wasn't offended or disgusted by Renly's orientation, but would those opinions change if Loras knew those feelings were directed at him? Renly hoped not, but he couldn't possibly say for certain. And it would be a dangerous secret to keep in the hands of a scared boy. He'd tell his family, for a start. So Renly could fully expect some sort of blackmail to begin with, and who knows what it might lead to. Favours here and there would soon become a constant stream of favours. And with his brother on the throne… the effects of that did not bear thinking about.

Of course, he wanted to believe Loras wouldn't do any of that. But it was that horrible, dull feeling in the back of his mind that told him he couldn't rule it out.

Noises below his window tore his attention away from his thoughts. Voices. He slowly got up from his bed, creeping towards the window. He wanted to listen, not be seen. He leant against the wall beside the window, peering through the open window as much as he dared. He should have known – Loras was down there, adding his voice to the noise. Renly couldn't help but roll his eyes at that. He left him alone for a few minutes and he got himself into all kinds of trouble. But he was only with some of the other squires, it shouldn't be any kind of trouble he couldn't handle. Tym was down there, too, taking a back seat as usual. He was the only other person Renly could see. He was cowering somewhere behind Loras, trying to make himself blend in with a rock and doing a terrible job at it.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, again, for all the support for this, guys:'))) this fandom is such a nice place, honestly. you lot are angels.

You can't just _say_ things like that!' Loras was shouting at someone out of Renly's view. 'You never know who's going to hear you!'

'I don't care who hears me, Tyrell.' The voice replied smugly. 'If it's the truth, then why shouldn't everyone hear?'

'Because it's _not_ the truth!' Loras spat back, his hand lurking dangerously close to the sword in his belt. Renly silently begged him not to draw it.

'How would you know?' The voice answered, still icily calm. 'Have you ever seen him with a woman?' Renly swallowed hard. He had a horrible feeling that he knew who they were talking about. He cast a look up at the ceiling – to the gods – to sarcastically thank them for blessing him like this.

'You do remember Lady Amber, don't you?' Loras fired back. 'She was only at Storm's End for four years… maybe it slipped your memory.'

'The Lannister girl?' The voice laughed. And then Renly finally got a good view of the other squire. He was one of the other parties, with others traveling up for the Tyrell wedding. It was busy all up the Roseroad for the event. Renly did not expect to hear himself spoken of kindly, given the Tyrells' previous support for the Targaryens against Robert. Though he had expected it from elder generations rather than squires.

'He didn't marry her, did he? Wasn't that why she was there?' The squire continued. Now Renly got a proper look at him, he realised he was wearing Florent colours. That would have put Loras' guard up straight away.

'He didn't marry her, no.' Loras answered hotly. 'But who's to say what he did with her before he sent her back? I know I saw a fair few things with my own eyes!' Normally Renly would have laughed at hearing that, but instead he felt a warmth spread through his chest on hearing Loras defend him like that.

'You didn't.' The Florent squire told him with a laugh. 'Of course you didn't. Although… it is strange, Tyrell – the Lannister lady was there for four years and he was perfectly content with her. And then you show up and he casts her aside. Doesn't that sound… curious?' A few of the Florent boys with him laughed at that. Renly pleaded with the gods not to let Loras get too bothered by that last comment, but of course, the gods didn't listen.

Loras drew his sword.

'Say that again.' He said coldly, his voice icily calm.

'Your Lord Renly is a cock-sucker, and I reckon it's _yours_ he likes.'

'Care to back up that statement with steel?' Loras asked him, his voice unnervingly calm. Renly was certain he saw the Florent boy flinch slightly. But he drew his own sword nonetheless.

'Good.' Loras continued quietly. 'So by law, if the gods are listening, whoever wins this is on the side of right – correct?' The boy nodded. 'Excellent.' Loras told him, flashing a very cold smirk. Renly could already tell who would be 'on the side of right', regardless of whether or not the gods were listening.

Loras made the first move, testing the Florent squire. He gave a short swing with his sword and watched how it was blocked. Then he waited. And he continued to wait. This appeared to unnerve the Florent boy, as he tried repeatedly to best his opponent, slashing this way and that but never making contact with Loras. In little time Loras had let himself be backed almost against the wall. Renly realised he'd seen this done before, and he knew how it felt to be on the receiving end of that tactic.

Loras saw the Florent squire take a sharp intake of breath. He was getting tired. This was what Loras had been waiting for. So he struck out, making a hard and fast strike against the Florent's shoulder. He heard the boy cry out. Cold, dark eyes glared back at him. Loras didn't offer any kind of emotion in response. He slashed out once more, this time connecting with the Florent's hip, sending him spinning out into the yard trying to get his balance back. So Loras followed, making a final strike to the Florent's chest, crashing him onto the floor. Loras held his sword above his throat.

'I think we know who's right, then.' Loras told him with a sly smirk. 'Yield?'

'And if I don't?'

Loras pressed the tip of the blade to the boy's throat, drawing a small trickle of blood.

'I yield.' The boy whispered, now certain that Loras wasn't going to hold back if he did not yield. Loras removed his sword and promptly walked away from the Florent boy, who was still breathing heavily on the floor, apparently stunned by the events. One of the boy's companions flashed a glance at Tym, who quickly scampered after Loras.

Loras sat down at a table at the back of the inn, trying to calm himself down. He took a sip from a cup of wine after a bar maid placed it into his hand.

'You shouldn't have been fightin' out there, ser.' She told him, but the smile on her face told him she didn't mean it. She had long red hair and a coy smile.

'It was justified.' Loras said flatly.

Tym joined them at the table, sliding onto the opposite bench, casting a look back to check in case the Florents had followed. They had not. Loras shook his head at him in mild amusement.

'What about you, ser?' The girl asked of Tym, who's eyes widened like a scared animal on being addressed by a woman.

'Me?' Tym whispered. 'I… no, I just-'

'Tym was very brave, weren't you?' Loras interrupted him, raising his eyebrows in the hopes Tym would just agree with him. Tym swallowed hard and nodded back. 'He was willing to take on the whole lot of them singlehandedly. No doubt he could have done, too. They were terrified, weren't they?'

'Yes.' Tym said finally.

'How gallant you must be.' The bar maid told him, sidling over to Tym and placing herself on his lap. Tym flushed, but she paid no attention to that. Loras smirked at him and excused himself. He knew what he'd given to Tym by doing that, and the gods knew Loras didn't want it himself.

Loras had been planning to go back to his room, try to calm down and eventually go to sleep. However, he found Renly on the stairs, smirking at him.

'I thought you'd gone to bed.' Loras told him flatly, walking past him and presuming Renly would follow him. He did, as Loras heard him get up and his footsteps followed behind him.

'I was going to, but then someone decided to start a fight below my window.'

Loras almost stopped walking. Below his window? How could he have been so careless? Renly must have heard what happened… how could he not have?

'Come on.' Renly said, opening the door to his room and dragging Loras in after him. He pushed the door closed and watched Renly go back over to the window. It seemed to be a favourite spot of his for the moment.

'Did you hear what it was about?' Loras asked, trying not to give anything away in his voice. If Renly hadn't heard, Loras could easily make something up, Renly didn't need to know what they'd said about him.

'Yes.' He sighed. He shrugged and leaned against the window frame. 'And thank you for defending me to them.' Renly told him sincerely. 'Though there really was no need.'

'No need?' Loras asked, trying to keep back any anger from his tone. He hadn't fully calmed down from the incident, he did not need Renly to start an argument with him next. 'Of course there was a need! They said you… they said…'

'I heard what they said.' Renly answered calmly.

'Then how can you say I shouldn't have defended you?'

'Because that's only going to add fuel to their fire if you go flying into a temper about it.'

Loras rolled his eyes, folded his arms and said nothing more. It had dawned on him that not only would Renly have heard what the Florent squire said about him, but he'd have also heard what he implied about Loras. He didn't want to say anything more in case Renly decided to bring it up.

'You're alright, aren't you?' Renly asked suddenly, taking a few steps towards his squire.

'I'm fine. The Florent didn't even land a hit.'

'Good.' Renly said with a sigh, dropping himself onto his bed. Loras noted that he looked troubled now, he definitely seemed like he had something on his mind.

'Are _you_ alright?' Loras repeated the question. 'Hearing that can't have been easy…'

Renly just smiled at him, but there was something slightly cold behind it. 'I'm alright.' He said finally. 'But you're right, it's not easy hearing that said about me, but it's the truth, isn't it? The reason I didn't marry Amber. They have the right of that.'

'But… the other thing…'

Renly laughed at that and shook his head at his friend. 'Well, _obviously_ that part isn't true. I think you'd know if it was.' He told him with a smirk. Loras, on the other hand, just swallowed, nodded and tried to stop his mind focussing on that. It was something of a challenge, since Loras would have quite liked to have found out if it could become true. He bit his tongue and focussed on the dull pain of that instead.

'It's getting late.' Renly said finally, stretching out on his bed. Loras tried not to stare. 'You should probably get some sleep.'

'Right.' Loras agreed, still preoccupied with watching the sliver of skin he could see between Renly's breeches and his tunic when he stretched out. He blinked forcefully and pushed himself back into reality. 'I'll just…' He went to back out of the room, but Renly just laughed at him.

'Gods, Loras, you're looking very uncomfortable all of a sudden.' Renly told him, though Loras was very aware that this was probably true. 'Come here.' Renly beckoned Loras towards him and offered him to sit down on the other half of his bed. He sat down and just looked back at his friend. 'Are you staying in here tonight?' Renly asked him, as if nothing about that question was at all strange.

'Oh… um…' Loras shrugged when he couldn't quite complete his answer. They never really discussed where they slept. Loras had learned they normally argued with each other when they talked about it. 'if you like.' Loras said eventually.

'If I like?' Renly repeated with a chuckle. He shook his head and turned over to put out the candle. The room was suddenly submerged by darkness and the slight smell of smoke from the extinguished candle. 'Well, it's your choice.' Loras heard Renly say through the darkness. The covers moved and he heard Renly get into bed. Loras stayed where he was and sighed to himself.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor renly...

Loras decided to stay. Of course he did. He must have been asleep for a few hours when he was abruptly woken by a sinking feeling, as if he was falling. He caught himself just before he fell off the bed. He took a steady breath and blinked into the dark. Renly was sat bolt upright next to him, clearly having woken with a start.

'What is it?' Loras whispered to him. He got no answer in return. Loras rolled his eyes, slightly annoyed at having been woken in the middle of the night. He placed his hand on Renly's chest and gently pushed him back onto the bed.

'Sorry.' Renly muttered, finally looking back at him. The starry light from the open window flickered across Renly's green eyes. Loras still hadn't removed his hand from Renly's chest but Renly was too preoccupied to notice how nice it felt.

'What?' Loras repeated, trying to force something resembling compassion into his voice. 'What's wrong?'

'I, um… I think I remembered something.' Renly whispered to him, though he still sounded confused. 'What Amber said in King's Landing, the thing she told you it was best I didn't remember. Well… I do.'

'And?' Loras prompted him. He had a discomforting thought that Amber might have told him something about Loras' feelings towards him. Granted, she hadn't discussed that until after the event, but she already seemed to know by then. 'What was it?'

'Gods.' Renly mumbled. He sat up and Loras moved his hand off his friend's chest. Renly ran a hand through his hair and stared around the room for a few moments. 'It can't be true, though, Loras.'

' _What can't_?'

'Amber told me… she said that…' Renly shook his head and stopped speaking. Loras let out a disgruntled sigh and dropped his head back onto his pillow, folding his arms across his chest. He watched with both amusement and confusion as Renly got out of bed and shut the window, checking it to make sure it really was shut. He then went to the door and checked it was locked. Only then did he return to the bed. He lay back down and shuffled closer to Loras, which Loras found strange, but he wasn't about to tell him not to.

'Alright,' Renly started again in a whisper. 'this cannot leave this room, do you understand?'

'You think I'll tell someone?' Loras asked with disbelief.

'No.' Renly said honestly. 'Just thought I'd mention it.'

'Get on with it then, what did she say?'

'She told me that… that Cersei, that is to say, the queen –'

'I know who Cersei Lannister is, Renly.'

'Yes, _thank you_.' Renly hissed back at him. 'She said Cersei is actually… she's… her and Jaime, they're…'

'For the love of the gods, Renly, _what_?'

'They're fucking each other.'

Loras remained silent after that. He could feel that his jaw had quite literally dropped. 'What?' He breathed finally.

'They use Amber as some kind of scapegoat every time they want to… you know… so that everyone thinks the queen is with Amber.'

'But… but they're _twins_.' Loras said slowly, trying to actually comprehend what he was being told. 'I'm dreaming.' He decided. 'This is just a really strange dream.'

'You're not dreaming.' Renly told him heatedly.

'I might be.'

'You're not.'

'How would you know?'

And with that Renly issued a sharp slap to the back of Loras' head. Loras gasped at that and glared at his friend. Renly rolled his eyes at him. 'See? Now you know you're not dreaming.' He said dryly.

'Wait…' something else had just occurred to Loras. He tried to find the right way to say it, but instead decided he'd best check all the facts first. 'how long has this been going on?'

'I don't know… the way Amber was talking it sounds like it was something she'd done before she went back to King's Landing, so… back before she came to Storm's End. She didn't specifically say, but it sounded like that…'

Loras nodded and said nothing for a moment, trying to work out how to phrase his next sentence. He really didn't want to have to bring it up. 'What if… I mean to say, don't you think it's strange that the king's children look so much like Lannisters?'

Renly's eyes visibly widened as he stared back at his squire. Loras felt like he was actually shrinking under his gaze. Eventually, Renly spoke. 'You think they're not Robert's children? You think… you think they're _Jaime's_?'

'I don't think anything,' Loras told him quietly. 'I'm just saying it's not out of the question if it's been going on that long…'

Renly shifted away from him and sat upright. Loras could do nothing but watch him. Renly dropped his head into his hands and said nothing. Loras couldn't help but feel sorry for him, he never wanted to tell him what he'd been thinking, but he couldn't keep it back. Renly really loved his niece and nephew… possibly not Joffrey, but Loras could fully understand that. He'd seen how much he loved Myrcella… and then to find out she's not actually his niece…

Loras sat up next to him, placing his hand gently on his shoulder. The last time he'd tried to comfort him like that Renly had laughed. He did not laugh this time.

'Loras,' he said finally, in a small voice that Loras was sure he'd never heard before. 'what if they're not Robert's children? What's going to happen?'

Loras shrugged. He didn't know what would happen. Renly sat upright again and looked back at him with sad eyes. He looked close to crying. 'I suppose… well, the Faith would want to put the queen to trial… and maybe Jaime, too…'

'But what about the children? What about Myrcella and Tommen and… and Joffrey?'

'I don't know.'

'They can't inherit the throne, can they? If they're not his… if Robert dies then who becomes king?' Renly asked, though Loras felt like he was more voicing thoughts than asking a question. 'Oh.' Renly said when he realised where the line of succession would go. 'For the love of the gods, Stannis cannot inherit the Iron Throne.'

'The king is not dead, and he won't be for a long time. Things could be very different by then.' Loras told him, trying his best to speak rationally.

'You're right.' Renly agreed, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. 'And we don't even know for sure that they're not Robert's children.'

'Exactly.'

'But Cersei…' Renly's expression darkened on even saying her name. Loras felt a chill slide down his spine. 'I thought maybe we were making some common ground in King's Landing – but that was all for nothing. After what she's done? I can never forgive that.' He glared into the darkness for a moment before he turned back. 'But we can never tell anyone, can we? It was Amber who told me, if Cersei realises her secret is out, she'll look to Amber as the culprit.'

Loras nodded in agreement. Renly lowered himself back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. 'We should go back to sleep.' He said flatly, voice completely void of emotion. 'I don't want to show up to meet your family looking like I haven't slept for weeks.'


	29. Chapter 29

Loras couldn't stop the smile appearing on his face when they arrived in Highgarden. It was gloriously sunny, as he expected, and the sun brought that familiar warmth onto his skin. He could smell the flowers and trees as they rode towards the keep. Loras sighed contentedly. He noticed the almost curious look Renly sent in his direction, clearly wondering what had made him smile so much.

'It's nice being home.' Loras told him honestly, before Renly decided to ask for himself. 'It feels good to recognise everything.'

'You'll recognise things when we go back to Storm's End.' Renly said, pouting slightly. Loras rolled his eyes at him and said nothing more. He knew Renly felt slightly bitter about bringing Loras home, and he knew he was acting a little bit jealous. But Loras reminded himself that he'd be feeling the same way if their positions were reversed.

The hall in which they were received was bathed in sunlight when they entered, streaming in through the huge window at the back of the hall. Loras couldn't help grinning when he saw his parents and his grandmother sitting at the end of the room. But he did the proper thing, as he watched Renly and the rest of their host do the same, as they knelt before the head of the Tyrell family.

'Son.' Mace Tyrell said fondly. Loras looked up at him with a smile, then offered a similar look to his mother. Lord Mace then turned to look upon Renly. He rose from his chair and stood in front of the lord of Storm's End. 'And Lord Renly,' Mace began as Renly got up from the floor, the most charming of smiles on his face. 'what an honour this is.'

'Really, the honour is all mine.' Renly answered with a grin.

Loras' eyes flitted to his grandmother, still sitting and observing the situation. He swallowed nervously. She was watching Renly intently, and it didn't take Loras long to realise that within these few short moments, she knew exactly what was going on. He quickly looked down at the floor when her gaze snapped onto him. Renly was busy being charming, as usual. He kissed the hand of Lady Alerie before he approached the Queen of Thorns.

'Lady Olenna.' He greeted her, but Loras knew his charming smile would do nothing more than amuse his grandmother.

'Lord Renly.' She said simply. Her eyes flashed over to Loras for a brief moment, which Renly did not fail to notice, before she smiled at the man before her.

Renly offered her a slightly awkward smile. The Queen of Thorns gave a small, knowing smile in return, before she gestured for the servants waiting at the side of the room.

'Show Lord Renly where he will be staying.' She told them, before turning her attention back to Renly, who was getting less and less confident every time she looked at him. 'I trust you'll find your lodgings satisfactory. You've been given free run of most of the South Tower… completely undisturbed.' She told him. Renly could do nothing but try and smile back, his throat had completely dried up. He feared that if he tried to talk his voice would fail him. She knew. There was no doubt about that.

Loras threw a sympathetic look to his friend, before his grandmother beckoned him towards her as Renly was led out of the room and his host headed outside to pitch their tents.

'Loras, dear,' Lady Olenna began quietly. 'as much as you want to follow young Lord Renly, I do believe your sister has been eagerly awaiting your return.' That brightened Loras' smile. He had missed his sister terribly.

'Where is she?' He asked.

'In the gardens.' Lady Olenna replied, something unreadable behind her smile. 'She is not alone.'

'She's not? Who's with her? Willas?'

'If you go and find her you'll find out, won't you?'

It didn't take Loras long to find his sister, he knew which bits of the gardens she liked best. He could feel anticipation in his stomach as he knew he'd be able to speak to her again. He was momentarily confused when he saw her walking the path through the gardens with a blonde girl in step next to her. He had to look twice, but he was still just as shocked when he realised who it was.

Lady Margaery noticed her brother's arrival and wasted no time in hurrying over to him and pulling him into a hug.

'Loras,' she flashed a sweet smile at him which he couldn't help but return. 'I've missed you so much.'

'I've missed you, too,' he told her, though he was still slightly distracted. He turned to Lady Amber – the last person he'd been expecting to see in Highgarden, let alone walking the gardens with his sister. Amber was dressed in a long, light blue dress that seemed to only highlight her amber eyes.

'Lady Amber.' Loras said, unable to think of what else to say to her.

'And it's nice to see you, too, Loras.' She answered with a smirk. 'I've been having a lovely chat with your sister.' The way she raised one eyebrow at him instantly alerted Loras to what they'd been discussing. He glanced at his sister, still clinging to his arm, but she just smiled at him.

'That's… nice.' He said slowly.

'Anyway,' Amber continued breezily. 'I'm supposed to be meeting your grandmother soon, I really should leave you.' And with that she offered a quick curtsey before she made her way back to the keep. Loras could do nothing but stare with wide-eyes at his sister.

'She's really quite lovely, isn't she?' Margaery said as she took her brother's arm and they resumed walking through the gardens. Roses were in full bloom all around the pathway, which brought a smile back onto Loras' face.

'She really is _something_.' Loras answered flatly, but Margaery only giggled. 'How is everyone?' Loras asked, changing the subject. He'd been expecting to find his sister with their cousins, but the other girls seemed nowhere in sight.

'They're well.' Margaery replied. 'Everyone's very excited for Garlan's wedding, of course, but with Lady Amber here, I've had very little time to see our cousins.'

'I bet they're not happy about that.'

'I wouldn't know.' Margaery sighed.

'Did you argue with them?'

She shrugged and sighed again. 'Maybe, a little bit. But we'll get past it. I don't think they like Lady Amber very much.'

'She's an acquired taste.' Loras told her honestly. Margaery smirked at him but nodded in agreement.

They walked through the rose garden and out onto the hill overlooking the lower levels of the gardens. The gentle breeze blew Margaery's hair out behind her as she approached the wooden seats under the blossom tree. Loras joined her there.

'Who's that?' He asked, spotting a knight in the lower garden, and a slender looking dark haired boy with him.

'Oh, I think that's Ser Aalen.'

'Am I meant to know who that is?' Loras raised an eyebrow at his sister. He was starting to feel like he'd missed out on an awful lot while he'd been in Storm's End, and it wasn't a feeling he was enjoying.

'He's Lady Amber's sworn shield.'

'Amber has a sworn shield?'

Margaery nodded. 'Apparently she found him in an inn on the way up with her party. She says he knew she'd nearly married Lord Renly and although she wouldn't elaborate about it, he declared that he would be her sworn shield.'

'Why?'

'Honour?' Margaery suggested. 'Lady Amber is quite well know, and serving any Lannister has got to be a good position to be in at the moment.'

'So is serving a Baratheon.' Loras muttered before he could stop himself. Margaery flashed a cheeky smile at him before she turned to face him. Loras looked away from her, knowing there was no way to stop her prying now, but desperate to avoid it anyway. He used to tell her everything. This would be the only thing he'd ever kept from her, but he needed to, he couldn't even tell Renly, how could he tell anyone else first?

'Loras,' Margaery started in a soft voice. 'I'm going to ask you a very blunt question.'

'I don't have to answer you.' He answered, staring at the grass below him.

'No, you don't.' Margaery agreed with a sigh, taking his hand in her own. 'Loras, what exactly is your relationship with Lord Renly?'

'I'm his squire.' He replied instantly.

'And?'

'His friend.'

'And?'

'And nothing else.'

'Loras…' Margaery moaned at him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. He couldn't bare to look back at her, or else he'd have to tell her everything. 'Please. I'm your sister, we don't keep secrets.'

'There's nothing to keep secret, Margaery, I…' But she'd already tilted his face to meet her gaze. He swallowed and tried not to let his expression change, but he knew it was too late. 'Seven save me, Margaery, I can't not tell you.'

'If it makes it any easier, I already knew.'

' _What_?'

'Garlan told me.'

'How in the seven hells does Garlan know?'

'He saw how you acted in King's Landing. He didn't notice at first, not really, but when he came back and he told Grandmother some things over dinner… well, you know how perceptive she is. It just made sense.'

'Gods.' Loras groaned, letting go of her hand to free his own to drag his hair off his face. Then something else struck him. 'She didn't tell our father, did she?'

'No, of course not.' Margaery answered quickly. 'No. She told me after she'd spoken to Garlan. No one else knows.'

'Good.' Loras sighed. At least not too many people knew. 'But you know nothing happened, don't you?' He continued. 'He got drunk and… and kissed me in King's Landing, but since then _nothing_ has happened.'

Margaery nodded and lifted her big brown eyes to look back at her brother. 'I think you should tell him how you feel.'

'What? No! Of course not!'

'Why not?'

'Because he won't say it back, Margaery.' Loras told her sadly. 'He won't. He'll apologise again and he'll think I'm doing it for him… he'll never believe I actually feel like this…'

'But you _do_.' Margaery insisted. 'And I think he'll accept that. There's only so far a squire would go to please their lord.'

'How would you know?' Loras told her, managing a small smile at her attempt. She grinned back.

'Just believe me, Loras. You should tell him. It'll do neither of you any good to keep feelings bottled up.' She brushed her hair over one shoulder, curls tumbling over her side. 'Besides, if what Garlan said is true, it's quite clear how Lord Renly feels about you. Especially with what Lady Amber told us.'

Loras felt a cold shiver run down his spine. Amber knew everything. 'What did Amber say?' He asked quietly, feeling a horrible ice spreading through his insides.

Margaery shook her head with her own classic smile. 'You _know_ what she said about you. But she also said that Lord Renly is very fond of you, and it seems like your feelings are the same.'

'It does?' Loras felt his heart actually miss a beat. Margaery nodded, brushed down her skirts, then stood up, holding her arm out for Loras to take. He took a moment to collect this new information before he took his sister's arm and they began the walk back.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is such a teaser chapter! i couldn't resist it;) i'll try not to leave the gap between chapters too long:))))

Renly had been sat by the window in his room in the South Tower for at least an hour. He'd been given a perfect view of the gardens and had watched Loras walking around with his sister for an hour, wondering what they might be talking about. He'd felt a horrible sensation of jealousy on seeing how close they were with each other, even though he was completely aware of how ridiculous it was to think that. They were brother and sister, of course they were close.

When there was a knock at the door, Renly instantly hoped it was Loras, since he'd recently seen him leave the gardens with Margaery. He felt a little guilty when his smile dropped on opening the door and realising it was Amber.

Amber raised an eyebrow at him. 'Expecting someone else?' She asked, inviting herself inside the room and walking through into the solar. Renly shut the door, sighed, and reluctantly followed her.

'More like hoping, Amber.' He told her. She placed herself neatly into a chair as Renly sat down opposite her. He couldn't help but notice how her dress changed dependent on her company. Back in King's Landing she dressed like the queen, she wore red and gold, she didn't show too much skin, she curled her hair. In Highgarden she appeared to have adopted a similar style to Margaery Tyrell, wearing pastel colours and showing more skin than Renly was used to seeing. Her own clothes from Storm's End were airy, for the humidity, but normally had a considerably amount of material to them.

'I need to talk to you.' Amber announced, leaning forwards across the table.

'Well, that's never a good sign.' Renly muttered. The look Amber flashed back at him silenced him instantly.

'It's important.' She insisted, brushing lightly curled blonde hair behind her shoulder. 'I think you ought to talk to Loras.'

'That's vague.' Renly said flatly. 'I'd thought we talked quite a lot, actually.'

'Very funny.' Amber hissed at him, but there was a small smile on her face. 'Anyway, you should speak to him. This whole situation between the two of you has become ridiculous. I think you both need to have a conversation and air your feelings.'

'No.' Renly said instantly. 'Amber, that's a bad idea.'

'Why?'

'Because…' Renly started unsurely. For such a long time he'd been forcing himself to pretend he didn't have feelings for Loras – or at least to try and keep them hidden from him. The whole of idea of having him know all of that frightened him to his core. 'He's young, Amber, he doesn't know what he's doing, he's-'

'You're _both_ young.' Amber interrupted him. 'But you both know what you want. And it's not doing either of you any good playing this pathetic game of ignorance.'

Renly was a little taken aback by Amber's outburst and couldn't stop himself sitting further back in his chair.

'Amber, I _can't_ tell him.' Renly told her quietly. 'Even if, by some brilliant twist of fate, he feels the same way – there's nothing we can do about it. We're both well known and it's already been noted in King's Landing how close we are, we can't afford any more attention directed that way.'

Amber smirked at him and shook her head. 'Renly, people are _always_ going to be talking about you. You're the king's brother, rumours are going to be circulated about you for a long time. Sometimes they'll be true, sometimes they won't. Who's to know fact from fiction, anyway?'

'Varys and Littlefinger will.' Renly sighed.

'And what are they going to do with that information? They can't blackmail you – they'd be too worried you'd tell the king.' Amber told him softly. Renly watched her for a moment, before he got up from his chair and went back to the window.

'And what about his family?' Renly asked, not turning back to look at her. 'His sister, his brothers? What are they going to think?'

'Well…' Amber started, in a tone Renly was shocked to hear sounded oddly nervous. 'Renly, I don't think they'll really mind… that is to say, they already…'

'You told them, didn't you?' He said dryly. He didn't even need her to answer, her tone said it all. 'And they weren't angry?'

'Not at all.' Amber answered honestly, getting up to join him by the window. 'And I didn't tell them all. I spoke to Margaery, Garlan and his grandmother.'

' _His grandmother_?' Renly repeated, turning to stare back at her with wide eyes.

'She already knew most of the things I told them.' Amber answered back. 'She's very observant.'

'I'm sure.' Renly said, turning away from her. 'You really think I should tell him?'

'I really do.'

'Fine.' He said flatly, still not looking back at her. 'But if this ends badly, I'm blaming you.'

He didn't turn around to see the smirk grace Amber's lips, but he could probably have pictured it without the need to see it. She backed out of the room without another word, closing the door quietly behind her, leaving Renly still staring out of the window wondering why he'd just agreed to do what she asked.

He could feel imaginary butterflies tingling in the pit of his stomach as he walked out of the door of the South Tower and towards the gardens. He'd seen Loras go back down there alone, take a seat on a bench and sit by himself. Renly had forced himself to seize the moment and not turn back. He was still trying to find the words in his head, to put them in some sort of coherent order… but he was failing. And words hardly every failed him. They were his barrier to the world. A few clever words and anyone would leave him alone, but not with Loras. Wherever that boy was concerned he verbally disarmed Renly completely.

Renly hardly noticed the gardens as he walked through them, instead focusing on keeping a steady pace and trying to calm his heartbeat. This could be the end of the best friendship he'd ever had. Yet he still couldn't picture this as loosing a friend. Had he ever viewed Loras as _just_ his friend? Not that he could remember. He'd always seen him a friend, primarily, but with that glimmer of something more. If Loras rejected him now, it would only be loosing half a friend, and half of something else. Something he could never accurately describe if Loras rejected him, because he'd never know.

'Renly,' Loras called to him from his bench. 'are you alright?' He asked as Renly drew closer. 'You look worried.'

'Is there somewhere a bit more… private around here? I need to talk to you.' Renly told him, completely avoiding his question because the answer would be that no, he was not alright.

'That sounds serious.' Loras muttered, but got up off the bench nonetheless. 'There's another garden further along, with more trees. Is that private enough?'

'I suppose so.' Renly answered, following Loras along the pathway. He could see more trees forming up ahead, but he was barely aware of it. He felt very sick all of a sudden.

'Are you _sure_ you're alright?' Loras asked again, turning back to look at him as they walked. Renly caught his gaze for a flicker of a second before looking away. He couldn't bare to look him in the eyes knowing what he was about to tell him.

'Mm.' Was all he could say in response. Loras continued watching him for a little while longer, before he eventually shrugged and looked away. Renly exhaled slowly and tried to focus on something else. The smell of roses in the gardens, the birdsong… but nothing could take his mind off the situation at hand.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go;)

They reached the trees sooner than Renly would have liked. They were huge trees, towering overhead, branches hanging low and casting a warm shadow over the pathway. The clearing where the garden was situated was beautiful, breath-taking, even. Loras seemed not to notice, but Renly couldn't _stop_ noticing.

Loras sat down on the ground, leaning against the trunk of a tree. Renly had no choice but the sit himself down opposite him, his heartbeat hammering in his ears as he did so.

'Well,' Loras started, when Renly said nothing. 'you wanted to talk?'

'Yes.' Renly said slowly, deliberately trying to put it off as long as he possibly could, even though he knew he'd have to do it at some point. Maybe it was best just to get it over with. His raised his eyes to meet Loras', instantly regretting it as he felt himself freeze, unable to force words out of his mouth. 'I…' he tried, but nothing else would come out. 'Gods.' He muttered, glancing away from Loras and dragging his hand through his hair.

'I'm just going to shut my eyes.' Renly told him, finally looking back at Loras. 'I can't even look, it's making me too nervous.' Loras gave him a strange look, but Renly squeezed his eyes shut regardless, it was the only way he'd be able to say it.

'Loras,' he started, glad he couldn't see his squire's expression anymore. 'this isn't easy for me to tell you, and I know you're probably not going to react well… but, well, Amber told me I should and maybe she's right. I can't keep it a secret forever, no matter how much I'd like to.' He took a breath to try and calm down his heart rate, but it did nothing. 'You've become such a good friend to me, Loras, and I'm not trying to ruin that, I swear it… only…'

'Go on.' Loras encouraged him when words once again failed him. His voice gave nothing away, Renly had no idea whether he was intrigued or disgusted. His tone was completely flat.

'Okay.' Renly said quietly. He told himself to just be honest, say outright what he was thinking and deal with the consequences later. He didn't even have to see Loras' reaction. So he spoke from his heart before his brain could talk him out of it.

'I've never met anyone quite like you before.' He started. 'It's different from anything else I've experienced. I knew I liked men before I met you, of course, but only in a physical sort of sense, never really emotionally. But with you… I'd be willing to keep this to myself forever just so I could be _near_ you because you're just so… _you_. And I know you probably don't feel the same way, of course you don't. Even after what you told me on the way back from King's Landing, after what I thought we almost did…' He paused to try and collect his thoughts, but it was impossible. 'I never have and I never will meet anyone like you. You're perfectly unique and brilliant and… and perfect. And I just… I needed to…'

'Renly,' Loras stopped him there, his voice still unreadable. 'what are you trying to tell me?'

'I'm trying to tell you that I… I…'

'I know.' Loras said quietly, and Renly could tell he was a lot closer than he had been when he last spoke. He was about to try and say something else, _anything_ else, when he was silenced by Loras' lips on his own. Only quickly, and only a light brush, but enough. He slowly opened his eyes, finding himself staring directly into Loras' brown eyes.

'Oh.' Renly said quietly. Loras offered him a small smile in return. 'You could have at least let me finish.' Renly told him with a smirk. Loras grinned at him and sat back a little.

'I apologise.' He answered, offering a smirk of his own. 'Carry on then, what else did you have to say?'

Renly observed him for a moment, watching this perfect boy smiling back at him, the sunlight creeping through the leaves and dancing in his hair. 'Nothing.' He said honestly, he had no idea what else he would have said. He was certain he would have stammered out some more words, possibly arranged them into a sentence, but he'd quite forgotten all of them now. Loras was still close enough for Renly to gently touch the side of his face and guide him back towards him to press their lips together again. He knew in that moment he would never get bored of this.

He couldn't help but notice how vastly different this was from kissing Amber. With Amber it had always felt like a build up, a purposely designed prelude to something else. Which, essentially, it was. Whereas this felt like the sole purpose, he was kissing him because he wanted to, not because it would lead to something else. It didn't even matter that he could almost feel inexperience radiating off Loras, because it was so massively countered by a feeling of passion.

'You should have told me sooner.' Loras told him quietly, pulling away only enough to manage to speak.

'Why?' Renly asked him in a whisper, placing another quick kiss to Loras' lips.

'Because we could have been doing this for so much longer before now.'

'Don't ruin it.' Renly told him with a smirk. Loras managed a small laugh before Renly felt him back on his lips. He didn't bother trying to say anything else, he couldn't have even if he'd wanted to. He was quite content with this, running one hand through Loras' curls as he kissed him. He could feel Loras' pulse through his neck, as he moved his hand downwards from his hair, rapid under his touch.

A twig snapped somewhere nearby, making both of them jump. Loras didn't move away from him, which Renly felt oddly touched by, he just stared around the garden for the source of the noise. Another twig snapped, closer than the last one.

'Margaery?' Loras called out, almost hoping it was his sister. If there was anyone he'd be least worried about catching him in this situation, it was his sister. Or even Lady Amber. He exchanged a look with Renly before he got up off the ground, reaching for a sword he wasn't wearing. He swore to himself on realising that. He heard Renly get up, but he knew he wasn't armed either. Why would they be? Loras then heard another noise, closer than the others and steadily advancing. It was the sound of footsteps, but there was another sound accompanying it, the constant rhythm of something else hitting the ground with every other step. Loras let out a sigh and turned back to flash a calm smile at Renly.

'It's fine.' He told him, still keeping his voice down. 'It's Willas.'

'How can you tell?'

'I can hear his walking crutch.'

'I don't know why I panicked.' Renly admitted, a nervous grin finding its way to his face. 'We're still on Tyrell land, it's not likely we'd be attacked.'

Loras shook his head and offered a smile in return. He'd panicked, too, but he knew why, and suspected Renly knew why, as well – he just didn't want to say it. Loras had panicked because he knew they were doing something they shouldn't be. No, he told himself, they weren't doing something they shouldn't, they were doing something Loras had been waiting for what seemed like a lifetime to happen. What they were actually doing was something other people thought they shouldn't. But still, he didn't exactly want to be caught be someone who didn't understand. Like his father. Anyone else he could have explained this away to, but not to Mace Tyrell. He'd never have understood.

Willas was just entering the garden now. He smiled kindly at his younger brother, who tried his best to return it without looking too guilty. Willas then saw Renly and he looked a little confused.

'Lord Renly,' he started, glancing from the young lord to his brother. 'I had not expected to find you here.'

'No, I expect not.' Renly said slowly, biding his time to find something substantial to say in response. 'I wanted to see the gardens, they're just so beautiful, so I had Loras show me around.' Loras gave a small nod by way of agreement.

'I see.' Willas answered, though he clearly wasn't content with the answer he got. 'Very well, I hope you enjoyed it. If you'll excuse me, though, it takes me a lot longer than most to get around.' He made an obvious reference to his wooden crutch.

'Of course, yes,' Renly said, forcing a smile. 'it was good to meet you.'

'Likewise, my lord.' Willas told him, flashing another smile to his brother, before he slowly continued along the pathway. Loras spun around so his back was to his brother and sighed. It was only once Willas was out of earshot that either of them spoke again.

'That was close.' Loras said finally. 'We're going to have to be more careful.'

Renly watched him for a moment, mulling over what he'd just said. 'So, we're going to be doing that again?' Renly asked him with a smirk.

Loras laughed and leant casually against a tree trunk. 'Don't you want to?'

'Gods, yes.' And that only made Loras laugh even more.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, Amber. Sigh.

Dinner that evening was a small affair. There would be feasts for Garlan's wedding, of course, but until then it would only be small meals between friends, which suited Renly just fine. Amber had invited himself and Loras to have dinner in her solar. Which seemed like a nice enough way to spend the evening, until they arrived there and discovered they were not the only ones to be invited. Lady Margaery was already in Amber's solar, laughing about something, when Amber opened the door for them. Renly almost stopped in the doorway when he saw her, but forced himself to smile at her like he ought to.

'Lady Margaery,' he started as he approached her. 'I had not expected to see you here, but what a pleasure it is.' He just hoped she believed it. He knew Amber had told her about the situation with Loras, and he could read it in her eyes that even if Amber hadn't told her, she knew.

'Really, Lord Renly,' she smiled back at him. 'I've been wanting to meet you for such a long time. My brother's told me so much about you.'

'All good, I hope.' He said, trying to at least sound like he wasn't as nervous as he was. He sat down at the table and wished Margaery would stop looking at him like that.

'Of course it was good things.' Loras chimed in, flashing a smirk at his sister that told Renly there was some things he didn't need to know that Loras had told her. He took a seat opposite Renly, beside his sister, as Amber sat back down.

'Well, you seem to have become fast friends with Lady Amber.' Renly commented.

'Amber's taught me so much.' Margaery said fondly, smiling back at Amber.

Loras could only bite his tongue so he didn't say something he'd regret as he watched his little sister talk about how much she admired Amber. Even while they ate, it was difficult to keep back his feelings. He loved Amber like a sister, but at the same time, he didn't want her in such close proximity to his actual sister. Amber was a very different sort of person, she had different values – some of which, Loras did not want his sister to adopt. Amber kept secrets, she used trickery to obtain them sometimes, and she was decidedly ambiguous about whose side she was actually on. Loras could understand why his grandmother didn't mind having her around, but he didn't want her to taint his little sister.

'So,' Amber started up, changing the subject after a while. She took a sip of wine and sat back in her chair to observe Renly. 'did Loras show you the gardens?' Amber asked innocently. At this point Lady Margaery did a very un-ladylike thing, as she almost spat out her wine to stifle a laugh. Amber raised an eyebrow but grinned at her anyway.

Loras sighed at the obvious innuendo and flashed a glare at his sister. She smirked back but said nothing.

'I…' Renly tried to say something that would at least sound remotely eloquent, but nothing came to mind. He cursed himself for it, but he was speechless.

Amber gave him a pitying look before she spoke again. 'Don't bother trying to deny it, Renly.' She sighed. 'Everyone here knows exactly what I'm talking about. So, I'll ask it properly, did you talk about it?'

'Yes.' Loras said quietly, now staring intently at the table. Renly saw his sister reach over to take his hand under the table.

'Loras, it's _fine_.' Margaery told him in a reassuring tone. 'It's good, really.'

'Don't patronise me.' He muttered, snatching his hand back and raising his head to stare Amber down. 'Yes, we talked about it. I don't quite know what you're expecting me to say. We feel the same way about each other, and that's good. What else did you want me to say?'

Amber seemed taken aback by his response, and she exchanged a glance with Margaery across the table. Clearly this had not panned out the way they'd expected it to.

'I don't expect anything else.' She said finally. 'You're both very close friends of mine and I wanted to know if you were both alright. That's all.'

'Well, _thank you_ , Amber, for your concern.' Loras answered bitterly, his voice steely. Renly wanted to do what his sister had done, he wanted to take his hand. But he knew he shouldn't. Loras wouldn't want him to.

'Since you've been so kind as to inquire about myself,' Loras continued. Renly already felt nervous about what would follow, he had already learned not to wind Loras up. It became apparent that Amber was about to find out. 'What about you? How are you feeling about getting married to a stranger on Dragonstone soon?'

Renly heard Margaery gasp and then the room when silent. Amber was glaring at Loras with such an intensity that it seemed as though her amber eyes were about to catch fire. Margaery looked ashamed now, as though Loras' outburst might have coloured Amber's impression of her, as well. Renly caught her eye and discreetly shook his head, telling her not to intervene. This was best left to the two of them.

'Well,' Amber said quietly, almost too quietly. Her voice was crisp in the silence. 'if you must know, Loras, it's going better than expected. My betrothed has been writing to me every chance he gets, doing anything and everything I ask him to, and sometimes more. He seems rather lovely, actually.' She sighed and put down her cup. 'But if you're insisting on being bitter about everything, have it your way.'

'I'm not being bitter!' Loras retorted quickly. 'You're being interfering! It's got absolutely nothing to do with you, what goes on between Renly and myself!'

'Nothing to do with me?' Amber repeated incredulously. 'Gods, Loras, how can you be so naïve? Ever since King's Landing it's been me pushing you two together! Who were you crying to when Renly wouldn't stop apologising? Who was it who told Renly there was something to hope for between you both? And who was it who diverted questions from Littlefinger?' She paused for breath, but not for long. 'And let's not forget, who was it who persuaded Renly to tell you at all today? It was _me_ , Loras. So maybe, instead of being bitter, you could at least be the tiniest bit grateful!'

'Maybe I didn't need you pushing us together, Amber.' Loras told her quietly. Margaery tried to take his hand again but he shrugged away from her. He pushed his chair back and stood up from the table. 'By your leave, my lady.'

Amber paused, as if she was stuck for what to say. In her head, she wanted to say she didn't give her leave, as she had in King's Landing. She wanted them to laugh about it. But, that feeling was overridden by how much she wanted Loras out of her sight at that moment. She gave a curt nod and said nothing. Loras left the room without another word.

Within a few seconds, both girls turned to Renly, as though expecting him to say something.

'I should…' he started, gesturing towards the door. 'I'll go after him.' And he quickly got up and left the room, flashing a quick smile to Amber and Margaery, but his mind was too far elsewhere to really put any heart into it. He left the room and shut the door, only then realising that he had no idea where Loras would have gone. He didn't know Highgarden at all and Loras had a lifetime of knowledge about it. He sighed and started off down the corridor. He had to start somewhere.

He reached a courtyard outside the tower Amber was staying in. There were torches lit around the edge, and a few servants scurrying around, but no Loras. He continued across the courtyard aimlessly. He'd wander all night if it meant he could find him again.

'Lord Renly.' He heard a voice say from somewhere nearby. A shiver went down his spine when he placed the voice. It was Lady Olenna, the Queen of Thorns. He spun around on the spot to find the old woman standing behind him. How she'd got there so quickly, he'd never know.

'My lady.' He said, plastering a smile on his face.

'Don't bother, Lord Renly.' She said in a tired sort of tone. 'I'm not going to attempt to reprimand you.'

'For…?'

'For your relationship with my grandson.'

Renly felt as though he'd just been pushed off a cliff, how she could just be so open about it. The way she said it like it was an everyday occurrence.

'If anything, it's made for an interesting time.' Lady Olenna continued. 'It's good to be different.'

'Oh… well… thank you.'

'Hmm.' She said dismissively. 'What brings you out here so late?'

'I was at dinner with Lady Amber, actually.' Renly told her. 'Only, Loras… left, and I'm not sure where to find him.'

'I couldn't say for certain, but when he was younger he used go to the top of the Rose Tower, he liked the art on the stairwell. Who's to say if he'd still go there, there's been many a revelation since he left, of course.'

Renly paused for a moment, unsure of the right way to respond to that statement. In the end, he decided to ignore the comment and run with the information. 'And where is the Rose Tower?'

Once he'd obtained the directions, and thanked the Queen of Thorns, he set off in search of the Rose Tower. It wasn't too far away, a few courtyards and a short walk through yet another rose garden. He could hardly complain about the journey, since everything in Highgarden was so pristine and beautiful, but he barely paid the scenery any attention, his was too focussed on finding his squire.

The Rose Tower turned out to quite literally be just a tower. It looked like a part of a building that had since been removed, leaving only the tower. There wasn't even a proper door, only a stone archway with ivy creeping up the side. It didn't look dishevelled, though, it appeared just as perfect as everything else. It had a sort of mystical feel to it.

Inside the tower was a winding set of stone stairs, curling around the tower in a tight curve. But Renly couldn't help noticing the artwork. All along the outer and inner walls of the tower there were paintings depicting various scenes from legends. Dragons loomed over the inside of the doorway, fire engulfing the entrance to the tower, then further on there were knights from fables and tales, fair maidens, of course, and even scenes from when the Wall was a noble calling for the bravest men of the realm.

Renly found Loras further up the tower, sitting on the stairs next to a mural of Ser Arthur Dayne. Renly offered him a comforting smile, which he barely returned, before sitting down next to him.

'Is Amber angry with me?' Loras asked quietly, staring down the stairs rather than look back at Renly.

'I should think so.' He sighed. 'She wasn't exactly pleased, put it that way.'

'She had no right to say those things.'

He turned to observe his squire. His eyes seemed darker as he glared at the darkness below him.

'She means well, Loras.' Renly told him diplomatically.

'I don't know what she wanted me to say.' Loras sighed, dragging one hand through his curly hair but still not looking up. 'Did she really want me to go into details? And in front of my _sister_? Was I just meant to say to her, at dinner "oh, yes, I talked to Renly. Then we spent a good five minutes kissing in the garden", I'm sure that's a perfectly acceptable thing to voice at dinner.'

'I don't know what she was expecting,' Renly said honestly. 'but I can't deny what she said. She did have quite a hand in forcing me to talk to you about it. And everything she did in King's Landing…'

'It doesn't make her a part of this.' Loras muttered darkly. 'This is for me and you. That's it.'

'I know.'

'I need to apologise to my sister.' Loras said after a while. He sighed and dropped his head onto Renly's shoulder. Renly didn't even think about it, he found himself wrapping his arm around Loras before it had even registered that he'd done it. Loras didn't seem to mind, though.

'She'll think I was being cruel.' Loras continued quietly. 'But I felt like she was patronising me. She kept saying that it was okay… I _know_ it's okay. I don't need approval from anyone else.'

'I know.' Renly told him surely. 'And never let anyone tell you that you do… but she probably thinks she's helping.'

'She likes to help.' Loras answered flatly, as if Margaery tried to 'help' quite a lot. 'Usually where no help is required.' Loras continued with equal stiffness.

'Just go to her tomorrow, tell her you're sorry and you appreciate her efforts. That'll probably be enough. I'll deal with Amber, she'll probably respond better if I talk her round a bit first. Obviously she'll want you to apologise to her, as well, her pride won't allow you to get away without it – she is still a Lannister, after all. But she'll forgive you, she likes you too much not to.'

'Thank you.' Loras said quietly, wedging himself a little closer to Renly. He didn't say anything for a while after that, just sat there leaning on him.

'Loras?'

'Hmm?'

'Nothing, I just thought you'd gone to sleep.'

He heard Loras laugh, but he didn't disagree with him. Renly couldn't resist running his fingers through Loras' curls.

'Are you tired? It's probably quite late.' Renly said. He was starting to feel a bit sleepy, but he couldn't decide if that was because he was tired, or because it was so peaceful in the tower.

'I am a bit tired.' Loras conceded, finally lifting his head off Renly's shoulder. His eyes found Renly's and held his gaze for a moment.

'You should get some sleep.' Renly told him, though he heard his own voice waver.

'Are you telling me to come to bed?' Loras asked him with a coy sort of smirk. Renly could only laugh and give him a light shove off him. Loras grinned back at him and got up off the stairs. 'We should, though,' Loras continued, the playfulness gone from his voice. 'go to bed, I mean.'

'You're right.' Renly agreed. He started to follow Loras down the stairs and out of the tower.

'Can I stay with you tonight?' Loras asked, his tone unusually nervous. Renly knew why, of course. Since their situation had changed that afternoon, it was only right that Loras would be somewhat unsure about where the parameters were now. In all honesty, Renly wasn't entirely certain, either.

'Of course,' Renly told him.

'I don't think anyone will come looking for me,' Loras continued. 'I think my grandmother intended for me to stay with you, to be honest.'

Renly couldn't help raising his eyebrows at that. 'I think your grandmother had something a little different in mind when she gave me a tower to myself, Loras.'

Loras stared at him for a moment, before the air between them became so awkward that he just had to laugh at the idea. That only made Renly laugh, too, as he realised how strange it really was that the Queen of Thorns had given him that tower so no one else would hear him having sex with her grandson. He couldn't even wrap his mind around how she was so calm about doing that. Of course, he didn't think he would be using the tower for the purpose she's anticipated, he'd feel too guilty about it. Loras was so young… he'd feel like he'd corrupted him. Not that he didn't _want_ to, of course, he just wanted to make sure Loras was sure about it. And besides, Renly reminded himself, the first time Loras had kissed him – discounting the drunken incident in King's Landing – was that afternoon. He wanted to take things slowly. Enjoy the time he spent with Loras.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this chapter's a little longer than normal, but I thought the first scene was too short to leave as one chapter. and thanks for all the comments:)))))

They'd both been silent for at least ten minutes by the time Renly had judged that it was getting a little bit awkward. He didn't want to mention it, but he definitely felt like he should say something. It wasn't as if Loras had fallen asleep, the candle was still lit beside the bed, so Renly could tell he wasn't asleep.

'You've been very quiet. Are you alright?' He asked eventually. He decided there was no harm in asking.

'I'm fine.' Loras answered quietly. 'Just thinking.'

'About what?'

Loras couldn't stop himself laughing at being asked that. In truth, his answer would simply have been 'you', but he realised how cliché that might have sounded and it just seemed funny now.

'Come on,' Renly continued, turning over to face him. 'tell me.'

Loras glanced back at him and gave in. 'I was thinking about today. I can hardly believe it actually happened. Ever since the first night in King's Landing I've been waiting for that to happen, and now that it has… I think I'm dreaming.'

Renly grinned at him then. 'You sound like such a moron.' He told him fondly. 'And don't you remember the last time you said you thought you were dreaming?'

'You slapped the back of my head.' Loras said flatly.

'Exactly,' Renly laughed. 'I don't think you're dreaming.'

'Prove it?' Loras ventured, realising how embarrassed it made him to actually say that, he didn't want to outright ask Renly to kiss him. It might have somewhat ruined the moment. Though, on thinking about it, Loras decided it probably wouldn't have put Renly off at all.

Loras caught the tug of a smirk on Renly's lips, but Renly didn't give in to it. 'And how would you like me to do that?' He asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

'I…' Loras tried to answer, but his voice failed him.

'Go on,' Renly whispered back. Loras could feel his hand on the side of his ribs, gently pulling him closer. He wasn't about to fight it, and allowed himself to be moved closer to him under the covers. 'say it.' Renly told him, his green eyes locking with Loras' in the inch space between them. Loras felt like his throat had completely dried up.

'Kiss me.' He managed to say, surprised that Renly actually heard him, since he barely heard it himself. But Renly clearly did hear him, since the next thing Loras felt was Renly's lips on his own, convincing him that he wasn't dreaming. It was something of an awkward angle, and Loras let himself be pushed softly onto his back to make the angle a bit better.

Loras could hear blood rushing in his ears, he tried not to hear it, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't concentrate on what he was doing, he just had to hope that it felt as good for Renly as it did for him. He wound his hands around the back of Renly's neck, making gentle grasps at his hair. He'd never kissed anyone before Renly, that night in King's Landing was the first time he'd ever kissed someone. He silently hoped that Renly would be the only person he ever kissed like this. He could feel Renly's hand slip down to his hip, through his nightshirt, but it still made him gasp a little.

'Are you alright?' Renly asked him quietly, pulling back ever so slightly to be able to speak.

Loras nodded, unable to force any words out. Renly just smiled down at him.

'It's new, this, isn't it?' He said softly.

'Yes.' Loras managed to say in response, unable to stop the smile that followed. Renly placed a light kiss to Loras' lips again, before he felt him move to his neck. Loras felt like his skin was actually burning, every kiss down his neck felt like fire. It was only light, nothing that would leave a mark, Loras knew – even though they were in the safest sort of location to get away with it.

He felt Renly laugh against his skin, which made Loras smile, but he didn't know what was funny.

'What?' He asked, expecting Renly to move off him then, but he didn't. Loras felt another kiss on his neck.

'You're going to have to stop making that noise.' Renly told him with a chuckle.

'I didn't realise I was making a noise.' Loras said honestly. It was only when Renly placed a soft bite to the bottom of his neck that Loras actually heard himself moan. He felt distinctly embarrassed about that, and felt himself blush. He hoped Renly wouldn't notice, but he noticed everything.

'You heard it that time, didn't you?' Renly asked him, lifting his head to look back at him, wearing that classic smirk.

'Sorry.' Loras said quietly.

'You're blushing.' Renly observed, brushing Loras' curls back off his face. Loras shifted his gaze, now thoroughly embarrassed. 'And don't be sorry,' Renly continued, tilting Loras' face so he'd look at him. 'it's just that every time you make that noise, I feel less and less like sleeping.' He told him with a small laugh. Loras felt a lot of things all at once on hearing him say that. The first thing he felt was pride, he was pleased that he could make Renly feel like that. He had no reason to doubt it, but he'd never really thought about it before. It felt like an accomplishment. But then the reality caught up with him and he felt suddenly scared. He knew nothing about that sort of thing. He had no experience and no knowledge. Especially when it came to doing those things with another man. No one would ever have prepared him for that.

'Come on,' Renly said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of Loras' mouth before he moved off him completely. 'we should get some sleep.'

Loras nodded, but Renly sensed that there was something else. He was learning to tell the differences between Loras' silences.

'You want to ask me something, don't you?' Renly sighed. He was almost certain this was the questioning sort of silence.

'Can I?' Loras asked quietly.

'Of course.'

'It's just… well, I mean to say…'

'It's alright.' Renly assured him. 'You can ask whatever you like.'

'Okay,' Loras paused for a moment, but seemed to find his courage. 'what you just said about… about, well, not feeling like sleeping… I've never… I've not done those sorts of things before and… well…'

'Loras Tyrell admitting he's not good at something.' Renly said, unable to keep back a smile as he watched his squire stumble over his words like that. 'And that's okay. I've not done those things, either, only failed at them with Amber. I'm not suggesting we do anything like that.'

'I'm not saying I don't want to.' Loras said quickly, turning back to face Renly. He just grinned at him, he couldn't help it.

'Okay, I'll amend that statement. I'm not suggesting we do those sorts of things, yet.' He said. 'How's that?'

'Better.' Loras smiled back at him, looking a little less sheepish now.

Renly woke up before his squire, something that he had noticed becoming something of a trend. It was a trend he hoped to break sometime soon. He watched Loras sleeping next to him and wondered what he was dreaming about. It seemed beyond belief that the events of yesterday were even real. But Renly knew they were. Unlike his squire, he didn't need any help telling reality from dreams. He'd long ago learned to separate those two concepts. He silently wondered how he and Loras were going to maintain this… whatever it was they were doing. Renly didn't particularly want to call it a relationship. It was such a vague term. They had a relationship before, they were friends, which in Renly's mind constituted a relationship, as well.

He got dressed and left Loras to sleep. He doubted there was anything he particularly needed to do today anyway, everyone else was so busy preparing for Garlan's wedding. He opened the balcony doors as quietly as possible and went outside, grateful to actually be able to use the balcony since it wasn't raining. He'd forgotten he'd even got one at Storm's End, since the weather was normally too bad to use it. In Highgarden it was gloriously sunny that morning, as Renly imagined it was every morning. He could see the training yard from up there, a few of the squires were already outside sparring with each other.

By the time Loras woke up, Renly had already sent for breakfast, as Loras found out when he opened the door to the solar. He'd hurriedly gotten dressed, feeling a little agitated by the fact that he'd woken up alone. He made a silent prayer that Renly didn't regret what had happened yesterday, even though he was aware that, on the off chance the gods were listening, they certainly wouldn't care.

'Morning.' Renly smiled at him as Loras entered the solar. 'Would you like something to eat?'

'Please.' Loras answered, sitting down opposite Renly. He was feeling a little awkward now, not entirely sure how he was supposed to be acting. He'd spent so long hoping for Renly to kiss him again, he'd not exactly planned what to do after that happened. He helped himself to some bacon and said nothing, his mind had gone completely blank of conversation.

Renly sighed and leant back in his chair. 'Is it supposed to be this strange, do you think?' He asked.

Loras knew what he was talking about. He didn't even want to plead ignorance. 'I don't know. It's not as if we can ask someone.'

Renly smirked at him and the tension seemed to lift somewhat. 'I suppose not.' He said with a smile. 'Do you want to go and see Amber today?'

'Do I have a choice?'

'I had to buy Amber a cat the last time I upset her, if you remember.' Renly said. Loras did remember, and since then Lioness followed Lady Amber around almost like a dog might. 'You haven't bought her anything so I think time may be of the essence.'

'Should I buy her something, then?'

'What do you think she'd like?'

Loras shrugged, defeated. What do you buy for a Lannister? If there was something Amber wanted, surely she could get it? She was always dressed impeccably, she already had a pet – and now a sworn sword, apparently. What was he supposed to get for her? When Loras looked up and met Renly's gaze, he realised his lord already had something in mind.

'What are you thinking?' Loras asked him.

'Well,' Renly started slowly. 'Amber's not your typical sort of lady, is she?'

'What do you mean?'

'I mean that your average lady about court does not keep a dagger in her garter.' Renly told him, pretending not to notice the blush that crept onto Loras' face when he reference Amber's garter. He couldn't believe that the same boy he'd kissed in his own bed was blushing at the mention of a woman's garter. 'Amber likes weapons. I'm simply suggesting that maybe getting her a jewelled dagger might be a good idea.'

Loras thought about it for a moment, before agreeing. 'Actually, that does sound like something she'd like… I need to talk to the armourer. We might have something.' He got up out of his seat and made for the door. Renly could only roll his eyes at him. Once Loras Tyrell had something in his head, determination overrode everything else.

'Thank you,' Loras said quickly, briefly turning back at the door. 'I'll see you… later.' And with that he left. Renly exhaled slowly. That was not as awkward as it could have been, but it was nowhere near as effortless as he'd hoped for. He realised that a seamless transition from friends to… something else might have been a little too much wishful thinking.

That afternoon, Renly decided to take a walk through the gardens. There was little else to do in Highgarden, but the gardens were vast and beautiful. He could quite happily waste days wandering around in the pride of Highgarden. He found a bench swing amid a rose garden, which seemed like the perfect spot to stop for a while. It reminded him of his strange encounter with Cersei Lannister back in King's Landing, and then of the horrors of the revelation Amber had told him. He wished he'd remembered sooner, so he might never have learned that Cersei had a tender side. It made it so much more difficult for him to try and hate her. But he had to. He couldn't excuse her behaviour, regardless of how many extramarital expeditions the king had conducted, incest was something else completely. And the children… he hated to think that sweet Myrcella might not actually be his niece, she might be the spawn of some twisted Lannister tryst. He shuddered and tried his best to push the thought from his mind.

As it would happen, something else came along that would take his mind off the matter, as Lady Margaery appeared in the garden. Renly realised he must have been too caught up in his thoughts to have noticed her arrival. She smiled at him, that same innocent smile she had perfected so well, as she brushed her curls over her shoulder.

'Good afternoon, Lord Renly.' She said pleasantly, as if the incident last night had never happened.

'My lady.' Renly answered unsurely. He could only watch as Margaery seated herself next to him and sighed contentedly as she surveyed the garden.

'You haven't seen my brother have you?' She asked casually. 'I was looking for him this morning.'

'I think he's looking for a present for Lady Amber.' Renly told her honestly, not sure of whether she was asking a genuine question, or trying to source information about his relationship with her brother.

'Of course.' Margaery nodded. 'He did rather upset her, didn't he?'

'I fear he did.'

'She is brilliant, though, isn't she?'

Renly turned to stare at her. It became apparent that Lady Margaery clearly looked up to Amber. Margaery was only a few years younger than Loras, she must have been around twelve, but even Renly could tell she was wise beyond her years. He had no doubt that in a battle of wits alone, Margaery would win hands down over Loras.

'She's quite… something.' Renly said.

'You've known her for an awfully long time, haven't you, Lord Renly?'

'Yes, she was at Storm's End nearly four years.' Renly told her, slightly uncomfortable that she was asking. 'And please, just call me Renly.'

'Oh.' Margaery said with a giggle. 'Alright then. In return, I imagine no one will mind if you call me Margaery. It's only fitting really, given how close you and my brother are.'

'Hmm.'

'Does it make you ill at ease to talk about it?' Margaery asked, clearly not feeling ill at ease at all. Renly sighed. He may as well tell her, it wasn't as if half her family didn't know anyway. The Queen of Thorns knew, and in Renly's mind she was the head of the family, so what harm could it really do to talk to Margaery about it? He could hardly deny it. She'd demonstrated the night previously that Amber had told her everything, anyway.

'I suppose it does, somewhat.' Renly said eventually.

'Why? It's clear you're both very happy together.'

'Is it?'

'Loras used to write to me when he went to Storm's End.' She told him. Renly already felt like he didn't want to know what had been said. 'He was _always_ talking about you. I think to begin with he admired you, in a way.'

'It certainly didn't seem like that when he arrived.'

'Oh, well, yes… in the beginning he questioned why he was even there. But it didn't take long for him to warm up to you, really. His letters barely told me anything he'd been doing himself, only if he'd done it with you. Everything else was something funny you'd told him, or something interesting, or some hilarious quip Amber had made with you. Always you.'

Renly swallowed and had to look away from her. Hearing that made something tingle in his chest and made his throat involuntarily tighten. He refused to cry about that – especially in front of Lady Margaery. It was clear that her opinion meant a lot to Loras, so Renly wanted only to impress her.

'That's very nice to hear.' He said finally, though he could hear the strain in his own voice. If Margaery could, she didn't comment.

'That's why it's so lovely to see you together.' Margaery said simply. 'And no one minds, honestly. I think our grandmother thought it was very entertaining when Garlan and Amber told us how awkwardly you two skirted around each other in King's Landing.'

'It wasn't awkward.' Renly muttered, though he knew the event she was referring to, and he could only mentally agree that that evening was quite awkward with Loras.

'You shouldn't shy away from talking about it.' Margaery continued. Renly looked away and hoped it might deter her from speaking any more. It did not. 'You're safe here, Renly. Grandmother knows, which means it's alright, else she'd have already stopped it.'

Renly didn't doubt that whatever Olenna Tyrell wanted to stop, was stopped, but it did not make him want to go for tea with her so they could have a chat about his private life.

'Thank you, Margaery,' he said stiffly, trying to at least make himself sound grateful, but he knew it wasn't working. 'but, really, this is something best kept as secret as possible.'

'I keep telling you, Highgarden is different. We're a lot more tolerant of things outside of accepted morals.'

'My brother is the king.' Renly said flatly. 'Whatever talk is heard of me will reflect on him, and he will not be happy about it.'

'He wouldn't accept you?'

'I didn't say that.' Renly snapped, turning back to face her. She still didn't understand, it was all over her face. She was just an innocent child, who was fortunate enough to have been brought up in Highgarden – but right now she just seemed like a naïve child. 'Whatever Robert would think of me is irrelevant. As a king, he can't have people going around muttering about what his brother likes to do behind closed doors, because those doors are never fully closed when you're the brother of the king. What I do will always be scrutinised, so I can't afford for any more people to know about this. Do you understand now?'

Margaery sighed and shrugged, as if she did understand, but didn't agree. 'If you say so, Renly.' She said.

Meanwhile, Loras had successfully acquired a Valyrian steel dagger that he thought might stand a chance of appeasing Amber. He had stood outside her chambers for at least five minutes, trying to gather the strength to actually knock on the door. He couldn't even place what he was afraid of. He took a deep breath and forced himself to gently knock on the door.

After a few moments the door opened. Amber wore a deep red dress and a stony expression. She said nothing, just swept back into the room, leaving the door ajar for Loras to follow her. He shut the door behind him and sat down opposite Amber at the table. She still didn't speak, just looked at him expectantly. Lioness was sitting in the window, also watching Loras intently. He silently wondered if Lioness knew gifts were given to Amber when someone had upset her, and was worried she'd be replaced as Amber's favourite pet.

'I'm sorry…' Loras started quietly. 'for… for last night.' Amber simply raised an eyebrow. 'I, um… I bought you a gift to apologise.' Amber still remained silent, so Loras slid the box containing the dagger across the table towards her. She took it, slowly opened the lid and took out the dagger. Loras had to admit that he was slightly jealous that Amber had it now, it was a particularly perfect dagger. The way the light from the window glowed in the blade was glorious. Amber flashed a quick smirk as she admired it.

'You've a lot to learn, Loras.' She told him, her amber eyes still roaming over the weapon. 'Don't give a woman a weapon until you've heard her say she's forgiven you, else all you've done is given her the means to kill you.'

'A woman couldn't kill me.' Loras said before he could stop himself. He instantly regretted it as Amber's eyes flickered over to him in disbelief.

'Really? I do remember that I managed to disarm you back at Storm's End, did I not? You're unarmed right now. I have a Valyrian steel dagger. Who do you think would win?'

'Sorry.' Loras said. 'And, we both know you would.'

'That's better. Never underestimate a woman.' Amber said with a smirk, placing the dagger back in its box. 'Now, I believe you were apologising?'

'Yes… I'm really sorry.'

'What an apology.' Amber said flatly. 'That's one to remember.'

Loras rolled his eyes, but he knew she was right. He couldn't find the right words to say, though. Truly, he still felt that he was right about what he'd told her the previous night.

'What I said was uncalled for.' He told her eventually. 'You've been very helpful and I suppose I didn't really know what to say to you. I got nervous and lashed out, I'm sorry.'

Amber nodded, pursing her lips for a moment. 'Alright, then.' She said with a shrug. 'But know this – you don't get second chances with me. Next time, I won't be so easy on you. It'll take a whole lot more than a pretty knife to show me you mean it when you say you're sorry.'

'You're a Lannister,' Loras said simply. 'I wouldn't expect anything less.'

Amber gifted him a rare smile, before she reached onto the window seat to softly lift Lioness up and place her onto her lap. Lioness purred and sat down, staring up adoringly at Amber. Loras realised at this point that what Amber had said couldn't be true. She must have given Renly at least a second chance, there was no way that the only time he'd ever upset her was mere weeks before she left. But Loras knew better than to bring that up. Her history with Renly was something of an unspoken truth between the two of them. Loras was very aware that he had what she wanted, and that wasn't going to change.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the comments guys!!:))) also, might have to change the rating soon, cos it's getting a bit cosy;) so, just a warning that in the next couple of chapters the rating might change from T.

Garlan's wedding was a lovely event to watch. Renly had realised that this was the first wedding he'd been to since Stannis' wedding, and he barely even remembered that. He remembered more of Robert's wedding, even though he was only eight at the time. This was by far a happier event than either of those weddings. Garlan looked as though he was the luckiest man alive and Leonette couldn't seem to wipe the smile off her face. They'd been chatty all evening at the feast, but Renly couldn't help noticing how they were always turning to exchange a smile or a laugh, even if they were in conversation with someone else. It made him happy to see them like that, but it made his heart sink to realise he'd never be able to show that kind of affection in public. Anything he ever did to show love would always have to be in private.

'It's beautiful, isn't it?' Amber asked, sliding onto the bench next to him as she watched Leonette and Garlan dancing with each other.

'Yes.' Renly sighed. Amber flashed him a sideways glance and he realised he probably should have said more.

'What's made you so quiet?' Amber asked him. 'Where's Loras?' It bothered Renly that she thought the only thing that could have annoyed him like this would be something to do with his squire.

'I'm fine. And he's dancing with his cousin.' Renly told her, nodding to where Loras was leading one of his cousins around the dance floor. Renly thought it was Megga, but he wasn't sure. It was still a little awkward with Loras, but it was getting better. Loras had gone back to his own chambers the last few nights, Renly had thought it might be a better idea, if not only to make it less awkward in the morning. For some reason it had never really been an issue before, but every move seemed magnified now. They'd been for walks around the gardens together, and the day before Renly had watched Loras training in the yard.

'Did you like the gift he bought you?' Renly asked her, realising he'd only heard that Loras had given her a dagger and not actually asked Amber if she liked it.

'Oh, yes.' Amber grinned back at him. 'I would show you… but it might look a little suspicious if I was to just lift up my dress now.'

'Possibly.' Renly agreed with a smirk. He watched as Loras exchanged a few words with his cousin before he made his way back over to Renly, who was doing his best not to think about how good Loras looked that night. Renly had thought Loras had looked good in Baratheon colours, but he now realised that Tyrell colours accentuated everything that was perfect about Loras. He sat down and smiled at Amber, before offering a different smile to Renly. He couldn't quite work out why it was different, but it was.

Amber suddenly got up from the table, her attention clearly elsewhere as she stared across the room. 'I'll talk to you later,' she said quickly to both her friends. 'I've just realised that I promised I'd go and share some wine with your grandmother, Loras.' She explained quickly. 'And I really shouldn't disappoint her.' She flashed a quick smile before she hurried off across the room. Renly watched her as she approached Lady Olenna where she sat at the far side of the room, observing.

'She's spending a lot of time with your grandmother.' Renly commented.

'I know.' Loras said flatly. 'I don't like it.'

'No.' Renly agreed. 'It's slightly disconcerting, isn't it?'

'Slightly?'

'Alright, it's very disconcerting.'

'And there goes my sister.' Loras said, as Lady Margaery joined her grandmother. 'Those three together are not a good combination.'

'I think that rather depends on what it is they're doing.' Renly told him.

'Plotting something.' Loras said certainly. 'Grandmother's always plotting.'

'Let's just hope we're not involved this time.' Renly said quietly. Neither of them had forgotten that letter from the Queen of Thorns asking them to try and persuade the king into marrying Lady Margaery. They were still waiting for what this information was that Lady Olenna thought would dispatch Cersei from the picture, but Renly had a feeling it was something he already knew. But there was no way to actually prove that Cersei was sleeping with her twin, so Renly presumed they were waiting for Lady Olenna to acquire that evidence.

'I have an idea.' Loras said suddenly, after the sizeable gap in conversation.

'That sounds dangerous.' Renly answered flatly.

'Please.' Loras continued. 'I want to…' he glanced around to make sure there was no one within direct earshot. 'I want to, you know, spend time with you.'

'You are.' Renly told him, even though he already knew what Loras meant. He just enjoyed watching Loras get progressively more annoyed on having to elaborate his point.

'Alone.'

'Why?' He asked, but couldn't quite keep back a smirk.

'Why do you think?' Loras answered with a grin. He almost went to take Renly's hand, but thought better of it quickly. He got up from the bench. 'Come on, then.'

'Shouldn't I leave it a minute and come and meet you somewhere? People might notice.'

'No one cares, Renly.' Loras told him. 'Besides, everyone's a little pre-occupied right now.'

Renly agreed reluctantly. He was sure they should be more careful than this, but he also couldn't quell the curiosity in his mind about what it was Loras was actually planning. So far, they'd shared a very small number of kisses, and most of those had to be quick in case someone saw them.

'Where are we going?' Renly asked, as Loras led him out of the hall and down a long corridor he'd not been down before.

'Everyone's in the hall, and I know a place with a great view at night.'

Renly resisted the urge to say that wherever Loras was had a great view, he thought it might stop conversation fairly quickly if he said it. It was already out of character that Loras was being so bold, he didn't want to ruin it – especially when Loras grabbed his hand and led up a set of winding stairs and a maze of tight corners. Renly just felt fortunate that they didn't run into anyone on the way.

Eventually they arrived at an archway to a small courtyard. Loras slowed his pace as he stepped outside. Renly wondered if he'd forgotten he was still holding his hand. This courtyard overlooked some of the gardens, which were lit by the torches on the pathways, giving off a light yellow glow. There was one small torch lit above the courtyard, it gave off enough light so they could see, but not too much that it would draw attention from the gardens. Above them the stars shined down, bright against the black night sky.

'This is beautiful.' Renly breathed, not wanting to say anything too loudly for fear it would disturb the beauty if it all.

'I know.' Loras sighed, letting go of Renly's hand and sitting down on a stone bench against the wall.

'Why is everything in Highgarden so beautiful?' Renly said as he sat down next to him.

'Everything?' Loras asked quietly, flashing a smirk. Renly had meant the comment as a genuine observation of the architecture of Highgarden, but he couldn't disagree with what Loras was implying either.

'Everything.' Renly told him, unable to resist reaching out to run the back of his hand along Loras' jaw. The light from the flame of the torch above them reflected in Loras' eyes, the reflection dancing and setting a glow in his eyes. 'But especially you.' Renly continued, only after he'd said it realising it might have been a little too forward. But Loras didn't seem put off by it, as he tentatively closed the gap between them and gently pressed their lips together. Renly wound his hand into Loras' hair, unable to stop himself. He didn't expect Loras to deepen the kiss after that, he'd been fairly reserved before, but Renly wasn't about to stop him. If Loras was comfortable doing this, then Renly was alright with it. This would normally be the point where they'd have to stop, deciding they'd probably be caught soon if they didn't, but Loras didn't seem like stopping was high on his agenda at that point. Renly decided to be a little bolder, as he softly ran his tongue along Loras' lip and it didn't take much to persuade Loras to open up to him. He was rewarded with a soft moan as he slipped his tongue into Loras' mouth. It had never been like this with Amber, it had never felt like this. He could literally _feel_ it when Loras moaned against his mouth. He felt Loras pull himself closer, he could feel heat radiating off him, as Loras wrapped his hands around the back of Renly's neck. Renly let his own hands slip down to Loras' hips, as Loras gave a contented sort of sigh. Renly couldn't keep back a slight moan as Loras slid onto his lap, one leg either side of him, pressing them flush against each other. He hadn't expected that, but he wasn't about to push him off. He doubted he could even find the strength to speak in order to explain, even if he did. He felt Loras pull away from him, but Renly couldn't open his eyes for another few seconds, he was still happy to bask in the moment. He thought that would be it for now, but then he felt Loras' lips on his neck, and it was impossible to keep back a groan in the back of his throat. The way Loras seemed to know the right amount of pressure to really get under Renly's skin was driving him crazy, he couldn't stop the sighs and moans at Loras' actions on his neck. It took all his strength not to move his hips upwards, knowing how easy it would be with Loras right on top of him like that. He didn't remember moving one hand back into Loras' curls, but he was grasping at him like his life depended on it. He wanted to apologise to him, but Loras didn't seem to mind and Renly couldn't have formed a sentence if he tried.

A noise from somewhere behind him caught him off guard, and his eyes flew open. Someone cleared their throat. Loras removed himself from Renly's neck and they both turned to see Garlan leaning against the archway, his arms crossed and one eyebrow raised.

'Whatever you're doing little brother, it appears to be working.' Garlan said with a smirk. Renly felt mortally embarrassed at that statement, realising Garlan must have heard the noises he was making. He couldn't help but wonder why Loras hadn't moved off him by now.

'Aren't you supposed to be at a wedding feast?' Loras asked him accusingly. 'You know – your own.'

'I was, but then I noticed the absence of my brother, and when our lord father inquired as to where you were, I thought I should find you before he did.' Garlan told him. He flashed another smirk before he continued. 'And from what I found, it seems that I made the right decision.'

'Why was father looking for me?' Loras asked, seemingly forgetting he was still sitting on Renly's lap. Renly just tried his best not to look too guilty.

'Well, it's getting late, and it's around that time when you're supposed to be gathering around my wife so I can take her to bed.' Garlan said. 'But it then became apparent that my little brother wasn't there, and that just wouldn't do.'

Loras rolled his eyes. 'Do I have to?'

'Yes, you have to. That is how this works, Loras.' Garlan said flatly. 'And you know father, he wouldn't just let this go. He'll want to know where you were, so I suggest you both start working on your stories.'

'Can't I just say I went to –'

'Do you realise how long you've been gone?' Garlan interrupted him, clearly deeming whatever excuse Loras was about to come up with wouldn't suffice. 'Your excuse can't just be relieving yourself, brother. It probably should be something a little more… time consuming.'

'Alright, alright.' Loras sighed. 'I'll think of something.'

'Well, don't take too long.' Garlan told him. 'I was somewhat hoping I'd be in bed with my wife right now, but I'm not, I'm too busy chasing after you – so if you could just move it along a little?'

'Shut-up, Garlan.' Loras muttered, finally getting off Renly and straightening out his clothes. 'We'll come back now, then.'

'Maybe not together.' Garlan advised. 'It might raise a few questions.'

'Oh? Any more suggestions, brother?' Loras asked heatedly.

'You're just bitter that you got caught.' Garlan told him with a grin, in that playful manner only siblings can get away with. Renly tried his best to get up and straighten out his clothes, before he followed Loras as they traipsed after Garlan.

'Here's a story for you,' Garlan suggested. 'how about you went to help Lord Renly get ready for bed – you were tired –' Garlan told Renly, before continuing, 'and then you can come back into the hall with me, Lord Renly can go back to his chambers and you can just go and find him in a while and carry on, how's that?'

'Do you think father will believe it?'

'I should think so. Especially if I say it where grandmother can hear me, she'll convince him.' Garlan answered. Loras couldn't argue with that, whatever their grandmother said would not be questioned by anyone.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these two just cannot keep things secret.

It was the next day before Loras saw his brother again. He'd done as he was asked and gone back to the hall, but since then he'd not seen Garlan at all. Loras had wondered if he'd see him at breakfast, but he didn't. It was late afternoon when he saw him. Loras had done a few hours training with some of the other squires and had just put away his sword when he felt a hand on his shoulder, then turned around to see his brother smiling at him.

'Where's Lord Renly?' Garlan asked him, once they were alone along one of the paths around the edge of the castle.

'I think he's with Lady Amber.' Loras told him, though he wasn't sure. He'd not seen Renly since that morning, he was going to see Amber then but he could be anywhere by now.

'I do hope you're not too angry with me for interrupting last night.' Garlan told him sincerely. Loras remained silent for a moment, a little too embarrassed to speak. He'd not felt guilty or embarrassed last night when Garlan found them, he'd just been annoyed. He'd spent most of the conversation with Garlan still perched on Renly's lap, he'd completely forgotten that it would probably be frowned upon in society. He'd just been so aggravated about being disturbed.

'No.' Loras said eventually. 'But you… I mean to say, you don't _mind_?'

'Mind?' Garlan repeated, glancing down at his brother. 'Why would I mind?'

'Well… it's not the done thing, is it? What I'm doing with Lord Renly.'

Garlan shrugged. 'No, but that doesn't mean it's wrong.' He stopped walking and placed his hand on Loras' shoulder, turning his little brother to face him. 'It wouldn't be the done thing if I'd decided I was in love with a barmaid, but it wouldn't make it any less real. And I can tell you're happy, little brother.' Garlan said with a fond sigh. 'Before you left, you were so focussed on becoming a knight, it was as though there was no room for anything else in your life.'

'I still want to be a knight.' Loras muttered, well aware that that wasn't the point Garlan was trying to make.

'I know.' Garlan said with a smirk. 'But now you have something else, as well, and you're so much happier. I could tell in King's Landing because you just smiled so much more. I can't say I'd have known how to tell with Lord Renly, he seems to smile all the time, but I can certainly tell with you. You have to do whatever makes you happy, Loras. That's it. If you're not happy, what more is there?'

'I suppose.' Loras sighed, not quite knowing what to say. 'But it's not going to change anything, is it? I mean, between us or our family?'

'Of course not.' Garlan told him surely. 'There's nothing there that would merit a change. So you love someone –'

'I wouldn't go that far.' Loras said before he could stop himself. Garlan just flashed a smirk at him.

'If you say so.' He said. 'You doing what you do with Lord Renly changes nothing. You're still my little brother, you're still going to make a fantastic knight and you'll still always be our father's favourite.'

'Garlan, I'm not –'

'You are, and you know it.' Garlan told him with a grin.

'Fine. But father doesn't even know… does he?'

'No.' Garlan answered. 'And he's not going to. He doesn't care who you marry because – and I hate to break this to you – you'll never inherit Highgarden.'

'Oh no.' Loras said flatly. 'I'd not realised.'

'So, by the same token, he won't care if you don't marry. It amounts to the same thing. Besides, you'll win enough tourneys to make sure he's completely distracted from asking about that entirely.'

'Thank you, Garlan.'

'Don't thank me,' he told him as they resumed walking. 'I'm your brother, I do these things without wanting any thanks.'

Loras felt like the trip to Highgarden hadn't been long enough. He knew they'd spent weeks there but he still felt like he needed longer. He'd kissed Renly, watched his brother get married and given Lady Amber the most expensive dagger he'd ever seen in his life – but it still wasn't enough. But he didn't get a say in the matter, time was up and they were moving on. This time, to Tarth. Loras had thought this to be a bit backwards, surely it would have made more sense to visit Tarth last? They could go to Dorne from Highgarden, then take a boat to Tarth, then up to Dragonstone for Amber's wedding… but when Amber appeared outside while they were preparing to leave that he realised why they were doing things in such a roundabout way. Amber was joining them.

She was all dressed up for the ride, leathers and riding boots, there would be no riding a litter for Amber. Although, Loras did spot a wheelhouse with the small group Amber travelled with – her sworn shield and a handful of Lannister men.

'So,' Amber continued, as Loras remembered she'd been talking to Renly this whole time. 'I decided I'd join you.'

'And the queen just let you?' Renly asked disbelievingly. 'Just like that?'

Amber nodded and adjusted her hair in a ribbon. 'The thing is, once I agreed to do what my uncle wanted, I get whatever I want until I get married – because I'm still holding all the cards.'

'And you wanted to go to Tarth? Of all the favours you could have asked, you asked that?'

'Yes. I wanted to go. I want to see the Sapphire sea.' Amber told him. 'Is that a problem?'

'Not at all.' Renly said with a smile. 'You could have come to Dorne with us, you know. I'm sure it's a lot warmer.'

'I'd better not get used to warmth.' Amber sighed. She didn't elaborate and neither Renly nor Loras pushed her to do so. She turned away and went back to her party. Loras watched as she lifted Lioness into the wheelhouse. So that was who it was for, she'd got a whole wheelhouse just for her cat. Lioness looked very smug as the door was swung shut behind her.

Loras knew the ride back to Storm's End would not be a pleasant one. The weather would get progressively worse, and then they'd have to board a ship to Tarth once they got there. Loras had seen the sea at Storm's End, it did not seem like he would enjoy that journey either. He'd been on a boat a handful on times in his life, and every time he'd been ill. He was not looking forward to having to explain to Renly that he got seasick. He'd be embarrassed about it.

But the journey didn't prove to be as bad as Loras thought it would be. It couldn't possibly be that bad, considering every time they stopped for the night Loras would find his way into Renly's bed and they'd spend their nights kissing until they fell asleep. Loras couldn't list that as a bad experience, even if he'd wanted to. By the time they reached Storm's End again, Renly had insisted they rest there for the night before travelling to Tarth.

He walked with Loras to his room but stopped there. He leant back to take a look down the corridor, before placing a quick kiss to Loras' lips. 'Do you want to have dinner together tonight?' He asked him, hardly stepping back.

Loras nodded mutely, he still found it difficult to find words when Renly was so close, it was awfully distracting. He could definitely manage a smile, though, that wasn't difficult.

'I'm going to take a bath, then I'll call for some food.' Renly told him. 'Anything particular you'd like?'

'You?' Loras ventured, feeling a little more confident, though instantly feeling foolish for saying it. But Renly rewarded him with a laugh, which never failed to make Loras smile. Renly glanced down the corridor again, saw that it was still empty, before he ran one hand through Loras' curls and pressed another kiss against him. He let the kiss linger for a little longer than he'd intended, but he couldn't help it. Loras was a fast learner, he could not deny that. He forced himself to pull away, even though Loras followed him an inch when he did.

'I'll come and get you later on.' Renly told him, finally disentangling his fingers from Loras' hair. He didn't want to. Loras was like a cat, Renly had learned, he liked to be fussed.

Loras was about to let him leave, when his instincts took over. He reached for Renly's hand, pulling him back and closing the gap. He knew he'd see him in a few hours, and he'd spent the whole travelling time with him from Highgarden, but it wasn't enough. He knew the kiss was probably a little rough, but he couldn't stop himself, and Renly didn't seem to mind. Loras felt Renly's hand weave around him to come to rest on his lower back, pressing their bodies closer. Loras had had enough practise at this to feel like he could be a little more adventurous. Renly was the one who usually initiated, but this time Loras felt confident enough to ease his tongue into Renly's mouth, running over the roof of his mouth. Given the slight moan Loras caught from him, he must have liked it.

'M'lord…' A questioning voice seemed to echo through the silence. They broke apart quickly, both taking a hasty step back, as if it would undo what they'd just been caught doing. One of Renly's serving girls was standing a few steps down from them, clutching bed linen to her chest like a lifeline.

'Ah, Gem,' Renly said, his voice slightly off, almost an octave above what it would normally be. Loras recognised her now, she'd worked there since he got there, it was Geminie. She'd always been nice to him, he remembered. 'I thought you were in the other tower tonight.'

'Clearly, m'lord.' Gem said, the hint of a smirk gracing her face, but enough for it to be proof. Renly's expression was questioning now. She'd clearly seen what they'd been doing, but was she joking now? Did that mean she wouldn't tell anyone?

'Well…' Renly said slowly, for once, lost for words. 'You can… continue about your duties.'

'Thank you, m'lord.' She said, making a quick curtsey to Renly. 'I'll be sure to be quick in your chambers, m'lord, wouldn't want to inconvenience you.' She flashed a proper smirk, before she headed off up the stairs. Renly sighed and leant back against the wall.

'That was close.' He said in a low voice.

'Close? We got caught, that's more than close.' Loras told him.

'It's your fault.' Renly answered with a grin. 'If you'd not pulled me back, no one would have seen.'

'Oh? So you'd rather I hadn't?'

'I didn't say that.' Renly said, though Loras had already known the answer. 'I would kiss you to say goodbye, but it probably wouldn't be wise.' Renly told him with a smirk. 'So, as I said before, I'll come and get you later on.' And with that, he turned and went up the stairs. Loras cursed himself for watching him go.

He shut the door and dropped himself onto his bed. He called for a bath for himself, glad he'd seen Gem on her way upstairs, because there were only some of the servants who'd fetch things for squires, and she was one of them. Though, as was the way with Renly's staff, you had to ask nicely.

It was during this bath, that Loras stumbled upon a thought. It was a thought he'd had before, but not really dwelled upon. He'd already realised that the unfinished kiss at the door had left him wanting more, it hadn't been enough, but he hadn't quite realised how worked up it had actually got him. He could feel it in his pulse, a little above average, and that familiar rush of blood in his ears. He contemplated how alone he was right then, how he wouldn't be disturbed for a while, how little effort it would take to just touch himself and then feel his blood slow down again. But he told himself not to. This new thought was wondering what would happen if he did more than kiss Renly when he went up to his chambers. He knew he'd never done anything like that before, and prior to this, he'd been too scared to want to… but now he was starting to consider it. He was starting to _want_ it.

He got dressed and waited for Renly. Given that Loras was never the patient sort, combined with the heightened rush of his pulse, he couldn't make himself sit still. He sat in the window for a few minutes, before getting up again, trying to sit on the bed, but he just felt too restless. So he took to pacing instead. He almost leapt for the door when he heard the knock.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i've changed it to M... might move it to E later. 
> 
> this sort of thing is not my natural habitat, please be nice :o

He almost leapt for the door when he heard the knock.

Renly did not look as happy to see him as Loras was hoping. He looked mildly irritated, actually.

'What happened?' Loras asked before Renly could say anything.

'Amber happened.' Renly said flatly. 'I'm really sorry, I know you probably wanted to spend the evening alone, but she just showed up.'

Loras tried to act like he didn't mind. He shrugged casually and stuffed his hands into his pockets. He quickly removed them, thinking he might appear as though he was forcing his casual demeanour – which he was. He was now wishing he had used his time in the bath a little more wisely. He just felt agitated and restless for no reason now, nothing would be done about that with Amber around.

He found Amber sitting in Renly's solar, feeding lioness a sliver of meat. Lioness was very ladylike in taking from her, and she quietly nibbled at it in the window. Amber turned and flashed a smile at Loras, which he tried to return, but was still feeling too annoyed at the fact she was even there to know if his smile worked.

'It's just like old times, isn't it?' Amber said, midway through dinner. Loras glanced at Lioness, who seemed to raise an eyebrow, even though Loras knew cats didn't have eyebrows.

'I suppose.' Renly answered after a moment of silence.

'Well, no, you're right,' Amber decided, musing over it while casually twirling her fork. 'it's not _exactly_ like old times. For starters, I didn't have Lioness.' She then turned to feed Lioness another piece of duck. 'And you two weren't… as you are now.' She said, choosing her words very carefully after a quick glance at Loras.

'Mm.' Loras agreed noncommittally. He still found it strange how openly Amber was willing to discuss their relationship with them. He was reluctant to indulge her by talking about it.

'Oh, gods,' Amber said suddenly. 'I've just realised.'

'Realised what?' Renly asked her, slight amusement playing on his face when she didn't elaborate.

She flashed one of her classic smirks, before she sat back in her chair. 'I've just realised what your plan for the evening must have been.'

'Have you?' Renly inquired, his tone slightly incredulous.

'We've got your favourite meal,' she said, nodding towards Loras. 'and both of you look like there's anywhere you'd rather I was right now. You wanted a nice romantic evening, didn't you?'

Loras stared down at the table. Was it that obvious? Granted, she was right. But Loras found it very embarrassing that she even knew. Lioness jumped down from the window, wandering over to the bookshelf that lined the back wall of the solar. She padded around for a while before letting out a loud 'meow' in Amber's direction.

Amber got up from the table and made her way over to the cat.

'I'll just take some books off the bottom shelf, Renly,' she said, beginning to move one of the books. 'She likes curling up in small spaces.'

'What – no, Amber, don't.' Renly stammered, almost falling out of his chair to scramble to the floor and push the book back into place. Amber tilted her head and narrowed her eyes at him.

'Why not? They're just books.'

'They're in order, alright? Just… just leave them be.'

'Renly, I don't understand.' Amber said with a laugh. 'You're acting very strangely.'

'Am I?' He answered quickly, getting up off the floor, but still carefully watching the books. 'I have no idea what you mean.'

Amber brushed off her skirts and stood up, exchanging a confused glance with Loras, who'd watched the whole situation unfold from his chair.

'It must be something really secretive if Loras doesn't even know.' Amber commented, scooping Lioness up off the floor and into her arms. 'Come along, Lioness,' she said to the cat. 'we know when we're not wanted.'

'Amber, please,' Renly begged her, following her across the room as she made for the door.

'No, no,' she said, still smiling as she briefly turned back around. 'you have your… fun. You'll be less irate afterwards, I imagine. We'll talk later.' She flashed a quick smirk, before she left with her cat, the door swinging shut behind her. Silence echoed in her wake.

'The books?' Loras inquired calmly, once a few moments had passed. Renly turned back to face him, running a hand through his dark hair and exhaling.

'It doesn't matter.'

'It seemed quite important.'

'Leave it.' He told him, his voice tighter than usual. Loras raised an eyebrow at him. 'I'm sorry.' Renly continued, his voice softening now. He walked over to him and sat back down at the table, dragging his chair around the table so it was no longer in between them. 'Can we just forget about the book?'

' _Book_?' Loras repeated.

Renly rolled his eyes at him and sat back in his chair, away from him. 'Gods, why do you Tyrells have to be so good at getting involved in other people's business? No one else would have noticed that.'

'You should know by now that I'm not everyone else.' Loras told him with a smirk. Renly caught it and couldn't help but smile at him.

'No, you're not.' He agreed. 'But please, can we stop all this about the book?'

'I don't understand how a book can cause all this fuss, but alright.' Loras told him. However, in his head, Loras had already planned to find out the mystery of the book. He'd just wait until Renly was somewhere else, holding court or asleep, even, and he'd unpack that shelf of the bookcase and find what was unusual. Whatever he was hiding must have obviously not belonged, otherwise he wouldn't have minded Amber rifling through them.

'Thank you.' Renly said with a relieved sigh. 'It's warm in here.' He decided, abruptly getting up from his chair and wandering off into his bedchamber. Loras watched him go, before he got up and followed, assuming he was intended to. By now Renly was at the door to his balcony, opening the door and cool air rushing inside, the breeze fluttering the netted drapes.

'It's not that warm.' Loras told him, dropping himself down to sit on the edge of Renly's bed. Renly shrugged and the balcony doors remained open. He looked like he was deciding whether or not to sit down.

'Amber was right,' Loras said. 'you are acting strangely.'

Renly sighed and turned away from him, pulling back one of the curtains to stare out of the open door and into the night. When he didn't say anything in return, Loras got up and went to him, instead.

'Tell me what's wrong.' Loras said quietly.

Renly just shook his head, a sort of smirk gracing his lips. 'It's that bloody business with the book, I promise that's all.'

'Liar.' Loras insisted, flashing a grin when Renly looked back at him. He broke a smile, gently grabbed Loras' arm and dragged him back into the room.

'I thought you were too warm.' Loras teased. 'Why come back inside?'

'Because I can't do this on the balcony.' Renly told him with a cheeky smile, placing a soft kiss onto Loras' lips. Loras raised an eyebrow.

'Do you know what else you can't do on the balcony?' Loras continued, leaving no space for Renly to actually answer him, before he pulled him back into the sort of kiss Loras had been eager for since they got caught. He felt Renly sigh against him, his hand coming up to rake through Loras' curls. Renly's tongue fought him for dominance, which Loras actually liked better than when someone won said battle. He'd never have admitted it verbally, but he was happy to let Renly win that one. Renly's hands slipped down to Loras' hips, pulling him closer, flush against him. He must have caught Loras' small gasp, because Loras' felt him laugh before he broke the kiss.

'Sorry.' Renly said, still half laughing.

'Don't apologise.' Loras told him, annoyed at himself for being taken by surprise like that. He didn't want to end things there. 'You didn't do anything wrong.'

He wound his hands round the back of Renly's neck and pulled him in again, pressing their lips together again. He could still feel Renly's smile, which he found a little endearing, even if he did feel as though he was being mocked. He knew he wasn't, but it didn't change the feeling. He hated being new at this. In his efforts to bring the intensity back to where it had been, Loras may have pushed a little too hard. He felt himself overbalance, which he could control, but Renly on the other hand, could not. Renly dropped back onto his bed, in a fit of laughter at having lost his balance, just grinning up at Loras. Loras felt like the gods had some sort of vendetta against him today, they were simply determined to interrupt.

'Oh, come on, don't look so sullen.' Renly told him, still grinning. Loras rolled his eyes and leant against the bedpost. 'Smile, Loras.'

'No.' Loras said flatly.

'Come here,' Renly took his hand and gave him a pull. Loras got the message, but didn't give in. Renly just pouted at him. 'I bet I can make you smile if you come here.' He gave Loras another gentle pull. Loras sighed and did as Renly asked, lying down next to him. Renly turned to press a kiss to Loras' cheek, which he tried not to let make him smile, though he wanted to. Loras turned into the kiss, letting Renly set the pace this time. He'd learned his lesson for trying to go too fast. But, Loras had to admit, this was a different sort of kiss. This was smile raising. It was sweet. Renly moved away from him again, placing a very gentle bite to the side of Loras' jaw, then to just below his ear, but it was when he found a spot behind Loras' ear that changed Loras' mind that this was anywhere near sweet. The feel of Renly's teeth on that spot just sent shivers straight through him, and a moan he couldn't stop leave his throat. Renly ran his teeth over that same spot again, to elicit the same reaction. Loras could feel Renly's hand on the other side of his throat, very aware that Renly must have been able to feel how fast his pulse rate was at that moment. Renly shifted himself over, half on top of Loras so one of Loras' legs was between his. Loras felt his pulse impossibly speed up. He could still feel Renly's lips on him, moving down his neck now, nips and bites and kisses. He couldn't keep track even if he tried. Loras felt Renly's hand find its way under his tunic, tracing his ribs and softly sweeping down his side, leaving a tingling sensation on every piece of skin he touched. Loras could feel his blood rushing, hear it in his ears, it shouldn't have been as much of a shock as it was when he felt himself getting hard.

'Sorry,' he heard Renly mutter against his neck. 'we should probably stop.' Though it didn't sound like he particularly wanted to. Loras realised he could probably feel how hard he was getting against his hip. Involuntarily, Loras shifted his leg, brushing against something equally as hard. Loras bit his lip. Renly lifted his head and met Loras' gaze. Neither of them said anything for a moment. The only sound was the breeze from the open balcony doors and the sound of their own hurried breaths.

'I don't want to stop.' Loras told him in a whisper, unable to tear his gaze away from Renly's glittering green eyes. The lack of light only seemed to make them sparkle more.

'Are you sure?' Renly asked him, his voice similarly hushed, as if talking any louder would ruin the moment.

'Yes.' Loras said honestly. Renly quickly kissed him before letting him continue. 'But I don't really… I don't know what…'

'That's okay.' Renly assured him, gently rubbing circles on Loras' hipbone with his thumb. 'We won't rush into anything. We'll go as far as you want to.'

'What about you?' Loras asked. He didn't want to stop Renly doing anything, he didn't want to set the boundaries. He didn't even fully understand what boundaries he was setting. 'What about how far you want to go?'

Renly just smiled at him. 'I'm older than you are, I suppose it's only natural that I'd want to do… more. But I don't know. I've not done this before, either.'

'You seem to know what you're doing.'

'Do you want to do anything, or do you want to talk about it?' Renly asked with a smirk. Loras shut his mouth quickly. He felt Renly move his leg against the front of his breeches, forcing a moan out of Loras' throat at the feeling of him rubbing against his cock like that. He forgot all about whatever it was he'd thought about saying, it didn't really seem important anymore.

'Gods,' Renly muttered, finding himself unable to stay away from attacking Loras' neck. 'you have no idea how much I want to undress you.' He told him, a well placed bite finding its way into the groove at the bottom of Loras' neck. Loras felt his breath catch in his throat. It wasn't that he was uncomfortable exposing himself like that, it was just… no one had ever seen him naked before. He couldn't place why that thought made him nervous, but it did. Clearly, Renly noticed this.

'I'm not going to.' Renly told him, looking back at him with a smirk. 'I know you're not ready for that.'

'Don't patronise me.'

'I'm not.'

'It feels like it.'

'Oh? And what does this feel like?'

A hiss escaped Loras' lips without his knowledge as he quickly felt Renly's hand against his breeches, delivering a soft squeeze to his erection through the fabric. He heard Renly laugh, but he'd shut his eyes by now. Renly unlaced Loras' breeches, Loras didn't even have a concept of how long it took, but he knew when he'd finished. Loras really tried to keep quiet when he felt Renly's hand stroking his cock, no fabric in between this time, but it was impossible to keep back the noises his throat seemed intent on making. He didn't have the resolve to fight himself over it.

He stopped noticing anything else happening in the room, his own movements seemed alien now, like he had no control of them at all. His hips seemed to move of their own accord, thrusting up into Renly's hand. He vaguely remembered hearing Renly laugh, feeling it on his neck, but he wasn't sure. He was brought sharply back into reality when he felt Renly's teeth on that spot behind his ear. He wasn't sure if the noises he was making served as a warning, but he didn't get a chance to give any other sort of warning before he spilled into Renly's hand, moans mixed with Renly's name involuntarily escaping his throat. He could have sworn his vision went white for a moment, but when he opened his eyes the whole room seemed illuminated, even though there was only one candle lit in the darkness.

Loras took a few deep breaths, letting himself float back to reality, before he looked back at Renly. He flashed a smirk back at him before he got up off Loras and went across the room. Loras heard water so he presumed Renly was now washing his hands in the water bowl at the side of the room. He felt somewhat guilty for that, but Renly didn't seem to mind.

'Do you want me to…' Loras tried to ask, only now finding the strength to sit up and re-lace his breeches. Now it was Renly's turn to look guilty. He turned back to Loras and just shrugged, an uncharacteristically shy smile on his face.

'There's really no need.' He said eventually.

'I don't…' Loras then understood, simply raising an eyebrow at him. 'Really?' He said with a smirk of his own.

Renly shrugged again, smiling awkwardly. 'You make the best kind of noises, you know.'

Loras felt himself blush at that, but he was still smiling.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear this is the nicest fandom to be a part of! you guys have been so nice to me, it's unreal. just, thank you to all of you that left such lovely comments on here:')) means a lot!
> 
> and sorry this chapter is a little sad. I wanted to write something like this though.

Renly had fallen asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. Loras had gone to get changed for bed, and then, of course, come back up to Renly's room. Renly himself had quickly changed, feeling quite embarrassed for when one of the serving girls took his clothes to be washed. He silently hoped they wouldn't notice. He'd been listening to Loras talking about something, he wasn't entirely sure what, but he'd just been so tired he'd fallen asleep almost instantly. He just had to hope Loras found that endearing as a pose to annoying.

Renly now wished he'd stayed up longer, he wished he was still awake, in fact. He'd not had a dream like this in a very long time, and he'd started to think he might never have one again. He would be happy if that were the case. But it was not.

He remembered the feeling of everything that happened as if he was reliving it. Back when he was still a child, back when Stannis lived at Storm's End. He could remember every detail in his dreams, things he could never have remembered from his conscious mind.

He could still hear Stannis' voice, yelling at him to be quiet. It must have been somewhere deep into the night, it was pitch black outside. The only visible things through the window were the campfires from the Tyrell army outside their walls. The vague sound of chatter rising up and swirling with the winds. Renly prayed for it to rain so he could listen to that instead. He didn't understand why he had to be quiet, it wasn't as if the Tyrells didn't know they were there. But Stannis had insisted, shouted at him above the silence to be quiet. Eventually, Renly did as he was told, just went over to sit in the corner by himself.

The feeling of fear was something Renly could never forget, and it would never fail to seep its way into his head every time he relived those events. He could hear the faint drum of his heartbeat, fast against his chest. It was the anticipation, the anxiety, eating away at him inside his head. Waiting for something to go wrong. Waiting for this to be the last scare, the one that worked.

'What in the Seven…' Stannis started, staring out of the window, his voice low and hushed. Renly got up then, cautiously approaching the window to see what had happened. Stannis pushed him away from it, a shove that sent him sprawling to the floor.

'Stannis, what is it?' Renly asked desperately. Why wouldn't he just let him see?

'Can't you just do as your told?' Stannis yelled at him, turning on him, blocking the view of the window. 'I keep telling you, _just be quiet_!'

'Why?' Renly whined, hauling himself off the floor, trying to match his brother's eye line, even though he was too short. Stannis shook his head at him, and Renly knew that look in his eyes. He swallowed hard and took a step back. He never did know when to stop winding Stannis up.

Stannis shoved him against the wall, one arm under Renly's chin, keeping him in place, but not enough to hurt.

'I'll say this one last time, Renly,' Stannis told him, his tone was so quiet it was disturbing. 'this is a dark time. _You_ are too young to understand it, so the less you know about it, the better. Understood?'

Renly managed a meek nod before Stannis let him go. Even though Stannis hadn't actually cut off his windpipe, Renly still felt the need to gasp. Stannis didn't bother to address him again. He swept out of the room, the door slamming behind him. Renly heard the lock click into place. He sighed and dropped himself against the wall, hands automatically clutching at his stomach. He could feel his ribs through his clothes, far too pronounced for it to be normal. He knew Stannis would probably be feeling worse, he'd seen him go without meals so many times so Renly could eat something. Anything. He couldn't remember the last time his stomach had growled with hunger, by now it had just given up hope of being fed properly.

He didn't understand why Robert wasn't helping them. He knew he had his own crusade, he was off fighting the Targaryens… but surely family mattered more? Why couldn't he just come back? He'd get rid of the Tyrells outside with no trouble…

Renly would never forget the feeling when he forced himself to get up and go to the window. How he felt his heart hammering hard in his chest, his breath catch in his throat. He saw the next Tyrell attempt to breach the castle walls, this one was fire. One misplaced hay cart by the wall could spark everything off. He felt like he couldn't breathe, watching the hay catch light like wildfire, sparks flying off in every direction, picking up speed as they found other flammable things, cloth stands, practise dummies, a vat of oil caught fire… he felt the corners of his vision going black, a nagging headache at the back of his mind. He tried to make a gasp for breath but nothing was happening, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't –

And he woke up with a sharp start, bolting upright and gasping. He was drenched with sweat, his hair sticking to his forehead. He glanced around the room. No, everything was normal. That dream was in the past. He looked down across his bed, Loras was still there, still asleep. He took another deep breath and tried to calm down. Loras started to stir in his sleep, like a delayed reaction from hearing Renly wake up. He didn't want to talk about the nightmare, he didn't even want to talk.

He got out of bed before Loras could properly wake up. He opened the balcony door and quickly slipped outside, shutting the door quietly behind him. He lowered himself onto the stone floor, leaning against the wall. It was reassuringly cold against his back. From here he could see Shipbreaker Bay. Not clearly, it was still too dark, but he could hear it perfectly. The sound of the sea was calming. The only reason he was still alive today was thanks to the sea, and the Onion Knight. Before he'd even realised it, he was wiping tears from his cheeks. He couldn't stop the tears that followed, or the fact that he was so hysterically wound up by that nightmare that he couldn't choke down tears fast enough. Even when Amber had said those things, what seemed like a lifetime ago, he'd not cried like this. He'd not cried like this in a very, very long time. The sort of tears that seem to rip through your throat with every breath, impossible to hold back.

This was punishment, surely. The gods were angry with him again and they'd punished him by bringing him that nightmare. They didn't know how much it stung to see it, to feel it, all over again. Or maybe they did, and that was the reason they did it.

The balcony doors opened again, Renly heard them. He didn't need to look up to know it was Loras.

'Renly, are you…' Loras started, but then Renly looked up at him. He knew it would be completely obvious that he was crying. Loras dropped to the ground next to him in an instant. 'What's wrong? What happened?'

Renly shook his head, bringing his knees up to his chest and shifting his gaze away from his squire.

'I don't want to talk about it.'

'Oh.' Loras said unsurely. 'Do you want to talk about something else?'

'No.'

'Alright.'

He let Loras sit there for a minute or two, just the two of them and silence. But it didn't make him feel as good as it should have. He felt guilty. Loras was the reason the gods were punishing him, he was sure of it. What he'd done to him that evening, they hadn't liked that. So they'd sent him the worst moments of his life to relive when he closed his eyes.

'Loras, go back inside.' Renly told him, his voice completely emotionless. Loras stared back at him with wide eyes.

'Are you coming back inside?'

'No.'

'Then I'm staying here.'

'No, you're not.' Renly insisted. 'Go back to bed. It's not going to be a pleasant ship to Tarth if you've not had any sleep.'

'But shouldn't you-'

'Go back to bed, Loras.'

Loras watched him for a moment longer, trying to figure out if he should do it or not. When Renly didn't turn back, he decided he should do it. He wanted to do something, kiss him or at least just hold his hand… but nothing felt right when he wouldn't even look at him. So Loras just got up and went inside, leaving Renly on alone on the balcony.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, thank you so much for the support, you lot :'))) 
> 
> oh, and Brienne appears in the next chapter!

Renly put on a brave face the next day, regardless of how awful he was feeling. He'd spent the rest of the night out on the balcony, drifting in and out of a fitful sleep. When he'd deemed it light enough, he'd got up, called for a bath and got dressed for the day. Loras had clearly gotten tired of waiting and left. He didn't blame him, he'd hardly been kind to him the night previously.

He was feeling tired from the lack of sleep and ill from spending all night in the cold, leaning against a wall. But he smiled at everyone he saw and silently hoped it was convincing. Amber was waiting for him by the time he got to the ship. The breeze was whipping her blonde hair behind her, it made her look both beautiful and serious at the same time.

'Good morning.' She said once he'd approached her. She raised one eyebrow at him as she looked him up and down. 'Sleepless night?' She asked with a smirk.

'Yes, but not in the way you're implying.' Renly told her flatly. Amber reset her expression and observed him for a moment.

'Why were you awake, then?'

'Let's not do this, Amber.' He pleaded with her. He didn't have the energy to discuss this now. She offered him a sympathetic smile. He noticed Lioness at her side, sitting in her basket. Lioness had now upgraded from her carry cage, she now had a wicker basket with a wire top. The basket was filled with cushions and blankets and Lioness seemed very pleased with herself about that.

'Is Lioness going to be alright on the ship?' Renly asked her.

'She'll be fine.' Amber assured him. 'She's not frightened of anything.'

'If you say so.' Renly said. 'Have you seen Loras?'

She narrowed her eyes at him in that way Lannisters do when they're onto something. In that moment Renly thought she looked just like Cersei, it was quite disconcerting.

'Why? Haven't you seen him?' Amber inquired.

'No, I haven't.'

'Why?'

'Amber, have you seen him or not?'

She gave him one last look over before she turned away. 'Yes, he's helping Tym with some luggage. They should be finished soon, I imagine. We ought to be leaving any minute.' She leant against the railings of the ship and said nothing more.

Renly watched Loras emerge from the hold, Tym trailing after him. He locked eyes with Renly for a brief moment, before he turned away. Renly knew it then, he'd upset him. He should have known, but he'd been hoping Loras could just forget about what he'd said to him. Instead, he watched Loras make a joke, seemingly at Tym's expense, as they stood on the other side of the deck.

'You should try and get some sleep.' Amber said suddenly, almost making him jump as he was so busy intently staring after his squire. 'You don't have to stay on deck.' Amber reminded him. Renly knew she was right. It was only a short journey, maybe three or four hours, but he'd been given private quarters below deck. He always would, he was the lord of Storm's End, of course he would.

'Maybe you're right.' He sighed. There was no point in watching Loras and Tym, he couldn't even hear what they were saying.

'Renly,' Amber started, after he'd started to walk away. He slowly turned back to her. 'do you want me to talk to him?'

'I'm not a child, Amber. I don't need you to sort out my problems for me.' He told her bitterly.

'So, do you want me to?'

'Yes, please.'

Amber smirked to herself as she watched her friend depart. She thought Renly would stop needing her after he'd become so close with Loras, but she'd since learnt that if anything, he needed her more now. She exchanged a look with Lioness, who seemed to shrug at her, before she settled down in her basket. Amber left her to it and wandered over to the other side of the ship, leaning against the railings beside Tym. He had his back to her, listening to Loras talk about some knight or other.

'Morning, Amber.' Loras said, mid-conversation without even pausing for breath. Tym abruptly turned around, almost leaping into the air in surprise when Amber flashed a smirk at him.

'My lady… I…'

'Tym.' She said, cutting off his awkward stuttering. He swallowed hard and just took a hasty step away from her. Loras shook his head at him.

'And what can I do for you, Amber?' Loras asked her, though his tone indicated that he knew full well what she wanted.

'Any particular reason you're upset with Renly today?' She asked casually. 'Or did you just feel like ignoring him?'

Tym gaped at him, seemingly unable to believe Loras would ever be so insolent as to just decide to ignore his lord like that. Loras bit back a smirk, knowing Tym had no idea as to the dynamic of their relationship.

'Why don't you ask him?' Loras replied. 'I was led to believe it was him who was upset with me.'

Amber sighed and brushed her hair out of her face. 'Loras, this is ridiculous. Just go and speak to him, please? I don't think you've done anything wrong.'

Loras watched her for a moment. The stubborn part of him wanted to wait it out, see how long it would take for Renly to come and apologise to him. But his heart was telling him to do what Amber told him to. He didn't want to stay angry at Renly, he wanted things back to the way had been. He was enjoying this new experience with him, he didn't want them to argue about it.

'Alright.' He agreed finally. Amber flashed a quick smile at him before she turned around again, going back across the desk to her cat. Loras sighed as he watched her. Tym stared at him with wide eyes, like he couldn't quite decide which question to ask first.

'Loras, could I ask-'

'Not now, Tym.' He told him, walking past him and going down below deck. He knew Tym would be wondering about this now, but he knew Tym wasn't exactly a threat. He could go on skirting around Tym's questions until Tym was knighted – which looked to be a very long way off. Tym would never work it out himself.

Below deck, Loras found Geminie, one of the servants Renly had decided to take with him to Tarth. She flashed a smile at Loras as she passed him.

'Gem,' Loras asked quickly, before she could leave. 'do you know where Renly is?'

Gem smirked at him. She had a lot more confidence around Loras, he'd noticed, probably because he was only a squire, she didn't really need to put on graces around him.

'And why would you need to know that, Loras?' She questioned innocently.

'I just… I need to speak with him.'

'Oh, do you?' Gem continued. 'Would that perchance be the same sort of conversation I interrupted last night?'

Loras felt himself blush at that and it took all his strength just to stare her down without looking away.

'Possibly.'

Gem grinned at him and nodded back down the corridor. 'He's in the room farthest down there.' Loras thanked her and started in that direction. 'Have fun, Loras!' She called after him. He didn't turn back, only prayed no one heard her.

He paused outside the end door. He couldn't place exactly why he was nervous, but he was. What if Renly had changed his mind? What if he didn't want to be with Loras like that now? What if that was the reason he was avoiding him?

Loras took a deep breath and told himself he was being ridiculous. Renly would never have let it get this far if he didn't want to. And, Loras reminded himself, he was the one that started it all off in the first place. He knocked on the door.

'Yes?'

'It's Loras… can I come in?'

'It's unlocked.' Renly answered, which Loras took to mean that he was allowed inside. He let himself in and let the door swing shut behind him. The room was just a small cabin, fitted with basic things; a bed, a basin… a mirror. But Loras knew full well that that would be classed as a necessity to Renly.

'Can we talk?' Loras asked him, struggling to even find the right words. Renly was sat on the edge of his bed. He nodded but said nothing.

'Um… so, I wanted to say that if I've done something to offend you or… anything else, that I'm really sorry.'

'It's nothing you've done.' Renly told him quietly. Loras felt like a weight had been lifted on hearing that, he'd been so panicked that Renly was mad at him for something he'd done. But he still sounded upset, so there must have been something else.

'So, what is it then? You've been acting really… differently.'

'It's nothing, really.'

Loras took a few steps forwards so he was directly in front of Renly. He took his hands in his own and just looked at him.

'It doesn't seem like nothing.'

Renly's eyes softened slightly as he looked back at Loras. 'It sounds ridiculous now.' He told him quietly.

'I'm sure it doesn't.'

'Alright.' Renly sighed, leaning back against the wall behind his bed, pulling Loras with him so he fitted next to him. He always managed to look so beautiful, but at the same time so masculine. He had no idea how Loras could possibly manage both, but he did.

'So…' Renly started slowly. 'you know about the Siege, don't you? That happened at Storm's End when Robert was fighting in the rebellion?' Loras nodded mutely, though he looked somewhat awkward now. 'I used to have these nightmares about it, remembering things… and they were horrible nightmares. I'd supposed I just grew out of them because I stopped having them a few months after Amber arrived. But then last night…'

'You had another nightmare.' Loras finished the sentence for him. Renly could only nod in response. 'I understand.' Loras told him. 'It must have been terrible to see it all again and then, well, you wake up and I'm there. A Tyrell. Probably the last person you'd want to see.'

Renly couldn't speak for a moment. Loras was right, essentially, that was why he was feeling so guilty about it. He knew Loras had nothing to with what had happened to him, he was barely even born then.

'Loras, I always want to see you.' Renly told him honestly, twirling one of Loras' curls through his fingers. 'I was just alarmed at having that same nightmare again. It's not your fault, at all. I was thinking all kinds of ridiculous things, that the gods were punishing me… I needed a while to collect my thoughts. That's all.'

'The gods are not punishing you.' Loras told him surely, nothing but belief behind his voice.

'It feels that way sometimes.' Renly admitted. Loras shook his head at him. He moved himself over to sit on Renly's lap, his hands weaving around his neck.

'Why would the gods be punishing you?' Loras asked him calmly.

'Because… well, because of what we do.'

'Why would they punish you for that?'

'Well, aren't we all supposed to be made in the images of them? The Mother and the Father are the examples we're supposed to follow, aren't they?'

Loras rolled his eyes at him. 'Maybe that's what you've been taught. Do you know what they teach us in Highgarden?' Renly shook his head slowly. How could they be taught something different? Rules were rules, weren't they?

'They teach us that the gods love unisons. They love weddings and they love… well, they love love. We've never been taught in a way that makes any reference to gender.'

'You've not?'

'No. Never.' Loras assured him. 'That's the thing about Tyrells, you're always saying we make it our business to know everyone else's? Well, if we do, then nothing's a shock anymore. This kind of behaviour is far more accepted back home. Why do you think my grandmother was willing to let you have that tower to yourself? She's heard far more abnormal things than this.'

'Really?'

'Really.' Loras told him with a smile. 'So you've no need to be worried about that.' He placed a very soft kiss against Renly's lips to illustrate his point.

'So… if the gods really have no problem with it, I can do this?' Renly asked him, wearing a cheeky smile. He pressed a gentle bite under Loras' jaw.

'Yes.' Loras agreed, his voice hushed because he couldn't quite force out words.

'And this?' He trailed a line of nips and kisses down Loras' neck, and bit down a little harder when he reached the groove where his neck met his shoulder.

'Hmm, yes.' Loras answered, or at least he tried to.

'But what about this?' Renly continued, raising his head to pull Loras into a kiss. Loras felt Renly's tongue run along his bottom lip, and he couldn't help but let out a moan as Renly moved his tongue against his own. Loras hadn't even realised it, but his hands were grasping at Renly's hair like he could never let go. He felt Renly's hands on his hips, almost roughly pulling him closer. But Loras didn't mind if it was a little rough as he felt his hips collide with Renly's. He suspected this might have actually been painful under any other circumstance. He felt Renly end the kiss, gently resting their foreheads together.

'Gods, yes, you can definitely do that.' Loras told him breathlessly. Renly just smirked at him in response.

'This?' Renly continued. Loras felt his hands drop from his hips to grip his ass.

'Gods… yes.'

'Are you agreeing with me or is that all you can say now?' Renly teased, tightening his grip slightly as he watched Loras bite down on his bottom lip. Renly ducked his head down place a slightly harder bite to the underside of Loras' jaw.

'Yes…' Loras murmured, which only brought a smirk to Renly's face. He could feel Loras' fingers digging into the back of his neck, but he didn't mind. Renly was quite enjoying sending Loras to pieces like this. He bit Loras' neck again, sucking the piece of skin he'd found. He felt one of Loras' hands in his hair, almost painfully gripping at it. He pulled away from Loras' neck, the action making one of the most arousing noises Renly thought possible, though he'd never be able to actually process why. Loras rolled his hips, seemingly without a conscious thought, pressing their clothed erections together. Renly bit back a groan when he felt it.

Loras pulled him into a breathless kiss, as neither of them could really catch their breath, anyway. He pressed himself against Renly again, this time on purpose, making Renly moan against his mouth. Renly broke away from the kiss, unable to concentrate on that anymore, as he dropped his head against the wall behind him. Loras took the opportunity of his exposed neck to press an open mouthed kiss over that bump on the front of his neck. He watched it go up then back down as Renly's swallowed. He caught it in his mouth again, sucking at it this time, running his tongue over it. He heard Renly groan at that, the vibrations running down his neck. Renly grabbed his ass again, kneading slightly and making Loras moan against his neck.

'Loras,' Renly moaned his name. 'Loras, where did you learn to do that?'

'Do you care where I learnt it?'

'Not right now, no.'

Loras just laughed at him, raising his head again to press a quick kiss against Renly's lips.

'And I didn't learn it,' Loras told him quietly. 'I just wanted to.'

'That's even better.' Renly answered with a grin, initiating another deep kiss. Loras could feel Renly's erection against his own, it didn't even take much to move them together now. But Loras wanted to do what Renly had done to him the night before. He rocked against him again, an even louder moan escaping Renly's throat. Loras had no doubt that if someone was in that corridor outside, they'd be able to hear, but in that moment he couldn't have cared less. Loras shifted his hands off the back of Renly's neck, dragging them down his chest, then further to start to undo his laces. Loras broke the kiss, realising it was slightly more difficult undoing someone else breeches than his own. He slipped his hand inside once the laces were undone, wrapping his hand around Renly's cock. He was nervous about doing this, he'd obviously never done it to someone else before, but he just tried to replicate what Renly had done to him. He told himself to just do whatever felt right. He started slowly, building up pressure with every stroke. He heard Renly supress a moan, biting his lip to try and muffle the sound. Loras increased his speed a bit, applying a little more pressure as he did. This time Renly couldn't keep biting his lip, and a groan escaped him.

'Loras…' he started, but his voice trailed off into a moan. 'you don't… ah, you don't need to…' But his voice told Loras he may not need to, but Renly definitely wanted him to.

'I wanted to touch you.' Loras told him. Renly couldn't help it after hearing that statement, he couldn't stop his hips jerking up slightly, into Loras' hand.

'Well, if you really wanted to…' Renly answered him as best he could. He forced his brain to engage, as he moved his hands around Loras' hips to undo his breeches, as well. He pulled Loras forwards, wrapping his hand around both their erections, as Loras seemed to forget how to even use his hand anymore. Loras let out a groan as he let his head fall against Renly's shoulder. The sensation of Renly's cock rubbing against his own was too much, he couldn't even find the strength to stay upright. He couldn't still his hips, though, they seemed to run on their own devices.

'Gods, yes!' Loras hissed against Renly's neck, as he felt Renly tighten his grip, increasing the pressure brilliantly.

'I think they heard you the first time.' Renly told him quietly, his voice strained. Loras smirked at that, but didn't have enough energy to actually laugh. Renly's hand moved a little faster, but with no less pressure, forcing another moan out of Loras. He could feel that coil in the pit of his stomach, as he let his hips match pace with Renly's hand. He heard Renly groan, before he felt him spill, the heat spreading over his own cock, which aroused Loras more than he'd care to admit. He thrust into Renly's hand a few more times before he followed him over the edge, unable to keep back Renly's name from escaping his lips.

Neither of them moved or spoke for a few minutes, and the only sound in the room was them gasping for breath. Eventually, Loras shifted off him, grabbing a washcloth from the bedside table. He slowly cleaned them both up, as it felt like his limbs were only capable of moving so fast. He laced up his breeches again, taking considerably longer than Renly did to lace his back up. He couldn't help it, it felt like every movement he made had to be slowed down.

He sat at the foot of Renly's bed, leaning against the wooden wall, as he watched Renly stretch out and lie down, looking as flawless as usual.

'Tym says Lord Selwyn has a daughter.' Loras said, breaking the silence. He thought it had been allowed to continue for too long. 'Do you think he's going to try to marry her off to you?'

'Probably.' Renly told him honestly. He sighed and stretched out a little more. 'He's not likely to have any success.'

'Tym says she's…' Loras let his sentence fall, hoping Renly would know what he was trying to say. The words Tym had actually used sounded too cruel, and Loras couldn't believe that Lord Selwyn's daughter could really be that unsightly. But Renly just looked at him blankly. 'She's… she's not physically attractive.' Loras said carefully.

'Isn't she?' Renly asked casually. Loras just shrugged. 'Well, we'll see, I suppose. I don't really think it's going to make a difference to me, is it? She could be Alysanne born again and I wouldn't care.'

'That's only what Tym told me, I don't know how he knows.'

'It doesn't matter either way.' Renly said. 'Oh, and tell Tym to stop gossiping like that. It's unkind.'

'I'm sure he didn't mean to be cruel…'

'I know, but it might not sound that way if someone hears him.'

'I think Amber should tell him. He's frightened of her.'

Renly smirked at that. 'He ought to be. Amber can be formidable when she wants to be.' Loras could only agree with that. He didn't even blame Tym for being afraid of her, he'd been scared of her when they first met, too.

'I'm tired of talking.' Renly sighed. 'Come lie down with me?'

Loras could never have declined him. He couldn't keep a smile back on being asked that as he shifted himself over on the bed to lie down next to Renly. It was only a small bed, but Loras didn't mind being that close to him. If anything, he was thankful for it. He fitted himself against Renly's chest and he felt Renly draw his arm around him. He didn't say anything else after that, he knew Renly would be tired after staying outside most of the night previously, so he stayed quiet and let Renly sleep. He was happy just to lie there with him.


	39. Chapter 39

Tarth was a small, rocky island surrounded by the bluest waters Loras had ever seen. It was beautiful. Loras, however, had to agree with Tym about Lord Selwyn's daughter, in that she was not. He didn't mention it as they sat at dinner, but couldn't help exchanging a look with Tym when they saw her.

'Oh, and Tym,' Loras said quietly, so as not to let anyone else hear them. It was unlikely, given the noise on their end of the hall. 'Lord Renly wouldn't like it if he heard you talking about her that way. I just thought I ought to warn you.'

Tym nodded in response. 'No, of course… I won't say anything else about her. I promise.' Tym drained what remained in his cup before he turned back to Loras, curiosity plastered all over his face. 'Why did Lord Renly tell you? He could have just told me himself.'

'I'm his squire.' Loras said quickly, forcing a shrug. 'You're not.'

'No, I'm a squire to one of his knights… why didn't he tell Ser Guyard, then? Then he'd have reprimanded me for it.'

'I don't know, Tym.' Loras told him, trying to keep himself from snapping at him. He was only trying to help! 'You'd probably be best not questioning Lord Renly, either.'

'If you say so.' Tym answered, narrowing his eyes at Loras as he thought of something else. 'But there's something strange going on between you and him.'

'What are you talking about? I'm just his squire, Tym, you're imagining things.' Loras told him firmly. Tym didn't respond, just stared at him for a few moments as if he was trying to read his mind. Loras rolled his eyes at him and looked away, purposely engaging someone else in conversation.

Meanwhile, at the high table, Renly had been introduced to Lord Selywn's daughter, Lady Brienne. He couldn't help but agree with what Loras had said about her, she was not beautiful. But she seemed friendly enough, and seemed very pleased that Renly was there, though he couldn't help but feel that she might be deluding herself about his reasons for the trip.

'I've heard you have a cat, Lady Amber.' She said politely. Amber was seated to her other side.

'I do.' Amber told her, gracing her with a smile so rare that Renly found it difficult to remember a time he'd seen her smile like that. 'Her name is Lioness. Do you like cats?'

Lady Brienne nodded. 'I love all animals.'

'I'm sure Lioness will like you. I'll bring her into the yard tomorrow so you can see her. She's really very docile.' Amber told her, flashing another perfect smile.

'That would be lovely, thank you.' Brienne said. She looked as though she was about to say more, but her father joined the conversation there.

'Lady Amber,' he started. 'I really must express our honour to have you here, though I can't think of the reason of your visit, I have to thank you all the same. It's not often we play host to visitors without a cause.'

'Thank you, my lord.' Amber answered, her voice returning to her usual icy tones. 'The honour is all mine. As to the reason of my visit, I only wanted a trip before I'm resigned to Dragonstone. I wanted to see a little more of the world.'

'And Lord Renly,' he said, turning to Renly. He already knew what he was going to say next, he'd heard it so many times from other lords. 'it is an honour to host you here, as well. You called off your last tour, did you not?'

'I was taken ill.' Renly lied, forcing a pleasant smile.

'Such a shame.' Lord Selwyn told him. He was an aging man, grey streaking his hair and mingling in his beard. Renly wondered how comfortable he felt surrounded by younger people. More of Lord Selwyn's own host were sitting further along the table, but Renly still wondered. He caught Lady Brienne watching him, so he flashed a quick smile at her. She then instantly blushed and stared down at the table instead.

The next day Amber did as she'd promised, and brought Lioness down into the yard with her for Brienne. Renly came down with her, Loras following along unwillingly. He wanted to find some other squires and spar, but Renly wasn't eager for a situation to arise where he was left alone with Lord Selwyn, so he'd dragged Loras along with him. Lord Selwyn had managed to 'accidentally' stumble across Renly at least three times this morning already and it was making him rather uncomfortable.

Amber had not chosen a dress today, she was wearing her breeches again. No one questioned her, of course, she was a lady of House Lannister, who would? So she managed to wander about all morning like that and raise no questions. Lady Brienne had dressed similarly, they discovered, as Amber recognised her with a sword, taking swings at a straw dummy. She instantly grinned.

'This trip gets better and better.' Amber muttered to Renly, not even looking at him as she pressed Lioness to his chest. 'Hold her.' She reminded him, as he just stared at her. He reluctantly wrapped his arms around the cat and gave in. He was the lord of Storm's End, why was he holding cats for other people? But he did it anyway, and sat down on a wooden bench at the edge of the yard with Loras. Lioness gave him a withering sort of look, before she hid her face with her paws.

Amber approached Lady Brienne quietly, watching her with her sword. She was actually rather good, Amber observed. She may even make a worthy opponent.

'Lady Brienne,' Amber addressed her. Brienne instantly stopped with her sword, almost dropping it, and she whipped around to face Amber.

'Lady Amber, I… I…'

'You're very talented, you know.' Amber told her, ignoring her stammering. Brienne seemed to calm down a little on hearing Amber's compliment. 'I used to train with Jaime when I was younger.'

'You did?' Brienne inquired, taking a step closer to Amber now, suddenly very interested. 'Ser Jaime?'

'The very same.' Amber said with a smile. 'How about we have a round?'

Brienne gaped at her. 'Lady Amber… we shouldn't, it's frowned upon. My father doesn't like me practising with swords.'

Amber raised an eyebrow at her, a cheeky smirk appearing on her face. 'And why let what he says stop you? You're skilled, you should be proud.'

'And did Lord Renly let you fight with swords when you lived at Storm's End?' Brienne asked doubtfully. Amber let out a very unladylike laugh.

'Let me? He couldn't have stopped me if he'd wanted to. But yes, he didn't take issue. In fact, I once flattened Loras to the floor in a spar.'

'His squire?' Brienne asked, her voice disbelieving. 'You beat Lord Renly's squire?'

Amber shrugged. 'Loras doesn't like fighting with women. I think he's afraid of us.'

'Should he be?'

'Oh, yes.' Amber told her, wearing her classic smirk. 'Shall we?' She asked, picking up a practise sword and taking a few steps into the yard.

'What's she doing?' Loras asked in a hushed voice. Renly could only sigh and shrug. Amber did what Amber wanted, that was all there was to it. Lioness seemed all too content with herself, seated on Renly's lap glancing between the look on his face and Amber starting her spar with Brienne.

'Surely she's not allowed to do that.' Loras continued. 'Won't Lord Selwyn mind?'

'I don't know.' Renly told him honestly, as Amber dodged a swing from Brienne. 'But it seems like Lady Brienne's made quite the habit of this.'

Loras frowned and said nothing more. He folded his arms across his chest and glared as he watched the girls. Lioness flashed him a smug look.

Renly had to give credit where it was due, Amber seemed to have certainly met her match. Brienne seemed to fight with a equal measure of strength and dexterity, whereas Amber relied more on her ability to evade and her cunning. They could be at this for some time, Renly thought to himself. He was getting a little bored watching them continue at a stalemate. He saw Tym enter the yard, his sword at his belt, and smirked as Tym had to glance twice to take in the scene in the yard.

'Loras,' Tym hissed, approaching the bench and sitting down next to Loras. 'what's going on?'

'What does it look like?' Loras said flatly.

'Well… yes, I know but-' Tym stopped mid-sentence when he turned back to address Loras. 'what's that on your neck?'

'What?'

'You've got a bruise on your neck.' Tym told him, clearly confused by this. Loras instantly realised why but tried not to allow his eyes to betray his panic even though he could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He forced a shrug.

'Don't know. I was sparring with another squire in the yard earlier, probably from then.' Loras lied, trying to sound convincing.

'But it wouldn't have come up yet, would it? If it's from earlier?'

'Just leave it, Tym.' Loras said with a sigh. He really didn't want to loose his temper with him, but he could tell Renly was listening as well, even if he didn't get involved.

'I will, as soon as you tell me how you got that bruise. You can't have got that fighting with someone.'

'I…' Loras stumbled over his words now. What was he supposed to say? It seemed like Tym was very aware of what kind of bruise this was, he could hardly continue to lie to him like this, it clearly wasn't working.

'Look, Tym,' Loras turned to face him, lowering his voice even more. He knew that would annoy Renly, because he couldn't hear the conversation anymore, but he'd explain later. 'you cannot tell anyone, understand?' Tym nodded eagerly. 'Alright… I was with Gem.'

'Gem?'

'The serving girl? From Storm's End? Dark hair?'

'Oh… yes, I know who you mean.'

'But you absolutely cannot tell anyone.'

'Of course I won't, no. You can trust me.' Tym told him with a grin. 'So did you two…'

Loras raised an eyebrow at him. 'What do you think?'

'You're so lucky.' Tym grumbled, leaning back on the bench and flashing Loras a jealous look. 'She's very pretty.'

'Yes, I know.' Loras tried to make himself sound believable. He could only hope that if – when – Tym pried for information from Gem, she'd be accommodating.

Amber's shouts saved Loras from the conversation, and drew everyone else's attention. She'd dropped to the floor, clutching her wrist, her sword scattered to the floor beside her. Lady Brienne was beside herself with apologies.

'I'm so sorry, my lady, I'm so sorry… are you badly hurt?' She scrambled to the floor beside Amber, worry etched onto her pale face.

'Don't apologise, it was my fault.' Amber answered, giving her a brief smile. 'I lost my concentration, it's not your fault.' She almost jumped when she saw Renly appear by her side, she'd forgotten he was even there.

'I'll fetch a maester.' Brienne said hurriedly, suddenly very red in the face. Amber narrowed her eyes slightly as she glanced between Lady Brienne and Renly. Poor girl, Amber thought. She heard Brienne jog off into the yard to find a maester.

'Gods, Amber,' Renly moaned at her. 'if your wrist is broken I am going to be in so much trouble with your uncle.'

'Don't be so dramatic.' Amber said, rolling her eyes at him. 'It doesn't hurt awfully.'

'Please tell me you can move it.' Renly begged her. He was already in more trouble than he'd like to be with Tywin Lannister, it would only add insult to injury if Amber had managed to break her wrist while under Renly's supervision.

'I can move it.'

'Really?'

'No.' Amber said flatly, as Renly visibly deflated on hearing her honest answer. 'But you won't be in trouble. My uncle knows I'm good at getting myself hurt.' She said with a smirk. 'I think I proved that in King's Landing.'

'Amber.' Renly said in a warning tone, he was not in a mood for her jests right then.

'Fine, fine.' She sighed. She glanced past Renly and into the yard. 'Why is Tym holding my cat?' She asked, watching as Tym struggled to contain Lioness on his lap. Loras just laughed at his vain attempts. 'Why isn't Loras telling him how to hold her?' Amber muttered angrily.

'I think Loras is too busy laughing at him.' Renly told her. Amber glared at him, she'd observed that much herself, she did not need to be told. She shook her head and sighed, there was nothing to do but watching Tym do battle with her cat as she waited for Brienne to return with a maester.


	40. Chapter 40

That evening Loras sat with Amber while Renly got ready for dinner. Loras and Amber had been ready to leave for a while now, but neither was surprised at how long it took Renly to get ready, they'd had long enough to get used to it. Amber was sitting in a chair by the window, her wrist now wrapped tightly in bandages and held in place with a splint, all kept together in a sling tied around her neck. She was not happy about this arrangement. She'd been looking irritated ever since coming back from the seeing the maester.

'Did you notice anything about Brienne?' Amber asked Loras quietly, as if she didn't want Renly to hear her. He was only in the next room getting changed.

'Notice anything?' Loras repeated. He'd thought Amber quite liked Brienne, surely she wasn't about to pass judgement on her looks.

Amber nodded thoughtfully. 'She blushes every time Renly so much as looks in her direction.' Amber told him, though it wasn't followed by the smirk that would normally accompany such a statement from her.

'Oh.' Loras answered flatly. He wasn't really sure what he was supposed to say to that. Truth be told, he was bored of the girls always paying such attention to Renly, it was starting to get under his skin. He knew Renly would never do anything to reward their attention, but it didn't mean Loras had to like it.

'It's sad, really.' Amber sighed, turning away from him to stare out of the window. 'He's so charismatic and charming… he doesn't even know he's doing it. Poor Brienne.'

'She doesn't look like the type who'd appreciate sympathy.' Loras told her, though the only evidence he had for this was that he'd seen her sword fighting with Amber.

'What makes you say that?'

Loras shrugged. 'She reminds me of you, in a way.'

Amber flashed a small smile back at him, but said nothing. She brushed her blonde hair over one shoulder and smoothed out her dress. It was blue tonight, and looked like something Loras could imagine his sister wearing. Amber seemed to have brought an extensive range of gifts back from Highgarden.

'Do you still keep a knife under your dress?' Loras asked her with a smirk. Amber turned back to him, clearly not finding this as amusing as Loras did.

'Do I need one?' Amber asked, her voice unusually quiet. Loras swallowed. He'd only meant to lighten the situation, he didn't mean any harm by it…

'What've I missed?' Renly asked, grinning from the doorway. Loras flashed a smile at him, thankful that he cut off the conversation there. He really had no idea what he'd have said to Amber if he hadn't have. Renly looked perfect, as usual. His black hair fell just above his eyes, only highlighting the green. He'd dressed in black tonight, which was always a favourite colour of his. Loras always wondered how he could get away with wearing such a lot of black but still have such a colourful personality.

'Shall we go now?' Amber asked, getting up from her seat.

'Of course.' Renly agreed. Loras just followed him as he let Amber walk ahead. She seemed eager to go and did not linger to hear their conversation. Renly sighed as he watched her walk on ahead. 'She's annoyed about her wrist.'

'I know.' Loras said. 'Do you think Lord Selwyn's angry with Brienne about it?'

'Probably.' Renly sighed, dragging one hand through his hair and letting it fall back into place. 'She doesn't deserve it, I bet Amber was the one who convinced her into sparring anyway.'

'You don't know that.' Loras answered quickly, surprised at how much bite he'd managed to let slip into his tone. He hadn't meant it that way… or at least, he didn't think he had. But he couldn't forget what Amber had told him about how Brienne seemed to feel about Renly.

'I suppose I don't.' Renly answered slowly, casting a curious glance back at Loras. 'I was only speculating because it's normally Amber who starts these things.' He continued to stare at Loras for a few more moments before he changed the subject. 'Anyway, what did you tell Tym in the yard? I heard him mention your… ah, bruise.' Renly said, unable to keep back a cheeky sort of smirk. Loras had been forced to wear something with a high enough collar to cover the mark. He didn't doubt that it would look normal, and people would probably just assume he'd been with a serving girl or a whore or someone, but he didn't want to hassle of questions. And he knew there would be questions from the people here from Storm's End. Anyone who worked for Renly would know that Loras was not in the habit of seeing whores or sleeping with serving girls. It was bad enough that he'd had to lie to Tym, but anyone else asking Gem questions about it would reflect badly on her. He just hoped Tym had stuck to his word about not telling anyone.

'I told him I was with Gem.' Loras told him quietly. 'I didn't know what else to say.'

'That'll do.' Renly agreed. 'Gem will go along with it, I know she will. But now I'll have to think of some way to reward her for it.'

'She won't ask for anything, will she? She doesn't seem the sort.' Loras commented. He couldn't imagine Gem ever asking for anything, she always seemed very happy working for Renly.

'No, of course she wouldn't. But she'll deserve something. Maybe reward was the wrong word… a gift, perhaps.' Renly mused. 'I'm not sure what she'd like, though.'

'I'm sure you'll think of something.' Loras said with a sigh. Renly was always better at thinking of gifts than he was.

As soon as Amber even sat down for dinner Lord Selwyn began the apologies. Renly had to bite his tongue to stop himself laughing as Amber became more and more frustrated.

'Once again,' Lord Selwyn began again. 'Lady Amber I can't begin to apologise enough for the incident this afternoon. My daughter has always been… rough around the edges, so to speak. I do hope you can forgive her.'

Amber took a sip of her wine and flashed a glance across the table. Brienne was still staring down at the table.

'And as I have said, Lord Selwyn, there's nothing to forgive. It was an accident.' Amber answered, sighing as she shifted her arm awkwardly in the sling.

Lord Selwyn nodded thoughtfully as he watched her. His attention quickly turned back to Renly. 'And Lord Renly, I hope this doesn't colour your opinion of Lady Brienne, she's not normally like this…'

Renly tried his best to give a convincing smile as he looked back at Lord Selwyn. 'Of course not.' Renly replied. 'Lady Amber is usually like this, I'm really quite used to it.' He noticed Brienne smile slightly, as she brought her head up to look back at him. He failed to notice the slight blush creeping onto her cheeks, though. He smiled at her before he changed the topic of conversation.

Once dinner was over the dancing began. Lord Selwyn had brought musicians from Oldtown just for the occasion, apparently, as he told Renly at least twice. Loras, meanwhile, was watching Renly dance with a pretty girl from the back of the hall, scowling at them.

'Loras,' Tym hissed at him, almost making him jump since his attention was so taken with glaring at Renly and the girl. He glanced back at Tym. 'I spoke to Gem today…'

Loras swallowed hard and tried to keep his expression neutral. 'Oh?'

Tym nodded as he shuffled closer. 'Some of the things she said you did… I mean, that one thing you did to her… I didn't even know you could do that…'

Loras felt a heat on the back of his neck. Clearly Gem didn't have a problem with the story Loras had created, in fact, it seemed that she'd given everything she had to her new role. Trouble was, Loras had no idea what she could possibly be referencing.

'Oh… yes, well… you can.' Loras said with a shrug, hoping it seemed casual enough.

'But how did you-'

'Tym, this isn't the place for that sort of talk, is it?' Loras said, putting enough bite into his tone that Tym actually believed him.

'No, you're right. Sorry.' Tym sighed. 'But she said that she –'

'Tym.' Loras cut him off indignantly.

'Right, yes, I know.' He said flatly. 'I was just wondering, that's all.'

'Well, don't.' Loras told him, returning his attention to his previous hobby of glaring after Renly. A few other squires joined their table and Loras could only pray that Tym didn't bring up Gem in conversation again. He caught them talking about something entirely different, however.

'Have you seen her, though?' One of the other squires was saying.

'We should start calling her The Beauty.' Another of them answered, laughing. Loras didn't have to think hard to realise who they were talking about. He stole a glance across the hall again, seeing that Renly was safely in conversation with Amber and unlikely to overhear them. Brienne was seated to Amber's other side, watching Renly talk with an expression nothing short of wonderment. Loras sighed, he actually felt a little sorry for her, so hopelessly infatuated with Renly and so completely unaware that nothing would ever happen between them. But then Loras stumbled upon another thought… what if it could happen between them? Renly had been talking like he felt sorry for Brienne, as well, and her father was hardly keeping it a secret that he was trying to marry her off to him… what if he agreed? What if he decided it was better being married to someone like her, than a woman who was beautiful, who might go behind his back with someone else if Renly wasn't interested in her…

Renly flashed Loras a confused look when he caught him staring. It was no wonder, Loras had been staring at him for quite a long time, really. He quickly looked away and tried to make it look like he was actually talking to the people around him.

'And honestly,' one of the squires continued. 'her father thinks Lord Renly's going to marry her? Someone like him, and someone like her? It just won't happen.'

'No one's even asked her to dance.' Tym commented, though he looked like he thoroughly wished he hadn't when Loras raised an eyebrow at him. If Renly heard him, there'd be trouble. Tym hurriedly dropped his gaze to stare at the floor.

'And no one's going to ask her.' Another of the squires finished for him. 'I mean, would you really want to dance with that? Loras, would you dance with her?'

'Hmm? What?' Loras stammered, he'd not been entirely paying attention and certainly did not expect to hear his own name mentioned. 'Oh… well, no. But I've not asked anyone to dance yet, either…'

'But would you? Her?'

'I…' He tried to answer, but couldn't think of anything remotely intelligent to say. He just shrugged instead, which seemed to satisfy the squire. He continued talking with the others and Loras let out a relieved sigh.

'Why haven't you asked anyone to dance yet?' Tym piped up. Loras wanted to yell at him to stop speaking, but he knew Tym wouldn't understand what he was doing wrong. 'Is it because Gem's not here?'

Loras rolled his eyes at him. 'Tym, you've not danced with anyone, either.'

'I hate dancing.' Tym said simply. 'You don't.'

'No…' Loras answered slowly. That was true, he'd forgotten Tym's dislike of dancing. It was hardly a surprise, really, Tym was so clumsy during training, Loras thought it was probably for the best that he never danced with girls. 'I'm just tired, that's all.'

'Oh, right,' Tym answered with a smirk. 'I imagine you are, after what Gem said.'

Loras just nodded in response. He didn't have the strength to argue with him about that. He almost jumped when he saw that Renly was actually approaching their table, a lot faster than Loras would have liked. Renly was not going to be impressed with the conversation.

'Loras,' Tym started again, at the worst possible moment. 'About something Gem said, could I just ask-'

'Not now, Tym.' Loras hissed at him, though he was still staring at Renly, desperately hoping one of the other squires would notice and stop talking about Brienne like that.

'And when she's sitting next to Lady Amber… well, it doesn't help, does it? As if Lord Renly's even going to look in her direction when Lady Amber's –'

Renly leant against the table, flashing the coldest look Loras had ever seen at the squire. Loras thought he genuinely noticed him pale slightly when he noticed the look on Renly's face.

'Is that so?' Renly inquired. 'I must admit, I'd forgotten I'd passed on all my decisions to you.'

'I… m'lord, I just…' He stammered, glancing around at Loras to silently beg for help. Loras said nothing.

'You're going to stop talking about Lady Brienne like that.' Renly told him sternly, but still keeping his voice hushed. 'And when we get back to Storm's End, you're going to be helping in stables until further notice.'

'But, m'lord, please-'

'Are you arguing with me now?' Renly asked him, his voice clearly stating that this would not be an advisable thing to do. The squire muttered something unintelligible before falling silent. 'I thought so.' Renly continued. 'You're going to leave the hall now.' He told him. The squire instantly did as he was told and quickly got up from his seat and made for the door.

'If you'll excuse me.' Renly flashed a slightly cold smirk at the others, before he walked back across the hall. Tym whimpered next to Loras. But Loras hardly heard him, he was too busy staring as Renly made a beeline for Lady Brienne and quite clearly asked her to dance. Loras felt his jaw literally drop.

'Loras, why is Lord Renly dancing with her?' Tym asked quietly.

'As if I'd know.' Loras replied, half in a whisper. He couldn't even look back at Tym, his vision was glued to watching Renly and Brienne. He could feel that spike in his chest, the same feeling as when Amber told him that she thought Brienne was paying a lot of attention to Renly. He was jealous. He knew he shouldn't be, but he could not deny that it was jealousy.

Meanwhile, Renly couldn't help noticing the smile on Brienne's face as he twirled her around. He seemed to really have made her day. He couldn't even express his anger at hearing what those squires were saying about her. He'd been keeping an eye on them ever since he'd seen Loras staring at him. He wondered whether he'd been trying to warn him about what they were talking about. He hoped he'd set a clear example of what would happen if he caught anyone else talking about Brienne like that. She didn't deserve it. And he knew what it was like hearing yourself talked about in a bad light, he remembered what he'd heard those Florents saying on the way up to Highgarden. It was not a pleasant thing to have to go through, and he'd do everything in his power to make sure Brienne never heard things like that.

'It's really kind of you to have asked me to dance, Lord Renly.' Brienne told him in a small voice, like she'd had to work up the courage to even speak to him.

'Think nothing of it,' Renly told her, offering up a classic smile. 'and I'm sure you get asked to dance very often.'

'I really don't.'

'You should.' Renly assured her. She smiled back shyly.

'You squire's watching you very… closely.' Brienne told him quietly. Renly stole a glance back over at Loras, and saw that Brienne was right. Loras rolled his eyes at him when he saw him make eye contact, and Tym quickly engaged him in conversation. What was wrong with him? Renly wondered why Loras had looked so annoyed…

'Yes,' Renly said slowly. 'he is, rather, isn't he? I don't really know what to tell you about that.'

'Is he always like this?'

'Not normally.'

'I don't think he likes me very much.' Brienne admitted.

Renly smiled reassuringly at her. 'He's not even spoken to you, I'm sure he doesn't dislike you.'

'He's been glaring at me.'

'He does that to everyone.'

'Really?'

'Yes.' Renly lied. He couldn't think of anything else to tell her. Though, he couldn't help but notice that she was right, Loras didn't seem to like her very much. She'd done nothing to offend him, though. So, why would Loras have any cause not to like her?

He seemed to have started rather a trend once he'd finished dancing with Brienne. When she first sat down again he noticed Loras give Tym a firm shove in her direction, and he was compelled to ask her to dance when she noticed him staggering towards her. He regained his balance for a brief few moments before he actually attempted to dance with her. Renly couldn't blame him for trying, at least. After that, there'd been a steady influx of men from his retinue asking her dance with them. He knew they were probably trying to curry favour with him, since no doubt they'd heard what had happened to the squire he'd caught talking ill of her, but still – it must have been a nice change for Brienne.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> super long chapter, because I'm really bad at splitting chapters properly. oops. never mind, ey? ;)

He said his goodnights after a few more hours, as he left Amber sitting with Brienne, laughing about something. He had to almost drag Loras out of his seat to get him to come outside with him. As soon as they were away from the hall, Renly turned to him.

'What in the Seven hells were you playing at in there?' Renly asked him, desperately trying to keep his voice down, but was sure he was failing.

'Me?' Loras asked incredulously. 'What about you! What was all that with Brienne?'

'What?' Renly spat back. 'Nothing! I asked her to dance, what's so strange about that? And how about what those squires were saying earlier? Why didn't you stop them?'

'It's not my place to!' Loras shouted back. 'I'm a squire, as well, why would they listen?'

'And let's not forget,' Renly continued as if Loras hadn't even spoken. 'why were you glaring at me like that all night? Brienne noticed, she thinks you don't like her!'

'I don't!' Loras yelled back at him, a fury blazing in his eyes. Renly heard footsteps nearby and hurriedly shoved Loras into an alcove, hidden from the main corridor. He was glaring at him even more now.

'Why don't you like her?' Renly hissed at him, as the footsteps grew closer.

'Because she's clearly in love with you.' Loras whispered back.

'But you never had a problem with Amber.'

'We weren't… as we are, when I met Amber.' Loras started. 'And besides, you-'

Renly cut him off as he clamped his hand over Loras' mouth. The footsteps were very close now, almost right outside the alcove. From the way Loras was scowling at him, Renly was very glad he couldn't speak, he dreaded to think the obscenities he might have said to him. Once he was sure the footsteps had gone, he released his squire.

'Don't you ever-'

'Someone was coming this way.' Renly told him quickly, though Loras didn't seem to think that was a reasonable excuse. 'Sorry.'

'It's just because you know I'm right!' Loras told him.

'About what?'

'About Brienne!'

Renly rolled his eyes at him. He'd thought they might have been able to forget about this. 'You are not right about Brienne! You're… you're jealous! That's what's happening here, you're jealous!'

'Of Brienne?' Loras spat. 'Why would I be jealous of her?'

'Because she can dance with me in front of everyone – but you can't!'

Loras quickly shut his mouth, the retort had died before he could say it. Renly's words rung in the air, still playing through Loras' head. He was right, essentially. Loras hadn't thought about it like that. Maybe that was the reason he was jealous…

He turned away from Renly without another word and started to walk away. He need to be alone. He didn't want Renly to think he was going to get jealous over every girl Renly danced with. But Renly didn't seem to want to let him leave, and he grabbed his wrist to spin him back around.

'Loras, I'm sorry, I didn't think…'

'No, you didn't.' Loras told him flatly. 'I'm going to bed now, if you don't mind.'

'Please, can't we talk about this?'

Loras snatched his wrist back and turned away again without even supplying an answer. He quickly set off down the corridor before Renly could try and change his mind.

He was barely even aware of where he was going, he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts. He didn't notice Gem appear at the other end of the corridor, walking towards him. She flashed a smile but he didn't see.

'Loras?' She said, once she'd realised he was not going to notice her unless she forced him to.

'Oh… hello, Gem.' He said distractedly. He then remembered who he was actually talking to, and that he had things to say to her. 'Gem, what under the Seven did you tell Tym we'd done? He asked me about it and I didn't know what he was talking about!'

Gem giggled, a laugh very unlike her own. 'Do you really want to know? It's really quite imaginative.'

Loras observed her reaction silently. 'On second thoughts, I think it's best that I don't know, isn't it?'

'Probably.' Gem agreed. 'You should have seen Tym's face when I told him, though! I thought he was actually going to faint.'

'You seem to be rather enjoying this, Gem.' Loras told her.

She shrugged and mulled it over. 'I suppose I am, a little. I'm just being creative.'

'Maybe you could tone down the creativity next time.' Loras said flatly. 'That way I might actually be able to play along.'

Gem raised an eyebrow at him. 'Come on, Loras, surely you could think of something you could do with a woman? Or just tell Tym some of the things you do with Lord Renly… would that still work?'

'No.' Loras said. 'Defintely not.'

'Well… just use your imagination.' Gem told him simply, flashing another quick smile before she continued on her way. Loras sighed and continued down the corridor. He'd almost decided that this day could not get any worse, when he heard rain begin hitting the windows. He stopped to stare out of the glass, seeing rain start hammering against the castle walls.

Loras spent the night in his tent outside, listening to the rain slamming the tent roof and having to get up multiple times during the night to try and stop rain leaking through the gaps between the tent and floor. He was tired beyond belief the next day. Tired, and freezing cold. He missed big castles where even squires could have a room.

It was still raining, and looked like it might continue to rain like this all day. He couldn't even go out and train when the whether was like this. He'd not spoken to Renly since they're argument the night previously, and truth be told, Loras was still angry about it. He wondered what Renly was doing at that moment. He'd probably be with Amber… maybe Brienne, as well. And there was a fireplace in Renly's chambers. It would be so nice and warm in there with the flames flickering and the firewood crackling…

He made the snap decision that Renly probably wouldn't mind if Loras crept into his room and sat by the fire for a while. Renly probably wasn't even there. No one noticed him leave the camp, after all, as Renly's squire he was supposed to be doing duties for him, anyway.

Renly wasn't in his chambers, Loras checked thoroughly. But there was a fire lit. It was just starting to go out, as if Renly had been here a little while ago but left. Loras gave the fire a few prods with the poker to get it going again, before he curled up on the Myrish rug and watched the flames dance.

When Renly shut the door behind him as he entered his chambers, he was greeted with a sight he did not expect. Loras was lying by the fire, all curled up on the rug, quite clearly fast asleep. He looked like a cat. Renly felt his heart flutter slightly as he observed him. He'd not even expected Loras to speak to him at all today, let alone come and find him.

Renly quietly sat down on the rug next to Loras, unable to resist running his hand through his curls as he slept. Loras sighed in his sleep, gently lifting his head, unconsciously trying to find Renly's hand again. He couldn't keep back a smile. He let his other hand slide down Loras' shoulder and his arm, to softly stroke his hand.

'Renly?' Loras muttered, still half asleep.

'Did I wake you?' Renly asked quietly.

'Mm.' Loras answered sleepily, turning over on the rug to look up at him, his brown eyes smouldering in the firelight. 'I don't mind. I didn't mean to fall asleep.'

'Oh.' Renly said shortly. 'What did you mean to do?'

'I only wanted to sit by the fire. I was cold.'

'You didn't want to see me?'

Loras fixed his gaze for a moment, like he was trying to decide what to say. 'I'm not sure.' He answered eventually, though he still sounded unsure. 'Do you want to see me?'

'Of course.' Renly told him quickly. 'Always.'

'You're not mad at me about yesterday?'

'No,' He replied softly. 'I couldn't stay mad at you even if I wanted to.' He found Loras' hand again, intertwining their fingers and held Loras' hand against his chest. Loras smiled up at him.

'You know you don't need to be jealous of Brienne, don't you?' Renly said cautiously. He wanted Loras to know that, but he didn't want to start an argument like they'd have the night before. He hated the thought of Loras resenting him for dancing with girls, but it was a necessary part of who he was. He had to at least make it look as though he was planning to take a wife.

'I know.' Loras sighed. 'But I can't help it… you were right last night, when you said I was jealous because they could dance with you in front of everyone and I… I can't.'

Renly squeezed Loras' hand gently, but raised an eyebrow at him, all the same. 'Do you want to dance with me?'

Loras tried not to smirk at him, but his efforts were in vain. 'No… but you know what I mean.'

'I'm offended.' Renly grinned back at him. 'And here I thought it was in your wildest fantasies to dance with me.' Loras managed a small laugh, that perfect musical laugh he had. Renly lowered himself onto the rug to lie next to Loras and pull him closer, their hands still locked between them.

'It's just unfair.' Loras continued. 'You're not remotely interested in those women, but you dance with them and flirt with them… but you are interested in me and you're not allowed to show it at all. I just… it's upsetting.' Loras told him, his voice faltering near the end, slipping to a whisper. Renly hated seeing him upset, but he was right. It wasn't fair.

He pressed a soft kiss to Loras' cheek. 'I know. And I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do about it.' He said honestly. 'But getting jealous when I dance with women isn't going to help. You know I've no intentions with them.'

'I know.' Loras replied quietly, his eyes finding Renly's.

'And you know you mean more to me than they do… more than anyone does, in fact.' Renly admitted, hoping that it wasn't too bold to tell him that. But the smile it brought to Loras' face told him it hadn't scared him.

'Do you mean that?' Loras whispered, his eyes completely full of hope.

'Yes. I really mean it.'

Loras closed the small gap between them and pressed a kiss to Renly's lips. Renly could feel him smiling against him. He carefully untangled his fingers from Loras', so he could run his hand through Loras' hair. He felt Loras sigh softly against him. Loras made a few gentle grasps at the front of Renly's doublet, not trying to unlace it, but just because he could. He felt Renly's tongue run along the seam of his lips, and he couldn't keep back a small moan as he opened up to him. Renly pulled him closer, as Loras took the hint and moved to straddle his hips, not once breaking their kiss as he did so. He felt Renly grasp a little stronger at his hair, while his other hand slipped down Loras' back. He revelled in the perfect sounds Loras made when he let his hand dip lower to grab his ass.

Loras finally broke the kiss, his eyes dark as he looked down at Renly.

'You mean a lot to me, too.' Loras told him in a breathless whisper. Renly just smirked up at him.

'I think you just proved that, Loras.' He told him fondly.

'Would you rather I'd just told you, instead?' Loras asked, wearing a decidedly cheeky expression.

'Gods, no.'

Loras managed a small chuckle before he couldn't resist leaning down to meet Renly's lips again. He couldn't help it. He felt his heart soar every time Renly said something like this, about how much Loras meant to him. He knew he'd never be able to put into words how much Renly meant to him, so he just hoped that saying it back was enough. The heat from the fire was at the back of Loras' mind, but he didn't want to move away from it. This was nice, it was different… it felt good to just lie by the fire with Renly… though it was steadily becoming uncomfortably warm.

Loras pulled away from Renly's lips, to kiss down his neck. Renly's skin was hot against his lips, and Loras knew the heat wasn't just affecting him. He gently bit down on his skin and received a soft moan from Renly. He felt Renly's hands slip under his tunic, the cooler air was refreshing, but not as welcome as Renly's touch.

'Do you want to come away from the fire?' Renly asked him, his voice slightly strained as Loras continued to graze his teeth over the bottom of Renly's neck.

'Not really.' Loras replied, lifting his head again to look back at him.

'You're really warm, Loras…'

'I could just…' Loras started, but his voice failed him. 'I could take… I could just take off my tunic…'

Renly gently cupped the side of Loras' neck with his hand. 'Are you sure? Only you seemed reserved about that sort of thing…'

'I was.' Loras admitted, trying not to be shy about it. 'But… well, it's you, isn't it? No one's ever seen me like that before and… and I want you to…'

'Really?' Renly asked him, though it didn't sound like he required an answer. He lifted his head to press a very gentle kiss against Loras' lips. 'I'm honoured.' He told him with half a smirk. 'But don't do anything you don't want to.'

Loras rolled his eyes at him playfully. He didn't reply to Renly, just sat up and quickly took off his tunic. He thought that was enough of a response. The look in Renly's eyes said it was a perfectly valid response, anyway. He couldn't take his eyes off Loras. He'd seen him like this before, back in King's Landing… but back then he'd been wiping blood off his chest, Renly hadn't been focussed on what he looked like. But he wished he had, because Loras was perfect. He was slender, but not skinny, and he was toned from all the time he spent practicing in the yard. He had to touch him, he couldn't stop himself even if he'd wanted to. Loras' skin was hot under his touch, as Renly pulled him gently back down on top of him and into another kiss, unable to stop his hands from trying to touch every expanse of skin available. Loras didn't seem to mind though, given the assortment of moans and sighs Renly heard in reaction.

He gave Loras a gentle push, switching their positions as he pushed Loras down onto the rug. He felt Loras tug at the fastens on his doublet. It unfastened and Renly pulled it off, trying to aim for his bed as he threw it across the room. He didn't even see where it actually landed, as Loras had already guided him back into a fierce kiss, placing a bite to Renly's lower lip forcing a moan from Renly's throat in response. He could feel Loras pulling at his tunic, and had to break the kiss to grin at him.

'I take it you want me to take this off?' Renly said with a small laugh.

'Well, it's not fair that I take mine off and you don't.' Loras replied with a smirk.

'But you look so much better than I do.' Renly continued, but he didn't sound shy at all.

'That's not true.' Loras said quickly. 'Not at all. You're… you're…'

'Go on.' Renly coaxed him, pressing a kiss to Loras' chest.

'You're gorgeous.' Loras answered in a whisper, his voice barely even audible. Renly flashed Loras a quick smile, before he sat up and took off his own tunic. He had to smirk when he felt Loras' cock harden against his leg. Loras blushed slightly, but he was pretty sure Loras could feel Renly's own arousal against his hip.

Renly leant down again, unable to stop a sigh escaping his lips on feeling himself pressed chest to chest with Loras with nothing in between. He knew this was right, he could feel Loras' heart beating against his own… there was no doubt in his mind that this was so gloriously right.

He placed a kiss against Loras' neck, trailing open mouthed kisses and bites down his neck, over his shoulder and onto his chest. Loras couldn't stop the noises he could hear himself making, but he'd never get used to being able to feel Renly's tongue and his teeth on his skin, making him shiver underneath him despite the fire. But when Loras felt Renly take one of his nipples into his mouth, Loras knew he ought to try and keep the volume down, but it wasn't possible. Loras didn't even know it would feel good there, but it did, it really did and he couldn't help telling Renly just how good it felt. He could feel himself arch off the ground, one hand buried in Renly's hair. When he felt Renly take it between his teeth, he couldn't stop himself crying out, the action sending sparks straight to his cock.

'Did I hurt you?' Renly asked him quickly, raising his head to look up at Loras, his eyes now full of worry.

'Gods, no.' Loras replied. 'That felt amazing.'

Renly managed a smile when he heard that. 'I can tell.' He said, dropping his hand lower to palm Loras' erection through his breeches. He watched Loras shudder at the touch.

'Should I take them off?' Loras asked, as Renly started to undo the laces.

'That's what I'm doing.' Renly answered distractedly.

'No… I mean, completely.'

He stopped untying the laces to stare back at Loras. He swallowed and tried to force his brain to engage. 'Do you want to?'

Loras nodded. 'Yes.'

'Are you sure? You're… you want to me to see you like that? You're sure?'

'Shut-up.' Loras told him playfully, as Renly went back to untying his laces. Loras stilled him with his hand. 'I'll do that, you take yours off, as well.' He watched Renly stare at him for a few seconds, before he moved off him to untie his own laces. Loras resisted the urge to just watch him undress, and focussed on trying to get his own breeches off. He kicked his boots across the floor then hurriedly started working on the laces. They were getting tangled up now, in his haste to get them off. He could feel Renly watching him without having to look up.

'You should have let me do it.' Renly told him, flashing a smirk as Loras just glared back at him. He tried not to let his eyes fall downwards, even though he knew he was allowed to look. He was still desperately trying to untangle the laces when Renly moved in front of him, stilling his hands and taking over. Loras couldn't stop himself looking now, though he wondered how he'd ever be able to look away after… he'd never even thought that it would have an effect on him, but seeing Renly completely uncovered, and hard for him… He felt his cock twitch as Renly continued with the laces. He heard him laugh.

'I'm flattered, but that's not helping.' Renly said, momentarily glancing up to lock eyes with Loras. He flashed a smile, before he looked down again to finally untie Loras' laces. Loras quickly took off his breeches, not even bothering to try and throw them somewhere tidy.

Loras wasted no time in wrapping his hand around the back of Renly's neck and pulling him roughly into a searing kiss. He didn't even try to supress the moan that left his throat when he felt Renly's cock against his own, the friction was too much to ignore, or even pretend to. Loras let his other hand slip down Renly's chest, to gently pinch his nipple between his fingers. He wanted to know if it would feel as good for Renly as it had for him. The noise Renly made in return said that it did feel just as amazing, given the way Renly almost growled at the action. It must really have felt good, since Renly shoved Loras back onto the rug on the floor, fitting himself between Loras' legs as he bit his shoulder. Loras didn't want to seem as eager as he was, but he couldn't stop his hips moving of their own accord, desperate for the friction he got from rubbing his cock against Renly's.

Loras felt Renly wrap his hand around his erection, stroking him with a perfect rhythm. Loras would have asked how he knew exactly what felt right, but he couldn't have asked anything if he'd tried. He knew Renly should be telling him to be quiet, he knew the moans he was letting himself make were far too loud now, but nothing was said about that. In fact, it only seemed to be spurring Renly on, so Loras wasn't intent on stopping any time soon. He could feel Renly's breath on his chest, before he placed a bite to the centre of Loras' chest, then right above his heart… Loras felt his pulse screaming through his veins, hammering in chest. He was sure he all but screamed Renly's name when he spilled, striping his own torso, but he didn't care.

Renly waited for Loras to come back to reality, placing kisses over his chest and his neck as he did. He felt Loras' hand come up into his hair, raking through it and brushing it off his face. Renly looked up at him before he lifted his head to kiss him again, his erection pressing into Loras' hip as he did, hoping he might remind Loras about that.

'I've not forgotten.' Loras mumbled against him. Renly pulled away from him, unable to stop himself smirking at him. 'So you can stop trying to not-so-subtly remind me.' Loras told him, flashing a cheeky grin as he lowered his hand between them. Renly felt Loras close his fist around his cock, his hand sliding up and down with as much grace as anyone could in that situation. He loved the way Loras knew how to build pressure when he did this, he didn't take too long, but it didn't happen too quickly. Renly dropped his head onto Loras' shoulder, unable to keep his head up anymore as he felt Loras' hand softly squeeze around him. He wanted to just let Loras do this to him, but he couldn't deny how it felt when he let himself thrust into Loras' hand. He felt Loras' hand tighten around him again, and he couldn't stop the tangle of words leaving his mouth anymore, as he heard himself moaning Loras' name.

'Yes…' He heard himself groan, but had no control over it. 'Loras… yes… Gods, Loras…' He felt Loras speed up now, as Renly let go, spilling into Loras' hand and moaning his name into his neck. Loras dropped his hand away as Renly moved off him, catching his breath as he lay next to him on the rug, breathing heavily.

Despite the fact he could hardly breathe, Renly couldn't help but make a comment.

'I doubt that was what you had in mind when you came up here earlier.' Renly said with a half-hearted grin. Loras looked back at him, smirking at him.

'I'd be lying if I said it was earlier… but it's definitely been on my mind before.'

Renly laughed at him for a minute, placed a gentle kiss against his lips, and got up to find a wash cloth. He threw it at Loras so he could clean himself up. Loras caught it in one hand without any effort. Renly watched him for a moment, before he went over to his bed and dragged the fur blanket off the bed, taking it with him as he walked back over to Loras.

'It's strange watching you just wander around naked.' Loras stated, sitting up to drop the wash cloth into the bowl of water.

'Strange? That hardly sounds complimentary.' Renly answered as he sat back down on the rug, pulling the furs over him and lying back down. Loras didn't need to be asked, as he followed him and snuggled up under the furs.

'Okay… it's nice, then.' Loras amended his words.

'Nice? That's the best you can do?' Renly teased him with a grin.

Loras rolled his eyes at him. 'I'm trying. You have the monopoly on words, you know that.' He told him, fitting himself against Renly so he could rest his head on Renly's chest, draping his arm over him.

'Alright,' Renly continued, hugging Loras close to him. 'nice will have to do, then.' He told him fondly. He placed a kiss to Loras' curls and watched him close his eyes.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading/commenting/general supporting, guys! appreciate it:')

Brienne had taken Amber to see the waterfall, one of many on the island of Tarth. She'd asked if Renly wanted to go with them, once the rain had eased up, and Amber had swiftly told her they shouldn't linger in case the rain started up again. She'd happened to walk past Renly's chambers, and may have pressed her ear to the door… She knew that Renly would not have wanted to be disturbed.

But the waterfall truly was beautiful. The sunlight glimmered off the spray as the water cascaded down the rocks.

'I wonder what it would be like to jump off that.' Amber commented, though she hadn't actually intended to say it out loud.

'I wouldn't recommend it…' Brienne said quietly, shocked at having heard Amber speak that way.

'Oh, it's not like that,' Amber corrected her quickly. 'I just happen to like jumping off cliffs. It's something of a hobby of mine.'

'Then I'd recommend you find a new hobby.' Brienne answered flatly. Amber turned to flash a smile at her. She was really starting to like Brienne.

Amber sat herself down on the ground, to watch the waterfall, and Brienne copied her, though she had to help Amber a little, since her arm was still in its sling.

'I wish Lord Renly could have come with us.' Brienne said quietly, almost like she wasn't sure if she was aloud to say that. Amber tried her best not to sigh.

'It's a shame, isn't it?' She answered, settling for sympathising with Brienne instead of pitying her. 'But Renly really was quite busy.'

'I understand.' Brienne sighed, bringing her knees up to her chest and resting her head. 'What was he doing?'

Amber supressed a smirk as she answered. 'I believe he had business to attend to with his squire.'

'Oh.' Brienne said flatly. 'Must have been important, then.'

'I rather think it was, yes.'

'I just…' Brienne started, but seemed to think better of it. Amber turned to look at her, offering her another smile.

'Go on.'

'No, it's silly…'

'I'm sure it's not.' Amber assured her. After all, if she was right about Brienne's feelings towards Renly, who was she to judge her? Amber had felt the exact same way, even though she knew he'd never love her in the same way.

'Well, it's just that I was… I was starting to think that maybe Lord Renly liked me a little… but of course he doesn't. They never do.' Brienne said hurriedly. Amber's eyes softened as she regarded her, she couldn't help it.

'You shouldn't think like that.' Amber told her surely. Brienne slowly lifted her head to look back at her, managing a weak smile in return. 'But you can do so much better than that, you know.'

'Better? Than Lord Renly? I… I don't… is there such a thing?' Brienne stammered, visibly blushing, but Amber didn't see fit to comment on that. She had to agree, though – the idea that there could be any better man than Renly was laughable, but he was never going to be the right man for either of them, Amber knew that much.

'Yes.' Amber told her surely. 'You have so much more to live for than a man, you know.' Amber continued, supressing a sigh as she realised how naively she had believed the same concept, and now it was all she had left to bargain with. 'Think about it – what would you be doing if we weren't so focussed on pleasing men and getting married… what would you be doing right now?'

Brienne stared at her with wide eyes, sapphire blue and full of innocent naivety. 'I'm not sure… If I could do anything?'

'Yes. Anything you wanted.'

'I'd probably be practising in the yard, with swords and morning stars and…' her voice trailed off as she started to understand what Amber was saying.

'So why don't you?'

'Because it's not accepted.' Brienne sighed. 'It's not ladylike.'

'And? Does it matter whether it's acceptable?' Amber questioned, leaning back on her one good hand. 'We should do what we want to do because we want it, not because we're supposed to want it. If you want to become an expert with a sword – do it. If you never ever want to get married? Don't. Do everything because it pleases you, not someone else. If we're always pleasing someone else, then what's the point of it all? We'd never be happy.'

'Do you really believe that?' Brienne asked in a whisper, leaning a little closer to Amber.

'Yes.' Amber answered strongly. 'Truly, I believe that.' She shifted herself to sit in front of Brienne and stare her straight in the eyes. 'And you have good luck, Brienne, do you know that? I'm being shipped off to Dragonstone at my uncle's orders, but you have your freedom, and I know you're strong enough to keep it.'

'Amber… I don't…'

'It's alright if you don't want that. That's perfectly fine. Some girls really do want to marry a lord and live in a castle and give them heirs, content to be addressed only as m'lady for the rest of their lives.'

'I'm not like that.' Brienne fought back, a drive behind her voice. 'I don't want to do that. I like fighting with swords, I like wearing armour… but… but I also quite like Lord Renly.'

'I cannot speak for Renly.' Amber told her, her voice now devoid of emotion. 'But I fear you'll be disappointed.'

'Why? Has he made plans to marry someone else?'

'Not exactly.'

'Then what is it? Am I… am I not good enough? I know I'm not much to look at but…'

'Never say that.' Amber cut her off. 'Never, ever say you're not good enough. For anyone. Because you're plenty good enough – you're too good for most.'

'Thank you…' Brienne said, half in shock. 'Thank you, really, I don't know what I've done to deserve such a compliment. Especially from you… when you're so…'

Amber flashed a smile back at her. 'You're my friend, Brienne. Of course I think you're good enough.'

'You… you'd class me as a friend?'

'Of course.'

'I'd say the same of you.' Brienne told her with her own smile. 'Thank you.'

Meanwhile, back at Evenfall Hall, Renly had dressed for dinner. Loras was still asleep under the furs by the fire, but Renly was trying not to think about that, since he knew full well that the furs were the only thing covering him. He felt sorry for Loras, having to stay outside in that draughty, damp tent, but he knew Loras couldn't get away with staying in Renly's room. Not here. Evenfall Hall was a castle far too small for such behaviour to be easily hidden. And no one would look the other way like at Storm's End.

There came a gentle knock at the door. Renly opened it quietly, as Loras was still fast asleep. He carefully used the door to shield the view of him from the doorway. But it was only Gem. She beamed at him as she stood at the door, carrying bed linen and laundry in her basket.

'Evening, m'lord.' She greeted him.

'Good evening.' He answered, flashing her a smile.

'Can I…?' She started, nodding to the basket.

'Um…' Renly glanced back into the room, knowing full well that Gem probably knew why. 'Promise you won't laugh at him?' He asked her. He knew she'd know who he was referring to.

'Depends what he's doing, m'lord.' Gem said honestly. 'I'll make no promises.' She flashed a cheeky smirk that suited her very well. Renly sighed and stepped back, allowing her into the room. He shut the door and watched Gem clasp her free hand over her mouth when she saw Loras sleeping in the furs. She put down the basket and turned back to Renly. Though he couldn't see her mouth, her eyes were laughing.

'Don't.' He told her, but he was still smiling. She removed her hand and tried to reset her expression, saying nothing. She went over to Renly's bed and started to work. He watched her for a few moments, before he went back over to the other side of the room, back to the fire. He sat himself down next to Loras and leant against the wall. He knew he should wake him soon, else he wouldn't have time to dress before dinner. But he looked so peaceful sleeping like that, his hair all out of place and messy. He ran his hand softly through Loras' curls. It felt strange being able to do that in full view of someone else, even though he knew he was safe around Gem… it was oddly freeing.

'Renly?' Loras muttered, his eyes fluttering open.

'Evening.'

'Evening? How long have I been asleep?'

'Quite a while.' Renly told him fondly, resuming stroking his hair. Loras stretched out, the fur blankets falling down his chest as he did. Somewhere across the room, Gem stifled a laugh. Loras bolted upright in an instant, collecting the furs in a cocoon around him as he stared, wide-eyed, at Gem.

'What's she doing here?' Loras asked, half in a gasp.

'Her job.' Renly answered flatly.

'But…' Loras started, stopping to give his full attention to glaring at Gem as she grinned back at him. She wiggled her eyebrows and openly laughed this time, it wasn't a mocking laugh, it was friendly. But Loras was not amused. Renly, on the other hand, just smirked at as he watched him scowl at the serving girl.

'Ooh, what's this?' Gem exclaimed, distracted as she picked up Loras' sword from where he'd dropped it earlier. It was still in the sheath as she picked it up.

'That's my sword, Gem, just put it down!' Loras hissed at her, but she seemed to have other ideas.

'Oh, no but it's pretty! I want to look at it!'

'Well, look at it on the floor!' Loras argued, gathering the furs again as they began escaping him. Renly got up and went back to finish getting ready, running a comb through his hair as he watched the two of them.

Gem wasn't listening to Loras, as she continued wandering around with his sword, even though she could barely keep it in the air.

'Gem! Give it back!' Loras spat at her, looking thoroughly annoyed as he tried to gather the furs around him enough to stand up and take it back off her, but having hardly any luck. Renly had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing at him.

'Give what back?' Gem retorted, the two of them now completely behaving like children. Renly wondered if this was how brothers and sisters were supposed to act around each other, it certainly looked like it to him.

'If you want your sword, Loras, you'll have to come and get it.' Gem told him, as she leant against one of the bedposts, still clutching the sword. Loras growled at her, rearranging the furs and holding them tight around his waist. He only had one hand free, but he figured it was better than the consequences of dropping the furs.

Gem laughed at him as he started towards her. She glanced back at Renly, as she went to move backwards onto his bed. 'Can I, m'lord?'

'Oh, of course.' Renly said with a shrug, still very much amused by all of this.

'Renly! Why did you let her?' Loras moaned at him, flashing him a seething look. Renly grinned back at him as Gem backed up onto the bed, knowing full well it would be difficult for Loras to reach her up there without loosing the furs. He glared at her, before he turned away. 'Fine.' Loras sighed, his tone laced with aggravation. 'I'm going to dress. Then I'm getting back my sword, Gem!'

It was still mildly amusing watching Loras maneuverer around in the furs, picking up his clothes from around the room before he shuffled behind the screen to change. Renly watched him go, before he moved to sit in a chair. Gem sat at the foot of his bed, the sword sitting in her lap, looking thoroughly pleased with herself.

'I never got the chance to thank you, before, Gem,' Renly told her, once Loras had remained silent long enough that Gem's smile had faded slightly. She turned to look at him, a quizzical expression on her face. 'for what you told Tym. The lies about you and Loras.'

'Oh, it's nothing, m'lord. Really, it's no trouble.' Gem answered quickly, smiling back at him.

'I feel like I owe you something for it.' Renly admitted, though Gem just shrugged in response. 'Is there anything you'd like?'

'No, m'lord, nothing.' She told him simply. 'You've always been good to me, if anything, it's me that owes you.'

'Don't be ridiculous.' Renly grinned back at her. 'There has to be something.' Gem shrugged again and started fiddling with the clasp on the sheath of Loras' sword. That started Renly's mind working again, and he remembered about Amber. She was getting a few new handmaidens for Dragonstone, he'd heard her talking about it. He didn't doubt that if Gem ever wanted to actually learn to wield a sword, Amber would certainly see that she did.

'Gem, do you like Lady Amber?' Renly ventured the question. Gem raised her head to stare back at him.

'Yes, m'lord. She's been very kind to me.'

'Well, how would you like to go with her to Dragonstone? You don't have to, but if you'd like, I can ask her if she'll take you as one of her handmaidens?'

Gem tried to supress a smile on being asked that. 'That's very nice of you… I'd like that. But, aren't handmaidens meant to be nobles' daughters and that? I don't…'

Renly raised an eyebrow at her. It wasn't widely known, but Renly had known it when he employed her in the first place. She was the bastard daughter of one of his bannermen, one of the minor lords on Estermont. Granted, being a bastard meant that she had none of the status of lord's daughters, but it didn't change her blood. And Amber would hardly care about that sort of thing, anyway. She'd welcome it, even if it was only because Stannis would hate it.

'Gem, I know who your father is, you know.' Renly reminded her. Gem flushed and quickly looked down again. 'And Lady Amber won't care about that, anyway. If she likes you, she'll take you with her. That's all there is to it.'

'That's too kind of you, m'lord.' Gem mumbled, still unable to look back at him. 'Thank you.'

'You're very welcome.' Renly answered, flashing a quick smile when she finally let her eyes meet his again. 'It's the least I could do for how much help you've been.'

Gem perked up again once Loras was dressed, as she got back to her feet and hauled the sword into the air again, grinning at Loras. He looked to be in a better mood now he was dressed, flashing a smirk back at her. Renly let them get on with it, and turned back to his mirror.

Loras made a few small grabs for the sword, but each time Gem twisted it away from him. He was surprised that she could manage that at all, so he tried a little harder this time. She still evaded him, laughing the whole time. Though, the mere fact that she could keep his sword out of his reach for this long was starting to wind Loras up.

'Gem, come on, just give it back now.' Loras tried, making another grab around her for the sword, but she used her other hand to push his arm away, grinning at him. Another attempt failed, as Gem ducked under his arm and dragged the sword across the room again.

'Renly, make her give it back!' Loras moaned at him, trailing after Gem and his sword. Renly turned to smirk at him, raising an eyebrow at him.

'You let a girl take your sword, this is far too amusing for me to just order her to give it back.' Renly grinned back at him. Loras rolled his eyes and made another grab for his sword, and Gem's laughter continued.

'Please, Renly.' Loras tried again.

'Please, what?' Renly said, turning in his chair to offer a cheeky smile to his squire. Loras just glared at him for a moment.

'Please…' He couldn't quite bring himself to say it. When he'd first come to Storm's End, Renly had reminded him over and over not to call him 'my lord' and to just call him Renly. Now, Loras couldn't help but think there was something else behind Renly wanting him to use the title again, it was playful and… and something else.

'Please, my lord.' Loras managed to say. Renly flashed that infamous smirk at him, his green eyes sparkling.

'That's better.' Renly told him. 'But, no.'

Loras scowled at him, made a frustrated sound before Gem laughed at him again.

'You're enjoying this, aren't you?' Loras asked him, though he knew the answer.

'Immensely.' Renly replied. 'But you probably should get ready for dinner soon.'

'I would, if I could get my sword back.'

'You don't need your sword at dinner.'

'No, but Gem doesn't need it either.'

Renly rolled his eyes at him. 'She's not going to keep it, Loras.'

'I just want it back, that's all.' Loras continued, still making failed attempts to reach around Gem's back to get the sword. Renly knew he really should start getting ready now, it would be improper if they were late to dinner, Lord Selwyn would see it as rude. Renly got up and crossed the room, placing his hand on Loras' shoulder, gently pulled him backwards and away from Gem.

Gem put Loras' sword back down on Renly's bed and took a step back. Loras managed to offer her a smile.

'I'd better go.' She said finally. 'Have a nice evening m'lord.' She said to Renly, before she gave a small curtsey and left the room.

Renly steered Loras towards the mirror and pushed him into the chair, picking up a comb and forcing it into Loras' hand. He left him to do that and went to sit on his bed.

'You didn't mind about Gem, did you, Loras?' Renly asked him quietly.

'Mind?' Loras repeated, his voice unreadable, as he dragged the comb through his curls. 'Well, I mind that she took my sword, if that's what you mean.'

'Not quite. I meant about when she came in here… I mean, I know it took a lot for you to be like that with me, but…'

Loras turned in his chair, still holding the comb. He pointed it at Renly, but offered a smirk along with it. 'You are very different to Gem.' Loras told him. 'I was completely… exposed with you, it's different. Besides, Gem didn't see anything, anyway.'

'Alright.' Renly sighed, flashing a smile in return. 'I was worried you'd be annoyed about it.'

Loras shrugged. 'I'd rather wake up to just you, though… rather than Gem's laughter.' Loras said flatly, though there was humour in his tone.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this has taken me a little longer than usual, been very busy recently. Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas & new year!:')
> 
> \- note 2: changed some of this chapter around a little, after Talula pointed out that some of it didn't quite make sense, so thanks for that:) so, this is a slightly revised version of the chapter I uploaded yesterday:')

Dinner was much the same as the previous night. Lord Selwyn continued to try and convince Renly of Brienne's positive traits, leaving Renly just feeling awkward about the whole affair. Meanwhile, Loras had found Tym on a bench near the back of the hall, and Tym had quickly begun playing his new favourite game of 'guess what Gem told me'.

After more than a few cups of wine, Renly realised he probably ought to sober up before he said something he'd regret, with Lord Selwyn still shameless trying to force his daughter upon him. Renly hadn't even been keeping track of his drinks, he'd let his cup be refilled without thinking. It was only when he spent a few minutes looking down at the table, hoping to duck out of conversation, that his head started spinning once he glanced up again.

'Lord Selwyn,' he started, well aware that he'd interrupted him. 'I fear I must excuse myself for a while. I find myself in need of fresh air.' Renly told him, trying to at least make it sound sincere. He didn't wait for a approval, though he vaguely noticed Lord Selwyn nod in response, before he got up and made to leave the hall.

'I'll join you, Lord Renly.' A voice spoke up from behind him. He didn't turn around, he thought he might fall over if he did, just waited as Lady Brienne appeared by his side. He flashed her a quick smile before she took his arm as they started to leave. He was actually glad that she had taken his arm, she was more or less holding him upright.

The air was crisp outside, as it started to go dark. The sky had turned crimson over the sea behind the hall. Renly leant against the stone wall at the edge of the island, overlooking the rocks between him and sea. He sighed.

'Are you well, my lord?' Brienne asked him cautiously, as if she was only just realising she was actually alone with him.

'I am, thank you.' Renly replied, forcing himself to tear his gaze away from the sunset. 'And please, you can just call me Renly.'

Brienne blushed slightly, disguised by the pink light shed from the sky.

'Could… Could I ask you something, Renly?' Brienne asked him, her voice shaking slightly, though he pretended not to notice.

'Of course.'

She cleared her throat and seemed to give some thought to her question before she spoke again. 'Do you believe in… in love, Renly?'

'That's quite a serious question.' He said with a laugh. 'Don't we all? I'd thought everyone believed in love.'

'I mean, you know, the romantic kind. Not the sort that means mothers love their children.' Brienne explained, nerves creeping into her voice.

Renly observed her for a moment, trying to work out why she might be asking that at all. She couldn't know about Loras… how could she? Amber would never have told her, no matter how close they'd become.

'I believe in that sort of love, too.' Renly told her eventually, his tone now quite serious. 'In fact… I fear I might know it too well.'

'Too well?' Brienne inquired. 'How could you know love too well? It's a good thing, isn't it? To love someone?'

Spoken like someone who's never known it, Renly thought, swallowing hard to force back tears he hadn't realised were creeping up on him. 'You're right, of course. Love is wonderful, of course it is… but for the likes of you and I it's something we can feel but never fully have. For starters, I imagine I shall end up married to some lord's daughter when Robert decides he needs more money. I'll be the one married to the bank. Love will play no part in that union.'

'But… is there someone you love now?' Brienne continued, clearly confused by his words. 'If you know it so well, that is…'

Renly dragged his hand through his hair, suddenly feeling much too sober for his liking. He didn't want Brienne to be the first person he discussed this with… this was between himself and Loras, that was it… But she didn't know about Loras. Of course she didn't. But love was a serious question. Renly felt like he'd been pushed off a cliff, that familiar feeling of a sudden fall, as he realised that perhaps he did love Loras. Obviously he knew he had significant feelings towards him, feelings he'd never had for another person before… but love was something else entirely. Love was binding. Once you admit to it, it's not something that can be taken lightly, or even taken away with ease.

'There is.' Renly said eventually, his voice almost hollow.

'And you… you love them?'

'I… I think I might.'

It was long after dinner had ended when Amber found Renly. She'd been wanting to question him about what had been said outside. Brienne had come back with so many questions that Amber's head had started spinning – asking if he was in love with someone, and who, and where this girl was and… everything else. She suspected that Renly might have said something that misled her – Amber knew he was particularly good at doing those sorts of things without realising.

She found him on his balcony, staring out over the camp of his host outside. She knew he was wondering which was Loras' tent, and what he was doing. She joined him on the balcony.

'It's that one.' She told him, pointing to what she knew to be Loras' tent.

'What?'

'That's Loras' tent.'

'I wasn't…'

'Yes, you were.'

'I was.'

Amber offered a smile and turned to face him, leaning her back against the wall. 'What did you say to Brienne?'

'Hmm?'

'You went outside with Brienne, she's been asking me all sorts of strange questions about you. What did you say to her?'

Renly tore his eyes away from the campsite and turned back to face her. The expression she was wearing told him that the conversation he'd had with Brienne might not have been an hypothetic as he'd thought.

'She asked me if I believed in love.' Renly answered honestly. He watched Amber grimace on hearing those words.

'Please tell me you told her you didn't.'

'I can't do that.'

She groaned and flashed him a scowl. 'If you weren't so lovely, I'd say you were evil.' She was greeted with nothing but a confused stare. She shook her head at him and dragged her hair over her shoulder with a heavy sigh. 'Renly, what else did you say?'

'She asked… she asked if there was someone I loved.' Renly replied quietly, suddenly realising that the answer he'd supplied Brienne with may not have been a wise thing to say. 'And I told her there might be.'

'I presume you didn't elaborate on that point?'

He rolled his eyes at her. 'No, I told one of my bannermen's daughters that I was secretly sleeping with my squire.'

'Don't be clever.' Amber hissed back. 'You know exactly what I meant. You've probably almost broken her heart, do you know that? How can you be so blind not to see it? Brienne's clearly in love with you.'

'Amber, don't be ridiculous…'

'As if you'd even realise if she was.' She told him coldly, her voice dropping to no more than a whisper. She turned away from him to gaze across the camp again. She sighed. 'Loras is coming up to you.'

Renly joined her to peer over the balcony. She was right, Loras was leaving the camp and heading inside the castle.

'He shouldn't be so careless.' Renly commented, but he was mainly talking to himself.

'So you'll send him away?' Amber asked doubtfully.

'Well…'

'Thought so.'

Loras met Lady Amber on the stairs on his way up to Renly's chambers. She did not look impressed to see him, Loras noted. Not that she ever seemed impressed with him, but she definitely didn't seem pleased.

'Amber.' He said with a polite nod, hoping that was enough to placate her.

She rolled her eyes, hardly stopping on the stairs to mutter a quick, 'Loras,' in response, before she continued down the stairs without another word. Loras had a funny feeling that he didn't actually want to know what had upset Amber tonight.

He carried on up the stairs and quietly pushed open the door to Renly's chambers. He carefully shut it behind him, so no one in the same corridor would hear the door. The balcony doors were wide open, crisp air streaming into the room. He could see Renly outside, leaning against the half-wall barrier on the balcony, staring into the night. He hadn't even heard the door, apparently.

'Renly?' Loras asked quietly, taking a few steps towards the balcony. Renly turned to face him, flashing a quick smile before he came inside and shut the balcony doors.

'Sorry,' he said, as he pushed the doors back into place. 'I was completely lost in thought, didn't even hear you come in.'

'What were you thinking about?' Loras ventured, presuming it must be quite important to have taken up so much of Renly's attention. Renly looked a little lost when Loras asked, like he wasn't expecting the question.

'It doesn't matter.' He told him with another smile.

'Are you sure? You can tell me if you want to.'

'Really, it's nothing.' Renly assured him, taking a step towards him. He ran his hand down Loras arm, intertwining their fingers and pulling Loras closer. 'Besides, what does anything matter when I've got you?'

Loras rolled his eyes at him, playfully. 'Don't get all sentimental, you know I'm not very good at it.'

'You don't have to answer me, you know. You could just listen.' Renly told him with a fond smile.

'No,' Loras answered. 'because I always feel the same as what you say… only, you say it so much better than I do.' He said, suddenly a little shy. Renly gently ran his hand through Loras' curls, pressing a soft kiss against his lips.

'Then just agree with me, if you have to say something.' Renly said in a whisper. 'Anyway, it's late. We should probably go to bed.'

'I agree.' Loras replied with a grin.

Renly watched Loras fall asleep that night. Loras had one arm loosely draped over Renly's chest, his body slightly curled against him. Renly knew that he himself wouldn't be getting much sleep that night – there was too much playing on his mind. He couldn't get the night's conversations out of his head. Brienne's questions about love were fizzing away in his mind, constantly asking himself the question of he was genuinely in love with Loras. He already knew that love itself was a rarity. Most people never even find it in a lifetime. Robert had found it, fought for it, and lost it. He never got to be with his love. And Renly knew that Stannis had never even looked for love, let alone found it. Renly also knew that when you got married, you were lucky if you could get along with them, let alone fall in love. Love wasn't something he'd ever expected to find. His sexual preference, combined with the fact that he knew he'd end up being married for reasons out of his hands, he had just presumed love would be something that would elude him forever. Yet, here he was, lying in bed next to the most perfect boy in the world. But was that love? He didn't even know what love was to be able to tell. He couldn't imagine his life without Loras, that was something he definitely knew. When the time came for Loras to be knighted, and go home, Renly honestly didn't know what he'd do. His life would suddenly feel very empty. Loras would leave a gaping hole in Renly's heart with his departure, that was certain.

Renly watched Loras breathing lightly in sleep, completely oblivious to all the thoughts running through Renly's head. He wondered if Loras would ever love him in return. He liked to think so… but it was a big thing to admit to. Especially given the nature of their relationship and how secretive they had to be. How could he ever expect Loras to commit to such deep feelings when no one could ever know about them? It wasn't fair to him, Renly thought. But if he did… if Loras did love him back… Renly didn't think he'd ever to be able to let him go. Everything he'd ever dreamed of in life would have come true.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this has taken so long (again...) but this a longer chapter than normal, so hope that makes up for it:')

They left Tarth the next day, back on the ship that had brought them there. Brienne had been visibly disappointed by Renly's departure, but it was Lord Selwyn who seemed most aggrieved about it. Every sentence he spoke sounded like he was expecting something, as if there must be something Renly was yet to say. But, there was not, as he never said what Lord Selwyn was hoping he would. Amber had promised that she'd write to Brienne, even that she'd try and get her invited to her wedding, even though it was quite short notice now. She'd promised to speak to her uncle about it, regardless. Once they were on-board the ship, Amber departed with Lioness to her cabin and stayed there for the remainder of the journey back to Storm's End.

'I don't think Amber's forgiven me yet.' Renly sighed, leaning against the railings on the ship, staring across the waters.

'Forgiven you? I thought she was mad at me.' Loras admitted. When he'd seen her on the stairs the night before, she'd hardly even said hello to him.

'I've no idea why she'd be angry with you,' Renly told him, turning back to look at him. 'I know she thinks I've upset Brienne, I'm not sure what you've done.'

'Why does she think you've upset Brienne?' Loras asked, even though he was still a little uncomfortable discussing her. He knew it was irrational, but it didn't change how he felt.

Renly sighed. 'Brienne asked me if I believed in love, last night. And… well, to cut a long story short, she now thinks I've got a girl somewhere else. Amber seems to think I've somewhat broken her heart.' He paused for a moment before he continued. 'I'd never hurt her on purpose, obviously… but, well, surely Brienne knows that I'm never going to be able to marry for love, anyway.' Loras flashed him a knowing smirk, which Renly tried not to return, but failed.

'Not even because of… well… _that_ ,' Renly continued. 'but because Robert's going to be choosing where I go, isn't he? Surely Brienne knows that… I told her that.'

'Maybe she didn't listen.' Loras ventured. 'Or maybe she was hoping you'd act on impulse.'

'Maybe.' Renly sighed, defeated. 'But there's not a lot I can do about that. I'm quite content to wait until Robert decides for me.' He stole a quick glance around the deck of the ship – it was pretty much deserted. 'I get to spend more time with you if I do that.' Renly told him quietly, now he was sure he wouldn't be overheard. Loras smiled, quickly glancing away from Renly and at the ocean instead. Renly suspected he might have made Loras a bit embarrassed, it certainly looked that way.

'Sorry, that was…'

Loras shook his head before Renly even finished his sentence. 'I like it when you say things like that.' He told him. 'You just really make me want to kiss you. And I can't right now.' Loras admitted with a laugh.

'I'd apologise, but I'm not sorry if I make you feel that way.' Renly answered, flashing a smile back at him. Loras grinned back, before he turned around to lean his back against the railings. Across the deck he saw Gem standing with Tym, talking quietly.

'Gods.' Loras groaned.

'What is it?'

'Gem's talking to Tym again.' Loras told him, his eyes hardly moving off the serving girl. 'The gods only know what she's telling him now. Something else I won't understand, probably.'

Renly leant a little closer to him, still facing the sea so no one would be able to see what he was saying. 'We could go down to a cabin and do something they don't understand…'

Loras laughed at that, he couldn't help it. He heard Renly laugh as well, that perfect musical laugh he had.

'As much as I'd like that,' Loras started, still smirking at him. 'I think someone might notice if we just sneak off together.'

'You're probably right.' Renly agreed reluctantly. As much as he really would love to just take Loras to a cabin right now, he knew they needed to be a lot more discreet than they had been. He hated keeping it a secret, but it was necessary, and they really did need to be careful. However, even as Renly kept warning himself to at least try and keep it a secret, it didn't stop him all but dragging Loras up to his chambers as soon as they landed back at Storm's End for the night. They'd stay there for the night, then journey to King's Landing in the morning, then onwards to Dragonstone.

Loras had been wanting to kiss Renly again all the way back to Storm's End, so he didn't object to Renly almost slamming him against the door of his chambers the second it was shut behind them. Loras didn't even feel his head smack against the door, the press of Renly's lips against his own outweighed it completely. It was the waiting that had made Loras react so fiercely. Usually he'd have let everything build, he'd have let it be perfect and pristine… but not now. He'd waited more than he'd wanted to for this, he wasn't about to prolong the waiting.

He felt Renly slip his tongue into his mouth, and Loras couldn't stop that contented sigh leave him, as he pulled Renly closer, raking his hand through his hair. He could feel Renly's hands gripping his hips, closing the gap between the two of them. And still Loras tried to pull Renly closer, even though he knew they were as close together as humanly possible, he just loved feeling him so close, feeling the heat from his body against him.

A knock on the door right behind Loras' head made them both jump, prematurely ending the kiss Loras had been waiting hours for.

'My lord,' Ser Cortnay's voice came through the door. 'I'm sorry to disturb you, but Lord Connington's demanding an audience with you. He claims it's urgent. I told him you would be resting, but he insisted.'

Renly sighed, still not moving back from Loras. 'I won't be long, Ser Cortnay. I'll join you in the hall.' He answered. Loras heard Ser Cortnay's footsteps leaving the door and retreating back down the stone stairs. Renly leant forwards, resting his forehead gently against Loras'.

'I'm sorry.' He whispered to him. 'I'll try not to be too long.'

'It's alright.' Loras assured him, though he'd really rather Renly didn't have to go. 'I'll wait for you.'

'I won't blame you if you fall asleep.' Renly told him with a small smile. 'And I'll try not to wake you when I come back.'

'I won't fall asleep.' Loras said indignantly. 'I'll wait for you.' He repeated.

'Thank you.' Renly answered, pressing a soft kiss against Loras' lips before he took a step back from him. Loras reluctantly stood aside to let him leave. He just hoped Renly wouldn't take too long.

Loras sat down on Renly's bed. He sighed and wondered what he'd do to occupy himself while Renly dealt with whatever it was that Lord Connington wanted. Then Loras remembered something. He'd almost forgotten about it, and maybe without the lack of something interesting to take his mind off it, he might never have remembered about it.

_The book._

That book Renly had been so protective over before they went to Tarth, the book that even Amber didn't know about, and that Renly was so keen for her not to find out about. He'd even gone as far as to tell Loras not to ask him about it. Well, Loras wasn't asking him. He was getting up to find it while he had the opportunity.

He had no trouble finding the same shelf Amber had tried to re-arrange, it was the bottom shelf, containing what appeared to be just a lot of history texts. Loras read every title on that shelf, nothing seemed at all out of place, or even remotely interesting. He sighed and sat back on his heels, glaring at the shelf of books. Maybe he was wrong, maybe it wasn't this shelf at all…

He remembered what Amber had wanted to do, she wanted to move the books out of the shelf to make a space for Lioness to curl up in. She'd actually wanted to take them off the shelf, maybe that was the problem? Maybe it wasn't the books themselves, but something hidden behind them…

Loras one by one pulled the books off the shelf, piling them up on the floor next to him. He was right. Behind the row of books was another, a solitary black book. He carefully removed it from the shelf. There was nothing on the leather cover, absolutely nothing had been embossed on it. No title, no author's name… nothing. He cast a glance back at the door, even though he knew Renly wouldn't be back for a while. A strange feeling of guilt crept into his head, knowing that Renly had told him not to do this. Well, no, he'd not told him not to find the book, he'd told him not to ask about it. He'd not even mentioned it since, so technically…

He opened the cover of the book, letting it fall to any page. Loras promptly bit his tongue when he saw what was actually inside.

Meanwhile, Renly was becoming increasingly annoyed with Lord Connington, and the seemingly endless list of problems he'd brought with him. Summerhall was causing trouble again, as it always did, as well as that the Dondarrions were supposedly claiming land that wasn't theirs, oh, and not to mention that parts of the Crow's Nest were falling to pieces and no one was doing anything about it.

'And,' Lord Connington continued, barely even pausing for breath. 'that's without taking into account the lack of amber we've found on mining trips recently.'

Renly did not need to be reminded about a lack of Amber, this would be her last visit to Storm's End before her marriage. Possibly the last time ever. Somehow, Lord Connington's problems with mining amber seemed a little insignificant.

'I'll look into all of it.' Renly assured him, though he was aware he probably wasn't very convincing. 'You have my word that I'll do everything I can to address the problems you've brought up.'

'Very good of you, my lord.' Lord Connington declared, though he did not seem intent on leaving. He still looked like he was waiting for Renly to say something else.

'You understand that nothing can be done tonight, of course,' Renly continued, sincerely hoping that Lord Connington did not expect him to fix anything tonight. 'I've been traveling all day and I've had no rest yet, and shall be leaving again tomorrow. But Ser Cortnay will start seeing to the matters at hand first thing tomorrow, I assure you.'

'My lord, I think-'

'And, if you'll excuse me,' Renly interrupted him, completely unwilling to hear any more from his bannerman. 'I am going to retire for the night.' And with that, he stood up, offered a nod to Lord Connington, and turned to leave. He heard the lord mutter a quick 'goodnight, my lord' before Renly left the hall and shut the door behind him. Ser Cortnay raised an eyebrow at him.

'I suppose I'll have some ravens to send on the morrow, my lord.' Ser Cortnay said.

'Sorry about that.' Renly told him. He really didn't like passing work off to Ser Cortnay, but the old knight never seemed to mind too much. 'You don't have to. I'm sure it's nothing. The Dondarrions will have their way about that land regardless of what I say about it… and I've no idea what I'm expected to do about a lack of amber for mining. How am I meant to fix that?'

'The gods only know, my lord.' Ser Cortnay sighed. 'I shall send some ravens out, as would be proper, so at least Lord Connington will be sated for a while with the knowledge that we are doing something.'

'Thank you.' Renly said honestly. 'Goodnight, Ser Cortnay.'

Ser Cortnay returned the sentiment before he started off in the other direction to his own chambers. Renly wondered whether Loras would be asleep when he made it back upstairs. He hoped he wouldn't be. The kiss they'd shared earlier had not been enough, and that was part of the reason Renly had been so short with Lord Connington – he'd been wound up from being interrupted.

He pushed the door open to his chambers, just as Loras dropped himself back onto Renly's bed, flashing a sheepish sort of grin back at him. Renly shut the door slowly, wondering what had happened to put that kind of an expression on Loras' face. He never got the chance to ask, as Loras pulled him down onto the bed, initiating a fiery kiss. Renly's questions completely disappeared from his consciousness. All he could think of was how badly he'd wanted this kiss, to be pressed up against Loras like this. He shifted himself between Loras' legs, surprised to find that Loras was already hard underneath him.

'So,' Renly started, unable to stop himself breaking the kiss to ask that question. 'I'm given to understand that you've missed me.' He said with a cheeky smile. Loras flashed a smirk back, but still looked a little flustered, in a different way than Renly was used to.

'What is it?' Renly asked him. 'It's flattering that I could get you hard this quickly… but I'd also say it's unlikely. What were you doing before I got here?' Renly questioned, though it would be a lie if he said he wasn't imagining the answer in his head.

'Nothing,' Loras said quickly – too quickly. 'I just really missed you…'

Renly sighed and shifted off Loras, lying down next to him. 'I'm not doing anything else until you tell me.'

'Why does it even matter?' Loras groaned.

'Because if all you'd done was touch yourself, you'd have told me, and you'd have relished telling me that, as well.' Renly said. 'But you're being secretive about it.'

'I'm really sorry…' Loras started with a heavy sigh.

'Sorry? What under the seven were you doing?' Renly inquired, now very interested to find the answer.

Loras shook his head and glanced back at Renly. 'I found your book.'

Renly visibly paled. 'You found…'

'Yes.' Loras answered before he'd even finished. 'I found the book. That's what I've been doing while you were gone, looking through that book.'

'And that's why you're…'

'Yes.'

Renly actually felt quite relieved on hearing that. The reason he'd not wanted to let Loras know about the book was because he thought it would scare him. There were images in that book that would probably have been burned if anyone found them. But knowing that those same images made Loras feel like this lifted a huge weight off Renly's shoulders.

He gently pulled Loras back towards him, into a deep kiss. He wanted Loras to know that this was okay, this was good, in fact. Renly tightened his grip in Loras' hair, just to hear that perfect moan from him. He felt Loras' hand snake around his ribs, making grasps at the fabric on his tunic, inching himself closer.

'So, you're not mad at me?' Loras ventured, hardly pulling away to speak.

'Not at all.'

'You're perfect.' Loras decided. In his head he'd almost said 'I love you' but he'd hastily retracted those words before he could speak them. He wasn't sure if he meant it. He thought he meant it, and he definitely wanted to mean it… but would Renly even say it back? He didn't want to ruin anything…

'So,' Renly started again. 'while you were looking through that book… did you, er… did you see anything you might want to… try?' Renly asked, knowing how awkward he sounded. He didn't really care if it sounded awkward, but he knew what was in that book, and he was equally sure there were a few things he'd been desperate to try with Loras, but he didn't want to scare him.

'Well…' Loras started, blushing slightly as he tried to say it. 'There was an image of… Gods, it's going to sound awful if I say it.' Loras decided with a nervous laugh. Renly thought it was adorable, actually, that it was getting Loras so flustered just trying to say it. He reached out to cup the side of Loras' neck, feeling his pulse under his skin, impossibly fast as he looked back at him. Renly had a pretty good idea of what Loras was referring to, anyway, since he realised that it probably would seem ridiculous to Loras if he'd only seen that for the first time. So, instead of letting Loras continue to look embarrassed about the whole thing, Renly pulled him into a kiss.

He'd only intended to kiss him for a moment, just to reassure him, before he was going to ask if what he was thinking was what Loras was referring to. But he got carried away. Loras was simply too intoxicating for Renly to pull away, the way he ran his tongue over the roof of Renly's mouth was too good, the way he made him moan from the simplest of actions was too addictive. He forgot about even asking Loras if they were thinking the same thing, lost in listening to the sounds Loras made as he kissed down his neck, that low moan he made when Renly bit down on his skin. He could feel Loras' hand in his hair, grasping at strands of thick black hair. He couldn't resist going for that spot that drove Loras crazy, as he placed a bite behind his ear, forcing a moan from Loras' throat.

'Loras,' he started in a heated whisper. Loras shivered as he felt Renly's lips on his ear. 'that thing you were trying to say…' Loras wanted him to continue, but he was obviously waiting for Loras to acknowledge what he'd said.

'Yes?' Loras said slowly, his voice strained.

He felt Renly laugh quietly. 'Do you want me to suck your cock?'

Loras bit his lip, trying to stop the whimper that managed to escape him on hearing Renly whisper that. He managed to nod, definitely unable to speak now. He felt his cock twitch just at the thought of what Renly had said. Loras was so hard it was almost painful by now. He roughly pulled Renly back onto his lips, instantly opening up to Renly's tongue, tangling his hands in his hair. Renly shifted Loras over, pulling him on top of him as he sat upright. Loras couldn't keep back a groan at the friction between them, wrapping his arms tighter around Renly's neck and closing any gap left between them.

Loras could feel Renly's hands resting on his hips, slowly inching up his stomach and his ribs. His skin felt like it was burning wherever Renly touched him, and he'd stopped his efforts to keep back moans and sighs now, he didn't even care if Renly thought it was too much. He knew he wouldn't think that, anyway, since every time Loras made a sound Renly would kiss him harder, that perfect pressure against his lips. He had to break the kiss to let Renly pull his tunic over his head and drop it somewhere on the bed, Loras wasn't really paying attention to where his clothes were thrown.

Renly ducked his head down to kiss Loras' neck, trailing bites and kisses onto his now exposed chest. Loras couldn't stop his hips grinding down, letting himself moan at the friction between their clothed erections. He felt Renly groan against his skin, sending vibrations through his chest. Loras gently pushed Renly off his chest, his palms braced on his shoulders. It wasn't fair that Renly was still wearing his tunic, Loras decided, making the snap decision to remove it. Renly didn't protest, he let Loras take it off and drop it onto the bed. Somewhere in the back of Renly's mind he knew that leaving fabric like that screwed up wasn't a good idea, but he barely even heard his mind say it, as Loras locked himself back onto Renly's lips, fierce desire evident in his movements. He could feel Loras' hands roaming over his back, occasionally sliding round his ribs. It made Renly shiver.

He pulled back from the kiss, loving the fact that Loras followed him an inch as he moved away. Renly switched their positions, sitting Loras down on the edge of the bed. He didn't miss the way Loras' eyes widened when Renly got to his knees on the floor in front of him. Renly was actually a little nervous about doing this, he'd never done it before, he didn't even know if what he was planning on doing was right. He just supposed he'd have to work off whatever Loras' reaction was and hope that he got it right.

Loras could hear blood rushing in his ears, along with the hammering of his own heartbeat, as he watched Renly undoing the laces on his breeches. Just seeing him knelt in front of him like that was arousing, Loras didn't even know why, but it was. He barely even felt the cold as Renly pushed his breeches down to free his cock. Renly's eyes lifted to fix Loras' own eyes in his gaze, dark with desire. Loras couldn't help but bite down his bottom lip as he watched him, a shiver running down his spine as Renly's palms stroked the inside of his thighs.

'Alright?' Renly asked him in a low voice. Loras nodded in response, hardly even trusting himself to speak. Yet, he couldn't stop the gasp leaving him when he felt Renly take the head of his cock into his mouth, or the moan that followed when he felt his tongue run over it, hot and slick against his skin. Loras knew he was being too loud, but he couldn't quite bring himself to care. Renly was gradually taking Loras deeper into his mouth, and Loras had no idea how he was meant to keep back cries of pleasure when he could feel that perfect wet heat around him. He wanted to watch him, he wanted that image to stick in his mind forever, but the sensations were too intense, he had to shut his eyes, he couldn't help it. He could barely even keep himself sitting upright, all the weight seemed to have gone from his limbs.

'Fuck…' Loras muttered, unable to stop himself as he felt Renly's tongue sweep along the underside of his cock. He felt Renly pull away, before feeling his hand replace his mouth, stroking his cock, the added lubrication driving Loras mad. But not quite as much as when he felt Renly gently take one of his balls into his mouth. He'd not even expected that. 'Gods, _Renly_ …' Loras moaned, almost choking on his own words. 'Renly… _fuck_ …' He couldn't keep himself upright now, his body just gave out, as he let himself drop back onto the bed. Renly didn't seem to mind, as he didn't stop.

Renly had never heard Loras swear like that before, but he knew he liked it. He loved being able to get Loras to say things he wouldn't say to other people, and it was so ridiculously arousing. Renly could feel his own cock straining against his breeches, those noises Loras was making were just too much to ignore, as he undid his own laces with one hand, wrapping his fist around his cock as he took Loras' cock back into his mouth again.

Loras felt himself arch off the bed at the feeling, after the few minutes of not having Renly's mouth around him, crying out his name before he could even think about it. He heard himself almost scream when Renly moaned around his cock, the vibrations were amazing, sending shocks straight through every inch of Loras' body. He felt Renly do it again, forcing another cry out of his throat and a tangle of words Loras wasn't even keeping track of, but he vaguely heard himself moaning Renly's name along with 'fuck' and a lot of cries of 'yes', as he felt himself almost on the edge.

'Renly,' Loras panted out. 'Renly, I… I'm… I'm…' But Renly stopped him saying the rest, as Loras felt him moan around him again, pushing Loras straight over the edge with a loud cry as he felt his hips shift up off the bed as he spilled into Renly's mouth. He was vaguely aware of Renly pushing his hips down, but he hardly felt it. His head was dizzy, waves of pleasure still hitting him as hard as the last one. He gradually started to come back to reality, hearing his own gasps for breath and little sighs, still hardly having any control over himself.

As he finally opened his eyes, he saw Renly across the room, taking a deep drink from a cup.

'Are you alright?' Loras asked him, now suddenly worried in case he didn't give him enough warning.

Renly nodded, lowering his cup and flashing a grin. 'Perfect.' He answered. 'How was that for you?'

Loras laughed, he didn't really know why, but he suddenly felt the urge to laugh. 'That was amazing.' He told him honestly. 'But, I should… I should do that to you…'

Renly shook his head. 'Another time.'

'Why?'

The smirk that appeared on Renly's face was decidedly devilish. 'Because I couldn't resist touching myself while you were making those noises.'

'Sorry.'

'Don't apologise.' Renly told him with a laugh, throwing a wash cloth at him so he could clean himself up. It had taken Loras a few minutes to remember where he was, Renly figured, so he'd had time to sort himself out while he waited for him. Loras caught the cloth as Renly finished the cup of water he was drinking. It wasn't that the taste was unpleasant, as such, it was more that he didn't think it would be so difficult to swallow and he'd almost choked himself trying. He wasn't planning to tell Loras that, of course, Renly knew it was his own fault for not pulling back, but he knew Loras would feel guilty if he told him.

Renly went back over to the bed, taking off the clothes they'd thrown there earlier. He folded them up and placed them on a chair across the room. He turned back as Loras went to re-lace his breeches.

'Don't bother,' Renly said, sitting down next to him. 'just take them off. We should go to bed, anyway.'

'Oh… I was going to get my nightclothes…' Loras said quietly. Renly just pouted at him. He didn't want to say it, because he knew it probably would sound pathetic, but he liked just lying naked with him. It wasn't even a sexual thing, it was more because he loved being the only one that got to have Loras be so vulnerable, the only person he trusted to see him like that.

Loras smiled at him after a moment, how could he say no to him? He couldn't, he knew that. He undressed completely, as he heard Renly do the same on the other side of the bed, before he got under the covers to curl up next to him. Renly held him close against his chest, unconsciously twisting Loras' curls through his fingers as he watched him get comfortable against him, wrapping his arm around Renly's ribs as he settled down. Renly was sure in that moment that he'd never loved anyone so much in his life.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, Amber...

It had just gone dawn when a hammering on the door woke Renly up. It wasn't even a polite knock, or even an urgent knock, it was a proper slamming noise. Loras groaned and turned over, burying his head in the pillow. Renly presumed he should probably answer the door, since whoever it was did not seem intent on stopping the noise. He got out of bed and picked up a robe, wrapping it around himself before he opened the door.

'What in the name of the Seven were you doing last night?' Amber hissed at him, a fierce venom in her tone. He quickly took a step backwards. She did not seem happy about this. Her eyes were slightly bloodshot, and definitely narrowed at him.

'Um…'

'I don't even care! Whatever it was – _don't_! I was trying to sleep! You do realise that I'm meeting my betrothed, and I don't want to look like I've not slept! Which I haven't!' She yelled at him, her voice rising with every word.

'I'm sorry, Amber…'

'Sorry? _Sorry_?' Amber shrieked. 'You will be! I'm in half a mind to tell him the reason why I look so awful when he meets me!'

'Amber, please,' Renly tried again. 'I didn't realise you'd be able to hear…'

'Didn't realise?' She repeated disbelievingly. 'I think Stannis probably heard him all the way on Dragonstone!'

Renly swallowed awkwardly. 'What do you want me to say?' He asked her, well and truly out of ideas by now.

Amber sighed and crossed her arms in front of her chest. 'Not only is it ridiculously annoying that I couldn't sleep through that, nor for most of the night as I was practically haunted by the sound of it – but how do you think that makes me feel? Hearing you doing… doing that where you know I can hear? It's not exactly pleasant to hear a man I loved quite clearly making love to someone else.'

He hadn't thought of it like that. He cursed himself for it, because he knew he should have. He genuinely didn't think she'd be able to hear, but he supposed the walls weren't quite as thick as he'd hoped.

'Amber, I can't apologise enough.' He told her sincerely. 'Really, I'm truly sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.'

She rolled her eyes at him and glanced down the corridor. 'Well, I suppose I can make myself feel better about it, I mean, if you're that good at making love to another man, you'd probably be very bad at trying it with a woman. I imagine I'd be hopelessly disappointed.'

'You _were_ hopelessly disappointed once.' Renly reminded her with a friendly smirk. She returned it, albeit unwillingly.

'I was.' She agreed. 'Just be more careful, won't you? You can't go doing things like that in King's Landing. You only have to whisper something suspicious for Varys to get a hint of it, let alone have Loras screaming it out like that. Varys would have no need of little birds with him around.' Amber warned him seriously.

'I know.' Renly admitted. 'I just… well, we're relatively safe here, but I promise nothing like that will happen in King's Landing. Or Dragonstone, for that matter.'

'Your lord brother would hate that.'

'Actually… maybe just a little bit on Dragonstone…'

'Renly.' Amber silenced him with a cold stare as Renly just grinned back at her.

'I won't, I won't.' He assured her. 'But just thinking about how much Stannis would hate that is insatiable.'

'Be that as it may, you do need to be much more careful.' Amber concluded. She made to leave before she turned back, flashing her classic Lannister smirk. 'Just so you know, those noises last night made Lioness cry for hours. She was very distressed by the whole event.' And with that, Amber took off back down the stairs. Renly sighed and shut the door behind her.

'Sorry.' Loras said before he'd even turned around. 'I didn't mean to cause trouble.'

'I know.' Renly agreed, coming back over to the bed and sitting down next to where Loras was still curled up in the sheets. 'I honestly didn't think anyone would hear. This tower's normally deserted, and I thought Amber would be far enough away.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Don't apologise. It's not your fault.' Renly reminded him, running his hand through Loras' hair. 'We just have to be careful, that's all.'

'You don't…' Loras started, but his words fell flat.

'Go on.' Renly prompted him, gently stroking his cheek.

'You don't regret it, do you?'

Renly stopped and looked him in the eyes. He wanted to make certain Loras understood his response perfectly. 'Of course I don't. Please don't ever think that.'

They left after a few hours, taking the Kingsroad up to King's Landing. Amber gave Lioness a wheelhouse again, while she herself preferred to have her own horse instead. After she'd gotten over her annoyance over last night's events, she seemed to be rather enjoying make a sport out of embarrassing Loras. Once they'd ridden out of Storm's End she'd cantered her horse up to him and leaned in to whisper 'yes, Renly, oh, yes!' and Loras had turned a violent shade of crimson as he glared back at her, only to catch her laugh before she rode off again.

'Don't look so sullen, Loras.' Renly told him as he glanced over at him. 'She's only making a jest.'

'I wish she wouldn't.' Loras mumbled angrily. He didn't mind Amber knowing, not anymore, but he felt mortally embarrassed that she'd heard him the night before. He still wasn't completely comfortable with the fact that Renly had even heard him make those sorts of noises, let alone Amber.

King's Landing was everything Loras remembered it to be. The streets were just as noisy, and Renly was still as unaffected by it all as he had been the last time. But they weren't staying. They didn't head for the Red Keep, but went straight for the docks on Blackwater Bay. It would only be a short journey to Dragonstone, where they could rest for the night before the wedding in a few days time. But, they were also going to leave Amber at the docks. Lord Tywin wanted her in his sight the whole time before her wedding, she'd made it this far and he wasn't about to let her ruin it now. So, Amber would be meeting up with Lord Tywin's host at the docks and taking his ship to Dragonstone. Renly tried not to feel too disheartened by it, after all, it was only going to cut his time with Amber short by a few hours.

Amber flashed him a brave smile as she departed his company. Gem also left their party, beginning her employ with Lady Amber. She thanked Renly again before she left, but he told her, again, that no thanks were necessary.

Once they arrived at Dragonstone Renly just wanted to go to bed. It was getting late and he would much rather spend his night with Loras than going to meet his brother in the hall. But it was the done thing, his party must be welcomed by Lord Stannis. Renly wasn't too eager to bring Loras into Stannis' presence, either. He didn't think Stannis would figure anything out, but Stannis had never forgiven the Tyrells for the siege, and Renly had a horrible feeling that his brother would resent him for even agreeing to take Loras on as a squire, let alone bringing him to Dragonstone.

'Brother.' Stannis said solemnly, meeting Renly in the centre of the hall. Stannis cast a glance over the party Renly had brought with him, gave a vague nod of approval, before his eyes fell on Loras. To his credit, Loras met his gaze daringly and did not look away until Stannis broke the contact. Stannis spun Renly around so his back was to the crowd.

'You've brought your squire.' Stannis stated.

'Well observed, brother.' Renly said flatly.

'You've brought a Tyrell onto my land. _My_ land and you've brought Mace Tyrell's son.'

'Once again I must commend your skills of observation, Stannis. You astound me.'

Renly could feel Stannis' fingers on his shoulder, his grip hardening as he heard Renly's comment. Clearly he did not appreciate the sarcasm.

'We'll talk about this later.' Stannis told him in a heated whisper.

'I don't doubt it.' Renly sighed, wrenching himself free of his brother's vice-like grip and turning back to his party. 'If you don't mind, Lord Stannis, we've all been traveling for a long time, we'd appreciate some rest.' He said loudly, putting on the graces just for show and to wind up his brother. He couldn't deny them rest now, not when he'd announced it so loudly. Stannis nodded unwillingly, gesturing for a few servants to come into the hall and show Renly to his rooms.

A servant gave Loras instructions to find the room he'd be sharing with Tym while he was here. Loras wasn't happy about sharing, it would make it very difficult to slip away at night, but at least he wasn't sleeping outside this time. Once she was done, the servant politely asked Renly to follow her to his chambers.

Renly had been given rooms near the lord of Dragonstone's quarters – which he was less than impressed about. It was as if Stannis was determined to keep an eye on him. Renly wondered whether that was actually what was happening, he certainly wouldn't put it past his older brother.

His chambers weren't as bad as he'd been anticipating, spacious rooms, almost luxurious furnishings, and everything in Baratheon colours. It was nothing compared to his rooms at Storm's End, but he'd never expected it to compare. Stannis was not a man for luxuries, he never had been.

'Is everything to your taste, m'lord?' The servant asked him politely, lingering in the doorway, waiting to be dismissed.

'Yes, thank you.' He told her, turning back to address her. 'If you could send my squire to me I'd be most grateful. I've some plans I wish to discuss for tomorrow.'

'Yes, m'lord. At once.' She told him, making a small curtsey before she shut the door behind her.

He sighed and went to the window. Even the view was depressing. Amber was right about Dragonstone, it literally was a rock in the sea. Everything just looked grey outside. For a second he wondered how Stannis managed to live here comfortably, until he reminded himself that Stannis probably enjoyed how dull everything was, and that Stannis was rarely completely comfortable. Renly glared at the sky outside before he pulled the drapes closed to block it all out.

A knock at the door broke his train of thought. He half considered that maybe it was Stannis, come back to address his many issues with Loras' presence. Renly had to smirk at how wound up it would make Stannis when Loras appeared half way through the conversation. But, when he opened the door he realised that it wasn't Stannis. Loras flashed him an uneasy smile.

'My lord.' He said stiffly. Renly just stood back and let him into the room, a confused expression on his face as he shut the door behind him.

'What was-'

'The serving girl wouldn't leave until you'd let me in.' Loras explained with a annoyed sigh. 'Well, this is nice.' Loras commented quickly, taking a quick look around.

'How's your room?' Renly ventured, though he knew Loras wouldn't like it.

Loras shrugged, but his expression was a little sour. 'I don't really fancy sharing with Tym. It'll stop me coming up to you.'

'Maybe that's for the best.' Renly told him honestly. 'I think Stannis is trying to keep an eye on me. We're going to have to be doubly as careful.'

Loras nodded, though he didn't like that idea. He knew it was necessary. 'I suppose Stannis won't understand, will he?' Loras said. 'He won't accept it.'

Renly shook his head slowly. 'No, he won't. Stannis wants everything to be… as it should be. He never wants anything out of the ordinary to happen. I'd never expect him to understand.'

'Doesn't that upset you? That you have to keep this from him?' Loras asked, too curious not to. He sat down on Renly's bed and just watched Renly copy him.

'Not really.' Renly sighed. 'I'm used to it. Truth be told, I've never really seen eye to eye with Stannis. Even when we were children we used to argue relentlessly. I don't think Stannis has ever forgiven me for having Storm's End, he thinks I stole his birth right.'

'But the king gave you Storm's End, it's not as if you took it by force.'

'I know. But Stannis doesn't see it like that.' Renly told him. 'I think, honestly, that maybe Stannis is jealous that Robert gets along with me so well. I think he feels left out. He'd never ever say it, but I think it's true.' Renly sighed again and leant back, dropping himself onto his bed to stare at the canopy above it. 'But, let's not talk about Stannis. There is a much more important issue at hand.'

'And what's that?' Loras asked, flashing a smirk.

'I have to spend my nameday on this gods-forsaken rock.' Renly moaned. Loras, of course, had remembered when Renly's nameday was, but he hadn't realised that it might have upset Renly to have to spend it on Dragonstone.

'I brought my present for you with me.' Loras told him. 'It's not much, though…'

'You shouldn't have.' Renly told him with a fond smile. 'I just want to spend my nameday with you… but I have a feeling my brother isn't going to let that happen.'

'Do you have to listen to him?'

'Yes.' Renly said slowly, before a smirk found its way onto his lips. 'But I'm not going to.' Loras grinned back at him, as Renly took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. 'We should get ready for dinner.' Renly reminded him.

'Do we have to go?'

'You don't.' Renly said. 'But my absence will be noticed. If anything, I think Stannis might be happier if you didn't go to dinner.'

'I'd better go and get ready then.' Loras answered with a very cheeky smirk.

'I suspect Stannis may have met his match in stubbornness.' Renly told him, his smile giving away how much he liked that idea.

'I suspect you're correct.' Loras replied, something only a little short of pride in his tone.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only a short chapter, sorry about that, next one will be longer, promise!:')

Renly was really starting to dread going down to dinner. Loras had already left to get ready, and Renly was feeling more alone with each passing second. Every time he caught his reflection he found something else he thought was inadequate. He wanted to look presentable for Amber's betrothed, yet he couldn't make himself look too good in case it pressured him, and at the same time, he didn't want to give Stannis anything to look down his nose at. He knew that trying to accomplish all that at once was impossible, but it didn't stop him trying. He knew Stannis wouldn't appreciate the colours he'd chosen, but he'd done that deliberately to wind him up. Dressing in green was not something Stannis would find even the slightest bit amusing, but Renly needed it to get him through the evening.

Eventually he was forced to stop deliberating when a knock came at the door. He wasn't expecting anyone, and surely Loras wouldn't have come back up, not so close to dinner. He opened the door slowly. The stranger on the other side of it flashed a slightly awkward smile. He was a little older than Renly, maybe around nineteen, with sandy hair and dark eyes. The Florent sigil was embroidered on his collar.

'Good evening, Lord Renly.' He started, trying to keep up his smile. 'I'm Willum Florent… Will, if you like.' He held his hand out to him. 'I'm betrothed to Lady Amber.'

Renly smiled in return, shaking his hand firmly. That seemed to put Will more at ease.

'I know you and Lady Amber were close… so I thought maybe I should come up and introduce myself.' Will continued, calmer now.

'That's kind of you.' Renly answered. 'It's good to finally meet you. Have you seen Amber yet?'

'Briefly.' Will told him. 'When she arrived I went to see her, but I only had a few minutes before Lord Stannis decided he needed my attention for something else.' He sighed.

'Yes, Stannis does tend to get in the way like that.' Renly grinned at him. He wanted Will to know that it was alright to talk about Stannis like that with him, in fact, he'd rather enjoy having someone else around who felt the same way about Stannis.

Renly couldn't help but notice Stannis' expression when he saw Renly arrive with Will. Clearly his brother was not pleased that Renly was making any friends on Dragonstone. Renly wondered whether Stannis thought it was his way of trying to take over another part of his brother's life, since Stannis already thought he'd robbed him of Storm's End. Amber, on the other hand, seemed completely smitten with Will. She hardly took her eyes off him, flashing smiles and giggling at every other sentence he said. Renly had never seen her like that, even with him she'd always been slightly cold and sarcastic.

On the other side of the hall, Loras had hardly heard a word Tym had said to him. He'd given up pretending to listen by now. He couldn't believe that not only would Renly have to spend his name day here, but Loras couldn't even spend the night with him – hardly any time at all, for that matter. He had a nagging feeling that Lord Stannis knew exactly what was going on between himself and Renly, it was something in the way Stannis looked at him. But, he knew he might be wrong about that, since he was well aware that Stannis loathed him anyway, simply because he was a Tyrell.

'Loras,' Tym started up again. Loras tried to make the effort to at least acknowledge him. 'I… I wanted to tell you something.'

Loras only raised an eyebrow in response.

'You know how you and Gem were… are…' Tym stammered. _Oh_ , Loras thought, _what's she said now_? 'Well, here's the thing… I, uh… please don't be mad at me, but I… I kissed her…'

Loras had to resist the urge to laugh. Tym genuinely looked fearful, as if he'd come between Loras and the love of his life by kissing Gem.

'I'm not angry with you.' Loras told him, desperately trying to fight a smile off his face. 'Really, it's fine.'

'Honestly?' Tym questioned. 'Really? You don't… you don't mind?'

Loras shrugged and took a deep drink from his cup. He stole a glance up at the high table, where Renly was sat making awkward conversation with his brother, while Amber and her betrothed were looking every bit smitten with each other.

'Look, Tym,' Loras sighed, placing his empty cup back down and turning to face his friend. 'if you really want to talk about this, can we at least do it somewhere we're not going to be overheard?'

'Oh,' Tym said quickly. 'yes, of course. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. We should go back to our room.'

Loras agreed silently. The evening was starting to drag, anyway. He couldn't do anything to help Renly right now, he had to leave him to his own devices. If he could think of a way to sneak into his chambers unnoticed that night, he'd do it in a heartbeat, but he couldn't think of anything where he wouldn't risk running into Stannis. The location of Renly's rooms were really proving to be a problem.

The room Loras was sharing with Tym was little more than a storage cupboard. It was big enough for a small bed each, and a tiny amount of standing space between them. Nothing more. Tym perched himself on the edge of his bed, still looking uncomfortable, as Loras sat down opposite him.

'You know Gem's leaving, anyway, don't you?' Loras asked him. Tym nodded mournfully.

'I know.' He sighed. 'I wasn't thinking. I was just upset that she was leaving…'

'It's _fine_.' Loras assured him.

'How can you be so calm about this? I shouldn't have done it.' Tym continued determinedly. 'You should be angry with me, it's… it's a betrayal, isn't it? You're my friend, I shouldn't have done that!'

Loras watched Tym argue with himself, feeling slightly guilty himself. Tym had no reason to apologise to him, in truth, since nothing had transpired between Loras and Gem at all. If he hadn't lied to Tym in the first place Tym wouldn't be so upset about it. But, Loras knew he'd still have told him. Tym was right, they were friends. As annoying as he was sometimes, Loras had really grown to like Tym.

'Tym, don't feel guilty about kissing Gem. You clearly quite like her.' Loras told him honestly. Tym's eyes widened slightly as he stared back.

'So… you don't like her anymore?'

'I didn't like her in the first place. Not like that, anyway.'

'So you just used her? You just wanted to fuck her, is that it?' Tym actually seemed quite angry about that, though Loras retained his steely calmness.

'No. Nothing happened.' Loras said. 'We didn't do anything. It was a lie.'

'All of it? Even-'

'Yes. Especially that.'

'But _why_?' Tym pried, then seemed to remember something else as he narrowed his eyes at his friend. 'But if you weren't sleeping with Gem, how did you get those marks on your neck?'

Loras sat back and said nothing for a few moments. He didn't like lying to Tym like that, and now he'd told him the truth about Gem… he didn't have a lot of options. And he needed to be truthful about Gem if Tym liked her. He couldn't let what he was doing with Renly stop Tym and Gem being together if that was what they wanted. Gem had been so good to them and it would be awful if he repaid her by stopping Tym proceeding with her.

'We're friends, aren't we, Tym?' Loras asked quietly. Tym nodded back. 'And if I tell you a secret, you promise not to tell anyone?' Tym nodded again. 'I mean it, Tym, you cannot tell anyone else. Ever.'

'I promise.'

'And you really want to know how I got those marks on my neck?'

Another nod.

Loras exhaled slowly before he spoke, keeping his voice down just in case anyone could hear outside the door. 'Lord Renly.' He said eventually. Tym's eyes widened beyond belief.

'What?' He breathed.

'I've been seeing Renly. It's… it's been happening for a while, but that's where I got those marks. From… from what I do with him.'

'But, Loras…' Tym started, his voice failing him and faltering. 'I don't understand. You and Lord Renly? But I didn't think… you're…?'

'Yes.'

'Gods.' Tym muttered, leaning back against the wall behind his bed. 'And Gem covered for you?' Loras nodded. 'Gods.' Tym repeated.

'I'm sorry I had to lie to you, but you understand why I had to, don't you? And why you can't tell anyone?' Loras said.

'I know.' Tym replied. 'I understand why you lied to me. You can trust me, though. I won't say anything to anyone about you.' Tym shook his head and flashed a smirk at Loras. 'I still can't believe it. I mean… you are happy, aren't you? With Lord Renly?'

'Of course.' Loras said quickly. 'Completely. It's not… just for sex, Tym.' Loras told him awkwardly. Tym flushed, staring back at the floor and managing a small nod.

It was a while before either of them spoke again. They had both changed and gone to bed, and the candle had been out for at least half an hour. Loras knew he wouldn't sleep that night, but he'd thought Tym had already fallen asleep.

'I'm glad you told me.' Tym whispered through the silence. Loras didn't move, just continued to stare at the ceiling above him. 'And I promise I won't tell anyone.'

'Thank you, Tym.' Loras answered finally. 'Thank you for understanding.'


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you guys, thanks for commenting/kudos-ing! makes my day, honestly:')

It was Renly's nameday the next day, and he was determined to enjoy it as best he could. He had found a flaw in Stannis' plan to keep him in sight and away from Loras, he knew that during the day Stannis couldn't stop him bringing his squire up to his rooms. How could he? As his squire, it was Loras' duty to attend to whatever Renly wanted of him, which could take any number of hours. Stannis had no way of stopping that aside from expressly forbidding it – which Renly knew he might, he just hadn't done it yet. And besides, Renly could just choose not to listen to him. They were equals now, both lords of their own lands – equals. The fact that Stannis was his older brother meant nothing to Renly. What sort of older brother leaves their nine-year-old brother in the dead of the night, never to return? Renly had been alright, Ser Cortnay had looked after him well enough, but his brother had left him without even so much as a goodbye. All because Robert had decided to gift Storm's End to Renly instead, and Renly had never understood how Stannis could have claimed that as Renly's fault. He didn't ask for it, he'd never even hinted at it – he was _nine_ , he didn't know what he wanted at all.

He'd told Loras to come and meet him that morning, and Loras had been completely on time. As soon as he'd shut the door, Loras flew at him in a hug.

'I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner.' Loras told him, his arms still wrapped tightly around him. 'I thought I'd lost your nameday present – but I didn't. I found it.' Loras continued, finally releasing him.

'You didn't have to bring me anything.' Renly reminded him.

'I know, but… I did.' Loras answered with a shrug.

'We'll go onto the terrace,' Renly suggested. 'there's a little sun and I don't want to waste it.' The sky had been consistently grey since they arrived, but this morning there was a sliver of gold peaking out from the clouds.

Loras silently agreed and followed Renly out of the door on the other side of his chambers and through a small corridor, which lead to the terrace. It was only a small garden with a paved walkway and a few stone seats, but it was nice enough. Renly decided not to sit on a bench, and settled himself on the paving in the centre of the garden. Loras had no objections to that, and joined him.

'So,' he started quietly. 'can I give you your present now?'

He flashed a smile back at Loras and nodded. 'Thank you.'

'You've not seen it yet.' Loras replied with a smirk. He took a small bag out of his pocket, pulling open the ties as he did. 'It's not much.' Loras told him honestly. 'Not compared to what you bought for me, but I thought you might like it.'

Loras tipped the bag up to pour the contents into his palm. He held up a silver chain for Renly to see. Attached to the chain was a small pendant of a rose, the Tyrell sigil.

'You don't have to wear it, I mean, if you don't want-'

'I will.' Renly cut him off with a smile. 'It's beautiful, thank you.' He let Loras fasten the chain around his neck, then watched him sit back to look at him.

'I'll have to put it under my clothes, though.' Renly told him after a thought. 'If anyone sees it…'

'I know.'

Renly lifted the chain and dropped it under his shirt. The rose fell just above his heart, and Renly knew that couldn't be a coincidence. He liked the weight around his neck, that small reminder of Loras that he could carry with him everywhere.

'I love it. Thank you, Loras.' Renly told him, adoring the smile it brought to Loras' face in response. He couldn't resist reaching out to brush Loras' cheek with his hand, just touching him felt like an honour every time. He placed a gentle kiss against his lips, before Loras pulled back slightly.

'Someone might see.' Loras whispered, his voice barely audible.

'Stannis has got the shutters closed.' Renly informed him. He'd noticed that as soon as he'd stepped outside, he was glad Stannis had been careless enough to let him have a moment of peace on his nameday.

Satisfied that they were no longer in danger of being disturbed, since Stannis couldn't see them and the only door to the terrace was through Renly's rooms, Loras closed the gap between them, pressing his lips against Renly's again. But, once more, he pulled away.

'I need to tell you something.' Loras said quietly. It had been playing on his conscience ever since last night. 'Tym knows about us.' Loras continued.

'How?'

'I told him.'

Renly nodded slowly, sitting back a little to observe him. 'And you trust him?'

'Yes.'

Renly sighed. He trusted Loras to the ends of earth, but every person that shared in their secret was another danger.

'Why did you tell him?' Renly asked, his voice still quiet.

'He kissed Gem before she left and he was feeling guilty about it. I… I don't know, I just couldn't let him feel guilty over something that wasn't true.' Loras lifted his gaze back to meet Renly's. 'I'm sorry if I shouldn't have.'

Renly shook his head. 'It's fine. We just need to be extremely careful now. We can't have too many people knowing about us, no matter how much we trust them.'

'I know.' Loras sighed. 'Tym won't tell anyone, I'm sure. And if he does, he knows I'd win in a fight.'

'Everyone knows that.'

Loras managed a laugh at that, which Renly couldn't resist sharing.

There was a knocking sound over the quiet around them. They weren't that far from Renly's chambers, and they both knew the knock had come from the door leading to Renly's bedchamber. The sound came again, as whoever was at the door began to get impatient.

'It's probably Amber.' Renly said. 'Stay here, I'll go and answer her.' He pressed one quick kiss to Loras' lips before he got up to go back inside. He'd not expected to see Amber until later that day, at least. But still, she'd probably be quick once she realised that Renly had intended on spending the day alone with Loras.

He got to the door and swung it open. His jaw quite literally dropped when it was not Amber staring back at him. He was met with the steely glare of his brother.

'Stannis…' Renly said slowly. But Stannis didn't answer him, only grabbed the collar of Renly's tunic and dragged him out of his chambers, the door swinging shut behind him.

'Stannis, really, this is ridiculous.' Renly moaned, trying to wring himself free of his brother's grip, but to no avail. Stannis almost threw him through the door to his library, the door slamming shut after him. Renly rubbed the back of his neck as he took a step backwards, away from his brother.

'What under the Seven was that for?' Renly asked angrily. He'd long since learned to stop being afraid of Stannis, although this was something that would come as quite the shock to Stannis, since Renly had never had enough cause to loose his temper with him since they were children.

There was a white hot fury in his brother's grey eyes that Renly seriously disliked. Baratheons were not known for keeping their tempers, and he knew that an argument between himself and Stannis would probably be heard on the other end of the island.

'You bring a Tyrell onto my land,' Stannis started, his voice steely and cold, but showing the distinct signs of rage behind it. 'Mace Tyrell's son, no less, and you proceed to… to create that _filthy_ display just now? Do you know what you're playing at, Renly? This isn't a game!'

'I know that.' Renly answered darkly, glaring back at his brother. 'And your shutters weren't even open! How did you see?'

'This is _my_ library!' Stannis retorted, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. How was Renly supposed to know that? 'I could see you from the window… what you were _doing_ with that boy…'

'Don't say that like it was something outlandish. I was kissing him, Stannis.' Renly said, unable to resist rolling his eyes. The way Stannis flinched at even that notion was enough to set something ablaze in Renly's chest. 'It's only _kissing_! It's not as if I was fucking him against the wall, is it?' He continued, well aware that his voice was growing louder with every passing second.

Stannis dragged one hand over his face in frustration, taking to pacing the same few steps as his anger increased. 'Renly, if you're trying to anger me, you've won. You can stop this now, I concede. Is that what you want?'

Renly stared back at him for a moment. 'You think I'm joking?' Renly questioned, his eyes widening at the fact his brother would even have suggested it. 'I don't think this is a game, Stannis! I know what I'm doing!'

'Do you?' Stannis spat back. 'Do you know how much trouble you'll be in if Mace Tyrell finds out what you've been doing with his son? It'll be the Siege all over again!'

'You over-react.' Renly muttered, though Stannis paid no attention to him.

'If you really must continue with these… these _impulses_ , can't you at least do them in a whorehouse? At least then when people make accusations it will be the word of a lord against the word of a whore. At least Robert has that sense most of the time, rather than carrying on with someone highborn.'

Renly turned away from him, unable to look at him in that moment. How dare he? To even compare Loras to a whore was unspeakable, and it filled Renly's head with such anger that if he continued to look at his brother he had no idea what he might do to him. He took a deep breath before he turned back.

'You don't understand, Stannis.' Renly told him, forcing a calm tone into his voice. 'How could you ever understand? I like being with Loras! It's not just the kissing or the sex-' He rolled his eyes again as Stannis glared at him for even mentioning it. '- I like talking to him, and waking up with him, and making jokes only he'll find funny…'

Stannis shook his head slowly, as though he was finally catching on. 'No, no, you can't… Renly, you can't possibly _love_ him...'

'And if I did?'

'You can't.'

'Why not?'

'Don't be childish, you know why not.'

'I have no idea why I couldn't love him.' Renly hissed back. 'After everything I've listed, give me one good reason why I shouldn't.'

'Because he's a man.'

Renly turned his back on him again. He refused to let himself get upset by Stannis' words. He knew Stannis wouldn't understand, he'd never expected him to.

'And if I don't stop,' Renly said quietly, still not turning back around. 'what will you do then?'

Stannis took his time in replying, and Renly knew that he had not expected this sort of defiance.

'I can't make you stop.' Stannis told him honestly. 'But Robert can. Would you deny something if your king asked it of you? Commanded it?'

Renly was unable to stop the laugh leave his throat on hearing that. That was Stannis' threat? That was all he had to offer? Renly spun back around, loving how aggrieved Stannis appeared to be by his laughter.

'You'll tell Robert?' Renly repeated. 'You think Robert will tell me to stop? I don't think you know him as well as you think, brother. For starters, Robert's more likely to congratulate me for getting into someone's bed in the first place, regardless of who's it was. But, secondly… Robert loves me. I'm his little brother, you honestly think he'd deny me of something that made me happy?'

'He's denied me enough before now.' Stannis told him coldly.

'Oh, for the love of the gods, Stannis, don't bring up-'

'He gave you Storm's End _over me_!' Stannis continued predictably. It always came back to this, every single time. 'He spends all his time in King's Landing, and he has done since before you can remember, and you have the gall to say he loves you? Who kept you fed during the Siege? Who do you have to thank that you're even standing here today?'

Renly took a daring step forwards, something Stannis had clearly not expected. 'And who upped and left in the middle of the night when they didn't get their way about a castle? Who left their nine-year-old brother without so much as an explanation, to wake the next day to a lonely castle with no one but servants? Ser Cortnay had to explain to me why you left! He tried not to make it sound like you blamed me for it, but it was difficult to do since _you did_! And you still do!'

'Storm's End was not yours to take.' Stannis insisted. 'By rights, it was mine. Robert had no right to gift it to you.'

'No right? He's the _king_! His right is whatever he wants it to be.' Renly argued. 'But let's not pretend you don't know the reason Robert confined you to Dragonstone.' He watched Stannis' face visibly pale. 'Dragonstone has a few other rocks, even bleaker than yours, under it's rule. Whereas the Stormlands are vast and populous, meaning they need a liege lord they respect. Someone they _want_ to fight for. You can't do that if no one likes you! Robert knew that if he left you Storm's End he might as well kiss it goodbye.'

Stannis took a shaky breath, his anger clearly almost over boiling, before he spoke solidly and sternly. 'You will _not_ continue to see that boy, and that's the last we'll speak of it.' And he left the room without another word, slamming the door behind him. He'd not even wished him a good nameday.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here's some cutesy stuff, because. 
> 
> thanks guys:')

Renly pushed open the door to his chambers. He'd been longer than he could have been, since he'd waited until he was sure Stannis was far enough away not to continue the argument. Loras was sitting on his bed, waiting for him. His head snapped up when he heard the door, nothing but worry in his eyes.

'Renly, where've you been?' He asked quickly, shifting over on the bed to get closer. 'You've been gone for a long time… I was getting worried…'

'I'm sorry.' Renly told him with a sigh, dropping himself onto the bed next to Loras. 'It wasn't Amber at the door.'

'I'd worked that much out.'

Renly managed a half-hearted smirk back at him, before he continued. 'Stannis dragged me into his library and gave me quite the verbal beating… he saw us. Apparently he was in his library – which is in this corridor, conveniently.' Renly told him. 'He wasn't happy about it.'

'Gods, I'm so sorry.' Loras said quietly, slipping his hand through Renly's and locking their fingers together. Renly gave his hand a light squeeze. It all seemed to catch up with him now, all the emotions he'd been pushing back while he was so focussed on arguing with Stannis. He swallowed to try and get rid of the lump in his throat. Stannis did not deserve his tears – he would not cry about this.

'Are you alright?' Loras asked after a while. Renly could only sigh and offer a shrug.

'I knew Stannis would react like that,' he started. 'but it doesn't mean it hurts any less. We've never been close, but it still stings to hear your own brother say things like that.'

'What did he say?'

Renly turned to cast his gaze over Loras. If he told Loras what Stannis had said, he also have to tell him how he'd responded. How he'd told Stannis all those things he loved about Loras… how he'd practically told him he loved Loras, too. It might be too much for him to hear… It might scare him.

'He warned me of what you're father might do if he found out,' Renly told him. Loras rolled his eyes. They both knew that the important people in Loras' family already knew, and that the Queen of Thorns would almost certainly dictate what course of action Mace Tyrell decided on if he ever found out. 'He also threatened to tell Robert to try and command me to stop… but I know that won't work.' Renly took a breath and a moment to collect his thoughts. He got up from the bed, suddenly needing to move around.

'He also told me it was impossible that I could love you.'

Loras' eyes widened, he looked like he was about to say something, but no words materialised. This was it now, Renly knew he'd have to carry on, he'd already said it. There was no going back.

'And I told him he was wrong. I told him he would never understand. Because I am so completely in love with you that I couldn't even lie to him about it. I love spending so much time with you, and I don't know what I'm going to do when you go home, but right now I couldn't be happier, and that's because of you. I love you.' He wanted to stop speaking now, he felt he'd said too much, but the words wouldn't cease. 'I know that you might not say it back, and I know this might have been too much, but I needed to tell you. If you can't say it back, I understand, and-'

'I love you.'

'You do?'

Loras nodded, a smile slowly finding its way to his lips. 'I can't put it as eloquently as you can… but I do love you.'

Renly felt his heart stutter on hearing that. He couldn't stop himself smiling, almost laughing, just because it felt so good to know that Loras felt that way. He took a step forwards, leaning down to press his lips to Loras', his hand winding around the back of Loras' neck. He loved how he could feel Loras smiling into their kiss, as Loras wrapped his arms around Renly's shoulders, gently pulling him onto the bed with him.

'I love you.' Renly whispered against Loras' lips, unable to stop himself saying it again now that he could. Loras laughed at that, brushing Renly's hair off his face as he looked back at him.

'I love you, too.' He answered. 'Are you just going to keep saying it?'

'I thought I might.'

'Alright. I was just wondering.' Loras said, before he leant forwards to kiss Renly again, weaving his hand into his hair and pressing their bodies closer. He felt Renly's hand move away from his neck, slipping down to rest on his lower back. He loved that slight pressure he could feel there, closing any hint of a gap between them. Loras gave Renly a gentle push to his shoulders, not breaking their contact, as Renly pulled him down with him onto the sheets. Loras loved how soft the kiss still was, it didn't seem to matter how hard Renly kissed him, his touch was still feather light, caring and gentle. The press of his tongue was in keeping with that, even though Loras couldn't figure out how, but he knew he loved it, and the sigh he couldn't keep back told Renly that, too.

He felt Renly weave his hands around him, coming to rest on his hips then slowly running down the back of his thighs, then up the inside. Loras wanted to keep everything as sweet as it had been, but that was becoming increasingly difficult while Renly was doing that. He couldn't stop his body giving in to a slight shiver. He felt his own hand slip under Renly's tunic before he'd even realised it, but he didn't stop himself, as he slowly pressed his palm over Renly's ribs, loving the small gasp Renly made at the feeling.

_Bang._

A door in the corridor very obviously slammed shut, making both boys jump as the silence was interrupted. Renly stared up at the perfect boy above him.

'We should stop, anyway.' Renly told him, his voice full of regret about that. 'Someone will hear if we go any further.'

Loras observed him for a few moments, before sighing in agreement. He untangled himself from Renly and dropped himself onto the bed to lie down next to him, turning over to face him. He still wanted to touch him, but he knew it wouldn't help.

'I love you.' Renly told him again, grinning back at him. He wanted to say that as much as possible now that he knew he could, it made him smile every time. Loras managed a small laugh.

'I know. I love you, too.' He answered, unable to keep back a smile. Renly reached out to brush Loras' curls off his face, resting his hand in his hair. After a minute he flashed a smirk back at Loras.

'Stop giving me that look.' He told him, half-laughing.

'What look?'

Renly raised an eyebrow at him. 'That look that says you're not finished yet.' Renly told him with a grin. 'We can't do anything else… not now.'

Loras rolled his eyes at him playfully. 'You're no fun.'

'You _know_ we have to be careful here.'

'I know.' Loras said, taking Renly's hand out of his hair and intertwining their fingers. 'I'm joking.' He paused for a moment, staring into Renly's green eyes. 'I hope Stannis didn't ruin your nameday, though.' Loras told him honestly.

'Nothing can ruin it now.' Renly answered, smiling back at him. 'Knowing you love me like I love you is all I could ask for.'

Loras smiled back at him, but he couldn't think of anything remotely as poetic to say in response. He sighed happily shifted himself a little closer, wrapping his arm around Renly's chest and resting his head on his shoulder.

'You're going to fall asleep, you know.' Renly told him with a chuckle.

'Is that a problem?'

'No.' Renly answered, bringing his hand up to Loras' shoulder to pull him in closer. 'Is it really that bad sharing a room with Tym?'

'He won't shut-up.' Loras said, his voice slightly muffled. 'He keeps wanting to chat into the night about nothing. It's like he has to fill every silence.'

'Have you told him?'

'Repeatedly.'

Renly didn't say anything else after that. He was content to just let Loras fall asleep for a while. He didn't have anything else planned until dinner, so why not? Besides, Loras always looked so angelic and peaceful when he slept, Renly could watch him forever. He loved moments like this.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this has taken me a while, everything's been a little hectic. Most recently, I dropped my phone in water and it's broken... so yay me. But anyway, this is a super long chapter to make up for my absence:') thanks again for all the commenting/kudos-ing!

Eventually, Renly had to force himself to dress for dinner. Loras had been sleeping on and off all day, between small conversations and kisses. But Renly felt he had spent his nameday well, and enjoyed every minute of it after returning from seeing his brother. He was still dreading having to meet him again at dinner, but it was a necessary thing. He had to go to dinner, there was nothing he could do about it.

'Are you coming to dinner?' Renly asked, once he'd seated himself in front of his mirror. Loras was still sprawled out on his bed, turned over to face him and resting his head of curls on his hand.

'Yes.' Loras answered, half in a sigh. 'I won't leave you with Stannis, don't worry.'

'Thank you.' Renly flashed a quick smile back at him.

'Amber still hasn't been to see you.' Loras stated, slightly confused. 'I'd have thought she'd have stopped by before now.'

Renly shrugged. 'She's probably with Will, I wouldn't blame her for forgetting to come and see me.'

Loras raised an eyebrow, flashing a cheeky smirk at him. 'And why's that?'

Renly rolled his eyes at him. 'Because she's clearly in love with him, that's all.' He grinned at him for a moment, before turning back to finish getting ready.

Renly didn't want to leave Loras once they'd reached the hall. He knew it was childish, but he didn't want to face his brother alone. Amber would be there, sure enough, but she'd be preoccupied. And he couldn't blame her for that, he was glad for her. But he still felt his heart plummet as he watched Loras leave him to go and sit at another table. He took a deep breath and made his way over to Stannis' table.

'Brother.' Stannis greeted him stiffly. Renly offered a similar sentiment, equally as stony. Amber grabbed his arm the second he was within touching distance.

'I'm sorry I've not been to see you.' Amber told him quickly. 'I hope you've had a good nameday, regardless.' She paused as Stannis flashed a seething look at Renly at that statement. Lady Selyse remained blissfully ignorant, listening to her daughter chatting about something. Amber looked confused, but she didn't comment. 'I did buy you a gift, I'll have someone drop it by tomorrow. I don't know if you'll like it… someone else probably bought you something better.'

Renly knew who she meant by _someone else_ , and he inwardly thanked her for not naming him. 'Thank you, Amber.' He told her, sitting down at the table.

Amber leaned a little closer, flashing a grin. 'Did you know we're going to have dancing tonight? I can't wait. It's been such a long time since anyone's held a dance.'

'A long time? It was on Tarth, Amber. That can't have been that long ago.' Renly reminded her.

Amber shrugged and took a sip of her wine. 'A day is too long without dancing.' Renly could only smile at her, he loved seeing her in such high spirits. She turned away as Will said something to her. Renly heard her laugh at whatever it was.

'Renly,' Stannis addressed him again, his voice still stern. 'I hope you spent the rest of your day dealing with that _issue_ we discussed earlier.'

Renly stared him down for a moment. He wondered whether to lie, but he was feeling reckless. He could feel himself wanting to smirk back at him, wanting to laugh. He knew this would undeniably get him into trouble.

'Oh, I dealt with it.' Renly answered, trying to keep a smirk at bay, but failing. Stannis did not look impressed.

'Need I remind you of the severity of this problem-'

'And need _I_ remind _you_ , that it has nothing to do with you.'

'Renly, it has everything-'

' _Nothing_.' Renly hissed back at him, desperate to end this talk right now. He didn't want to drag Amber into this. Stannis glared at him for a good few minutes before he let the topic rest.

Amber had been right about the dancing. And Renly thought it was hilarious that Amber had managed to coerce Stannis into holding something so full of joy on his miserable little island. It felt almost wrong to be able to hear music and see so much life on Dragonstone. Renly wondered if the Targaryens had been different when they held the island.

With everyone up and about, dancing and filling the hall with noise, it gave Renly ample opportunity to seek out his squire. Loras was sitting on a bench at the back of the room, with Tym, sharing a laugh over something. Tym looked up first, accidentally locking eyes with Renly. His eyes widened a little and he quickly jumped up off the bench. Loras gave him a curious look before he turned and saw Renly. Tym muttered something to Loras before he scampered off.

'Did I do something to upset Tym?' Renly asked as he sat down. Loras rolled his eyes and shook his head.

'Of course not. He's just… I don't think he really knows how to be around you. Well, no, around you _and_ me.' Loras explained.

'Ah. That explains it.' Renly said with a sigh, leaning forwards on the table. Across the room he could see Stannis sitting at his table, glaring at him. He flashed a smirk before he let Loras have his full attention.

'Stannis doesn't look happy.' Loras commented with a cheeky smile.

'He never does.' Renly told him. 'He asked me about you at dinner – subtly, of course. Gods forbid anyone actually know about you, of course.' Renly told him, flashing a grin. Loras laughed at that, his laugh more pleasant than anything else on Dragonstone.

'Gods,' Renly muttered. 'Stannis will not stop staring at me. I don't know what he thinks he's going to achieve…'

'Or what he thinks he's going to see.' Loras interjected. 'It's not as if he's going to catch us doing anything in here, is it? In front of all these people.'

Renly paused for a moment, glancing away from his brother, as he surveyed the room. Those that weren't dancing were watching Amber and Will, who seemed to have unintentionally commandeered the attention of most of the room. They themselves seemed completely oblivious to this.

'Well, actually…' Renly started quietly. 'No one would see apart from Stannis… They're all watching Amber.'

'What are you suggesting?' Loras whispered back.

'If he's intent on watching us all night… why not give him something to watch?' Renly answered, not missing the fusion of slight shock and arousal flicker through Loras' eyes.

'We shouldn't…' Loras' voiced trailed off as he felt Renly's hand on his thigh, gripping slightly and forcing a gasp to stop his words.

'You were saying?' Renly asked quietly, that smirk playing on his lips rendering Loras speechless for a second.

'Doesn't matter.' Loras replied after a moment, unable to think of anything else aside from Renly touching him. Renly could see Stannis still glaring, and he could tell that Stannis must be aware of where Renly's hand was, he wasn't exactly going to great efforts to hide it. He knew he'd end up doing something reckless, but he was disinclined to stop himself now. He was enjoying it.

Loras tried his best to keep back a hiss as he felt Renly's hand travel further up, cupping his crotch and delivering a small squeeze. Loras could feel himself hardening under his touch, and he knew this was a bad idea, but for a bad idea it felt remarkably good.

'We shouldn't be doing this…' Loras managed to whisper, before he had to cover his mouth with his hand to stop himself making a noise he'd regret.

'Stannis is the only one who can see us.' Renly reminded him. 'He's the only one paying enough attention to notice.'

Loras couldn't say anything in response, but he let his eyes roam the room, just to make sure. 'He's not.' Loras corrected him, his voice tight. Not too far away, Tym looked as if his eyes were about to fall out of his head. 'Tym can see us.'

Renly retracted his hand. He heard Loras let out a ragged sort of sigh, dragging one hand through his hair. 'That was probably a bad idea, anyway.' Renly decided.

'Probably?' Loras asked incredulously.

'Definitely.' Renly amended his words. He couldn't even look back at Tym. 'I don't think anyone will notice if we leave now.'

Loras nodded in agreement, but made no move to get up. 'Just… just give me a moment.'

'Why?'

Loras turned back to him and simply raised one eyebrow. 'You know why.'

Renly understood after a second and flashed a smirk in response. 'Sorry.' He told him, but he was grinning all the same. He gave Loras a couple of minutes before he got up to leave the hall. He knew Loras was following him without even turning around. He was being reckless, but he wasn't stupid. Once they were far enough away from the hall, walking deserted corridors, Renly let out a laugh.

'I can't believe we just did that.' He grinned back at Loras, who was finding it too difficult not to laugh and gave in to it.

'Me neither. I want to say we shouldn't have… but I can't.'

Renly allowed himself another laugh at that, casting a glance down the corridor before he threw his arm over Loras' shoulders, pulling him closer as they neared Renly's quarters.

'I think we gave Stannis enough to see, anyway. He's not likely to speak to me any time soon.' Renly said honestly. 'So that's a good sign.'

'Just that? That's _all_ you wanted to achieve?' Loras teased, knowing full well the answer.

'No,' Renly replied, pushing the door open to his bedchamber. 'I thought I might have a try at this, too.' He told him with a smirk, letting the door swing shut before he drew Loras in closer to kiss him.

He felt Loras sigh against him, his hands weaving their way into Renly's hair, deepening the kiss slightly. At the press of Loras' tongue against his lips, he wasted no time in opening up to him, letting his hands drop to Loras' hips, closing any sign of a space between them. Renly knew everyone would still be in the hall, they had some time before activity of this sort became dangerous. He wasn't sure if it was enough time – though, he knew it would never be enough – but he was more than willing to find out.

Loras felt Renly's hands creep under his tunic, un-tucking it from his breeches, his grip firm. Loras hoped Renly wasn't about to stop and say they'd gone too far, as he pulled the ties on Renly's doublet, unlacing it. Renly barely broke the kiss as he shrugged out of his doublet, letting it fall to the floor. Loras knew he wasn't going to stop now. He smiled, he couldn't help it, and pulled back slightly.

'I thought we weren't supposed to do this here.'

'We shouldn't.'

'But…'

'But we're going to.'

'Gods, I love you.' Loras told him with a small laugh, pressing their lips together again. He felt Renly laugh for a second, before Loras pushed him back against the bedpost. Pulling back, he moved to kiss down Renly's neck, placing a kiss over the chain of the necklace he'd bought him. They were only soft kisses, he didn't want to get Renly into even more trouble with his brother by leaving obvious marks on his neck. He heard Renly let out a small moan, as Loras felt his hand come up to rake through his hair. Loras had to step back to let Renly take off his tunic, dropping it somewhere on the floor. Immediately he felt Renly's hands on his exposed skin, palms caressing his chest, around his ribs, his back, before he felt Renly's lips on his shoulder, placing a bite where no one would see it. Loras had to tighten his grip around Renly's shoulders to stop himself going weak at the knees, the pressure of Renly's teeth on his skin was too much. He heard himself moan at the feeling, knowing he shouldn't be so loud. Renly just laughed against his shoulder.

'Sorry.' Loras said in a whisper.

'Don't be.' Renly told him, his voice low. He trailed a few kisses across Loras' collar bone and the base of his neck. 'No one can hear. Everyone's in the hall.'

Loras swallowed hard. 'You're sure?'

'Completely. Besides, no one should be up here, anyway. These are my rooms.' Renly assured him, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. Loras flashed a smile back at him, letting his hands drop down to find the hem of Renly's tunic. He swiftly took it off, throwing it with the rest of their clothing that had begun to litter the floor. Loras gave Renly a gentle shove to his chest, pushing him back onto the bed, as Renly dragged Loras after him, laughing for a moment as Loras got one foot caught on the bedpost. He freed himself and crawled up the bed to straddle Renly's hips.

He leant down to kiss him again, loving the feeling of being pressed against him like this, being able to feel Renly's heartbeat against his own chest. He could feel Renly's palms on his back, slowly travelling downwards, the pressure perfect against his skin, before he felt him grip his ass. Loras couldn't keep from moaning into their kiss, but that didn't seem to be a problem, as Renly pressed Loras closer still. Loras couldn't stop himself grinding down against him, neither of them able to supress groans at that feeling. The kiss had become messy, Loras had to break it because he couldn't concentrate on it, not with Renly's hands on him like that, as well as his hips coming up to meet Loras' thrusts. Loras dropped his head, breathing against Renly's neck. He wanted to stop, he didn't want this to end yet, but it just felt so good, the friction between their clothed erections was perfect. It was when Loras noticed the sound of the headboard starting to hit the wall that he forced his hips to still. If they'd continued in this way, it would have all been over in a matter of minutes, and Loras didn't want that. He wanted to do what Renly had done to him back at Storm's End. He'd been waiting to do that ever since then.

Loras pushed himself up to hover above Renly, sitting back enough to allow him to start undoing the laces on his breeches. He could hear Renly breathing, heavily, as he tried to catch his breath back.

Unmistakable footsteps in the corridor broke their blissful silence. They both instantly turned to stare at the door, but the footsteps did not stop. Loras let out a relieved sigh. The door was locked, anyway, but it would still have interrupted.

'I thought you said no one would be here.' Loras whispered.

'They shouldn't be here.' Renly answered. He heard the footsteps continue, before he heard a nearby door open and close. Then things moving around in the next room – his brother's library. Renly flashed a cheeky grin at Loras, he couldn't help it. The reckless feeling he'd felt earlier took over, and he loved it.

'Should we stop…' Loras asked unsurely, his voice wavering slightly.

'No.' Renly told him. 'That's Stannis' library.' Loras didn't catch what he was saying, his expression didn't change. Renly cleared his throat and repositioned his hands, resting his palms on the back of Loras' thighs.

'If you want to… we could carry on… loudly.' Renly told him. He didn't want to expressly say that Stannis hearing them doing this would anger him immensely, and that Renly would absolutely love for that to happen – he didn't want to scare Loras. If he didn't want to do that, it was fine. It was Renly's own argument with Stannis, he didn't need to drag Loras into his petty revenge…

' _Oh_ ,' Loras gasped, finally understanding. 'You want to… Oh. Right.' Loras took a quick intake of breath. 'You're sure?'

'He'd hate hearing us enjoying ourselves like this.'

Loras finally grinned back at him. 'I wonder how loud I can actually make you be…' Loras mused, trailing his hands up Renly's chest. Renly liked that side of Loras. He liked that a lot. Loras ran his thumb over one of Renly's nipples, watching Renly hiss at the feeling. Loras did it again, only to twist it between his fingers the next time. That got more of a response, as Renly arched off the bed with a moan that could have woken the dead. Loras couldn't stop the smirk that found its way onto his lips. He was going to enjoy this.

He quickly untied the laces of Renly's breeches, making quick work of removing his boots and throwing them across the floor. Renly shifted his hips up, helping Loras take his breeches off completely. Renly didn't seem to mind that Loras hadn't taken his own off, he seemed completely comfortable with the arrangement.

For the moment, Loras ignored what Renly most wanted him to touch, choosing instead to lean down again, kissing the centre of Renly's chest, before he moved to run his tongue over Renly's nipple. Renly practically whimpered at that. Loras took it between his teeth, only lightly, but it seemed to have to desired effect, as he heard Renly moan loudly, one hand coming up to fist through Loras' curls. Loras moved away then, kissing down Renly's chest, placing a few nips across his ribs where no one else would see. He loved the little, needy moans he received from Renly in return. Renly was usually so in control, and seeing him come to pieces like that sent sparks running down Loras' spine. He was glad that Renly had started to undo the laces on his breeches now, they were starting to become very uncomfortable.

Loras had to stop when he felt Renly wrap his hand around his cock, he couldn't help it. He let himself moan at that, remembering that he didn't need to try and keep quiet. Momentarily, he forgot all about his intention, perfectly content to let Renly slide his hand around him like that. After a few moments, he remembered what he was doing, as he shifted himself further down and out of Renly's reach. He could feel his eyes on him, though. Renly leant back on his elbows, watching Loras bite his hipbone, his honey eyes flitting up to meet Renly's gaze. For a second, Loras felt unsure.

'Can I?' He asked quietly, knowing full well that Renly wasn't likely to say no, but still feeling the need to ask.

'Do you want to?'

'Yes.'

'Then do whatever you want.' Renly flashed a cheeky smirk at him, that Loras couldn't help but laugh at for a moment. His laughter quickly subsided as he repositioned himself between Renly's legs, letting his palms rest on his hips. He didn't know how long he thought about it before he acted, but Renly never mentioned it. Loras told himself that it would be all right. If he did something wrong, Renly would tell him.

Loras decided to start slowly, taking the head of Renly's cock into his mouth and using his hand to cover the rest. He heard Renly moan at just that, so he presumed he must be doing something right.

Renly wondered how Loras could be so good at absolutely everything. Granted, Renly had nothing to compare this to, but he knew it felt amazing. Watching him was out of the question. From the second Loras had touched him with his mouth Renly had to shut his eyes and drop his head back onto the pillow. If he'd have watched for any longer he would have spilled straight away, he knew that much. He also knew that he wasn't exactly going to last a long time while Loras was doing this, either, but he couldn't quite bring himself to care about that. He had to remember not to shift his hips up as he felt Loras take more of him into that perfect heat. He silently wondered how Loras had managed to last as long as he had when Renly had done this to him.

'Gods… Loras…' Renly almost choked on his own words. He was vaguely aware that he had one hand tangled in Loras' hair, gently tugging at curls. ' _Loras_ -' He couldn't even form words as Loras lowered his lips again, and Renly couldn't stop the moans and sighs leaving his throat. He knew there was no way that this wasn't echoing down the corridor, but that didn't bother him. If anything… he liked it. The press of Loras' tongue over his cock was intense, almost too intense, but it made Renly cry out, unable to stop himself arching up slightly. But Loras didn't protest in the slightest.

' _Loras_ – please…' He didn't even know what he was begging for, words and cries leaving him without his knowledge. 'Gods, Loras… _yes_ …' He could feel himself getting close, his heartbeat hammering in his ears, he could hear himself taking rapid breaths, gasps and moans stopping him from being able to completely catch his breath. ' _Fuck_ , Loras… Loras you should…' He wanted to tell him to pull back, but he didn't get the chance. Loras increased the pressure with his tongue, pushing Renly completely over the edge with a cry that he was sure must have been heard all the way in King's Landing. But Loras didn't pull back until Renly looked back at him a few minutes later, once he could think straight again.

'Was that loud enough, do you think?' Loras asked with a grin, sitting up and brushing his hair off his face. Renly had to share his laugh for a moment, it was impossible not to.

'You're alright, though, aren't you?' Renly questioned.

Loras nodded. 'I'm fine. Why?'

'I just… I didn't exactly give you much warning…'

'I'm fine.' Loras repeated with a grin. 'But if you wanted to check…' He continued with a smirk, letting Renly switch their positions, pushing Loras back onto the bed underneath him, catching him in a quick kiss before he moved to kiss down Loras' neck. He heard Loras sigh as Renly trailed kisses down his chest, steadily making his way downwards.

'Don't…' Loras told him quietly, running one hand through Renly's hair.

'Why?'

'Just use your hand,' Loras said. 'I want to kiss you.'

Renly wasn't about to say no to that. He moved up to kiss him again, slipping his tongue into Loras' mouth as he wrapped his hand around his cock. Renly noted that it was strange being able to taste himself on Loras' tongue, but that it wasn't unpleasant. He couldn't find words to describe it, but it certainly wasn't a bad sensation. It only took a few strokes before Loras was spilling into his hand, moaning into his mouth as he refused to break the kiss.

Renly let the kiss linger for a few more moments, before he pulled back, resting their foreheads together while Loras caught his breath. He turned over to reach across the bed, quickly cleaning himself up with a cloth and passing it to Loras. He threw it back where it had come from when he was done with it. Renly lay down next to him, draping one arm over his chest.

'You make the best kind of noises, you know.' Loras said after a moment, a smirk finding its way onto his face. Renly couldn't help but laugh at that, pressing a kiss to Loras' shoulder. 'Did Stannis hear all of that?' Loras asked, realising that he'd forgotten all about Stannis in the next room.

'I don't know.' Renly answered honestly. 'It was worth it even if he didn't.'

'Obviously.' Loras said with a smile, shifting himself closer.

'I love you.' Renly muttered into his neck, pressing a quick kiss to his skin. 'Stay with me tonight?'

'I shouldn't…'

'Please.'

Loras sighed, sitting up for a moment to fully undress, before he settled back down and pulled the bed covers over himself and Renly.

'Only because I love you.' Loras told him, unable to stop himself smiling as he felt Renly's arm encircle him, pulling him closer.

'Well, that sounds like a perfectly good reason.' Renly answered, kissing Loras gently for a second, before he shut his eyes.


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wants to go to a wedding...?

In the next few days, Dragonstone became a lot more crowded. The amount of guests arriving for Amber's wedding had made it very difficult to go anywhere unnoticed. Especially since Cersei Lannister had arrived. Renly had managed to successfully avoid her so far, but everything had been so hectic it had been easy. He knew it wouldn't be as easy today. Amber was getting married today, everything would run as it should. There'd be no way to hide from Cersei. He couldn't stop that horrible feeling creeping into his heart whenever he saw her, thinking about what she'd done with Jaime… about those poor children… He _hated_ her for it. For what she'd done to Robert. Letting him believe those children were his – though, Renly still held out hope that they were – but letting Jaime into their bed? That was unforgivable. And the worst of it was that Cersei had no idea that Renly knew her secret. For all she knew, he had no reason to hate her.

Amber was excited that day, she'd been going from deadly silence to strangely chatty all morning. Renly had been sitting in her chambers while she got ready. No one had said anything about it, in fact, most people were in such a hurry that they'd probably not even noticed him. Amber looked beautiful, though, Renly thought as he watched her quietly talking with Gem. Her hair was curled down her back in tight ringlets of blonde curls, and her red dress was made of the finest silks her uncle could buy. Renly silently wondered if Will knew what Amber had done to herself in King's Landing, since all of Amber's dresses had long sleeves to hide the evidence.

He was rapidly pulled out of his thoughts when the door to Amber's chambers was opened again, and Cersei Lannister entered. Renly intently stared the floor, unwilling to even acknowledge her presence. The way she swept into the room like she could do no wrong… Renly forced himself to keep quiet. This was Amber's day, he wasn't going to ruin it by getting into an argument with her cousin. His only consolation was that at least Jaime wasn't here. Cersei had brought her own guards, of course, but since Robert was still in King's Landing, he'd kept his Kingsguard with him. Renly didn't know how he'd be able to hold his silence if both Cersei and Jaime were here.

He missed Cersei's greeting to her cousin, he was hardly listening, all he could hear was his own blood in his ears, his pulse quickening in anger. When he looked up, Amber was watching him curiously. He forced himself to smile, but he could tell she didn't find it convincing. He quickly looked away to where Lioness was sitting in the window. Gem had draped some spare fabric over Lioness so it looked like she was wearing a veil.

'Lord Renly.'

He almost jumped on hearing his name, he'd been so desperately trying to distract himself. Cersei was the one who had spoken, she was staring at him, waiting for a response. He swallowed hard and made himself meet her gaze. Her eyes contained a strange innocence in that moment, the naivety of someone who doesn't know they've done something wrong.

'Walk with me.' Cersei told him, her voice almost completely devoid of emotion. Renly knew this to be the tone she used with people she didn't completely despise. He hated that she was doing this to him, treating him differently… making him feel guilty for how much he loathed her. He didn't answer her, he just got up and followed her out of Amber's chambers. She led him down the small corridor outside, through to the stone courtyard. Small gargoyles guarded the entrance, while others sat atop the stone walls surrounding the paved area. Renly found them slightly disconcerting, their eyes seemed to follow him as he walked.

'You seem awfully distracted.' Cersei commented, as they reached the wall overlooking the rest of Dragonstone below them.

'I suppose I am, Your Grace.' Renly answered honestly. She clearly noted some hostility in his tone, as her expression darkened very slightly. Her gaze was compelling, forcing him to raise his head and look back at her. He couldn't stop himself glaring.

'You remind me so much of Robert, you know.' Cersei told him, her voice softer than it should be given how assured she sounded. 'Not now, of course… no. You look just like he did when I married him, fresh off the Trident, still with that hardened expression from battle.'

She raised her hand, as if she was about to touch her his cheek, but thought better of it. She lowered her hand without a word, and instead she sighed. 'But you're not fighting a battle, Renly. You've got your lovely, little squire with you. I've seen you with him, smiling at each other like you're so in love… so why do you have the same expression Robert does every time he talks about Rhaegar?'

Renly turned away from her, unable to speak. She had everything right, of course she did. He probably hated her just as much as Robert hated Rhaegar. For different reasons, but a powerful hatred, nonetheless.

'Cersei,' Renly started, feeling the need to address her by her name rather than her title. This wasn't about ranks or status. 'I know about you and Jaime.'

She had the nerve to laugh at that, a nervous, jittery laugh that he'd never heard from her before. 'I don't know what you're talking about.'

'Yes, you do.' Renly told her sharply, meeting her gaze now he knew she didn't feel so confident. 'I know what you've been doing with Jaime. I know… I know those children might not be Robert's.'

Cersei cleared her throat, clasping her hands together in front of her, her face contorting into something resembling fear. 'Renly, please, you don't know what you're saying…'

'You're begging now, Your Grace? I didn't think queens needed to say _please_.'

'Renly…'

'Don't.' He cut her off, surprised by how wounded his voice sounded. 'We're supposed to be family – you married my brother, we're meant to be as close as siblings now. And I was starting to think we might be, after all that happened in King's Landing… but then I find out about this? How am I supposed to treat you like a sister now? Even if I overlook the fact that Jaime's your brother, and how wrong that is… the fact that you'd invite anyone into the bed you share with Robert is unforgivable.'

'It's wrong if two people love each other, is it?' Cersei bit back, anger radiating in her tone now. 'So, it's disgusting between me and Jaime, but not between you and the Tyrell boy? That's fine, is it?'

' _Yes_!' Renly started, unable to stop himself raising his voice. 'I'm not related to Loras! If he was female then we could marry and no one would protest – but he's not, and I'd never wish that... But you and Jaime can't marry because you're twins! The Faith would put you to trial.'

'And they wouldn't put you to trial if someone told them?'

'My brother's the king. They'll do what he tells them. And besides, they wouldn't put me to trial because I've not done anything outside of wedlock, I've got no one else I'm meant to be faithful to. The only trust I've broken is to their twisted figures of gods. They wouldn't dare put me to trial for that.' Renly finally paused for breath, but not giving Cersei the chance to take back the control. 'But you? They'll put you to trial for certain. You've had affairs outside of your marriage to the king, the result of which is likely to be the children currently in line to the throne, and the spawn of incest. You tell me if you think what I have with Loras is in any way parallel to that.'

For once Cersei Lannister was speechless. She stared at him with wide, green eyes, nothing left to retort with. Renly was about to turn and leave when she grabbed his arm, yanking him back towards her.

'You _dare_ tell anyone about this, Renly, and I will see to it that your life is one misery after another.'

'You don't scare me, Your Grace.' He told her quietly, his tone still firm.

'I should. If you value those closest to you, you'll keep your silence.' She hissed at him.

'You wouldn't dare do what you're imlpying. If you even came close to setting one of your guards on Loras, Mace Tyrell would have declared war before you could even blink.'

'My threats are not empty, Lord Renly. You've no idea how far I'd go to protect Jaime.' She instantly released him, allowing him to take a hasty step backwards. He stared her down for a moment before he made his exit. He had nothing left to say to her. She could continue making threats if she wanted to, but what could she bargain with? She couldn't harm Loras, Renly knew that, even Cersei wouldn't risk that. Would she? Surely not…

Renly didn't see where Cersei went after that, but she wasn't in Amber's chambers when Renly returned there. Amber was sat at her dresser, while Gem curled her hair. Lioness was still wearing her veil.

'Pleasant chat with my cousin, Renly?' Amber asked, flashing a quick smirk. Renly shrugged, saying nothing. He wasn't in the mood to play games with Amber. He took a seat by the window, giving Lioness a gentle scratch behind her ears.

'It was _that_ bad, was it?' Amber continued, though she didn't seem surprised. 'I'll speak to her at some point, if you like.'

'It's fine.' Renly said quickly. 'It's not as if she's not normally like this.' He just had to hope that Amber wouldn't address the issue with Cersei, since it was Amber who'd told him about Cersei and Jaime in the first place. Whether she'd meant to or not, Renly couldn't just forget about it. He'd not told Cersei how he knew… though, he realised that there was a distinct possibility that Amber was the _only_ person who knew. He might have told Cersei without expressly naming Amber.

The smile didn't waver on Amber's face at all day that. Renly watched her get married in the Sept. She never took her eyes off Will throughout the whole ceremony, and if Renly didn't know her better, he'd have sworn he'd seen tears teasing her eyes. The Florent colours didn't suit her nearly as well as Lannister red, but Amber didn't seem to mind, as Will draped the green material over her shoulders. She even wore green to dinner that evening, a darker shade, but green nonetheless.

Renly found himself seated a good distance away from Cersei that night, and he could only be thankful for that. He wasn't as far away from Stannis as he'd like to be, but his brother hadn't spoken a word to him since his nameday. He'd half wished that Amber had invited Brienne – not that he could be certain she'd even be allowed to attend – but he'd have liked someone else to talk to. He spent most of the meal watching Loras and Tym chatting across the hall. He wanted to laugh when Loras dripped wine down the neck of Tym's shirt while he wasn't looking, but he knew no one else would know what he found so funny. Tym laughed, even though it was clear he wasn't happy about the wine dripping down his back, but he settled for pulling Loras' hair as payback.

He didn't get the chance to speak to Loras after dinner, either, since once Amber had danced with Will, she came straight to Renly. He wasn't about to deny her of that, of course, she was one of his best friends and this was possibly one of the most important days of her life. The way Will smiled at him as he led Amber away gave him slight cause to worry. Will did not look at all affected by Amber's sudden absence, and he didn't even look protective. _He knows_ , Renly thought to himself.

'Renly,' Amber said after a few moments. 'Will's lovely and all… but if you could maybe look at me instead, at the moment, that would be nice.' Amber teased with a grin.

'Sorry.' Renly told her, smiling back as he spun her around to Will was at his back instead. 'He, uh… he knows about me, doesn't he?'

'Knows what?'

Renly simply raised his eyebrows at her. Amber quickly caught on.

'He guessed. I didn't want to lie to him, Renly…'

'He _guessed_?' Renly repeated in disbelief. 'How did he guess?'

'You're hardly discreet, Renly.' Amber said, a fond smile gracing her face. Renly had never seen her smile this much the whole time he'd known her. 'And you can't really blame him for wondering what you were doing with your hand under the table the other night…'

'Gods.' Renly sighed. He knew what he'd done that night was risky, but he honestly thought no one else was watching. Will was so busy with Amber, how had he even had the chance to see? 'I didn't think anyone had seen.'

'He didn't, not really. He told me later because he thought he'd been mistaken and what a funny thing to have thought he'd seen. You can imagine how awkward I felt then. I wasn't very good at hiding it – he was very apologetic, though. He doesn't _actually_ think it's funny, he just thought –'

'I know.' Renly cut her off with a smile. 'Will's a good man, I know that.'

'Thank you.' Amber smiled back. Amber cleared her throat and shifted her hands on his shoulders slightly. 'Are you, ah… are you going to stay until the end tonight?'

Renly swallowed hard. He'd been thinking about this for a while. He had no interest in undressing Amber at the end of the night, or indeed joining others in listening through the door to see what herself and Will would make of their first night together. But it was custom. He was supposed to be her friend…

'I don't…' Renly started, unable to actually put it into words. 'Amber, I can't…'

'It's all right.' Amber assured him. 'I never expected you to. I just wanted to ask. I'll make excuses for you if anyone asks.'

'Thank you.' He told her quietly. 'Stannis probably will ask, if only to make things difficult.'

Meanwhile, as Loras saw Renly dancing with Amber, he slipped outside with Tym. It was starting to get too warm inside the hall, and he'd lost track of how many times his cup of wine had been refilled.

'You wouldn't believe how sticky that wine has gone, Loras.' Tym whined, trying to unstick his tunic from where the wine stuck it to his back. Loras could only laugh at his efforts, glad of the cool breeze outside. It was almost deserted once they left the yard. There were too many Florent guards for Loras' liking, and he didn't trust himself not to say something he'd regret. Outside of the yard it was far quieter, there were only a few people milling around.

'I can't believe how much I've drunk tonight,' Tym muttered, dragging his hair off his face. 'I should go and see Gem, but… I'll say something stupid, I know it…'

'You'll be fine.' Loras told him. 'How is she?'

'She's enjoying serving Lady Amber,' Tym told him. 'she really likes her. I-I'll miss her, though. I thought… maybe I should… I mean, I don't know if she'd want to but…'

Loras had a feeling that he knew what Tym was trying to say. He gave him a clasp on the shoulder. 'If you want to, ask her.'

Tym stared back at him. 'What if she says no?'

'Then maybe you won't miss her as much.' Loras told him with a laugh. 'But she won't say no. She likes you a lot.' Tym finally smiled back, letting Loras' hand fall from his shoulder as he leant back against the wall.

'Don't you ever think about it, though? About marriage? I mean… you can't, but… but if you could?' Tym asked awkwardly. Loras was used to this by now. Whenever someone mentioned Renly, Tym was tense up and start stammering like he didn't quite know what to say.

'If I could marry Renly, would I?' Loras assumed this was what Tym was trying to ask. Tym nodded. 'I don't know. I _can't_ so it doesn't really matter…' Loras shrugged. 'But if it was accepted, if we were allowed to do that… I think I'd like it.'

Tym smiled and dropped his head against Loras' shoulder. 'You love him, don't you?'

'Yes.' Loras answered without hesitation. He didn't mind admitting it to Tym.

'Loras,' Tym started slowly, lifting his head off his shoulder. He was staring off down a nearby alleyway. 'Is that a Lannister guard?' Tym asked in a whisper. Loras didn't blame him for being afraid of Lannisters, Loras didn't particularly like them, either. Lannisters seemed to only employ people with the same ideals as them, making them quite formidable. Loras followed Tym's gaze, to see two Lannister guards heading their way.

'They'll be with the queen.' Loras told him. 'Probably just taking a break.'

'I hope so.' Tym mumbled, now staring at the ground as if he was afraid to even look at the guards. Loras nodded, but as he saw them approaching, he realised that they were armed. Both of them were wearing their swords at their belts. And they were walking straight towards them.

'Tym, I think we should leave.' Loras said quickly, dragging Tym up and giving him a sharp shove in the direction of the main yard.

'Tyrell!' One of the guards called to him. Loras wanted to run, he tried to drag Tym with him, but Tym was almost frozen to the spot.

'Don't make this more difficult than it has to be.' The other guard told him as they caught up.

'Look, we don't want any trouble.' Loras said firmly. 'We're just on our way back now.'

The guards exchanged a look with each other, one of them reached for his sword. Loras pulled Tym further out of their reach.

'I'm afraid you can't do that.' The guard told him. This one was only a few years older than Loras, in peak physical condition. Loras knew it would be a struggle to outrun him, and he wondered if Tym would make it if they tried. The other guard was older, bound to be slower. The younger guard drew his sword.

'I wouldn't do that if I were you.' Loras warned him.

The guard smirked at him, quirking an eyebrow. 'And why's that? You're not armed, boy.'

'I'm Mace Tyrell's son. You're not going to hurt me, anyway.' Loras said, wishing he was as confident about that as he'd made himself sound. He only had to hope that this wasn't some sort of kidnapping attempt to ransom money out of his father.

'As much as I'd like to take you up on that offer,' the guard started with a forced sigh. 'this isn't about you, Tyrell.'

'What?'

'Are you really _that_ self-involved? I said: this isn't about you. This is about sending a message to your liege lord, it's got nothing to do with your father.' The guard growled at him, taking a step forwards. Loras swallowed hard.

'My liege lord?' Loras repeated. 'What's this got to do with Lord Renly? He's the king's brother… You can't-'

'We can, and we will.' The guard interrupted. 'And unfortunately, you're too highborn to be used as a message, Tyrell. However, your little friend here…'

Loras instantly pushed Tym behind him, placing himself between the guards and his friend. Tym was gripping his arm so tightly Loras was sure it would leave a bruise.

'Don't mess around.' The other guard finally broke his silence. 'This isn't a game, boy.'

The younger guard raised his sword, pressing the tip against Loras' throat. 'Move.'

Loras shook his head. He had no idea what Renly cold possibly have done to merit this sort of approach from Lannister guards, but he was certain that Tym wasn't going to get hurt because of it.

'If I have to go through you, Tyrell, I will.' The young guard warned, his sword pressing slightly more, drawing a small trickle of blood.

'Liar.' Loras hissed back. He had no choice but to force their hand, in the hope that this was all just a bluff to try and frighten him into giving Tym over to them.

'This could have been so easy.' The younger guard told him with a sigh. Loras barely had time to try and find a response before he felt the sting of his sword pierce the skin on his left arm, driving into the muscle just below his shoulder. He tried to stay still, tried to keep himself between Tym and the guard, but when he twisted the sword so the edge grazed the bone, he couldn't keep himself upright. His knees gave out beneath him as the sword was withdrawn sharply. Loras could hear himself crying out, but he couldn't stop it. He watched the other guard grab Tym by the shoulders, dragging him out of Loras' reach but still within view. Loras tried to stagger to his feet, but the younger guard kicked him in the shin and forced him back onto the ground.

'You can deliver this message to your lord, since you were so instant on staying.' The guard told him, so close to Loras' ear that he could feel his breath on his skin. He felt a shiver slip down his spine – he knew what was about to happen.

The guard with Tym drew his sword, a hiss shattering the air as it left its sheath. Everything almost became slow motion as the guard drove his sword between Tym's shoulder blades, emerging through his chest bloodied and sparkling. Tym barely squeaked, his breath completely knocked out of him. The guard withdrew the sword, Tym dropping to his knees before collapsing on the ground, gasping for air and spitting out blood.

'You can tell your Lord Renly that this won't be the last casualty if he continues.'

'If he continues _what_?' Loras hissed at the guard, only now realising that his voice had almost completely disappeared from yelling for them to release Tym. He hadn't even heard himself shouting, but he remembered it now.

'He'll know.' The guard released his hold on Loras, sheathing his sword as he and the other guard disappeared back into the alleyway.

Loras scrambled across the floor, forgetting the pain in his arm and the blood seeping through his shirt.

'Tym, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…' Loras told him, unable to stop a hiccup as he tried to stop himself crying.

'It's not… n-not your fault…' Tym whispered back. Blood was flowing from the gaping wound in his chest. Loras quickly took off his own doublet, folding it up and pressing it against Tym's chest in an attempt to try and stop the bleeding. Tym grimaced at the pressure, but he knew what Loras was trying to do.

'L-Loras… I-I'm dying… aren't I?'

'No, you're not.' Loras told him, though his head was telling him that Tym was probably right. 'I'm not going to let you die. You've still got to ask Gem, remember? You're going to ask Gem to marry you, you'll be fine…'

'Gem…' Tym coughed, blood temporarily stopping his speech. 'T-tell her…'

'You can tell her yourself.' Loras assured him. 'You're not dying. Not yet. Not now, Tym…'

'Tell Gem, I…'

When Loras looked back at Tym's face, his eyes were open, staring at the sky. Lifeless.

'No, no, no…' Loras muttered, tilting Tym's face in the hope that he might wake up. He didn't. 'Tym, please…' Loras knew there was nothing left to be done, any attempt made now would be futile. But Loras didn't move from his position on the floor beside his friend, curling himself over Tym's chest, unable to stop the tears escaping his eyes or the sobs that forced themselves from his throat.

'Not now, Tym… please, not now…'


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, a lot of reception on the last chapter! thanks guys:D // slightly shorter chapter this time, I know. If the next chapter is slow going up, I apologise - a lot's going on right now. 
> 
> thanks everyone!:)

Loras didn't know how long he'd been sitting on the floor with Tym before some of Renly's knights arrived. It could have been hours or just minutes. He heard someone saying 'fetch the lord' before strong hands levered him away from Tym's body. Loras didn't want to move, but whoever had grabbed him was clamping down on where the Lannister guard had cut his arm, he couldn't protest enough to break himself free. He vaguely heard the man holding him realise that he was hurt, but Loras didn't answer at all. He sat where they'd put him and watched over Tym's body.

'Loras?' Renly's voice broke him from his silence. He stared back as Renly dropped to the floor in front of him, putting himself at eye-level with Loras. 'You're hurt, you need to see a maester.'

'Tym…' Loras stammered.

'I know.' Renly said softly. 'Come on, we'll go and see the maester.' Loras felt Renly wrap his arm around his waist, helping him off the floor. Once he was on his feet, he felt dizzy. He could see a dark mist in the corners of his vision, and bright spots of light in front of his eyes every few seconds.

'Renly…' Loras started, unable to actually keep himself upright without assistance. 'Renly, I don't feel… I think I…'

'You've lost a lot of blood, Loras.' Renly told him, wrapping his arm tighter around him. 'Just stay awake long enough to get back to the castle and then you can rest, I promise.'

Loras nodded, letting his head fall onto Renly's shoulder. 'You'll stay…'

'Of course I will.'

Fortunately, Maester Cressen was waiting when Renly dragged Loras up the stairs to the maester's rooms. Renly helped Loras into a chair, though the poor boy was barely conscious by now.

'I received word of your squire, my lord.' Cressen told him, approaching Loras in the chair. He cut the sleeve from Loras' tunic, allowing him access to the gash in his arm. Renly had to look away, he couldn't look at all that blood. The maester had enough to deal with without Renly fainting, as well.

'He'll be all right, won't he?' Renly asked, forcing himself to focus his attention on the small stone dragon by the window.

'I should think so, my lord.' Cressen answered surely. Renly couldn't see what he was doing anymore, but he sounded busy. 'A few weeks being careful and he'll be just fine.'

'He's not very good at being careful.'

'That much was fairly evident, my lord.'

Renly managed a small laugh at that. He didn't know how he'd be able to convince Loras to take things steadily after this. But that was the least of his worries. Tym's death had been a shock, for everyone, but Renly felt that he knew the reason for it, though he'd need to wait until Loras was lucid before he could be sure. That whole event had Lannister written all over it.

'My lord, there's a bruise on his shoulder, a few days old probably, did you know? Only it doesn't look like swordplay, it looks-'

'Yes, thank you.' Renly said quickly, well aware of what had made that bruise.

Maester Cressen gave him a curious look and sighed. 'I fear it may be safer not to ask anything more about it.'

'You're probably right.' Renly agreed. The look he'd been given said everything. It had been a long time since he'd even seen Maester Cressen, but the old maester had clearly not forgotten how to tell when Renly was trying to keep a secret. He never had been very good at that.

'He should be all right after a few days rest, my lord.' Cressen told him after a long while of awkward silence as he worked. 'Some sleep will do him good.'

'Thank you.' Renly said, raising from his chair and crossing the room to help Loras to his feet. He'd been dipping in and out of consciousness while the maester tended to his arm, and he almost seemed surprised to see Renly now.

'I'll come and check on him tomorrow, my lord.' Cressen said as Renly dragged Loras upright. Renly gave a nod of approval, before he left the room with his squire.

'Does it hurt much?' Renly asked him, trying to draw him into conversation in the hope of keeping him conscious just a little longer.

'Mm.' Loras answered quietly. 'I don't… I think so…'

'Just stay awake for a few more minutes, all right? I promise, just a little while and you can sleep as long as you like.'

Loras muttered something in response, though Renly had no idea what he said. Renly knew the maester had said he'd call to check on Loras in the morning, but Renly also knew that taking Loras back to the room he'd been sharing with Tym wasn't a good idea. And he certainly wasn't leaving him there alone. So he brought Loras back to his own chambers. He knew that no questions would be asked from Maester Cressen, he'd receive curious looks and statements of worry instead, but that couldn't be helped.

He helped Loras over to his bed, where he curled up on one side of it. Renly sighed as he watched him. He peeled what was left of Loras' tunic off him in an attempt to make him a little more comfortable, making great effort not to go anywhere near the bandage at the top of his left arm. After that he quickly changed for bed himself, carefully getting into the other side of the bed, unsure if Loras had already fallen asleep. He reached over to brush Loras' hair off his face, hearing him sigh as he did so.

'Renly…' Loras muttered, not opening his eyes. 'When they… when they killed Tym…' Loras swallowed hard before he continued, his voice shaking slightly. 'They said Cersei wanted to give you a message… that Tym was – was a message for you.'

Renly's heart almost stopped beating in his chest. That gods-forsaken woman. What under the Seven did Cersei think she was doing? She couldn't just kill people in his service to send him her twisted warnings!

'Why would she do that?' Loras asked quietly, finally staring back at Renly. 'What happened?'

'She knows I'm aware of her relationship with Jaime.' Renly told him, trying to stop guilt from creeping into his tone, even though it was eating away at his heart. But when he glanced back at Loras he was already asleep and probably didn't hear Renly's reply at all.

Renly hardly slept at all that night, he spent most of the night trying to stay awake to keep an eye on Loras and drifting between unintended fits of sleep. He never slept long, his dreams were filled with the glimpses he caught of Tym's body, and the fear that gripped him that next time it would be someone else. That maybe Cersei really would go further than he thought for Jaime. Maybe next time it would be Loras.

Loras, on the other hand, slept all night without interruption. He only woke up when Renly let the maester in to see him. Renly was right about the reaction Cressen would have to finding Loras in Renly's chambers, the slightly raised eyebrows, the worried expression whenever he thought Loras wasn't looking.

'A word, if I may, my lord.' Cressen asked, once he'd finished changing Loras' bandage. Loras was restless already, Renly could tell. He followed Cressen out of his chambers and into the corridor.

'Is everything alright?' Renly said once the door was shut. He was quite happy to pretend he didn't have any idea why the maester would want a private word.

'Renly,' he started quietly. Renly sighed, he knew where this was going. 'I've known you your whole life, I'm not going to pretend that I didn't see this coming –' Renly made to interrupt him, but the maester held one hand up to stop him. '- but this is… this is dangerous, my lord. If Stannis were to find out –'

'He has.'

'He – what? How?'

Renly simply raised an eyebrow. He wasn't about to go into details, he knew there was a serious possibility he could give the old man a heart attack if he did.

'I see.' Cressen sighed. 'But, nonetheless, you need to be careful.' He paused, glancing down the corridor before he turned back. 'I think of you as I would my own son, Renly… so please listen to me, I only want the best for you. I don't want anything bad to come of this.'

'I know.' Renly had to thank him for his concern, it was touching given how long it had been since they'd even seen each other. But Cressen was right, they were almost family. After his parents had died, he'd spent most of his time relying on the maester for practically everything. Stannis had been there, of course, and Renly knew how much he'd done for him during the Siege, but it had been Cressen who'd looked after him during times of peace. Stannis was always at his best during conflict, but that wasn't always needed.

The maester took his leave, making Loras promise to come and see him in a few days to make sure everything was still alright. Loras was sitting by the window, staring out into the training yard longingly. Renly sat down on his bed, opposite Loras.

'How are you?' He asked finally, when Loras didn't speak.

It felt like an eternity before Loras responded, and he didn't even look back when he did. 'You said, last night, that you told Cersei you knew about her and Jaime.' He said, his voice flat and slightly cold. 'And that this was all a message to you.'

'Well, if that's what those guards said…'

'Why did you tell her?' Loras questioned, snapping his head back around to meet Renly's gaze. Renly wished he wouldn't, as he felt a cold shiver slide down his spine.

'She was… She was just acting like nothing was wrong, and what she did… I couldn't just say nothing…'

'Yes, you could. If you had Tym would still be here.'

'Loras, please don't say that.' Renly said quietly, shutting his eyes to avoid having to see the way Loras was looking at him. His eyes were so filled with pain and anger that it sent a spike through Renly's chest to see it directed at him.

'It's the truth.' Loras hissed at him. 'You should have known better than to test a Lannister, Renly.'

'I don't know what to say.' Renly said in a whisper, finally opening his eyes again. 'I'm sorry. I didn't know what she would do… I thought she was just making threats.'

'Well, she wasn't. And now Tym's dead and there's nothing you can do about it. No one else saw except me, and those Lannister guards will lie about it – if they're still around to tell the tale. She's won, Renly.'

'Loras, please-'

'I'm going to the training yard.' Loras decided abruptly, getting up from the window seat. Renly made a grab for his wrist.

'You're _supposed_ to be resting.'

'I said, I'm going to the training yard.' Loras repeated in a growl, wrenching his wrist free. 'Do not follow me.'

'Please-' Renly could force words out of his mouth fast enough. He could positively feel anger radiating from Loras, and he hated seeing him that way, but he couldn't force him to listen.

'No. Last night I had to watch Tym die in front of my eyes, don't try and justify it.'

'I'm not! Just listen to me, please, I-'

'No.' And Loras slammed the door behind him.

Renly dropped his head into his hands, unable to stop the sob that choked its way out of his throat. He felt guilty. Loras was, essentially, right. If he'd just stopped himself rising to Cersei… stopped himself from telling her… But he knew he shouldn't think like that, but it was impossible not to. Not when Loras had outright told him it was his fault. Tym was dead because of him. And Loras? Loras was unlikely to change his mind on this, Renly knew that. And that hurt just as much, knowing that Loras wasn't going to forgive him for this. That, and the uncertainty that meant for their relationship.

The door opened to Renly's chambers without so much as a knock. Renly almost knew who that would be before he turned around.

'Renly, we need to talk about that boy in your service.' Stannis told him, inviting himself into the room without permission. Renly felt all his anger bubble to the surface in seconds, all that anguish and hurt and sadness.

' _Get out_.'

'Brother, be pragmatic about this-'

Renly got up swiftly, spinning around to face his brother. He knew he must look a mess, his eyes were red and still wet from tears. 'I said _leave me alone_!'

'You're behaving like a boy, Renly.' Stannis told him firmly.

'Maybe I am!' Renly shouted back. 'And I want you to go away. I don't want to talk about this now. I'll come and find you when I do, all right?'

'Renly-'

' _Get out_!'

He heard Stannis shut the door behind him as he turned back around to gaze out of the window. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, trying to think of a way to rectify this. But he knew there wasn't a way to do that. Not properly. He couldn't bring Tym back, he knew that much for certain. He just had to hope that Loras could forgive him for starting all of this. If he didn't… Renly wasn't sure how he was supposed to live with himself if Loras let this come between them. He couldn't imagine living the rest of his life without him.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the comments:') updates are still gonna be a little slow, I'm afraid, but I'll still be updating:)

'It's my fault, Amber. He _told_ me it's my fault.'

Amber sighed and shifted in her chair. Renly had been in her solar for at least three hours now, telling and re-telling the exact way everything had panned out. Will was asleep in a cushioned chair in the corner and Amber wondered whether Renly had even noticed he was there in the first place, or whether he simply didn't care.

'Renly, I can't seem to stress this enough – this is _not_ your fault. Cersei's actions are not your own. You telling her you knew did not directly kill Tym. It was stupid, of course, but it wasn't murderous. If you'd have known what she'd do you'd never had told her, would you?' He shook his head. 'Exactly. Eventually Loras will understand that. Cersei's from a completely different world to Loras, and so are you for that matter – you and Cersei are both royalty, you have different rules of life than the Tyrells.'

'I'm not royalty, Amber-'

'You're the king's brother, I think that qualifies as royalty.'

He sighed, too worn out to argue with her about something so trivial. Loras hadn't spoken to him in days. He'd spent all day in the training yard, eaten dinner with the other squires and gone to bed alone every night. And it was tearing Renly apart day after day.

'Amber, I don't know what to do.' He told her hoplessly.

'There's nothing you can do but wait. Loras will come around, I'm sure. No one can predict what Cersei will do, even I wouldn't have liked to guess. Just don't get drawn into her games, will you?'

'What am I meant to do? Just forget that she's been inviting her twin into the bed she shares with my brother? I can't do that, I can't just let that go.'

'You have to.' Amber said bluntly. 'If you don't, you'll loose everyone you love to her revenge. Or Jaime's, for that matter, you don't want to end up on his bad side, either. Cersei will use other people to do her work for her, but Jaime won't. He's got too much pride for that. And he'd go after Loras, even if Cersei won't.'

'He wouldn't dare. He'd start a war with Mace Tyrell, wouldn't he?'

Amber shook her head slowly. She knew Jaime better than that, he wasn't careless. 'He'd make it an accident. Maybe Loras' horse was acting strangely, maybe he slipped, maybe he lost his balance, maybe he fell from a great height – Jaime's not an idiot, Renly. He won't just run him through in broad daylight for everyone to see.'

'Gods, Amber. I should never have said anything to her…' Renly groaned. He thought he was doing the right thing, he thought it might all go away if he just acted on it. But now he'd made everything worse.

'No, you shouldn't. But you have, and now you're going to deal with it like a proper lord would.'

'And what would a proper lord do?' Renly asked her. As far as he knew he wasn't exactly a bad lord, was he? He was proper…

Amber flashed her classic smirk. 'A _real_ lord would go after her on her own ground.' Renly stared back blankly. 'Join the small council. Take Robert's offer. It'll drive Cersei mad knowing how close you are and yet she can't so much as touch you. And… and if you do, you'll take Loras out of harm's way.'

'Send him home?'

'If you take the position on the council, you'll have to knight Loras. He'll go back to Highgarden, Mace Tyrell will be pleased and Loras will be safe. That leaves you free to deal with Cersei out in the open without fear of the consequences.'

Renly couldn't argue with that. It all made complete sense. He didn't want to have to live without Loras, but if that's what it took to keep him safe then it was the only option. It would be selfish to do anything else.

'You really are a Lannister, aren't you?' Renly finally managed to smile back at her. She shrugged and flicked her hair over her shoulder.

'I think you'll find she's a Florent, now.' Will spoke up from the corner of the room, clearly having woken up, flashing a perfect smile at his wife.

'I wouldn't go _that_ far.' Amber said with a grin.

Renly had been wanting to find the right moment to talk to Loras but never quite managed to get him alone. In the end, it turned out that he didn't even have to try to be thrown into a situation with him. He was walking back to his chambers after dinner when he found his squire. Loras was listening to Gem telling him something in a deserted corridor, she was crying. Renly felt his heart instantly drop seeing her that upset. He wanted to back out of the corridor, come back later when she wasn't there, in case she blamed him too, but she turned around before he could. He fully expected to be slapped.

But instead, he was hugged. Gem was crying into his shoulder before he'd even registered what was happening. He let her hug him, wrapping his arms around her after a moment.

'I'm sorry, m'lord…' She said after a few minutes had passed, pulling away from him and wiping her eyes. 'I'm sorry… I just – you've always been so good to me, m'lord…'

'It's all right.' He told her quickly. 'I don't mind.'

'Loras told me what happened.' Gem told him quietly. He shot a glance at Loras to try and figure out what exactly he'd told her. Did he tell her Tym was killed by Lannister guards… or why Tym was killed by them?

'And… and I don't blame you, m'lord…' Gem continued, sniffling halfway through her sentence. 'I know it's difficult and that… but it's not,' she wiped at her eyes again. 'it's not your fault. Y-you need to know that…'

'Thank you.' He said, not sure of what else to say to her. She smiled through her veil of tears, staring up at him with those blue eyes of hers. She didn't say anything else, just walked away. Renly watched her go, making a silent prayer that he never had to feel what she was feeling right now, and wishing to everything he could think to wish to that she was going to be alright after all of this.

Loras made to leave, but Renly stopped him, determined to make him listen.

'Loras, we need to talk about this.' He told him.

'I don't want to.'

'Just listen, then. You don't even have to say anything, but please listen to me.' Renly tried, hoping this might actually work and Loras wouldn't just walk away. Loras sighed after a moment, offering a small shrug of agreement.

'I didn't know Cersei would do that, I really want you to know that. If I'd have known, I wouldn't have done it. But… but there's something else you need to know. I'm going to leave for King's Landing after this trip, I'm going to take that position on the small council.' He swallowed, suddenly feeling like his throat was drying up. 'And you'll be knighted by then, don't worry. So, uh… so you can go home then –'

'I don't want to.' Loras repeated, but very differently. His eyes were wide and he looked almost forlorn now. 'I don't… no, you can't do that.'

'I can, and I'm going to. Why don't you want to go? You've not said a single word to me these last few days, I can't see why you'd want to stay.' Renly said, even though he could feel the sting in his own words. He knew before he'd said them that they would hurt Loras, too.

'I…' He started, but his words fell short. He paused for a minute before trying again. 'I still love you.' He said quietly. 'I just… I didn't know how to handle all this, I needed to blame someone… and I knew you'd still be here if I did… I just… Please don't do that.'

'I can't.' Renly told him firmly. 'Look at what I've started. How am I supposed to just carry on as normal? I need you to be _safe_. I don't want to have Cersei coming after me again, but I somehow think she's not about to stop… I don't want her next target to be you.'

'I can look after myself-'

'I cannot loose you.' Renly interrupted him. 'I refuse to. So you have to go back home.'

'Please don't…' Loras said again, his voice straining slightly. He swallowed hard, trying to force the lump in his throat away. 'I'm sorry for how I've been acting, I was just trying to deal with everything that's happened… I'm sorry…'

'I know, but it's got nothing to do with that. I have to keep you safe, and this is the only way to do it. I don't have a choice.'

'You _always_ have a choice.'

'Not this time.' He told him gravely. Loras looked away from him then, but his expression said everything he wouldn't. Renly could tell that he understood why this had to be done, but he could also see that it hurt, too.

'But I can come back, can't I? For tourneys and… and… well, just make sure there's a lot of tourneys.' Loras told him, breaking a small smile when he couldn't find anything else to list. Renly smiled back at him.

'I'll make sure of it.' Renly promised.

Loras dropped his gaze then, glancing down the corridor before he looked back. 'I really want to kiss you right now.' He told him.

Renly had to laugh at that, which brought a brighter smile to Loras' face. 'There's no one about…' Renly said quietly.

Loras shook his head. 'It wouldn't be wise. Not out in the open like this. I know we need to be careful.' He sighed, leading Renly back down the corridor. 'But we've got a few hours before people will start to get suspicious.' He said, flashing a quick smirk before he pushed the door open to Renly's chambers.


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, it's been a while:(
> 
> so, anyway, we're headed to Dorne...

'Wait, no, explain that one more time?'

Amber sighed and leant her head back against the headboard. This would make the fourth time she'd tried to explain what was happening to Will. She tried to be patient with him, but it was starting to wear thin.

'Which bit?'

'Er… all of it? Why did that squire die, again?'

'Because Renly knew something about Cersei that he shouldn't.'

'And you can't tell me what that is?'

'No. For the same reason Renly's now got to send Loras home – because he won't put him in danger. Equally, I don't want to put you in that position, either.' She'd watched Renly and his party leaving that morning, through the window. She couldn't quite bring herself to actually say goodbye to him, so she'd watched him leave and gone back to bed.

'Okay… so Renly's got to knight Loras so he can go home?'

'Correct.'

'So… I don't mean to pry or anything, or cause offense… but how are they going to continue… uh… continue with, with what they're… um…'

Amber rolled her eyes at him. 'Some things can span a distance, Will. Proximity isn't everything.'

'No, but it helps.' He told her with a smirk, as she felt his hand on her thigh under the sheets. She couldn't stop herself smiling, but she did give him a light push as well.

'But, seriously,' Will continued, sitting up to look back at her. 'how do they manage to keep… _it_ a secret?'

Amber laughed quietly to herself. 'They don't. Not successfully, anyway.'

'Oh. Right. Okay…' Will muttered, clearly not fully understanding her reply. He cleared his throat. 'But how… I mean, with you and me it's… isn't it? And just… how does…'

'Never ask me that.' Amber cut him off before he could actually find the right words to ask his question.

'You didn't even know what I was going to ask.' Will continued with a chuckle.

'We both know exactly what you were going to ask.' Amber answered flatly, flashing a disbelieving look back at him.

Will just grinned at her. 'All right, fine.' He conceded. 'I was just curious.'

'Well, don't be.' Amber told him. 'And besides, if you really wanted to know, surely you can work it out for yourself.'

Will narrowed his eyes slightly, only for a moment, before he stared back at his wife. 'On second thoughts, I'll just not know. I'm actually content not knowing.'

Meanwhile, on the ship to Dorne, Loras had more pressing problems than wondering how to make things work when he went back to Highgarden. His main problem was how sick he was feeling on-board the ship. The water was not as calm as he'd like it to be, and the constant rocking motion was making him feeling decidedly unsteady. He'd been all right on the small journeys to Dragonstone and Tarth, he'd thought he might have grown out of it. Apparently not. So far he'd managed not to be sick, which he was very glad of, but he wasn't sure how long it would stay that way. Renly had insisted he lie down for a while, but Loras wasn't sure how much it was helping.

'You can go on deck if you want to,' Loras told him quietly. 'you don't have to sit down here with me. I'm hardly good company at the moment.'

'Don't be silly.' Renly answered, placing his hand comfortingly on Loras' shoulder as from where he was sat in a chair beside the bed. 'I'm staying here. Do you want me to get you anything?'

'No, thank you.' Loras replied as best he could. Renly had already brought him a jug of water, as well as some dreamwine in case he felt like sleeping. Loras didn't know what else Renly was planning to bring him, but he'd already done more than enough.

'Just let me know if you change your mind.' Renly said softly, shifting his hand up to gently brush Loras' hair off his face. His skin was hot under his touch, Renly noticed. 'You're really warm… do you want a cold cloth for your forehead?'

'Warm?' Loras repeated. 'I'm _cold_.'

'Are you? You feel hot, Loras…'

'Well, on the inside I feel cold.' Loras insisted, wrapping his arms a little tighter around himself. Renly wasn't sure what he was supposed to do about that. He could feel the heat from Loras' skin, he _knew_ Loras was too hot, but if he said he was cold… surely he should fetch another blanket… shouldn't he? Renly sighed.

'Shall I get another blanket?'

'Mm.' Loras agreed, shutting his eyes. Renly got up from his chair, crossing the room and taking a blanket from the stack of bedding in the cupboard. He brought it over to Loras, draping it over him.

'Better?'

'Lie down with me?'

'Promise you won't throw up on me?'

Loras thought about it for a second. 'No.'

'It's a good job I love you, isn't it?' Renly told him fondly. Loras smiled weakly back at him. He tried not to shift the mattress too much as he got into bed with Loras, but he realised that a slight shift of the mattress would probably be a drop in the ocean compared to the rocking of the ship. Loras curled up against him, tucking himself under Renly's arm as he pulled him closer. He ran his fingers gently through Loras' hair.

'I love you, too.' Loras said in a near whisper, belatedly since a few minutes had past since Renly had said it, but it made him smile nonetheless. 'Even if I am going to Dorne for you.'

'Did I mention I love you?' Renly said with a smirk.

'A few more times wouldn't hurt.'

Renly smiled to himself as he watched Loras shut his eyes. Hopefully he'd get a little bit of sleep while they travelled, it might make him feel less ill.

The trip across the sea had really taken its toll on Loras. By the time they arrived at Sunspear, Loras was looking considerably worse for wear. He'd spent the majority of the journey sleeping or being sick, he'd barely eaten a thing. Renly just hoped he could stay on his feet long enough to be received by Prince Doran before he passed out again.

Doran Martell seemed exactly as Renly had been told. He didn't get out of his chair to greet his guests, but Renly had never expected him to. He'd been told of the ill health of the elder prince of Dorne. Prince Oberyn was present as well, which Renly was a little less grateful for, as well as a few women he didn't recognise. One of them, he presumed, must be Prince Oberyn's wife – or is paramour, he'd heard he had one of those, too. There was also a young girl, only around twelve or thirteen, with dark hair and dark eyes.

Fortunately they didn't spend long being received, and it was only a short while before they were shown to their living arrangements. Renly had expected something slightly different when he discovered that not only had he and Loras been given rooms next to each other, but that there was an adjoining door between them, as well. He silently wondered if the Martells knew more than he thought they did about his private life.

The room itself was lavishly furnished, though Renly expected nothing less. Myrish silk curtains, cushions laid out all across the four-poster bed, and one of the finest oak dressing tables Renly had ever seen. He could not fault them for style.

The adjoining door swung open and Loras leant against the door frame, one eyebrow raised. 'Well, this is useful.'

'Very.' Renly agreed, slightly distracted as he ran his fingers over the fabric of the cushions, soft under his skin. 'Almost a little too convenient, really.'

'What do you mean?'

'I'm not sure. It seems strange that this is all just a coincidence.'

Loras took a few steps out of the doorway, moving to stand in front of Renly, still looking confused. 'You think they're going to try and use this against you? Blackmail you?'

'Maybe.' Renly said slowly. 'I suppose I won't know until they act.' He sighed and watched Loras sit down on his bed. 'Are you all right now? Feeling better?'

Loras nodded. 'A lot better for being on land, thank you.'

'You haven't eaten properly in days, do you want something sent up before dinner?'

'Not really.'

'Are you sure? Do you really want to eat Dornish food on an empty stomach? I have a feeling that's probably going to make you just as sick as being on the ship.' Renly warned him. He didn't suppose Loras had had much experience with Dornish food, he might not have fully understood how much spice they actually used.

Loras pulled a face at that thought. 'On second thoughts, have some real food sent up.'

'Thought so.' Renly said with a laugh, running his hand through Loras' hair as he said it. 'Do you want some soup?'

'Sounds perfect.'

Loras let Renly go off and find someone to bring some food up, while he curled up in the cushions. Every time he had some quiet time alone, he couldn't stop images of Tym flooding though his head. Renly had ordered for Tym's body to be shipped back to his family immediately, but since they were due in Dorne, Loras had missed the funeral. Renly had paid for it, of course, he'd sent enough money, and plenty more than that, to Tym's parents to cover all the costs. But Loras felt like he should have been there. He didn't even want to go to dinner at all, especially alone. He'd got so used to spending time with Tym, he knew it would seem very lonely without him now.

He heard voices in the corridor, forcing all thoughts of lost friends out of his mind. He forced himself to get up off Renly's bed, quickly slipping through the adjoining door and shutting it behind himself. He heard Renly thanking whoever had brought the food up, before the door shut again.

The door he was holding shut swung open and Renly smirked at him from the doorway.

'No need to hide.' He told him with a grin.

'Sorry.' Loras answered with a small laugh. 'I didn't know if I should be in your chambers or not. I wasn't exactly making myself useful.'

'Well, fortunately, I was and I've brought you soup.' Renly told him, taking Loras' hand in his and leading him back into the room, where a small bowl of hot soup sat steaming away on the table. Loras hadn't felt particularly hungry, but as soon as he saw that he could feel the emptiness in his stomach.

He felt considerably better after he'd eaten, especially since he knew he wasn't likely to be able to stomach much of the food served at dinner that night. Although, now he had a little more energy, his brain began ticking away at his surroundings. He was mulling over what Renly had been saying about the coincidence of their living arrangements. Loras knew he wasn't fond of the Dornish, he didn't need another reason to distrust them.


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken me so long! I've been so busy it's insane. Thanks for the continued support for this story:')

The hall was bathed in sunset orange when dinner was served, streaming in through large glass windows down the sides of the hall. Renly thought it all seemed rather lovely, but he didn't dare comment on it when they arrived as the sour look on Loras' face told him it might not be wise. From his place on the high table Renly could tell Loras' mood had not lightened. Renly could see him sitting with a couple of the other squires from his host, but he wasn't even making an attempt to speak to them. They were all chatting quite happily with some Dornish squires, but it was clear Loras wanted no part of that.

Meanwhile, Renly couldn't seem to catch a moment's peace in his seat. Between thinly veiled innuendos from The Red Viper, unnecessary compliments from Princess Arianne, and snide remarks from one of the Sand Snakes whose name Renly couldn't quite remember, he was starting to feel very tired. He didn't particularly mind the string of flattery from the princess, although it did make him wonder why he'd been invited to Dorne in the first place. She couldn't have been more then twelve years old, and seeing her making these attempts was almost pitiful. He tried his best to smile and nod along, answering politely whilst trying not to encourage her.

Prince Doran, however, seemed a man of few words. He'd been courteous and polite, but hardly talkative. But Renly did notice him watching how he interacted with Arianne. That was enough to put fear in Renly's mind over the purpose of his invitation. Even though Renly knew that at some point he'd have to marry, he could never tie himself to Dorne like that – not when he knew that a move like that would spell the end for everything he'd built with Loras. If this was what Robert wanted, he'd fight him to the ends of the earth not to have to go through with it.

He was glad when he could finally retire for the night. It had been more than tiring, trying to please everyone and make it appear like he was enjoying himself. Loras had long gotten bored and gone to his room, so Renly walked back alone. Or, at least he thought he was alone. He heard footsteps echoing down the corridor and realised quickly that his night was over just yet.

'Lord Renly.'

He turned around and plastered a smile across his face, as he found Oberyn Martell approaching him. Renly resisted the urge to sigh.

'You left so promptly that I didn't have the chance to tell you I'd brought you a gift.' The Red Viper continued.

'Oh… you shouldn't have. How kind of you.' Renly said, trying to sound more optimistic than he felt about this situation. He wasn't sure he was going to like a gift from The Red Viper. He watched as the Martell prince handed him a small vial. Renly stared at it.

'What is it?'

'Oil.'

Renly raised an eyebrow at him. 'What's it for?'

'Whatever you want to use it for.' Prince Oberyn answered with a casual shrug.

'Of course.' Renly said slowly, slipping the vial into his pocket, though he didn't actually understand the prince's meaning at all. 'Thank you. That's very thoughtful of you.'

The Red Viper flashed a smile that told Renly he had not masked his confusion well. 'You'll figure it out, my lord.' Prince Oberyn told him, slightly mysteriously. He walked away without another word, leaving Renly wondering what under the Seven had just happened.

There was no sign of Loras when Renly finally returned to his rooms. He placed the vial of oil on his dresser, before calling out Loras' name to try and locate him.

'Don't open the door!' Loras called back, clearly from the privy at the back of the room. Renly approached the closed door.

'Why?'

Loras sounded as though he was about to reply, but instead all Renly heard was retching sounds. He went to push the door open, hoping maybe he could comfort Loras since he was clearly still feeling unwell. The door was promptly kicked closed again.

'Loras, don't be ridiculous. Let me open the door.'

'No.'

'Why not? I want to help.'

'I'm fine on my own.' Loras insisted, coughing slightly. 'Besides… I don't want you to see me like this. It's… embarrassing.'

Renly rolled his eyes. 'It shouldn't be, you're not well, it's nothing to be embarrassed about.'

However, the door remained firmly shut. Renly spent another few minutes standing by the door, but he soon realised that Loras wasn't about to let him in. Instead, he poured a cup of water and left it on the table for whenever Loras reappeared.

After a short while Loras opened the door again, leaning against the doorframe for a few moments. He looked pale, and his hair was pulled back off his face, sticking up at odd angles.

'I'm planning to not eat until we leave Dorne.' Loras decided. 'Just to let you know.'

Renly offered a smirk in response. 'It's only because you were eating Dornish food on practically an empty stomach. It'll get better.'

'Not if I can't keep any food down.' Loras replied quickly. Renly could not fault that logic, even though he wanted to. Loras sighed heavily, taking a sip from the cup of water Renly had poured out for him. He crossed the room to where Renly was sitting at the table.

'What's that?' Loras questioned, nodding towards the dresser where the little glass vial was still perched.

'Oil.' Renly answered. 'Oberyn Martell gave it to me as a gift.'

Loras made a face at the vial. 'It's probably poisoned.'

'He gave it to me not you.' Renly told him with a smirk. Loras managed a small smile as he sat down opposite him.

'What's it for?'

'I don't know. He just said I'd figure it out.'

'That's ominous.' Loras decided, still eyeing the vial cautiously. 'What are you going to do with it? Just keep it until you work out what it's for?'

'Well, what else can I do with it? I can hardly leave it behind, he'd surely take offence at that.' Renly said, though quickly continued when it looked as if Loras was about to tell him to do just that. 'Besides, it might actually be for something useful.'

'I don't understand why he didn't just tell you what it's for.' Loras muttered, folding his arms across his chest.

'Does it matter?' Renly sighed, he was bored of discussing the mystery vial of oil. 'If I find out what it's for, then maybe I'll use it, if not… is it really such a problem? Maesters have crates of potions and salves and no one knows what they're for.'

'You're not a maester.' Loras said flatly. 'And I'm sure that the maesters know what every one of those potions does.'

'Fine.' Renly shrugged. 'If you want to know what it does so badly, you can find out.'

'Maybe I will.'

'Be my guest.'

Loras rolled his eyes, getting up from his chair and retrieving the vial from Renly's dresser. He took the lid off and sniffed it.

'It doesn't smell of anything.' He said, replacing the lid. 'Maybe it's for cooking with? Some kind of oil you need if you're cooking something Dornish?'

'And Oberyn Martell thought that would make a good gift for me?' Renly asked disbelievingly.

'I'm keeping this, then.' Loras declared. 'Until I find out what it's for.'

'That's fine.' Renly agreed. 'I don't know who you're going to ask to find out, but I wish you luck with it.'

'Tomorrow.' Loras said, placing the vial back on the dresser. 'I don't have enough energy to even think about it right now. Aren't you tired?'

'A little. But then again, I didn't spend most of my evening like you did.' He told him with a smirk. Loras returned a smile, leaning against the bedpost.

'No, you spent your evening with the little princess.' Loras told him, flashing a cheeky smile. 'She seemed very taken with you.'

Renly shook his head, unable to stop himself laughing. 'I know. I was trying not to encourage her.'

'I can hardly blame her, though.'

Renly had to smile at him then, getting up from his chair and gently pulling Loras towards him and into a hug. He ran his fingers through Loras' hair, dragging it off his face.

'How long until we leave?' Loras asked, mainly talking into the side of Renly's neck.

'It will go by quickly, I promise. Just take it a day at time, and we'll be leaving before you know it.' Renly assured him. Loras sighed, taking a step backwards and dropping himself onto Renly's bed.

'I hope you're right. I hate this place. The food is disgusting and it's too hot to even stay close to you for very long.' Loras groaned, lying back on the sheets with another sigh. He was right about the heat, though, Renly had been thinking the same thing.

'We can open a window?' Renly suggested. Loras raised an eyebrow at him, as Renly glanced at the window to see that it was already swung open as wide as it would go. 'Oh.'

'I hate this place.' Loras repeated, resigning himself to what was sure to be an uncomfortably warm night.


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steadily getting back to regular posting now I hope!:')

Over the next few days Loras spent considerably less time with Renly than he'd have liked. The princess Arianne seemed to constantly desire his attention and Renly didn't dare say no to her. This left Loras with virtually nothing to do. He knew that if Tym was still here he wouldn't be having this problem, but he also knew that dwelling on that thought was going to get him nowhere. No matter how much he missed Tym, there was nothing he could do to bring him back. There were other squires that he knew, who also travelled with Renly's host, but he didn't like any of them half as much as he'd liked Tym. They all spent too much time talking about women and visiting whores. Loras had no interest in joining them.

However, after days of boredom, he found himself accepting the offer of going to a whorehouse with the other squires. After an awkward explanation, he wound up locked in a room just chatting with a girl. She could have only been slightly older than Loras, anyway, and he had to admit that she was very beautiful. This had no effect on him, of course, but he knew she must be popular. She had pale white skin and the darkest of black hair. It made a pleasing contrast.

'So,' she started after a few moments. 'you do know that we have boys here, as well, don't you?' She asked calmly. Loras felt his own pulse rate soar, but he tried to keep his expression neutral.

'Why are you telling me this?'

She turned to face him with a knowing smile. 'You're only here so your friends won't laugh at you.' She said. 'I'm just letting you know. No one else has to know, you can tell them you were with me.'

He swallowed hard and shook his head. 'No.'

She shrugged. 'Have it your way, then.' She observed him for a moment, her eyes piercing slightly. 'Unless, of course, you've never…'

'Don't.'

'You haven't, have you?'

'I've… I've done some things.'

'But not that.'

'No, not that.'

She rearranged her dress slightly as she stood up. 'You could talk to someone, if you wanted to? One of the boys? I'm clearly no use to you, but if you wanted to ask something?'

'I…'

'No one will mind, I promise.'

'I suppose…'

'I'll send one of my friends, is that alright? You can trust him and he'll be very kind to you.' She told him. Loras stared at the floor. He desperately didn't want to do this at all, but he supposed he couldn't just leave now. He knew that if he left early the other squires would find out, and whatever conclusions they drew would not be good ones. On the other hand, he wondered if he could actually learn something here, use the opportunity to gain a bit of insight.

'I'll explain it to him.' The girl continued. 'You won't have to tell him anything about yourself, you can just chat or ask questions or whatever you want. He's very understanding.'

And so Loras waited while the girl left the room to fetch her friend. He tried to feel calm about the whole arrangement, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was doing something he shouldn't be. He knew he wasn't, he certainly wasn't going to do anything and he might only ask a few questions if he could bring himself to face saying those sorts of things to a stranger. But he still felt guilty, regardless of his efforts to convince himself otherwise.

After a few minutes the door opened again. A boy walked inside, closing the door quietly behind him. Loras wouldn't have liked to take a guess at his age, but if he was forced to he'd have thought him to be around his own age – which only made him more nervous. This boy was slightly taller than he was, but skinnier, with light hair and dark eyes. He smiled easily.

'No need to look so nervous.' He said with half a smirk. 'I don't bite.' He paused for a moment. 'Unless you're paying me to, of course.'

Loras tried to laugh at that, but he had a feeling it didn't come over as carefree as he'd intended.

'I'm Daeron.' The boy introduced himself. Loras remained silent. 'I know, you're not going to tell me who you are. I understand.' He continued casually. 'No one ever tells me.'

'Is Daeron your real name?' Loras asked. He knew the name, of course, but he struggled to believe that a boy whore would honestly be named after a Targaryen king.

'It is.' He answered. 'I'm told my mother liked to think she had Targaryen blood somewhere along the way. It's ridiculous, obviously, but apparently she believed it.'

'Doesn't that get awkward?' Loras questioned. 'I mean, Daeron the First started the Conquest of Dorne… thousands died…'

'You mean does it put Dornish men off that I'm named after the king who was responsible for the deaths of their possible ancestors? No. It doesn't.' He said with a small laugh. 'They come here for discretion. Even in Dorne, where these things are freer than the majority of Westeros, it's still not the done thing to admit you went to a brothel to see a boy. My name is the least of their worries.' He sighed and pulled the chair across the room from the dressing table. He placed it in front of Loras – not too close – and sat down, adjusting his tunic slightly at his shoulder.

'Although,' Daeron continued. 'I suppose it has to be slightly more acceptable, since it's common knowledge that Oberyn Martell likes his fair share of both men and women.'

Loras felt his eyes widen. Clearly Daeron noticed this, too, as he laughed. 'You didn't know?' He asked, as Loras shook his head in response. Then something else came into Loras' mind. Renly was convinced that Oberyn Martell knew about their relationship, and if Prince Oberyn himself enjoyed the company of men…

'He gave a gift to someone I know.' Loras said before he could stop himself. 'I didn't know what it was for, but if… like you said… you might know what it's for.'

'I also might need to know what it was.' Daeron said, raising one eyebrow. Loras laughed for a second before he continued.

'It was a vial of oil…'

Daeron tried to keep back a smirk, and failed. Loras remained completely in the dark about what it was Daeron found amusing all of a sudden.

'What's it for?' Loras continued his question.

Daeron cleared his throat. He gave Loras a look that told him this might be something quite intimate. Loras felt colour rising in his cheeks, which only made Daeron smirk more. Loras watched him raise two fingers in an upward motion.

'I don't understand…' Loras said slowly.

Daeron rolled his eyes at him. 'Think about it for a moment.'

'What?'

'What might you need to do something with a man that you might not if you were doing it with a woman?'

Loras swallowed hard, the clues suddenly making sense. He stared back at Daeron, who simply nodded.

'So it's for…'

'Yes.'

Loras nodded, unsure of what to say next. He bit his lip and tried to think of something else to say, but all he had were more questions that he desperately didn't want to ask. But he didn't know anyone else who'd know the answers.

'Does it hurt?' Loras asked quietly, staring at the floor.

'A bit, the first few times.' Daeron answered without embarrassment or hesitation. 'Just as long as you don't rush it, it's fine.'

'And it's… is it… good?'

Daeron chuckled at that, flashing a dark sort of smile. 'Oh, it's good.'

Meanwhile, Renly was trying to stop his mind wandering too much as Princess Arianne led him through yet another garden filled with elaborate water features. He found it all very beautiful, of course, but he knew nothing would ever be as beautiful as the gardens he saw in Highgarden.

'And over here,' Arianne continued. 'this statue was built for the Sword of Morning.' She drifted over to a towering figure of Ser Arthur Dayne. Renly couldn't help but think of how much Loras would love to see this, but he knew it would be inappropriate to say so. Instead, he expressed how impressive he thought it was, and that seemed to be enough to please the princess. He glanced across at her surly looking guard. He followed her everywhere, spear in hand, sword sheathed across his back. He never smiled and at that moment he was giving Renly a very curious stare. Renly swallowed and quickly averted his gaze.

'So, my lord,' Arianne started again. 'how have you enjoyed your stay in Dorne so far?'

'It's been very pleasant.' Renly lied seamlessly. 'It's made a lovely change from the rain of the Stormlands, to say the least.'

Arianne giggled, no doubt presuming it to be a flirtatious gesture. Renly tried to smile. 'Do you think you'll return here?' She asked, a hint of shyness betraying her tone.

'Well…' Renly started. He didn't want to give her false hope, of course, but at the same time he didn't want to upset her. Especially with that guard keeping such a close eye on her. 'I shall have to see about that. I'll be very busy when this trip is over, you understand. I'm to join the small council, so my presence will be needed in King's Landing most of the time…'

Her expression dampened significantly. 'Of course, my lord.' She said stiffly. She barely said a word as they walked back to Sunspear. He was more than relieved when she bid him farewell for the day and departed in another direction. He let out a sigh and paused for a moment, dragging his hair off his face.

'Lord Renly.'

He almost jumped out of his skin.

'Prince Oberyn.' Renly said, trying not to let surprise creep into his voice. He didn't want to Red Viper to think he could make a habit of sneaking up on him like that.

'I trust you had an eventful day with Arianne?'

'Certainly.'

'I'm sure.' Prince Oberyn agreed, though his meaning was very clear. Renly fought the urge to shift under his gaze. 'I regret that we can't chat more at the moment, but I find myself very busy today. Could you grant me a quick favour, my lord?'

'That very much depends what it is.' Renly said warily.

'Wise.' Prince Oberyn answered with a slick smirk that Renly distrusted very much. 'If you see a young man come down this way, he'll be wearing a Martell brooch, could you tell him to meet me in the library? Our plans have changed.'

'Oh, um… of course.'

'Thank you, Lord Renly.' The prince looked as though he was about to turn and leave, when he remembered something else to say. 'Did you work out what that gift I gave you is for?'

'Not yet.' Renly replied. 'You could just tell me.'

'Oh, I believe I just did.' He answered mysteriously. 'And do tell that young man, if you see him.' And this time he did turn to leave. Renly watched him go, wondering what under the Seven he could possibly have meant by that last statement. How was he telling him anything at all? All he'd done was ask a strange favour…

Renly found the young man in question a few minutes later, and it only took him a few seconds to figure out what his relationship with the Dornish prince was. Renly had been in enough brothels when he was younger to know what boy whores looked like, how to recognise one. He'd had to find ways to occupy himself when Robert used to drag him along with him on his many trips to the whorehouses of King's Landing. He'd spent most of it talking to the girls, but he'd seen the boys, too.

When he opened the door to his chambers, Loras was already there. He was sat at the table, the vial of oil placed in the centre. Loras looked up at him, eyes slightly wide. Renly shut the door and stared back at him.

'I know what it's for.' They said simultaneously.


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this has taken forever, I'm so sorry about that. And I had a ton of trouble uploading it, too. But it's a really long chapter, so hopefully that makes up for it:')

Loras didn't speak again for a few moments, just watched Renly hover by the table. He could feel his heartbeat hammering in his chest. He knew he shouldn't be so nervous, there wasn't any reason to be… it wasn't as though this changed anything. But it _felt_ significant.

'So…' Renly started after a few moments of silence. 'Now we know what it's for… any thoughts on what we should do with that information?'

Loras shrugged, not trusting himself to speak.

'Oh, don't get shy now.' Renly said with a small laugh. It lightened the moment and Loras found himself smiling back at him.

'Well…' Loras started slowly. 'We could… I mean, we know what it's _for_ , so we could just…' He cleared his throat and inwardly told himself to get to the point. It wasn't as if Renly was going to judge him for it, he was clearly drawing the same conclusions.

'We could just use it.' Loras said after a moment.

'And would you want to do that?'

'I-I think so.' Loras answered honestly. He wasn't sure if he wanted to or not, but he knew the only way to find out was to at least try. 'Do you?'

'I think I'd like to.' Renly told him. 'But only if you do. We don't have to, not if you're not sure.'

Loras observed him for a second. Was he really unsure? He trusted Renly implicitly, with his life if it ever came to it. And he loved him, and he knew he always would… so was there really anything stopping him? The only thing he was afraid of was the possibility that it would be painful, but he also knew that Renly would stop if he asked him to. He wouldn't want to hurt him.

'No, I want to.' Loras decided. He then realised he'd been working on an assumption that might not have been true. He'd been imagining everything a certain way round, he'd been thinking it would be Renly doing this to him… what if that wasn't the case? He wasn't sure _why_ he'd been presuming it to be this way around, maybe it was because he was still shorter than Renly, or because he was younger…

'Actually,' Loras continued. 'can I ask you something? About this?'

'Of course.'

'Which... I mean, how would…' He shook his head and told himself that this wasn't a stupid question. 'Which way around were you thinking of? It doesn't make any difference to me,' he added quickly. 'I just wondered.'

'Oh, um…' Renly clearly hadn't thought this part through, either. 'I don't know. I don't suppose it matters, does it?' He paused and just watched Loras for a moment. 'Would you want me to do that to you?'

Loras instantly felt himself blush, heat spreading across the back of his neck and rising to his cheeks. He stared at the floor, but Renly just laughed quietly, lifting Loras' head back up gently.

'It's not shameful if you do.' Renly reminded him.

Loras looked back at him, into those perfect green eyes. The light from the open window streaming in, illuminating his eyes and making them sparkle like emeralds.

'I want you to.' Loras answered, his voice hardly more than a whisper now. The way he looked up at Renly, honey eyes staring up through his eyelashes, Renly didn't think he could have looked any more beautiful.

He couldn't resist leaning down to press a kiss against his lips, winding his hand around the back of his neck as he did. He felt Loras sigh as he responded to him, felt his palms against his chest. He gently pulled Loras upright, wrapping his arms around his waist to press him flush against him. Loras' hands wound up into his hair, softly running it through his fingers.

'Do we have time?' Loras asked, barely pulling back to speak.

'Not really.' Renly told him honestly, quickly kissing him again before he continued. 'Or we could just not go to dinner.'

'Let's not go to dinner.' Loras agreed, wasting no time in pressing their lips back together. In the back of his mind, Loras wondered if Renly would be missed at dinner, whether anyone would come looking for him when he didn't turn up. He barely cared whether they did or not, but he couldn't help considering it. It almost made him laugh to imagine what the Princess Arianne would think if she knew why Renly wasn't at dinner.

'What's so funny?' Renly asked him, slightly breathless as he pulled away from his lips, choosing instead to kiss down his neck, stopping at the spot where he could feel Loras' pulse. Loras realised he may not have done such a good job at hiding what was in his head.

'I was just wondering what your little princess would think… if she knew what you were doing instead of going to dinner.' Loras answered, breaking his sentence halfway to let out a sigh he couldn't keep back as he felt Renly softly nip at his skin. He felt Renly laugh quietly for a moment, before he brought his head back up to look at Loras.

'I know, poor thing.' Renly said, unable to keep from smirking. 'I can't help but wonder why they invited me here at all, since Oberyn Martell seems to know I've no interest in marrying the princess.'

'Strange.' Loras agreed, though he was slightly pre-occupied, since he could feel Renly's hands sliding under his tunic, pulling him closer by his hips.

'Does it matter what she thinks?' Renly questioned, his voice hardly more than a whisper as he stared back at Loras, his green eyes sparkling from the light.

'Not in the slightest.' Loras replied instantly, wrapping his arms around Renly's neck and pulling him back into another kiss, unable to keep back a quiet moan at the press of his tongue against his own. He let himself be guided across the room, almost blindly, towards the bed. He knew when they'd found it as his back hit the bedpost hard. He felt Renly laugh against him, and Loras couldn't resist returning it, but it didn't stop him from seizing the opportunity while Renly was distracted. He spun them around and switched their positions, pressing Renly back against the bedpost instead. Renly raised an eyebrow at him, but he clearly wasn't complaining, as he grasped the hem of Loras' tunic, pulling it up and off him. He dropped it to the floor without a second glance, finding a better use for his hands in exploring Loras' chest. It still made Loras shiver whenever Renly touched him like this, and he hoped that would never change. He couldn't supress a gasp when he felt Renly's hands slide under the waist of his breeches, only slightly, but the intention was there. In response, Loras nudged Renly's legs apart, brushing his thigh against his crotch. He caught Renly's quiet moan, pressing their lips back together in what quickly became little more than a battle of tongues. The kiss rendered them both breathless, but they were reluctant to pull away from each other.

Loras could hear his own heartbeat, rapid as it tried to keep up with what was happening. Eventually, he forced himself to end the kiss, take a couple of moments to breath. Staring back into Renly's eyes he was met with fierce desire, his eyes almost completely dark, the sparkling green only framing his pupils. Loras still loved being able to make Renly feel like that, it still felt just as special as the first time, and he still felt equally as proud of himself for it. A rush of energy hit him, whether it was adrenaline from what they were doing or just pride, he couldn't tell, but he'd pulled Renly's tunic off before he'd even had time to consider it. He couldn't resist touching him, running his palms over his ribs, trailing kisses down his neck. He felt Renly pull him closer, leaving barely any gap between them at all. The heat in the air made it slightly uncomfortable, but Loras couldn't force himself to care, he was too busy placing a bite on Renly's collar bone.

'Loras…' Renly started, but his voice trailed off into a moan. 'Loras, that better not be visible above my clothes…'

'It's fine.' Loras muttered, his voice muffled, but he moved away from that spot anyway, making his way down Renly's chest, instead. He revelled in the perfect sounds Renly made when Loras swirled his tongue over his nipple, feeling Renly's hand come up into his hair, grasping at it. He felt Renly arching his back, away from the bedpost. Loras could feel his erection pressing against him, hear his breathing speed up. He pulled away, his own breathing erratic by now, before he let himself be pushed back onto the bed, dragging Renly down with him and into a kiss.

Renly moved away from his lips after a while, kissing his cheek lightly before Loras felt him nip at his earlobe. He heard himself hiss at the feeling, but he wasn't even aware he'd done it. He heard Renly laugh quietly, felt his lips on his ear. It sent a shiver straight down his spine. Renly's hand was hot against his chest, the friction almost like fire as he pressed his palm across Loras' ribs, travelling further until he could palm Loras' erection through his breeches. He loved the noises he could have Loras make when he was like this, from the needy little sighs to the moans in the back of his throat, he loved being able to do this to him. He unlaced Loras' breeches, pushing them down along with his smallclothes. He heard Loras' breath hitch slightly.

'You're still sure you want to do this?' Renly asked him, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of his neck.

'I'm sure.' Loras replied, shifting from under Renly so he could remove the rest of his clothes completely. As Renly watched him, he silently wondered if Loras would feel self-conscious like this. He didn't seem as though he was… but he knew Loras would want to hide it if he did feel that way. And he'd hate himself if he ruined this for Loras. He sighed, taking a few seconds to think about it, before he quickly undressed, as well.

'You didn't have to do that.' Loras told him, sitting up to watch him. Renly could only stare back. 'I trust you. I don't mind you seeing me like this, regardless of what you're wearing or not.'

'I just… I didn't want you to feel shy about it, or…' Renly wondered if he'd done the wrong thing now. Maybe he'd made it worse by hi-lighting it. But Loras just smiled at him and shook his head.

'I love you.'

Renly grinned back at him, winding his hand around the back of Loras neck. 'I love you, too.'

Loras let himself be gently pulled into a kiss, a kiss that seemed far too sweet for what they were doing. It didn't stay that way for long, though. Loras couldn't lie to himself about it, he was eager to for it. He didn't even know if he'd like it but something told his mind that he was right to be excited about it. Maybe it was the way Daeron had smiled when he talked about it, that dark smirk on his face.

He felt Renly's hands slip down his back, unable to stop himself gasping into the kiss as he felt Renly grab his ass, using the leverage to pull Loras down on top of him as he lay back on the bed, rolling them over to push Loras underneath him. Neither of them even tried to keep back groans at the friction between them.

'Renly…' Loras started, his voice stuttering into a moan as Renly bit his neck lightly. 'Renly, the oil's still on the table…'

'Gods.' Renly muttered, slightly frustrated, but it made Loras laugh as he watched Renly get up and cross the room to fetch it. Renly flashed a smirk back at him once he'd retrieved it, getting back onto the bed and settling himself between Loras' legs. He felt his pulse elevate instantly with nerves and excitement.

'You're still sure?'

'Yes.'

'Just relax, alright?'

Loras nodded, not trusting himself to speak as he watch Renly uncap the vial and pour a generous amount of oil onto his fingers. He saw him spread the oil across his other hand, as well. Loras was about to ask why when Renly started stroking his cock, and he got his answer. He couldn't stop himself arching off the bed, a needy sort of moan leaving his throat as he did. The sensation was perfect. In the back of his mind, he knew this was a distraction, but that didn't really hit him until he felt Renly's finger against his entrance, gently rubbing circles. It felt strange, Loras thought at first, but when he let himself get used to it, he realised that it actually felt incredible, it sent tingles up his spine, made him shiver with desire. He shut his eyes and gave in to it.

He automatically tensed up when Renly's finger pushed inside, slowly, but it still felt odd.

'Relax.' Renly reminded him softly, his other hand moving to the inside of Loras' thigh, reassuring him. Loras tried to relax, taking a few deep breaths as Renly pressed further. Loras was really starting to notice the stretch now, it stung slightly. Everything felt too strange there, he wasn't sure he liked it… no, he didn't like it. Maybe it would get better, he hadn't really given it much of a chance yet, but…

'Are you alright? Say something if you want to stop.' Renly told him, his voice full of concern. Loras just took another breath. 'We can stop if you don't like it.' Loras didn't want to stop, but… 'You don't like it, do you?' Loras shook his head. He felt Renly pull out of him, slowly, very careful not to hurt him any more.

'I'm sorry,' Renly said quietly, kissing Loras' chest gently. 'I'm so sorry.'

'Don't apologise.' Loras told him, finally opening his eyes to look back at him. 'Please.'

'We could… we could swap around if you wanted to? I understand if you want to just stop completely and-'

'No, we can do that.' Loras cut him off before he'd even realised he was speaking. He hadn't thought about doing it the other way around, but now that he was, he was couldn't _stop_ thinking about it. He was kissing Renly again before he had a chance to say anything else, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulling him in close, deepening the kiss almost instantly, their skin simmering with the heat in the room.

'You know,' Renly started, moving to kiss across Loras' jaw. 'I quite like the idea of doing it this way around.' Loras just let out a breathless laugh, running one hand through Renly's hair. 'How much oil's left?'

Loras pushed Renly off him slightly, enough so he could reach the vial. He held it up and examined the contents. Just over half the vial was left. It was only a little glass vial, clearly not meant for multiple uses.

'Enough.' Loras decided. 'But not enough to take back. If you like it then we might have to invest in some more.'

'A sound investment.' Renly muttered against Loras' neck. He felt Renly's hand on his chest, running down his ribs and across his stomach, then stroking his cock once he reached it. He wanted to make sure Loras was still enjoying this. He was reassured of this when Loras pulled him back into a kiss, changing their positions again and pushing Renly down on the bed, never once breaking the contact between their lips.

'Ready?' Loras asked, breathless as he pulled away. He was nervous about this, though he didn't want to let Renly know that. He so badly wanted Renly to enjoy it, but he wondered how that would be possible when Loras had just found it so uncomfortable.

'Yes.' Renly answered, looking up at Loras with those emerald eyes, filled with nothing short of lust. Loras couldn't keep back rolling his hips against him, making them both moan at the friction. 'Gods, yes. Just do it…'

Loras did as he was asked, uncapping the vial and pouring what he judged to be a sufficient amount onto his fingers. He put the lid back on the vial again and let it fall to the bed beside him. He tried to ignore the pounding in his chest, the worry at the back of his mind of doing this wrong and went ahead. He did what Renly had done to him to begin with, just circled his entrance lightly with his finger, watching Renly shut his eyes with a ragged intake of breath, tilting his head back slightly with a quiet moan. Loras thought he might go crazy watching him like this, and he'd only just started. He gently pressed his finger inside, paying close attention to Renly's expression, watching for the first sign of pain or discomfort. He couldn't ignore how strange it felt to actually have a part of him inside Renly, it was tight and hot and… and he was definitely going to drive himself mad thinking about it. Thinking about what it might be like to have other parts of him inside him like that…

'Gods, Loras… you can – you can move, you know…'

Loras swallowed hard, pulling his finger back and pressing back in again, unable to stop himself staring as Renly arched his back off the bed, his hands fisted into the sheets. Clearly he was finding this experience very different from Loras. The noises he was making, moans that sent shocks down Loras' spine and straight to his cock.

'Should I…'

'Yes,' Renly told him, his voice tight. 'yes, add another…'

Loras did as he was told, surprised at hearing how loud this was actually making Renly. Not once did it cross his mind that they should be quiet, not when Renly was making the most arousing noises Loras had ever heard in his life. Loras started to get a little braver now, pulling out more and pressing back in harder, which Renly seemed to like. It was after a few attempts of this when Loras must have done something right, as Renly arched completely off the bed with a cry.

'What-' Loras started, but was interrupted.

'Do that again,' Renly told him breathlessly, opening his eyes to stare back at him. Loras felt his heart skip a beat seeing his eyes that dark with pleasure. Loras repeated the same movement, hitting the same spot again and forcing another loud moan from Renly's throat. Loras hadn't even touched him, not properly, and he could already tell that Renly was getting close.

'I want…' Renly's voice broke off into another perfect moan. '… want you to do this… with your cock…'

Loras felt himself twitch on hearing that, his heart rate soaring with anticipation. 'Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you.'

Renly swallowed hard, forcing himself to think for a moment. 'Use three fingers, just- just try and stretch me a bit more and then…'

Loras didn't need to hear the end of his sentence to know what he meant. He silently wondered how this wasn't hurting him as he pressed another finger inside him, slowing so Renly could get used to the feeling. When he felt Renly push back against him, he started moving his hand again, gradually picking up a pace that had Renly bucking his hips back against his hand and moaning with every thrust of his fingers.

'Do it now…' Renly told him, whining slightly as Loras pulled his hand away, but using the opportunity to try and catch his breath back. Loras poured what was left of the oil onto his hand, trying not think about it too much as he slicked himself up with it. The feeling was definitely too much to ignore, but he tried to put it to the back of his mind – the last thing he wanted was for this to end before it had even started. It didn't help that Renly was watching him do it, biting his lip, his eyes clouded. Loras stilled his hand, watching Renly regain a little bit of his control. He grabbed a pillow off the other side of the bed, putting it under his hips to change the angle. Loras raised an eyebrow at him.

'Think about the logistics of it,' Renly told him with as much of a shrug as he could manage lying down. 'it's probably easier.'

'You've given this more thought than you're letting on, haven't you?'

Renly flashed him a cheeky smirk. 'And if I have?'

Loras didn't answer him, just let his hand slide up Renly's chest to gently pinch his nipple, earning himself a hiss.

'You've got a sadistic side, do you know that?' Renly said with a grin, bracing his hands on Loras' shoulders.

'I think you like it.'

'Never said I didn't.'

Loras didn't bother with a reply, he was too preoccupied by now. He'd moved over so he could carefully line himself up to start pushing inside Renly, and he was using too much of his concentration on that to keep up conversation, as well. He glanced down at Renly, keeping close watch over his expression as he pressed inside, very slowly, desperate not to hurt him. But when he stopped part way through, Renly just urged him on further.

'Doesn't it hurt?' Loras asked quietly, once he was fully inside. He didn't dare move until he was told to, but he needed to take his mind off how intensely amazing it felt. The tight heat was insane, he had no idea how he'd manage with it while moving, too. He felt Renly's legs around his hips, holding him in place.

'A bit,' Renly admitted. 'but it's not… _bad_. It's a good sort of pain.'

'What?'

'It burns, in a way, but it's… I can't explain it.' Renly continued, taking quick breaths now. 'Can you move? Please?'

Loras didn't need to be asked twice. He started off slowly, gently rolling his hips to see what sort of a response that got. Renly let out a low moan, using his leverage on Loras' shoulders to pull him down into a kiss. It wasn't an artful kiss, it was urgent and passionate, and more of a press of tongues than anything else. But Loras couldn't complain, as he continued the same movement with his hips, unable to stop the groans leaving his own throat at the feeling. He wanted to keep this on Renly's terms, but his hips were moving on instinct now, pulling further back each time. He hadn't even noticed that one hand was gripping Renly's hip, almost vice-like and bound to leave bruises.

'Loras…' Renly moaned, barely a gap between their lips. 'Loras… harder - _please_ …'

Loras pulled out as much as he dared, before letting his hips work of their own accord, slamming back inside, making them both moan far louder than their location allowed for. He'd clearly hit that spot he'd found before, Renly's fingers were gripping his shoulders so hard it hurt, and the noises he made sent shocks straight through Loras' entire body. He knew this was starting to get too much, he could feel himself getting close, that familiar sensation in the pit of his stomach. He silently wondered how he'd even lasted this long.

' _Fuck_ , Loras…' Renly groaned, his hips meeting every one of Loras' thrusts now, completely in sync. Loras noticed Renly move one of his hands off his shoulder, watched him wrap his fingers around his cock, quick strokes in time with the rhythm they'd created. He could do nothing but keep up his timing as Renly threw his head back on the pillow, crying out as his hand worked quicker, muscles contracting and sending Loras hurtling closer to the edge faster than he could have predicted. A thought hit Loras in the midst of this, just as Renly's climax found him with a loud moan of Loras' name, spilling across both their stomachs. Loras felt himself _so_ close, but he forced himself to pull out.

Renly was clearly still lucid, even though his eyes were shut, since his hand found Loras' cock, and it only took a few quick strokes before Loras broke, seeing stars behind his eyelids as he spilled into Renly's hand.

He dropped himself onto the bed next to Renly, breathing heavily as he tried to catch his breath back.

'That,' Renly started after a few minutes. 'was incredible.'

'I know.' Loras agreed, casting a glance around the room as he realised how uncomfortable it was about to become if they didn't clean themselves up. 'Is there a cloth or something in here?'

'Drawer beside the bed.' Renly told him. Loras opened it and found the cloth, pouring some water on it from the jug beside the bed. He cleaned himself up and turned over to do the same for Renly, who just watched him with a contented smile. Loras threw the cloth into the water bowl, hoping he wouldn't miss because he was too tired to get up and move it if he did. Fortunately the cloth landed with a small splash and Loras lay back down with a happy sigh.

Renly pulled him in closer, his arm wrapping around Loras' waist. He pressed a kiss to his shoulder.

'I love you so much.' Renly murmured into his skin. 'I really, really love you.'

Loras laughed quietly. 'I love you, too. But you're so much better at saying it than I am.'

Renly lifted his head to smile at him, brushing Loras' hair off his face. 'I like just hearing you say it.'

'That's good then,' Loras answered. 'I like saying it.'


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slightly short chapter this time. Thanks guys:)

Renly woke up before Loras the next morning. He hadn't surprised himself in waking up this early, since they'd both fallen asleep earlier than usual the night previously. He hadn't expected Loras to sleep so long, but he wasn't complaining. Loras always looked so beautiful when he was sleeping. Renly turned over to watch him, unable to resist gently brushing Loras' hair off his face, letting his fingers lightly trace his cheek bone. Loras sighed in his sleep, shifting slightly closer to Renly, who used the new proximity to press a kiss to Loras' neck.

'Morning.' Loras muttered, still half asleep. Renly just chuckled, kissing his neck again just to hear him sigh.

'Good morning.' Renly answered, lifting his head to kiss Loras' cheek instead. 'You looked so beautiful, I couldn't help wanting to touch.'

'Well, I'm not expecting an apology for that.' Loras told him with a smirk, running his hand through Renly's dark hair, tangled from sleep.

'Good.' Renly continued, wrapping his arm around Loras' chest and holding him close. He sighed happily. 'I love you.'

Loras smiled back at him. 'Do you ever wonder,' Loras started, his voice quiet. 'what it would be like if we didn't have to hide it? If… one day, we could show our love in front of other people.'

Renly felt his heart sink slightly. 'Sometimes.' He admitted. 'But there's hardly an reason to dwell on something that can't be.'

'I know, but…' Loras sighed heavily, his eyes glazing as he remembered something. 'Tym once asked me, if… if I could marry you, would I.'

Renly pulled him in a little closer in his embrace. 'And what did you say?'

'I said I would. In a heartbeat, I would.'

Renly felt his heart skip a beat, fluttering in his chest. Loras was always so unashamedly honest, and hearing him say that sent a warm glow through Renly's body. But at the same time, talking about it only made him sadder that it would only ever be a fantasy.

'Loras… I love you, and if it were possible, I –'

'I know.' Loras said. 'I know it can't happen. But, I just… I wanted you to know.'

'Thank you. And if it _was_ possible, I'd marry you tomorrow.'

Loras observed him for a moment, a small smile on his face, but it was the sort of smile that lit up his eyes, too. 'At least we leave Dorne tomorrow.' He said eventually. 'I'd marry you just for that.'

Renly laughed at that, leaning down to kiss him lightly. 'And we've got a whole day to ourselves today.' Renly reminded him.

'And what to do with it, I wonder.' Loras mused, smiling up at him. The expression on his face told Renly that Loras would have liked nothing more than staying exactly where they were all day long. But Renly knew someone would find that suspicious. They'd need to be seen doing _something_ that day, even if it was just wandering around.

'When we get back to Storm's End we can spend days lying in bed if you like, but people might notice here.'

'People would notice at Storm's End, too.' Loras said with a smirk. 'It's just that people there love you so much they look the other way.'

'True.' Renly answered with a slight shrug. 'But we'll have to do something else today. Arianne was showing me the gardens before, I think you'd like them.'

Loras made a face at that. 'I don't want to go and see places you've been with your little princess.'

'She's not _my_ princess.'

'The Martells seem to want her to be.'

'But _you're_ my princess.' Renly grinned at him.

'Oh, shut-up.' Loras gave him a playful shove and rolled his eyes at him. He sat up and moved to get out of bed. 'And call me a princess one more time and I'll do something no princess ever would.'

'Now you're just tempting me.'

He heard Loras sigh before he got up, picking up his clothes from the night before and heading for the adjoining door. He paused in the doorway, leaning against the frame, seemingly forgetting that he wasn't dressed at all.

'So, where do you want to go today, then?'

'We could go to a market? It might be nice to buy something traditional to take back.'

'Nice for who?'

'Get dressed.' Renly told him with a fond smile. Loras just flashed a grin before he left through the door to get ready.

Renly was just starting to think that he might have gotten away with missing the dinner the night before, he and Loras had almost left Sunspear that morning and had so far encountered no one to speak to. He should have known it was too good to be true.

'Lord Renly!'

He actually jumped this time, cringing slightly because of it. He'd sworn to himself not to let The Red Viper make a habit of sneaking up on him, but it would seem he was unsuccessful.

'Prince Oberyn.' He said, turning around to face him. He felt Loras tense up beside him, and he prayed that Prince Oberyn wouldn't acknowledge him.

'We missed you at dinner last night,' The Red Viper told him, though the look in his eyes told Renly he knew exactly what they'd been doing to miss it. 'were you feeling unwell?'

Renly cleared his throat awkwardly. 'A little, yes. I just needed some sleep, that's all.'

'I'm sure.'

'If you'll excuse me, I've plans to visit the market today.' Renly told him, trying to keep his tone polite. Prince Oberyn simply nodded and took his leave, looking rather smug about the whole thing. Renly sighed deeply, turning around to carry on his way.

'That was… strange.' Loras said after a while.

'It was.' Renly agreed.

Loras could tell that The Red Viper had unnerved Renly. Even though he was smiling at everyone and being his usual self, Loras could see through it. He knew the prince had got under his skin. Loras couldn't blame him for that, although he knew his own views on Oberyn Martell were hardly objective.

He watched Renly wander around the market stalls, nodding along as he commented on things he liked. Renly had stopped at another stall to look at gemstones inlaid into brooches, when someone caught Loras' eye. He instantly knew who it was, since they stopped dead still across the marketplace.

'I'll be back in a moment.' Loras told him quietly. Renly gave him a confused look, but for once remained silent. Loras flashed a quick smile, hoping to set Renly at ease, before he took off into the market.

He found Daeron a little off the pathway, and the poor boy looked like he'd seen a ghost. Loras tried to smile at him, but he wasn't sure if it worked.

'You… you're…'

'Yes.' Loras answered with a shrug.

'You're Mace Tyrell's son, aren't you?'

'Yes. I'm Loras Tyrell.'

'I didn't know.' Daeron muttered, although he sounded mostly like he was talking to himself. 'I should have known.'

'Does it matter?' Loras asked, feeling nerves start to creep in. What if Daeron told someone? It wouldn't take a genius to figure out Loras' relationship with Renly… what if Daeron wanted money?

Daeron stared at him for a while, almost as if he still couldn't quite believe it. 'And… and your friend that got that vial of oil from Prince Oberyn? Was that _Lord Renly_?'

'Shh!' Loras hissed at him, pulling him further away from the pathway. 'Yes, but keep your voice down!'

'You and him… you're…?'

'Yes, but you can hardly judge me for it.'

'I'm not!'

'It sounds a little like you are.'

'I'm not judging you – I'm _jealous_.'

Loras paused, repeating those words in his head. Jealous? 'Why? We have to keep it a secret and if the wrong person found out something awful could happen. Why would you be jealous of that?'

Daeron shook his head, a sad sort of smile appearing on his face. 'Why?' He repeated. 'Because you have someone. You're in love, it's glaringly obvious. You have that one person you can share everything with. That's why I'm jealous. People pay me so they can pretend, or escape, for a while. Then it's over and they leave. You have someone who _loves_ you forever.'

'I… I'm sorry.' Loras said slowly. 'I didn't think. I… I didn't even realise…'

'What? You didn't realise how lucky you are?'

'I suppose not.'

'Well think about it. Some of us will never have what you have. Even if you have to hide it, it's better than having nothing at all.' The look in Daeron's eyes told Loras he meant everything he said, it sent a spike straight through Loras' chest. Had he really never thought about it this way? Daeron was right, of course he was. It wasn't even just about those who had to hide their relationships, it was about everyone. Girls who were sent halfway across the country to marry someone they've never met, they might never find love, either. Loras thought of Cersei Lannister, who so clearly despised her husband… for a fleeting second he felt sympathy for her. But it was gone after a heartbeat.

Daeron left without another word, melted back into the sea of people in the market. Loras took a moment to think, take a breath, compose himself. He headed back into the market to find Renly again. It didn't take him long, since he hadn't realised he'd been half watching him the whole time he'd been gone.

'What was that about?' Renly asked him.

'I just needed a minute. It's so busy around here, I needed some air.'

'And you're all right now?'

'I'm fine.'

'Good.' Renly said, flashing a smile as he made to move on. Loras smiled back, though the worried look Renly gave him in return told him it wasn't entirely convincing.


	58. Interlude II: The Lost Lion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another interlude from Lady Amber, this one is a little relevant to the plot, but it's nothing that won't be covered in the next chapter if you don't wanna read Amber's chapters :)

Lady Amber had been sound asleep when that knocking at the door woke her up. She was not pleased about it, given that herself and Will had only gone to sleep a few hours previously. She groaned and turned over, exchanging a glance with her husband.

'I've got to answer them.' Will told her, sighing heavily. Amber rolled her eyes at him, but remained silent. Will looked back towards the door. 'Enter.'

Amber pulled the sheets up a little more, making sure she was covered, as the door opened. It was one of the maester's assistants, looking rattled. Amber raised an eyebrow at him and he quickly averted his gaze.

'My lord,' he started, addressing Will. 'there's been an important raven from King's Landing. Lord Stannis has called you to talk with him.'

'Must it be now?' Will asked, though it didn't really sound like a question.

'My lord…'

'I know, I know.' Will groaned, dragging his hand through his hair. 'I'll be there shortly.' He said, and the assistant left the room. 'I'm sorry.' Will continued once the door was shut, turning back to his wife.

Amber shook her head, sitting up. 'It must be important, whatever it is. That's not your fault.' Amber told him, tilting her head up to let him press a delicate kiss against her lips before he got out of bed. She liked to fein disinterest with Will when it came to important matters, even though she knew she wasn't fooling him half the time. She let him get dressed and dropped herself back onto the bed as he left. The door shut and she smiled to herself, wondering which of her spies would be present at that meeting.

It was a cupbearer who came to her first, timidly knocking on the door before she admitted her. By this time Amber was dressed and sitting at her desk, reading to pass the time as she waited for information. She knew she could just ask Will, he'd almost certainly tell her, but it was probably safer to keep him in the dark. If Stannis ever found out he'd been breaking his secrecy, he'd be furious, and Amber knew Stannis was more than capable of holding a grudge.

This cupbearer was only one of the steady handful of informants Amber had managed to secure since relocating to Dragonstone. She had a few cupbearers, a couple of squires, and a handmaiden to Lady Selyse. All very useful to finding out the inner workings of Dragonstone as and when they happened.

'M'lady,' the cupbearer started, shutting the door behind her. She was only a little thing, maybe about ten years old, and such a small girl. Her eyes were wide, she looked scared. Amber raised an eyebrow at her. 'M'lady, he sent all the servants away.'

'Stannis did?'

'Yes, m'lady. Said he didn't want anyone hearing.'

'Gods damn him.' Amber muttered, slamming her book shut and turning in her chair to face the servant. 'What did you learn before you were dismissed?'

'Hardly a thing, m'lady. There was a raven from King's Landing, but that's all I know. Someone mentioned someone named Jon, but Stannis told them to be quiet.'

'Jon?' Amber repeated. The servant nodded. Jon Arryn, she presumed. He was the only Jon of note she could think of in King's Landing – a member of the small council, the same as Stannis was. He could be being called back to King's Landing on council business…

'Who was present at this meeting?'

'Lord Stannis, of course… and Ser Axell, Ser Erren and Ser Imry – all from House Florent. And, your husband…'

'Thank you.' Amber said after a moment, opening a desk drawer and taking out a small leather pouch. She tossed it to the servant, who caught it quickly.

'But… but I hardly knew anything…'

'And you had the courage to tell me that.' Amber reminded her. 'Many would have lied.'

Once the cupbearer had left, Amber had to decide how to find out what was happening in that meeting. She didn't want to ask Will about it unless it was the very last resort, there had to be another way. And it wasn't as if she had any business any where near The Chamber of the Painted Table. There was no lie she could tell that would be convincing, that room was at the top of the tower, the only other nearby rooms belonged to the old Maester, but even they were too far away for Amber to find herself near the top of the tower if she'd been visiting Cressen. She sighed and leant back in her chair, desperate to think of _something_.

Another knock at the door broke her from her thoughts, as Gem let herself into the room. She'd changed in appearance considerably since becoming Lady Amber's handmaiden. Her hair was always perfect now, Amber had shown her exactly how to keep it in place so Gem always looked proper. Her dresses were much finer than she'd been able to afford before, since Amber paid for all her things. She didn't mind, she liked buying dresses for Gem, she picked blues and greens – ocean colours to bring out her eyes.

'My lady.' Gem greeted her with a smile. Amber had also broken Gem's habit of saying _m'lady_ , repeatedly telling her it was my if you were highborn – which as a handmaiden, she should appear to be. But it never took Gem long to learn anything, and she was a very good handmaiden. She'd become something of a friend, too.

'Gem.' Amber returned her smile. 'Are you well?'

'Yes, thank you, my lady. Yourself?'

Amber sighed again. 'I'm wondering how to overhear the meeting going on this morning. Will was called to it earlier, apparently there's been a very important message, but Stannis sent all the servants away before he said anything worthwhile.'

'And you won't ask Will, of course.' Gem supposed. Amber nodded silently. 'I wonder…' Gem started slowly, more talking to herself. 'Who else was at this meeting?'

'A few high up Florents, people Stannis trusts I imagine.'

' _Which_ high up Florents?'

'Axell, Erren-'

'Ser Erren?' Gem repeated.

'Yes. Why?'

Gem smiled wryly back at Amber. 'I've got an idea. Give me the rest of the day and I'll tell you everything that was said at that meeting.'

'Gem…'

'Trust me, my lady.' The smile Gem gave her made Amber pause, made her want to trust this seemingly harmless girl.

'All right.' Amber decided. 'Just don't get yourself into trouble, will you?'

Gem smirked at her, not bothering to actually answer that question. The elevation to handmaiden suited her well, and had done wonders for the girl's confidence. Amber had no doubt that once she made a suitable marriage for the girl, she'd be entirely different from the serving girl Renly had employed. Although, Amber recollected as she watched Gem leave, she might not _want_ to get married off like that, no matter how much of a match Amber could make for her. She hadn't been ignorant to Gem's attachment to the squire that was killed at Amber's wedding. She had no doubt that it would probably take Gem a considerable amount of time to get over that. And she would respect that. Gem did not come from the same world Amber did, and so should be allowed as much time as it took to grieve. Had Gem actually been highborn, to a lord and a lady rather than the bastard daughter of a lord, she would never have been allowed time like this. If her husband had died she'd be married off the second his corpse was in the ground.

Will returned much later that day, looking exhausted. He almost fell into a chair in the solar once he'd shut the door, groaning to himself as he shut his eyes.

'Busy day?' Amber asked with disinterest.

Will just sighed in response. 'It's hard work pleasing that man, you know.' Will told her, sitting more upright to address her. 'He tells you one thing, so you agree, and then he berates you for agreeing.'

Amber smiled at him. 'It's a shame you never got to know Renly better. I feel like you'd have gotten along famously.'

'Stannis would have hated that.'

'True.' Amber agreed. 'Was it important?'

'Yes.' Will told her without hesitation. 'What Stannis intends to do about it is something else entirely, though. He's… well, it's information we can hardly act upon.'

'Seems a little pointless.' Amber said with a shrug. 'Having information coming in that you can't use.'

'Can we talk about something else?' Will moaned, dragging his sandy hair off his face. 'Please? I've been talking about this _all day_.'

'And what would you like to talk about?'

'Well, actually,' Will told her, flashing a smirk as he stood up and crossed the room to her. 'I was thinking about not talking about _anything_ …' She felt his hand across her back, moving up to caress her neck. She sighed and shifted out of his touch.

'I'm expecting Gem to call by shortly.'

'I'll be very quick.' Will said with a laugh. Amber rolled her eyes at him, but couldn't help but smile.

'I don't doubt it.' She said flatly. Will put his hand to his chest, as though catching an arrow embedded in it. Amber didn't want to laugh at him, but she couldn't help it. Will just had this way about him that always made her smile or laugh. She didn't think she'd ever laughed so much before coming to Dragonstone, which was ironic since she'd hated the idea of coming in the first place.

After a short while Will fell asleep anyway, collapsed onto a sofa and completely fast asleep. Which was just as well since Gem arrived not long afterwards. Amber ushered her inside, bringing her into the bedchamber instead, just in case Will was lucid enough to hear snippets of their conversation.

'My lady,' Gem started as soon as the door was shut. 'I came straight here, you'll want to hear about this.' She paused, and Amber felt as though her heart was about to stop. She had a very bad feeling about this…

'It was a message from the Hand of the King, he said… he said that he's found proof that the royal children aren't the king's. He wrote that they were… they were children of incest,' Gem seemed to hardly be able to believe what she was saying, but Amber knew this sounded all to familiar to her. 'that they're the Kingslayer's children. The queen's twin…'

'Seven hells.' Amber muttered, taking a step backwards to steady herself against the dresser. She had been the only person who knew about Jaime and Cersei's affair, the only one. But now Renly knew, and Cersei knew that he did… but how did Jon Arryn know? And why was he sending ravens around informing people? If Cersei managed to trace this back to Amber…

'My lady, are you alright?'

'It's just a shock.' Amber lied. This was bad, this was very bad. If this news became too widely known it would cause carnage. An uprising. And if Robert were to die… that didn't bare thinking about. And this made The Queen of Thorns' plot to marry Margaery Tyrell off to Robert all the more difficult, since it now meant they had to act fast. Before all this came to light. If word of this got out before they were ready, they'd loose all hope completely. And it would hardly be fair to marry Margaery to Robert if she'd just had to watch him murder his last wife – which he undoubtedly would if he found out. And those children… Amber had no idea what would become of them.

Gem left once Amber had assured her she'd done well. She didn't inquire as to how Gem had come by this information, and she had a strange feeling that she didn't want to.

'Everything alright?' Will asked her. Amber hadn't realised how long she'd been sitting on the bed thinking, trying to stop her head spinning. It must have been a lot later than she'd thought.

'You have relatives in The Reach, don't you?' Amber asked him, suddenly having an idea.

'Yes…' Will said slowly. 'Why?'

'I think it's time there was a tourney at Brightwater Keep.' Amber told him, flashing a cunning kind of smile.

'Do you?' Will asked, returning her smile. 'And what are you plotting now, Amber?'

'I'm not sure yet.' Amber told him. 'But I need to talk to Renly. If there's a tourney here it will draw attention, but at Brightwater it will just be a coincidence. And Renly will go, as will the Tyrells.'


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here, have some Edric, because.

Storm's End was bitterly cold when they returned from Dorne. Renly wasn't sure if it was the contrast of Dornish weather, or if it was genuinely colder than usual, but he was shivering all the same. Ser Cortnay greeted him on arrival, updating him on a short number of tasks that had been accomplished, as well as new ones that had arisen in his absence.

'And one more thing, my lord.' Ser Cortnay told him, stopping in the corridor before Renly could disappear off to his rooms for the night. For a moment, Ser Cortnay's eyes lingered on Loras, hovering at Renly's side. He gave his lord a slight look, but Renly caught it instantly.

'Go along, Loras.' He told him with a smile. 'I'll be up shortly.'

'You're playing a tricky game with that one, my lord.' Ser Cortnay said as they watched Loras depart, both of them knowing exactly where he was going.

'I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about, ser.' Renly told him, unable to keep back a smirk. He'd trusted Ser Cortnay this far, he had no doubts that he could trust him with this, too.

Cortnay chuckled, shaking his head at his lord. 'If you insist. Although, I'll inform the staff you're not to be disturbed tonight.'

'Thank you.' Renly said with a smile. There was a reason he'd always liked Ser Cortnay. 'What was it you wanted to tell me?' Renly asked, remembering that they hadn't just stopped there to discuss Loras.

'A raven from Brightwater Keep, my lord, inviting you to a tourney they're holding. I'm sure we can make time for it before you leave for King's Landing, if you wanted. There was also a raven from Lady Amber, I had it left on your desk for you. I thought it impertinent if I opened it for you.'

'Excellent, thank you.' Renly said. 'We'll talk about Brightwater tomorrow, since I'm sure Loras will want to have his say about that, them being Florents and all.'

'Of course, my lord. I would have thought Loras would enjoy besting them even more with that said.'

Renly laughed at that, bidding Ser Cortnay a good night before he ascended the stairs to his own rooms. Loras was exactly where he expected him to be, lounging on Renly's bed looking both tired and glorious simultaneously. Renly just wanted to stare at him, but he settled for a sigh before he picked up Amber's letter from his desk. He scanned it over and set it down again.

'What's that?' Loras inquired, lazily rolling over onto his back and dropping his head back to look at Renly upside down. Renly grinned at him and shook his head. Loras returned the smile and settled himself down to stare at the ceiling instead.

'It's a letter from Amber.' Renly told him, climbing up next to him on the bed. 'There's to be a tourney at Brightwater Keep –'

'No.' Loras said instantly.

'- And Amber wants me there, she arranged it because she needs to talk about something. It seems urgent.' Renly continued as if Loras hadn't spoken. Loras huffed next to him, clearly dissatisfied with that arrangement. Renly turned over onto his side, to face Loras.

'It would give you some more tourney experience, you can unhorse a few Florents along the way, as well.' Renly told him softly, doing his best to coax him into agreeing. Loras' expression became a little thoughtful when he heard that, and Renly could tell he was listening now. A few more well judged statements like that one and Loras would be _wanting_ to go.

Footsteps broke Renly out of his thoughts of what to say next, thundering footsteps up the stone stairs. A brief knock on the door was the only warning before it flew open. Renly didn't even have time to get up from his bed, as his nephew entered the room. Edric didn't seem surprised to find Loras in Renly's chambers, nor to find both of them lying on the bed together. In fact, he didn't even appear to have noticed.

'Uncle Renly,' he started innocently, shutting the door behind him. 'it's so cold in my room, can I stay in here? And it's _loud_. I can hear the wind blowing, it's noisy.'

'Oh… er,' Renly glanced back at Loras, who appeared to have frozen in time, unsure what to do next. Eventually Loras stared back, wide-eyed, saying nothing. 'I suppose.' Renly said eventually. 'But on one condition, Edric.'

'What's that?'

'You don't tell _anyone_ that Loras was here when you came in, understand?'

Edric shrugged casually. 'Alright then.' He placed himself in the chair by the fire, curling his legs up under his small frame, observing his uncle. 'Why don't you want anyone to know?'

'Well…' Renly started, but faltered straight away. How to explain that to Edric without explaining what was going on between them? Loras cleared his throat awkwardly, sitting upright against the headboard to watch the exchange.

'Is it because people won't understand?' Edric asked, still completely innocently. Renly stared at him in disbelief. Edric took the silence as agreement and continued. 'They won't understand that you love each other?'

'Edric,' Renly started carefully. 'regardless of whether that's true or not-'

'It is.' Edric said confidently.

' _Regardless_ ,' Renly repeated. 'you can't tell anyone. Not even one person. Promise you won't?'

Edric shrugged passively. 'I promise. But you shouldn't have to hide it, you know. It's hardly encouraging to see your uncle having to sneak around to be with someone he loves. You should be free to love whoever you like.'

'I wish it were that simple.' Renly agreed, sighing heavily and sitting up. He dragged his hair off his face as he observed his nephew. He wished everyone could see the world as children did, never grow into prejudices and assumptions of what was right.

'I should go.' Loras decided after a while, shifting himself off the bed. 'It's late, we should probably all get some rest.'

'I thought you usually stayed in here.' Edric commented. Loras had to double take at how casually Edric could just say that.

'You know?' Loras asked before he could stop himself.

Edric shrugged again. 'Yes. I know an awful lot, actually.'

'I sincerely hope that's not true.' Loras muttered, seeing Renly try to hide a smirk on hearing that. 'Goodnight, then.' Loras said, before Edric could reveal anymore of his knowledge. Loras gave Renly an awkward glance, unsure of what he was supposed to do in front of Edric, so he backed out of the room quickly and shut the door behind him. He shook his head and started down the stairs to his own chambers.

He'd barely made it a few steps before the door opened again and Edric jogged down the stairs to meet him.

'Loras,' he started. 'you didn't have to leave because of me, you know.'

'I did a little bit, Edric.' Loras told him honestly. 'It would have been wrong of me not to.'

Edric rolled his eyes at him. Loras wondered how this boy got away with the amount of insolence that he did. But, he knew Ser Cortnay had a soft spot for him, Edric was his ward after all. He had no reason to take him in to begin with, so Edric must have made an impression on him.

'He loves you, Loras.' Edric said. Loras had heard Renly say those words so many times now, but it sent a shock straight through his chest to hear someone else say it like that. Like it was something you heard in everyday conversation.

'I know.' Loras said eventually. 'I… I love him, too.'

'Good.' Edric answered with a smile. 'I can tell, though. You didn't have to tell me. I want that when I grow up, a love like you two have.'

'Do you?'

'With a girl, but that love all the same.'

'You'll have it, Edric.' Loras said without hesitation. 'I don't doubt that.'

The boy smiled at that, a genuine smile, but it was gone in an instant. So different from the brash sort of smile Edric had picked up from his uncle, Loras wondered if he'd even seen that smile at all. He watched Edric go back up the stairs to Renly's chambers, sighing as he did so. Edric was a sweet boy, he just had to hope he was also a clever one.

Renly dropped himself back onto his bed, listening as Edric came back up the stairs and re-entered the room, the door swinging shut behind him. He got up onto the bed to sit on the other side from Renly, saying nothing, for now. Renly couldn't stop himself smiling back at him. He felt lucky that his nephew was like this, so accepting in an instant. He knew for a fact that Joffrey would not have behaved at all similarly. Myrcella, maybe, but certainly not Joffrey.

'I think it's nice.' Edric said eventually. 'What you have with Loras, I mean. I like it. You're happier.'

'I am?'

'Yes.' Edric told him surely. 'You weren't _sad_ before, but you're definitely happier now. I can just tell.'

'You're right.' Renly agreed. He didn't need Edric to tell him that, he'd felt it himself.

Loras heard Edric leaving in the morning, coming down the stairs on his own. He could tell it was Edric since the footsteps were quick, sometimes taking the steps two at a time. Only a child would do that. Loras had been so tired when he came to bed, but he'd hardly slept at all that night. As soon as he'd heard Edric leave, he got out of bed and climbed the stairs up to Renly's chambers.

As he'd expected, Renly was still asleep. The fire was still going, clearly Edric had still been cold during the night. Loras hadn't bothered getting dressed, he just crawled under the covers of Renly's bed in his nightclothes, fitting himself against him. He sighed, stretching out a little, before he opened his eyes to look back at Loras.

'Good morning.' Renly muttered sleepily, smiling at him.

'Morning.' Loras answered, returning the smile. Renly reached out to touch his palm to Loras' cheek for a moment, before letting his hand wander further to run through Loras' curls.

'Was Edric alright?' Loras asked after a while, shifting himself closer to lean his head against Renly's shoulder, feeling Renly's arm instantly wrap around him, holding him close.

'He's fine.' Renly told him. 'I just have to hope he knows how to keep a secret. Especially when I go to King's Landing, I probably ought to tell Ser Cortnay that he knows, so he can keep an eye on him.'

'Who would he tell?' Loras asked after a moment. Although Edric led a different sort of life to most bastards, even those of nobles, he still wasn't presented when there were guests, unless they specifically asked to see him – which none had done since Loras had been there, at least.

'I don't know.' Renly admitted. 'But if someone comes asking, looking to find something to blackmail me with or the like, the first person they'll ask is Edric.'

'Why?'

'Because children speak easily.' Renly told him. 'And often truly.'


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, guys! Not sure how long it will be before I update, I'm moving out tomorrow so either I'll update really quickly because I'm bored, or it'll be a while because I'm busy. I genuinely have no clue, but here: have another chapter while we wait and see.

It was a long ride to Brightwater Keep, involving long, tiring days of traveling and very little rest in between. Loras didn't voice it, but he wondered if it would be odd that Renly had accepted the invitation at all, with Storm's End being so far away. But he had, and he'd have to come up with a good enough excuse if anyone questioned him about it. Loras remained unsold on the idea of being surrounded by so many Florents, but he just had to keep in mind that he'd have a fair shot at the title in the tourney, since Jaime Lannister was not going to be present. None of the royal family had accepted the invitation. It was curtesy to invite the king to every tourney, but he rarely accepted invitations that would take him so far out of King's Landing. Although, Loras had to be thankful that Brightwater was so close to Highgarden, since it meant it would see his family again. And not just his brothers, either, his sister would be there, too, now she was a little older. He hoped she got to see him win.

Renly's welcome to Brightwater was pleasant enough, as was to be expected. The Florents held nothing against the Baratheons, and had as much to prove as House Tyrell in that regard, since both houses had been supports of the Targaryens during Robert's conquest for the throne. Renly was welcomed very warmly by Lord Alester, told how pleased House Florent was to have him at Brightwater, wishing him the best of luck in the tourney… and then he simply presented a curt nod to Loras and that was that. Loras had to really fight himself to resist the urge to roll his eyes at the Lord of Brightwater Keep. Alester Florent was an aging man, and stubborn, too. Loras remembered harsh exchanges of words between Lord Alester and his own lord father when they'd both been into their cups during feasts at Highgarden.

Lady Amber and Ser Willum had arrived before they did, clearly having set out earlier from Dragonstone. The rooms they'd been given far exceeded what had been given to Renly, though Loras had a feeling that might have been due to the fact that Will hadn't brought a Tyrell with him. And he was family, that probably helped, too. Amber had clearly been doing her best to make a good impression on the rest of Will's family, since she was dressed head to foot in green. It suited her well, but it was clearly an attempt at flattery.

She pulled Renly aside the first chance she had without it seeming suspicious. He'd been anticipating it, knowing she was the reason for his invitation. She took him to her solar, saying nothing as she threw open the balcony doors and ushered him outside, shutting the doors behind her. He could only quirk an eyebrow at her.

'Just in case.' She told him, breaking her silence.

'You think there are spies _here_?' Renly questioned in disbelief.

'Varys and Littlefinger have spies _everywhere_.' Amber reminded him, joining him at the edge of the balcony, staring out over the view of the Honeywine river. It was beautiful, anyone could see that, with the sun just starting to set, setting an actual honey glow over the water.

'Stannis knows about Cersei and Jaime.' Amber said after a moment, her voice like stone. Renly gaped at her.

'But… how? You were the only one who knew… Did Will…'

'Will didn't know.' Amber cut him off, not even bothering to chastise him for the implication that her own husband would betray her like that. 'But Stannis received a raven from Jon Arryn, he told him about his suspicions. Since then Stannis has decided to go back to the King's Landing to investigate for himself and gather evidence.'

'Evidence? Seven hells, Amber. Once Stannis gets an idea in his head he'll never let it go.' Renly told her. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest at the sort of carnage Stannis could cause with this information. He'd always had an over-inflated sense of justice, anyone who cuts the fingers off their saviour would have. And now Cersei might hold himself or Amber to blame if Stannis told her… the consequences of that did not bare thinking about.

'I'd like to know how Jon Arryn found out.' Amber continued, leaning against the iron railings on the balcony, forged into floral patterns. 'And why he hasn't told Robert. We'd all know if he had.'

Renly nodded in agreement. 'He'd have Cersei beheaded the second he knew.'

'What would he do with the children?'

'I don't know.' Renly answered honestly. 'He's never been particularly… fond of them. Myrcella he might feel some guilt over, but the boys? No. Truly, I'm not sure if he's even considered them his own children, anyway.'

'Joffrey is so like his mother.' Amber said with a sigh. 'In a way, it's hard to believe he could be Robert's, really. He's too much a Lannister, and in the worst possible way.' Renly just stared at her, wondering what she could possibly mean by implying anyone could be a Lannister in a bad way. Amber didn't look back as she continued. 'He has the worst traits of everyone. He has Cersei's vanity and cruelty, along with Jaime's arrogance and stubbornness. Out of all the traits those two possess between them, Joffrey has inherited the worst of them.'

'And to think, one day he'll be king.'

'Not if Stannis has his way.' Amber answered quickly. Renly blinked at her. Stannis was planning _treason_ now? 'He wants the evidence so he can tell Robert, get rid of Cersei's children as heirs.'

'And replace them with who?'

Amber shrugged. 'One can only assume he wants Robert to name him his heir.'

'Then we need to make plans for when he tells Robert. If we can persuade Robert into marrying Margaery, there will be legitimate heirs. I will not let Stannis take the Iron Throne. I won't.' Renly told her strongly, surprising even himself with the indignation with which he said it. Amber did not appear taken aback, though.

'I know.' She said simply. 'I've been talking with Loras' grandmother about it. I told her what Stannis knows, and what he's planning.'

'You… you're informing on Stannis to The Queen of Thorns?' Renly repeated, his voice wavering. 'Amber, if Stannis finds out…' He knew Stannis would not hesitate to behead Amber for this, treachery was still treachery to Stannis, no matter who carried it out. Surely Amber knew the gravity of what she was doing?

She nodded gravely. 'I'm aware of the punishment I'll face if he finds out. But he won't find out. I'm a Lannister, Renly, and I always will be. We're good at this sort of thing, trust me.'

'I do, Amber.' He said with a sigh. 'I just hope you know what you're doing.'

'Don't worry. When you go the King's Landing you can start working on Robert, telling him all kinds of lovely things about Margaery. We can even darken her hair if needs be, to make her look more like Lyanna Stark.'

Renly felt his stomach turn over. Lyanna Stark? There's no way Robert would believe anyone could even hold a candle to her. And, even though he'd always been kind to Renly, he didn't doubt that Robert wouldn't hesitate to backhand him if he dared compare anyone to Lyanna Stark. His best hope of talking up Margaery to the king was to make her out to be exactly as she was, a very comely young maid, completely ready and willing to warm his bed at night, knew the ways of court during the day, and looked beautiful in a dress while doing it. Dredging up memories of Lyanna Stark would have to be a last resort, only if _nothing_ else worked.

'Just leave it to me, Amber, I'll convince Robert. There's no need to start mentioning Lyanna.' Renly told her. She stared at him for a moment, trying to read his expression, but she didn't comment further.

'If he'll listen to anyone, it's you.' Amber said surely.

Renly felt distinctly uneasy about the whole affair. But who was he to meddle in what The Queen of Thorns was planning? He'd follow her instructions without complaint, if it kept him in good standing with Loras' family. They could have done any number of terrible things when Lady Olenna found out about their relationship, and he was forever indebted to her for being as accepting as she was.

He found Loras waiting in his chambers, sitting by the window staring out of it at the awaiting tourney grounds. The contests wouldn't begin for another few days, but the look of longing in Loras' eyes was difficult to miss. Renly stepped up behind him, wrapping his arms around Loras' shoulders, feeling Loras lean back against him with a sigh.

'Why are you in here?' Renly asked him quietly, pressing a gentle kiss to his neck. 'I'd have thought you'd be training all hours of the day.'

'I was.' Loras answered. 'Then I had a… disagreement with some Florent squire. I thought I should probably leave before I ran him through.'

Renly couldn't say he was surprised to hear this. 'It was probably for the best.' Renly agreed. Loras turned slightly, so he could look at him.

'But we could use this time for something else…'

Renly smirked at him, releasing him and crossing the room to sit on his bed. Loras followed him without prompt, curling up next to him when Renly dropped himself back to lie down.

'We have to be careful, Loras.' Renly told him regretfully. As much as he'd have loved to do what Loras was implying, spend _days_ doing that, he knew it was too risky. Especially here. The Florents did not need an excuse to spread gossip about the Tyrells, let alone Mace Tyrell's favourite son.

'I know.' Loras sighed, stretching out on the bed, his spine arching like a cat rolling over. 'What did Amber want then? I suspect it was important.'

'It was.' Renly agreed quietly. He recounted everything Amber had told him, watching Loras' expression changing as he did so. Loras looked just as worried as Renly had felt on hearing the news.

'So… we just wait, then? You try to… to _sell_ my sister to Robert…' Renly did not like the way he said that. He instantly thought he could have phrased his words better. 'and we just wait for something to happen? For Stannis to tell Robert, or for my grandmother to come up some evidence of some sort… and we just _wait_?'

'I know you don't like waiting,' Renly told him quietly, reaching out to try and pull him closer. Loras let him, but he was hardly willing. 'and _please_ don't describe this as selling Margaery. It's not like that. I promise Robert will treat her well, I won't let him do otherwise.'

'I'd rather she was marrying _you_ than Robert.' Loras confessed. 'I know she'd be safe with you. You'd treat her properly, like a real lady.'

'So will Robert.' Renly assured him. 'I promise you.'

Loras huffed out a sigh, pressing himself closer to fit his head against Renly's shoulder. 'I believe you.' He said after a moment. 'And I know my grandmother asked this of you, it wasn't your idea. I know that.'

Loras sat up a little, enough to lean down to press his lips against Renly's softly, enough to prove he believed his words. Renly reached up to run his fingers through Loras' hair, tangling in his curls, sighing happily as he did.

'So,' Loras started, pulling back to lie down again. 'if I win this tourney, will you revoke the rule on being careful?'

Renly had to laugh at that. Loras flashed a smirk back at him. 'We'll have to see if you win first.' Renly told him with a smirk. 'If you do, you'll just have to wait and see, won't you?'

Loras rolled his eyes at him. 'You would.'

'I might not.' Renly insisted.

'You _would_.' Loras said confidently. 'If you opened the door and found me just lying here, completely naked and waiting for you, tell me you'd say no.'

'Well…' Renly started, but faltered before he could tell that lie. He couldn't even deny the fact that just picturing that scenario was making his temperature rise.

'I knew it.' Loras grinned at him.

'You've got to win first.' Renly reminded him. Loras simply rolled his eyes at him again.

'Of course I'll win.' He told him confidently. 'I nearly won in King's Landing, didn't I? And I'm older now. Better.'

'And so modest.' Renly added, grinning back at Loras when he raised an eyebrow at him. Loras' steely expression broke after a moment, though, flashing a smirk in return.

'But you love me for it.' Loras said, rolling over slightly to bring himself closer.

'I do.' Renly agreed, gently pulling Loras closer still, to close the gap between them and embrace him. Loras sighed contentedly as he fitted himself against Renly, resting his head against his shoulder.

'You wouldn't like me nearly as much if I were modest.' Loras continued. Renly had to agree with that statement.

'True. I find your fearless confidence oddly endearing.' Renly told him fondly.

'I know.' Loras said with a quiet laugh. 'And I love you for it.'

'So you should.'

'And _I'm_ the one who's not modest?'

Renly laughed at that, pressing a kiss to Loras' curls. He could happily stay like this all night, all week even, but there were more pressing matters to attend. He knew they should get up and get ready to go to dinner, no matter how much Loras would hate spending the evening surrounded by Florents. Renly had also been wondering how Gem was getting along as a handmaiden, if she was enjoying working for Amber. He hoped to see her soon, but mostly he hoped she was alright after what had happened to Tym.


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been too long :( been so busy with uni! I'll try and keep on top of this, I really will. Definitely another chapter before I go back though, promise!

Lady Amber looked pristine, as always, Renly observed as he watched her enter the hall with Will. She looked better than usual on the arm of her husband, smiling and laughing at something he'd said. Renly would never cease to be surprised about how happy Will actually made her. Gem was beside her, chatting about something with a glowing smile on her face, dark hair pulled up behind her head, strands cascading down her back. She looked beautiful. Renly struggled to believe that this was the same serving girl that had left his employ not so long ago. The same girl who had lost someone she loved on Dragonstone. She was radiant now, a lady in her own right.

He watched Gem leave Amber's side to go and sit with her other handmaidens, strategically placed with young lords Renly knew were all unmarried. He couldn't keep back a small smile over Lady Amber's work at helping her handmaidens. For a Lannister, she was proving herself to have quite the kind heart.

'Good evening, Lord Renly.'

The voice nearly made him jump, he'd been so preoccupied in watching Amber and Gem. Lady Margaery took the seat next to him, straightening out her dress as she did so. She flashed that classic Tyrell smile, which reminded Renly almost eerily of her brother's smile.

'Lady Margaery.' He answered after a moment to try and stop his racing heartbeat after she startled him. He cast an involuntary look over at where Loras was sitting with a few other squires, very far from the Florent squires. Loras met his gaze and offered a reassuring smile.

'I heard of the trouble in King's Landing.' Margaery said calmly, almost passively, as if commenting on the weather. Renly felt as though his heart was being wrenched through his chest. How could she discuss this here? In such a crowded place? No one had noticed, they were all carrying on as normal, he realised. The way Margaery had spoken had not attracted any sort of attention.

'The trouble…' Renly repeated quietly. He knew she was referring to the letter from Jon Arryn, the new Tyrell plot to marry her to Robert. 'Yes.' He said shortly, unsure of what else to say.

She nodded thoughtfully, taking a small sip of her wine. 'I'm more than willing to do whatever necessary to help.' She said with a pleasant smile. Renly nearly choked on his own drink.

'Of… of course, my lady.' He answered, trying not to cough and attract attention. He struggled to believe that she could so willingly agree to marry Robert, and do so with a smile on her face, as well.

'Of course, my brother may require something in return. A gesture of gratitude.' Margaery continued. Renly stared at her, waiting for the rest of her sentence, for her to clarify which brother. Surely Loras would have said something before now, which only left Garlan or Willas.

'Loras would like a position in the kingsguard.'

This time Renly did spill his drink, missing the table by inches and having to make a rapid grab for it before it fell. He hastily placed it back on the table and waited a few moments before replying.

'Loras wants to be in the kingsguard?' Renly repeated in a hiss.

'Yes.' Margaery said simply. She quickly realised this was not enough. 'Once he's knighted, he'd like to protect the king. It only seems fitting when you consider what I'd be giving up to _help_.'

Renly sighed. Surely Loras could have told him this himself? Why did he have to hear it from Loras' sister?

'Of course.' Renly said shortly, unable to hide his disappointment. Margaery sensed it, he could tell, but for once she remained silent. This was a conversation for another time.

Amber and Will took their seats at the table, Amber seated on Renly's other side, and Will next to her. Something red caught the light around Amber's neck as Renly turned to address her. It was her necklace, a golden chain with two red jewel beads either side of a small pendant of a golden lion. He'd never seen her wearing it before.

'New necklace?' He asked her.

'No.' She answered, absentmindedly reaching her hand up to touch the lion. 'Cersei bought it for me years ago, I just haven't felt that it was right to wear it until now.'

'Why now?'

Amber inclined her head slightly, indicating something across the room. Renly followed her gaze to see a man in a red tunic in conversation with Randyll Tarly.

'The Lannister envoy.' Amber explained quietly. 'Here with Lord Tarly's party after a treat regarding ships. I want him to report back to Cersei with good things. My happiness will not be enough. She wants to know where my loyalties are.'

Renly nodded. Of course the envoy would be reporting to Cersei. In fact, Renly highly doubted that there had even been any discussion of shipping with Lord Tarly at all. This was just another reminded for Amber that she was always expected to be a Lannister, no matter how they treated her.

The meal ended, and dancing begun, as was customary to mark the beginning of a tourney. Loras found Renly almost instantly once the music began, as he leant against the table, taking sips of his wine. Loras flashed a bright smile, which Renly tried his best to return, but it was difficult given how he kept hearing Margaery repeating those words, _Loras would like a position in the kingsguard_. Was he really that eager to leave? He had his whole life planned out now?

'Are you alright?' Loras asked after a moment of silence.

'Fine.' Renly replied, hoping his voice didn't give him away. 'Just thinking. Sorry.' He watched Amber and Will dancing, the smile on Amber's face.

Loras looked as though he was about to say something else, when Gem appeared and he was halted.

'Good evening.' She said with a smirk. Renly was glad to see that some things had not changed.

'You look beautiful.' Renly told her honestly. Gem flushed slightly, glancing down at the floor for a moment before she looked back, delicately brushing one curl of her face.

'Thank you, my lord.' She answered. 'Thanks to you and Lady Amber, of course.'

'How are you enjoying life as a handmaiden?' Renly inquired, glancing back as the song ended to see Amber and Will start walking towards them.

'Very well, thank you.' Gem said with a bright smile. She cast a quick look at where Amber's other handmaiden looked bored stiff talking with the Lannister envoy. She turned and exchanged a look with Gem, who laughed for a moment as she turned back.

'Elyssa's jealous that I'm talking to you.' Gem said quietly, still smiling.

'I'm sure I can rectify that.' Renly told her with a smirk of his own. Gem grinned back, while Loras only rolled his eyes. 'If you'll excuse me.' He flashed a smile before he made his way over to where Elyssa and the envoy were stood, not failing to miss the look of alarm and excitement on Elyssa's face as he did. She was a pretty girl, of course, and if he recalled correctly, of House Marbrand. He silently wondered how much Amber would confide in a girl from arguably the most faithful House to the Lannisters.

'Lord Renly.' Elyssa greeted him instantly, dipping into a polite curtsy.

'Lady Elyssa.' Renly answered, putting that smile he gave all the highborn girls. Elyssa blushed slightly, as Renly predicted she would.

'Have you met Lord Norwin? The Lannister envoy?' Elyssa introduced the man stood with her. Renly offered a smile, but he instantly distrusted this man. There was just something… off about him. Maybe it was the smile he had ready, it was almost pandering. Renly inspired many things in other people, but not usually this kind of response. He cleared his throat and tried not to let his distrust show.

'If you'll excuse me, my lord,' Norwin started, the slight tremor in his voice sending Renly another signal of alarm. Something wasn't quite right with him, he just couldn't place what. 'I must discuss a matter with Lady Amber. Lannister business, you understand.'

'Of course.' Renly agreed, stepping aside to let Norwin past. He exchanged a glance with Elyssa, who simply shrugged and smiled. He watched as Amber was less than stealthily pulled aside, gradually led outside through the side door to the hall. But Amber could look after herself, Renly reminded himself.

'Lady Elyssa,' Renly started again, realising he hadn't been at all paying attention to what she was saying. 'would you care to dance?' The smile that brightened her face told Renly that this offer made up for his lack of interest in her conversation. She accepted, and he led her onto the floor, catching the disapproving look from Loras as he did so. But this was simply something Loras would have to learn to endure, there was nothing Renly could do about it.

'My lord,' Elyssa started as they danced. 'I've heard you're to take a position on the small council.'

'Have you?' Renly replied with a smirk. 'And where did you hear that?'

Elyssa reddened slightly. 'I thought it was common knowledge.'

'Is it?' Renly asked, still smirking at her, though she seemed to enjoy it. 'Well, you can hardly be blamed for that. And yes, I'm to be master of laws.'

'Impressive, Lord Renly.' She said with a smile. Renly did not fail to notice the way her eyes began to sparkle slightly. 'And I suppose you'll be moving to King's Landing on a more permanent basis.'

'You suppose correctly.'

'It get awfully lonely in a big house all by yourself.'

'I shan't be alone. I'll have a host of staff.' Renly answered swiftly, though still forcing himself to flirt with her.

'And would you have staff to warm your bed at night, as well, Lord Renly? It only seems fitting that a lord of your standing would have a wife to take that role.'

He let himself laugh at that. 'You're hardly subtle with your suggestion, Lady Elyssa.'

'I'm hardly ever subtle.'

Renly never had the chance to reply, as the main oak doors to the hall burst open, banging against the walls as the wind took them. Someone screamed. The music stopped in a clash of unpleasant notes, as the crowd parted to reveal Lady Amber, breathing heavily, clutching the knife Loras had bought her what seemed like a lifetime ago. She was covered in blood. It streaked her golden dress in a horrific parody of Lannister colours. She let out a sob before she dropped to the floor.


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. I find it so difficult to write this while I'm away at university!

In an instant Will had fought his way through the crowd and was on the floor next to his wife. She quickly regained consciousness, sitting upright as Will wrapped an arm around her to keep her steady. By now Renly, Loras and Amber's handmaidens had joined her, along with a maester, whom she was completely ignoring.

The look on her face when she finally lifted her head could have cut glass, the determination in her eyes.

'Amber, what happened?' Will asked softly, and not for the first time. She shivered slightly and he held her tighter. She didn't look back at him, though, instead she looked up, holding Renly's gaze.

'He tried to kill me.' She said in a whisper, then again, louder. ' _He tried to kill me_.' Renly didn't know what to say, he was speechless. But Amber took a deep breath, used Will's shoulder to lever herself off the floor and stood upright, shooing the maester away from her again. She held the knife up in front of her, the blood starting to congeal, but still dripping onto the stone floor.

'So I stabbed him.' She said, her tone flat and emotionless. 'He's dead.'

' _Amber_.' Will interrupted her, his voice as harsh as Renly had ever heard it before. 'Amber, come on, we'll talk about this somewhere else.'

She didn't answer him at all, just turned on her heels and strode out of the hall, seemingly not noticing that she was walking through blood, leaving a trail of it in her wake from her dress against the floor.

'Renly.' Will said quietly, nodding towards the door. Renly nodded once in agreement, then followed Will out of the hall, knowing without checking that Loras was behind him.

Back in the safety of Amber and Will's chambers, the maester was once more ushered away, this time by Will, and far more pleasantly than his wife had done. Gem and Elyssa took Amber to get changed out of her bloodied clothes, and to wash the blood out of her hair before it matted. Renly took a seat at her desk, Loras perched in the window sill, while Will simply paced. Renly didn't even attempt to make conversation, there was nothing to say until Amber returned.

She did after a while, half dressed, wearing a nightdress and a robe, her hair still damp and draped over one shoulder. But no one minded, the only people in the room were her husband, her handmaidens, and Renly and Loras. They had all either seen her in a state of undress before, or had no interest in it. She sat down in a chair by the fire and for a moment was silent.

'He had a knife.' She said after a while, her voice quiet, but it rang through the room all the same. 'He took me outside, told me he didn't want a part in this but he had no choice. Then he put a knife to my throat, told me it would be over quickly.' She paused and sighed. 'It was. For him.' She was absentmindedly toying with her necklace.

'Who sent him?' Renly asked once he was sure she'd finished.

'I don't know.' Amber answered. 'But I _will_ find out.'

'There'll be guards outside this door every hour of the day.' Will decided. 'I've already given the orders, so don't argue. And you'll go nowhere un-escorted.'

'I am _not_ a prisoner, Will!' Amber retorted instantly, a fire behind her eyes worthy of any Lannister. 'Do not treat me as such.'

'I'm doing this for your own safety, Amber. I don't want you to get hurt.'

'I can look after myself.' She insisted. 'As I demonstrated tonight. I killed a Lannister envoy, and –' She stopped, suddenly realising something. Her voice was barely more than a whisper as she repeated her statement. 'I killed a Lannister envoy.'

'Yes, you did…' Will said slowly, clearly not understanding what Amber was trying to say.

'I killed a _Lannister_ envoy.' She repeated, wide-eyed. 'A Lannister envoy tried to kill me. Had he have succeeded, no one would have known. I think…' She hastily stopped speaking, shutting her eyes for a moment. 'I suddenly feel rather light-headed. It's the shock of tonight, I'm sure.' She opened her eyes and glanced around. 'Forgive me. We'll address this tomorrow.'

And with that, she left the room, followed by her handmaidens. Will looked shaken, leant against the arm of a chair and remaining completely silent. Eventually, he glanced up at Renly.

'Tomorrow, then.' He said quietly. Renly nodded. 'I'll send someone for you when she wants to talk.'

Renly didn't protest over Will's dismissal, though it was somewhat short. He couldn't blame him, his wife had been threatened and almost killed, then killed someone herself. He could hardly hold it against Will for being a little on edge.

The next morning dawned slowly. Renly had hardly slept, and had watched Loras' fitful sleep next to him. He didn't even feel tired, he couldn't stop his mind wandering through everything that had happened the night before, and worrying for its consequences.

It was gone midday by the time Amber's handmaiden came for him. It was Elyssa, not Gem, which saddened Renly slightly. He'd have liked to see a friendly face – not that Elyssa wasn't friendly, the opposite in fact, overly so, but Gem had been a friend for a long time. She was comforting. That afternoon, however, Elyssa was strangely quiet. The incident with Amber had clearly affected everyone in Amber's household.

Elyssa led him to Amber's rooms, through her solar and out onto the balcony. It was an expansive terrace, chairs and with a table and a canopy on one side and a small rock garden on the other. It was quite beautiful, but Renly hardly saw it. Instead, he saw the broken Lady by the edge of the terrace, leaning against the wall and surveying the Brightwater below, her golden hair streaked out behind her, untamed and slightly wild. She had dressed in one of the garments she acquired in Highgarden, a teal and gold dress, airy and light.

'I'll leave you now, my lord.' Elyssa said flatly, backing away and off the terrace, pulling the doors shut quietly behind her. They clicked as they shut.

'Join me.' Amber spoke finally, her voice a monotone. Renly did as she said, approaching her by the wall. Amber looked statuesque, as always, standing with her shoulders back, her hands braced on the wall, head held high.

'Tell me,' she said. 'how far would Cersei go? How far would she go to protect herself?'

'Herself?' Renly repeated. Amber nodded slowly. 'She'd do almost anything, I wouldn't doubt.'

'And for her House?'

'Anything.'

Amber nodded thoughtfully, pausing for a moment. 'She knows I've spoken with the Tyrells. She might not know about the plot for Margaery and Robert, but she thinks I've betrayed my House.'

'You have.' Renly told her honestly. Amber nodded again, a hard expression on her face.

'My House betrayed me.' She said quietly, her amber eyes unmoving from the river sprawled out ahead of her. 'My House have started to take apart Westeros piece by piece, and it won't be long until they take another part. Not to mention the issue of succession. They will burn every last land in Westeros with corruption. This is not the Targaryen age, we are better than this. We can have better than this.'

'Amber, I don't…'

'My House tried to kill me.' Amber continued after a moment. 'Cersei sent that envoy to end all of this before it begins. End this Tyrell conspiracy she can sense might have some weight if they have Lannister knowledge. She's afraid of what I could tell them - what I have told them - and she sent someone to silence me.'

'But Amber, would Cersei really –'

'You said it yourself.' She interrupted, turning to face him, locking her eyes with his. 'Cersei would do anything for her House.'

'Amber…' Renly sighed. She was right, of course she was. It all made too much sense. He wanted to think better of Cersei, that she'd draw the line at killing her own family, but deep down he knew better. 'Surely…'

She touched the necklace at her throat, the small golden lion now seemed like a parody, the rubies either side small smears of blood. 'My House betrayed me.' She repeated, grasping the lion in her fist and yanking the chain hard. The necklace came apart, the chain snapping in a multiple places, the rubies spilling off it and both golden chain and drops of blood tumbled down into the Honeywine. She opened her fist, where the small golden lion pranced mockingly. She held out her hand and let the lion fall to its death.

'I am not a Lannister.' She said, a terrifying air of finality in her voice. 'I have no House. Only my own loyalties.'


End file.
